Weekly AA Thread - Week of Sept. 28 - Oct. 3

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of Sept. 28 - Oct. 3

DG: You'll know what to say w/your roomie if/when the time is right, & yes, the 8th/9th step is clear: "lest it injure them or others." When I made 9th step amends & now w/10th step amends, I try to keep it simple. Nothing elaborate...all the gruesome details are not necessary. I just made a brief statement about what I did & said I would try to do better in the future (ODAT). I must say that making amends is not really the way most people in the world operate. The people I have made amends to have been surprised & gratified. Good luck.

Mary

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of Sept. 28 - Oct. 3

Everyone: Last night's meeting was on step 7. There was a lot on humility. Being an unassuming person, I thought I had it, but now I'm not so sure. I struggle w/self-centered fear, & that's a form of pride. I'm think on it. Mary

[Doggygirl]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of Sept. 28 - Oct. 3

Hello all! Mary, that pride thing comes into play for me too. Yesterdays meeting was a 24 hours a day meeting, and the reading had much to do with how we are concerned about what others think of us, and in reality that is ego / pride and a barrier. I knew immediately that is an area where I need to focus some thought because I could relate to so many of the examples people gave, and yet I didn't want to speak about it. For me, I'm learning that means I still have a big problem with it.

So like you....I'm in "needs more reflection!" mode.

Mean time, I found out this morning that my Step Coach has inoperable lung cancer and the Doc is giving him less than a year to live. (Mary, the man that you provided me so much good input about via PM, and I will never regret that decision!) I am so saddened by this news. His wife is a fabulous person and they are about to celebrate their 40th wedding anniversary. I can't even imagine what today is like for her. I guess this news just leaves me reminded that we never know what the future holds, and we need to make the most of each and every day. He has "carried the message" to so many AA's - he has sponsored over 100 people in his many years of sobriety. My guess is that he will continue carrying the message as long as he can. He inspires me to fight however hard I have to in order to keep my sobriety.

When I was struggling so hard with the "Higher Power" issues, I sat in meeting after meeting where he would say "When I came through these doors carrying 2 guns and a death wish, alcohol was my G.O.D.. You people told me "you better change your G.O.D., dummy, before you die!" So I changed my GOD to you GOOD OLD DRUNKS around the table. And you told me that if I don't drink today, then I have a shot at tomorrow." And on it goes. It was him repeating this "ism" of his (I need to record it!) over and over that finally helped me get over the "HP" hurdle and get on with the program in a "progress, not perfection" mode. I will always be grateful for that.

Thanks for listening...I needed to share about that today.

DG

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of Sept. 28 - Oct. 3

DG: I am so, so sorry about your step coach. It was meant to be that you got him to help you along in the beginning of the steps. He has a long journey ahead (regardless of how it turns out...no one really knows for sure), & I know that his HP will be w/him every inch of the way. If there's any way you can be of service to him &/or his wife, your HP will make that evident to you. In the meantime, you can continue what you are doing: staying sober, completing the steps to the best of your ability, & carrying the message to any newcomer who has the willingness.

Ah...what people think of me...that was on my list of character defects. In fact, what people think of me, my husband, my children, even my dog sometimes ties me up in knots. I've struggled w/that thinking for a long, long time. I've used it as an excuse to drink. Sometimes I don't share, because I feel I don't have something "meaningful" enough to say...as if my sharing at a meeting somehow reflects on me as a person, instead of focussing on my sharing being helpful to another person.

One thing that helps me to chip away at that "self-centered fear" is examining my motives for the things I do & say. If my motives are self-serving than I know I'm in ego territory. If my motives are purely helpful to another person, then my HP is guiding me. I don't always remember to examine my motives, but it is starting to occur to me more often. Also, when I pray at the beginning & end of each day, I ask my HP to help me to do just that: examine my motives.

I hope that makes sense.

Mary

[corkish]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of Sept. 28 - Oct. 3

Hello there.
I posted here a while ago and I found reading doggy and reteacher very helpful to me. There was a post in long term that I found really helpful that I printed out too. I am please d to report that I have been in rehab and then I wento AA and it has really helped me. I think it was August when I was here and I am still sober. I do find that it is getting easier. - actually I was going to say easier. Its not easy. Not easy at all. But whatever it takes I'll do it to stay sober. I remembered reading you two (and others) when I read things here and I wanted to let you know that I am doing ok and hanging in there.
So my best regards to you and otehrs here too.
C

[Determinator]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of Sept. 28 - Oct. 3

Corkish, so glad your doing so well! this line of yours is really the blatant truth and I love it:

Not easy at all. But whatever it takes I'll do it to stay sober

[Doggygirl]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of Sept. 28 - Oct. 3

corkish, it's wonderful to hear from you! So happy for you that sobriety is working ODAT! Ditto what Deter said about that very significant line in your post. I totally agree it's not easy but it's worth every bit of effort it takes to stay sober to me too. I don't ever want to go back to that lost and forlorn person I used to be. Keem comin' back.

Mary, you always offer wise words and I really appreciate your observations / suggestions re: my step coach. ODAT. And writing down of his many cool "isms." I guess some of these are better if you can hear his sort of "gangster" sounding voice / accent but...here's another one. "One drink and I fall apart like a two dollar watch. You people showed me you can stay sober one day and a time and if you can maybe I can too." Something about the "two dollar watch" lead in makes the standard "rest of it" really stick with me. Anyway...

On the self centered fear. I'm with you Mary. For me this process is like peeling back the layers of an onion - discovering a little more each time about the areas where I can work to improve. Another thing I've noticed is that when I'm concentrating on a particular thing (a step or a character issue or whatever) I'll think I "get it." Then when I've been concentrating on something else, I can see that I take a back slide on previous things. I guess that's another reason I might just need to keep going to meetings for many years to come! :H I am enjoying the learning and the growth, even though it's painful sometimes. I feel like ever so slowly, I'm becoming the person that I CAN be.

I'm looking forward to the BB meeting this morning - to see everyone (and I hope step coach is there) and looking forward to reading and discussing another story. I will also be meeting with my temp sponsee after the meeting. Then on with the day.

I finally went through all of my notes from my 8th step meeting with my sponsor so I'm better organized for my amends actions. Even the "living amends" require more than just sitting back and waiting for a chance to behave differently. I need to be proactive. As one example, a living amend to both my extended family and Mr. Doggy's is to start sending a note or card on birthdays. I'm sad to admit that I don't even have a list of everyone's birthdays. And we're not just talking about missing the really far out extended ones. We are talking about not even recalling what month my MIL and FIL's birthdays are in, much less the dates. Mr. D always makes a phone call (but doesn't manage to get a card in the mail) so for "us" that has been "the very least we could do" (and not in a good way!). So...before I can actually do the right thing I have to collect the dates! So part of the amend is figuring out a simple, straightforward way of asking for them without gushing or over doing anything. Being brief is hard for me! (talk about a statement of the obvious)

Well, now that I have made a short story long I will sign off! Have an awesome sober Saturday everyone. Strength and hope to all who are struggling today.

DG

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of Sept. 28 - Oct. 3

Corkish: I've heard said at meetings: "This program is simple but not easy." That's been true for me, though the not-drinking part of the program has been getting easier. Therefore, if you're just starting out & are still in "craving" mode, working the steps seems to help w/that...at least it did for me. Corkish, please don't hesitate to share here about meetings, your progress, anything. It doesn't have to be a long sharing...just enough so that we can benefit from your experience, strength, & hope. This thread belongs to anyone who:
-goes to meetings & works the program.
-is thinking about going to AA.
-has questions about AA.
-wants to express an opinion about AA.
It's all good.

I have my regular Sat. night discussion meeting tonight. I really love this meeting, as it's small & sometimes very emotionally charged. My husb often comes too which is a very different experience than going alone. Again, whenever I get out of hiding, I'm doing something very good for my program.

Love, Mary

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of Sept. 28 - Oct. 3

DG: There are so many ways of making an amends other than just coming out & saying: "I'm sorry I did thus & so." Your concrete example is very helpful. Mary

[betty boop]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of Sept. 28 - Oct. 3

Hi Guys, I've only just found this thread and would like to join you wonderful bunch of people.

I went to my first AA meeting 4 weeks ago, and I was amazed by the overwhelming welcome I received from the members there, it is an open meeting where people 'share' their pain, struggles, and happiness. I have been back every week and I'm proud to call these people my friends. Some of them attend meetings everyday and some just once a week like myself.

For anyone that doesn't think that AA is 'for them' I urge you to go to a meeting just to see, it is the best thing that I have ever done.

Thanks everyone for the information on this thread, I will be back!!!!

Love & Hugs, BB xx

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of Sept. 28 - Oct. 3

Betty: What a joy to see you here! You were one of the first people to give me hope when I arrived at MWO in Apr. 07. I had to go through a lot of bad stuff in order to admit that I couldn't lick this problem alone. I too felt very welcomed at AA. I was afraid at first, because the meetings I go to are largely men & young men at that. I'm more accustomed to it now & have found some women friends that I really like (along w/the men as well). You make some unlikely hook-ups in AA. "Take what you like & leave the rest" is a saying in AA that I really like. You don't have to swallow the whole thing in order to be a member. Thanks so much for sharing here, Betty. One of us renews this thread on Monday in order to keep it from getting unwieldy. Tell your friends about us. Love, Mary

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of Sept. 28 - Oct. 3

Everyone: I just got back from that very intimate discussion group I usually go to on Sat. nights. Tonight's meeting was about prayer. There was such of charge of emotion in the room as people spoke. For each person in the room, there was a different concept of prayer. It was truly a joy to be there. That's the meeting my husb accompanies me to. He was also very moved by the meeting. Mary

[Winefree]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of Sept. 28 - Oct. 3

Mary your meeting around prayer sounds wonderful. At my meeting today we read from the 24 hr reflections which talked about new prospects and how those in the AA rooms treat them and own peacefulness once we are in the rooms. It helped some of those in the rooms speak that usually do not. I can relate to the peacefulness, since I have a new calm attitude that keeps me free from the anxiety that I used to try to relieve with the alcohol. I find if I do get anxious, I need to think about the serenity prayer and take some deep calming breathes in order to return to the calm needed to maintain my sobriety. AA has taught me that.

Corkish and Betty Boop welcome to this thread. Please feel free to share whatever is on your mind related to your/our sobriety.

DG, so sad to hear about your stepcoach. He sounds like a wonderful person whom you were blessed to have in your life, as well as many others. Your higher power surely put him in your life and you have learned quite a bit from him that will stay with you forever.

Glad to be here with all of you as well.

Winefree

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of Sept. 28 - Oct. 3

WF: Regarding anxiety: That too has been my Achilles' heel. I THOUGHT I was relieving it w/AL, but alas, AL was only increasing it. I found my fears multiplying as I progressed deeper & deeper into alcoholism. Yes, I still feel a little nervous when I'm in new social situations...especially if people are drinking socially (something I cannot do). However, as I get through each new situation sober, I'm finding it easier.

Today, we have our monthly meeting of our Italian cultural club. There's a speaker, then a potluck of Italian food, & there are different Italian wines that are served. It takes me about a minute to understand that I won't be tasting any wines, as I cannot drink the way the other members do. They sip, not gulp, & have only one or two. I must tell myself again & again that I cannot do that. I'm constitutionally incapable.

Take care one & all.

Mary

[Winefree]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of Sept. 28 - Oct. 3

Off to a pizza party with cash bar. Won't need to hit the bar. At least hopefully everyone won't be drinking, especially on a Sunday afternoon. But in the past the day or time wouldn't have stopped me......

Winefree