Weekly AA Thread - Week of Oct. 5 - 11

[Doggygirl]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of Oct. 5 - 11

Hello! Phil, you sound terrific and I am (still!!) so happy for you. In my head I have a picture of a US Map with all of us putting in little push pins in different colors to follow your travels. It must be very interesting going to meetings in different places. Did that feel strange at first? Are you comfortable now - walking into different places all the time? One of the guys at the meeting I attended today mentioned that he has a few AA pals and for years they just randomaly picked towns and meetings every Wednesday and "meeting hopped." They said it was quite interesting meeting all kinds of different people and also seeing how the Traditions are retained with a variety of "group conscience" at work. Sounded interesting to me! And it made me think of you - although your reasons are way different and your geography much broader it seems!

Mary you have such a succinct way of summarizing the key elements of your story. That is so powerful!

Today's meeting was rolling right along in an interesting way - talking about different meetings (where we headed based on the 24 Hour reading). Then another woman who I really identify with from a personality perspective said she drank last weekend. I was saddened by that as I like her a lot. But it also shook me a little bit as when she described the circumstances, I could see myself potentially drinking. The lesson I took from it is that I can NEVER get to comfortable in my sobriety. I can NEVER afford to think I've got this program licked, or know enough to get by on my own.

I also admire this woman's self honesty. I am SO grateful she shared her story as it was so powerful for me to hear. She might have saved me a relapse. And for me, drinking is not trivial. It's life and death. I'm very grateful I was at that meeting. I also admire her for taking full ownership of her decision to drink. The circumstances were such that it would have been quite easy for her to blame it on family or husband. But she didn't. And that level of accountability / responsibility was a good thing for me to see as well.

Mr. Doggy and I talked on the phone this afternoon as I was busy doing a combination of work and cooking, and he was running around between clients. Oh and puppy pottying. Can't forget that! We were wondering how on earth we got through life when we were active in our addictions. I didn't get hardly anything done. Now there aren't enough hours in the day. I still haven't quite figured that one out!

Have a wonderful rest of the AF day.

DG

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of Oct. 5 - 11

DG: I'm always a little unnerved when I hear about relapses...especially if I've identified w/the person. Perhaps that's why honesty is so very important: those of us who are listening are potential relapsers & could talk ourselves into a drink for almost any reason (or non-reason). Sometimes that one honest confession is all it takes to turn the tide for some of us. I also find it a little disconcerting when I don't see people attending meetings that I thought were pretty solid. I can't help asking myself if they're out drinking or home drinking or are ashamed because they drank. The AA groups that I go to don't engage in gossip, so these people just seem to disappear.

I'm having some AA friends in Monday morning for a brunch. I'm excited about it.

Love, Mary

PS: Please never doubt my gratitude for MWO. I would not have the sobriety I have today wo/MWO. Thank you everyone!

[Winefree]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of Oct. 5 - 11

It is amazing when we hear just what we need at a mtg. It must be our higher power coming through for us once again. The relapse stories do seem to come just when we need it. It does make this problem come right back to the forefront when we need it. Sometimes I still think why not after I've got this beat for a while, I could just have just one.....but we hear at meetings how everyone thinks just that and it never stays at just one. Before you know you are back where you left off or worse.
Definitely a good wakeup call when you hear that over and unfortunately over again. I hope I can stay dry and not let the beast make me give in.

Winefree

[Cinders]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of Oct. 5 - 11

Ever since last week, I have been going to AA as many times a day as I can.

Each meeting has been special. The only time I feel good right now is at a meeting.

I am reworking Step 1,2 and going to redo Step 3 with my sponsor.

Love,
Cindi

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of Oct. 5 - 11

Cindi: You're doing great! I'm so glad you have a sponsor. You're going through the hardest part now. It's all uphill from here. Please keep at it. I still go to many meetings & really look forward to them. Last week I went to one during a pouring rainstorm. I went anyway & was glad of it. You're doing fine. Love, Mary

[Preciouspinot]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of Oct. 5 - 11

I went to a great meeting last night on the 12th step. The guy who ran the meeting has 20 something years sobriety and is dying. He is a biker who lead a pretty rough life but, spoke so eloquently and from such a spiratual place. He spoke almost like a poet or philosopher. He said prayers were speaking to God and meditation is listening to God.

I have expanded my reading as well. I read, The Big Book, The Twelve in Twelve, Day by Day, Living Sober and I just ordered The 24 Book from Hazelten (it's the little black book and everyone recommends it)

[Doggygirl]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of Oct. 5 - 11

Hi all. I normally make meetings 6 days a week. Friday is the one day where I usually do not, and I actually miss it. It's just a scheduling thing. It's good to know that if I really needed to be at a meeting though, there are plenty around. One of the benefits of living in a farily populous area!

WF, I really did think a lot in the last 24 hrs about relapse, and how quickly it would (and has) happened for me, and how rigorous I need to be about my stinkin' thinkin'. On the "I can have just one..." When I first came here to MWO in July '07 to get sober, I read a lot about people thinking they could have just one, and then BLAMMO - a bad or worse relapse. When I relapsed with that mind set later in '07, what was I thinking??? I guess I thought I was somehow The Special One and the "rules" didn't apply to me. Guess I found out that the fact of alcoholism apply to me just like to every other alcoholic. But my brain needs to be reminded of that on a regular basis to play it safe. WF - as Step Coach always says "You don't have to hurt anymore unless you want to." For me, that applies to where the "first drink" leads in addition to other areas of life.

News on Step Coach!! The unfortunate diagnosis of lung cancer still stands. But he saw a different doctor who was trained at one of the local bit teaching hospitals and there is a little more hope now. She believes it IS worth undergoing radiation and chemo to potentially buy at least a couple years of life. So he's going for it. His load was visibly lightened - that's for sure. And all though this still trying experience he is at the local club nearly every day to help other alcoholics. Some of these people amaze me and I surely want what they have.

Mary, the brunch you are planning sounds really nice! Sounds like you are making new friends. Good for you! You make such a great point in your post about honesty!!! It' easy to be "honest" about the flaws we see in others. Far more difficult to see the flaws in ourselves that get us in so much trouble.

Cindi, it's great to hear about what you are doing. Keep fighting for your sobriety and it will happen! I too am glad to hear about your sponsor. Did you decide to stay with the same one you had? Or is this a new one? Whichever way that ended up going, good for you proactively going back to those first 3 steps.

PP, I love this:

He said prayers were speaking to God and meditation is listening to God.

I haven't seen the Day by Day book. Does Hazelton carry that one too? Another book that I like is the Daily Reflections. But the nice part is that the daily readings are included in the link we always share so no need to buy it unless you want a portable version! Your post reminds me that I also want to subscribe to the print version of the Grapevine. My sponsor has loaned me her copy a couple of times and I really like the content.

I too am grateful for the MWO community. This is where I started, and checking in at this site is still a very important part of my recovery. Who knows where I would be today if I hadn't found MWO. Who knows - I might be dead. And I'm not saying that lightly.

For me, this thread is a great addition to my regular check points at MWO. My others are the Daily AF thread and the Abbercize thread. It's so easy to be critical of this community on the rare occassion I see something that doesn't sit right with me. That is so unfair to this community! I need to focus on how grateful I am that you all are here, and just disregard the stuff that doesn't sit right - there are lots of people here and it's not all about what *I* think and like.

:l

DG

[Preciouspinot]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of Oct. 5 - 11

Yes, the "Day by Day" is a Hazelton.

I wanted to share this from "Living Sober"...

"When we have only ourselves to talk to, the conversation gets kind of circular. More and more, it excludes the sort of sensible input other people can supply. Trying to argue yourself out of a drink is rather like attempting self-hypnosis."

This REALLY struck a chord with me as I tend to be self-reliant and think I can take on the world by myself.

[Pamina]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of Oct. 5 - 11

Hi folks

I love this thread and lurk here often. :goodjob:

I do apologize for the :hijacked: but I saw this article the other day, DG, and thought of your step coach. It's possible there's a US research group that's closer to clinical trials.

Nanoparticles to be used to destroy incurable cancers - Times Online

Carry on...

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of Oct. 5 - 11

Hi Everyone: I just got back from the Fri. night BB meeting. We finished up reading about the 4th step & are into the 5th. The 5th was so huge for me. In telling my sponsor everything I could think of about my drinking...essentially telling my drinking history...was the beginning of the end to my isolation. It was pretty wonderful to hear other people share about their dual lives: the life they revealed to the world & the life of drinking they were keeping secret. That was me...until it all came out one night last winter. Coming clean about my alcoholism & joining AA were essential in keeping me sober. As important as MWO is in my life, I could still keep the drinking to myself. I HAD to come out of hiding. Next week's meeting will continue the "Into Action" chapter. It's even more powerful reading the chapter w/a group of AAers.

Mary

[Doggygirl]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of Oct. 5 - 11

Hi all! Pamina, :thanks: so much for the link to that article!! Very interesting research it seems. I know that Coach will appreciate that lung cancer is specifically mentioned. Since his new doc that will be treating him soon is affiliated with a University hospital, I'm guessing she might know about this research. I'm sure it will be of interest to him, and he will likely ask her about it. The internet is so awesome. Thanks!!!!!

PP - Wow I love that quote. Sometimes I feel like my mind moves way too fast and I can relate to the message about those "self conversations" that end up in strange places. Thanks for sharing that!! I too really value the input of others who share this problem. Sometimes I can "hear" people in my head - either from AA or MWO - even when I'm alone. I think that's a good thing!

Mary I always like your thoughts after your BB meetings. For me, Step 5 seemed a turning point in releasing the guilt I felt over some things in my past. There area couple of things I revealed (my deepest, darkest secrets) that I have never talked about to even one other human being since the events occured years ago. These were things that were holding me back as a person. Things that kept a part of me feeling very low and lousy and I know that was the part of me that also fueled a lot of drinking. Realizing that I can be released from my flaws that got me in trouble (selfishness and ego being two biggies for me) through steps 6 & 7 gives me hope that I don't have to hurt over my past any more.

I still have so much to learn even about the Steps I've worked through for the first time around. I can see this growth process being a positive and life long experience. I love it. I feel so much better about myself as a person and my potential in life going forward. I will be going to the Saturday AM Big Book study this morning, then spending some time with my temporary sponsee. I am really coming to like her. She is a joy - she is like a sponge wanting to learn and grow herself. I need to keep a fire lit under her to keep searching for an appropriate longer term sponsor who 1) has more experience in the program and 2) shares direct experience with the prescription drug part of the addiction problem. Part of my own learning through this process of temp sponsorship has been the full knowledge from the get go that I will be letting go sooner rather than later. That was good for me - helped me keep my Big Huge Ego in check. I am here to lend a hand to others in recovery where applicable / appropriate. Not to be anybody's hero. I am only responsible for my own recovery. Helping others helps me as much (or more) as it helps them. Those used to just be "AA isms" but more and more I understand how true those "isms" are.

We are reading the stories now and I look forward to whatever gems will appear in what we read today!

Hello to everyone else including any lurkers!

DG

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of Oct. 5 - 11

DG: Great to see your sharing here! I have my small discussion meeting tonight which I go to w/my husb. We've come to really value that experience. Because there is no reading involved, only a discussion generated by someone's "burning desire," there is usually an emotional charge that is totally unique. I'll check back tonight or tomorrow. Mary

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of Oct. 5 - 11

Everyone: That discussion meeting was wonderful last night. One woman suggested the topic of telling about our progress since joining AA. There were inspirational stories, stories of struggles, up & down stories, stories of people learning to live w/the vicissitudes of life. There were a few tears & a few laughs.

It just happens that I was talking about that very topic (life since getting sober) w/my son just prior to going to the meeting. He got sober (as the result of a DUI) a year before I did...he's March of 08, I'm March of 09. He's always been painfully shy, but I didn't realize the harmful effect that alcohol & pot had on him. His whole personality has come out of hiding since he's gotten sober. He'll never be outgoing, but now he can converse & his sense of humor has come back.

Tonight we're going to a friend's home for dinner. Again, all the guests are very moderate drinkers. I (of course) will not drink, but I don't get nearly as nervous about it as I used to. Tomorrow we're having a brunch w/some of the AAers from the meeting I just mentioned above. I feel that after 6 months that it's time I started extending myself socially to some of the people who have helped me so much.

Mary

[Winefree]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of Oct. 5 - 11

Mary, I love the inspirational stories. It shows us all how this journey is worth beginning and staying on for the long term. Although the stories are so different, they all seem to be so similar in many ways. Almost like we each could write a portion of the tale for each other and it will match in some way.
What a cunning disease this is that we all battle. It is wonderful to have others to speak with who inspire us and keep us motivated to keep on track so we can continue our goal to be AF.

Winefree