AF Daily - Wednesday, Oct 7

[bear73]

AF Daily - Wednesday, Oct 7

hello chief keep on keeping on - one moment at a time if you have to.

I am shattered - it's rainy -work is sdifficult - workload and team issue wise- I've put on weight but I haven't drank or smoked in nearly 8 weeks so I know deep down I can tackle my weight.

I am trying to relax and take it a pound at a time, I feel such a failure for not exercising again tonight (partly cos I have let myself be steered into going to see someone I hadn't planned to, and to be honest would rather just chill by myself tonight and rearranging my gym session).

Anyway cycling to work tomorrow and a gym session is planned plus packing for weekend away (luckily eating yummy leftovers so no need to cook)
I'm hoping to make roler derby on Sunday but may not be back in time xx

[Sarasmiles]

AF Daily - Wednesday, Oct 7

Hey Everyone,
So sorry to hear that some folks are under the weather. How smart to remember that we feel better than we would if we were drinking!

Peacenik, I'm sorry you have a source of worry. I've had a few scares like that, too...Suspicious mammograms followed by biopsies that have, thank God, turned out to be benign. It's scary, I know. Good to have yourself checked out, and I bet all will be well.

Hey Chief, welcome to Day 1! It feels like good day to get sober.

I've been moody...Irritable and tired. I am pretty convinced it still has to do with withdrawing from Prozac. But I also know I'm not using alcohol to escape these feelings, and that's a challenge, too. In a way, I'd love to have a drink right now, just to temporarily lift my mood. But temporarily is the key word. It would leave me feeling so much worse.

My kids are rough-housing all over the bed as I type this on my laptop...I must log out, before they injure each other...Best to all. Sara

[Doggygirl]

AF Daily - Wednesday, Oct 7

Hello all! This one is a zoom zoomer...

Peace, I hope the tests are all clear. ITA that waiting is HARD. I have lots of patience as long as everything happens RIGHT NOW. Also sending good healing vibes to all who are under the weather or just recovering! Soup!! (can I have some too even though thankfully I am not under the weather?????)

OMW and Kate and Chief, it is awesome to see you all here and of course a huge hello to all the "regulars and anyone who has some other grouping I didn't mention!!

Chief, as Kate said I'm another one who considers you and important inspiration in my journey. I don't know if I ever would have climbed back on the wagon after that 8 month relapse if you hadn't kicked my ass. SO...of course I am happy to return that favor. :b&d::b&d::b&d: Consider yourself kicked. Seriously - let us know how we can help.

Bear, I understand all to well the frustration and for me, FEAR of that scale either going up or not coming down. I know it's difficult but I hope you will give yourself a break mentally. The very best thing you can do in the long haul is stay off the booze and ciggies. For me, exercise helped me stay off of both and it sounds like you are trying to get that into a very busy schedule when you can. For me, the food choices got easier with more sober / nick free time under my belt. I'm betting the same will be true for you too. (But seriously - I do understand that devastating feeling!) Patience....

Sara I really admire you toughing out the prozak withdrawl. I have heard and read so many horrible things. AL never makes things better. Only makes things worse. Congrats on sticking to your guns!! Better to be a bit stabby than a lot drunk.

Today was SHOPPING. There was a big sale at that mall and I am officially declaring my closet full. And my credit card. That is full too. Yikes. I better get busy and work hard to pay for it!! A guy at AA today made a comment that really resonated with me. He first told of how tired he is as he just got off work on the night shift, and was catching a meeting before going to his second job. BUT...he said "at least I CAN work hard now. Before I could only drink hard." I was thinking about my own drinking life. There at the end (which was about the last 10 years or so) the only thing I did "hard" was drink. I no longer worked hard, played hard, or loved hard. Today I shopped hard. Tomorrow I work hard. Today AND tomorrow I love hard. It's good to be in the land of the living.

Strength and hope,

DG

[KateH1]

AF Daily - Wednesday, Oct 7

Hey Doggygirl.......I am in for both of us kicking Chiefs Ass!! OH! Yeah! He kicked mine enough.....and I am forever greatful! I remember when I drank after 28 days without AL...and boy.....I mean, I drank!! Chief asked me "what the hell happened"......my answer was that I was driving by the liquor store and I just turned in, parked, went in and bought wine.......the rest is history....argh!. I was feeling all the usual horrible feelings and having all the usual anxiety and awful thoughts that one has after drinking to much. I was starting over again. Chief said to me......"The next time you are driving by the liquor store and get the urge to pull in the parking lot......picture me in the passenger seat".....Holly Cow!!! I could never pull in to a liquor store with Chief in the passenger seat.......it snapped me out of my funk and....believe it or not......I did picture Chief in the passenger seat, many, many times!!

So, Don.....next time you go to buy beer......Picture Doggygirl and me in the passenger seat!!! That out to scare the hell out of you!!!

Kate

[Determinator]

AF Daily - Wednesday, Oct 7

Happy late check-in ABerooooos!

whew, big productive day

DG, love the thoughts on working/playing 'hard'. my definition of working hard meant working even though I was hung over. and playing hard meant getting wasted. ick!

Greeneyes and Uni, garlic soup for you!

Peacenick, thinking positive thoughts for you.... healing energy on it's way.

Kate and DG in Chiefs passenger seat? yep, that should do it!

Chief, glad to see you here bro. please stay tight. I get worried when we don't hear from you for a while.

ok, time to make some chow

be well everyone

[LVT25]

AF Daily - Wednesday, Oct 7

"I've been moody...Irritable and tired."

Me too, Sara, me too. And when I get like this I manage to piss hubby off. Because it is watching him drink every night that makes me that way in the first place. I am irritated because he doesn't remember things I've told him, and hate it when I tell him I already told him. I am irritated because he makes plans without telling me, when we already have plans except he must have forgotten. So now I get to go to yet another function without him. I'm irritated because he drives with his beer in the cup holder on the dash. Good example for the boys. I'm irritated because he has no patience with the dog or the kids. I'm irritated because either he won't eat meals with us because he is still drinking beer, or he overdramatizes how hard it is to cut the frickin peppers because they aren't done yet. So, that is when he started getting pissy! When I gave him a look, but kept my mouth shut. Then when he told my son to get the sweeper and clean the floor I raised my voice to tell him for the 3rd time that the good sweeper is in the camper and I wasn't going out to get it, the one I got for him to use was fine!
So he didn't finish his supper, cause it sucked and he was mad because I am:
tired. moody and irritable.
I don't expect any sympathy or anything, just needed a place to vent. Now I'm going to read some more Radical Forgiveness, and being the co-dependent I am lose sleep because he is pissy. Welcome to my life.

[greeneyes]

AF Daily - Wednesday, Oct 7

WOWEE LVT!!You rock!!! Do you get how well you handled that? love and kisses to you

[hiddengoal]

AF Daily - Wednesday, Oct 7

Hiddy Ho AFreedom Riders!

Been awhile ol' friends...I have been wondering about Chief and sure enough he shows up just when I am thinking about doing some more AF time.

Went 4/15 - 7/15 AF - was a great journey - very introspective - I 'puke-blogged' every day the first 2 months, it seemed. Not literally, but really took deep look at what AL was hiding from me and what I was hiding from and just wrote it all down - whatever was coming up I just let out. It was a little ouchy at times

Then I decided to have a little wine and see....and I have been 'seeing' since. Not bad> 2-3 glasses of wine most nights, but not every. Of course, it crept...and is creeping close to 'everyday wine'. So, either its time to just stop awhile again, or create some 'rules'. Rules never were fun....

Well, you all have heard this before, so I will zip it and just send some warm hellos to all of you whose paths I've crossed and the rest who are walking along here. Have a great tomorrow and just don't let any ol AL run your life. Remember the movie, "Coal Miner's Daughter"? Lorettie Lynn - - When she had her break down she said, "Dew told me ya gotta run your own life, girl....but my life's running me", and she melted on stage. Well, we gotta run our own lives and not let AL or Wine or drive our boat.

HG

[LVT25]

AF Daily - Wednesday, Oct 7

Greenie, I think I'd like to come hang out with you on your porch for awhile.

:thanks:

[greeneyes]

AF Daily - Wednesday, Oct 7

Any time babe,, the porch is always open. :l

[Sarasmiles]

AF Daily - Wednesday, Oct 7

Oh LVT, that just sucks. I mean, Greenie's right, of course, that you handled it great. But it sucks having your husband behave that way. I guess the most important thing for us to do is to hold tight to our own resolve, our own goals, the example we want to set for our children. There is little we can do to change our husbands, although it is certainly my impulse to keep trying! To hold in the frustrations creates so much irritability and depression. But to criticize and complain feels awful, too. My husband drinks more than I think he should. It's not wildly out of control, but it is nightly. Sometimes he pours a stiff mixed drink (looks like about 5 oz. of alcohol go into it). Sometimes he has two of those. It changes his behavior, in ways I dislike. I could tolerate it better when I was having several glasses of wine at the same time. I almost liked that he drank, because it meant I felt he wasn't going to judge me, for my drinking. Now that I am staying AF, his drinking really troubles me, and I don't honestly know what to do about it. I am loathe to become "holier than thou" after my short month of being AF...but I want him to do this with me!

Sometimes I'm horribly irritable with him (internally...I don't voice it much) even when he's not drinking. Lately, the littlest things drive me crazy...The loud rough-housing with the boys or the dog; the occasional loud belch at the table; the forgetting to say thank you when I bring him coffee in bed in the morning; the smell of a cigar or of gin on his breath; the times when he interrupts me, or doesn't seem to be listening. Often now, I feel it as soon as he walks in the door at the end of the day. Then he reaches for a drink, and I feel this sinking feeling, of wanting one too, but also desperately wanting not to have one; not to do what he's doing; not to drink to avoid facing whatever is bugging me.

I am trying to be patient, with myself, and with him and our marriage. True dedication to staying sober is still new to me. I have a long way to go in being able to cope with marriage without wine. And I don't know where I'll end up. But wherever it is, I want to get there sober. And you too, okay, LVT?

[greeneyes]

AF Daily - Wednesday, Oct 7

I have so much to say to this post sara. But at crisis point in my ownlife I can't. I will say this. Listen to your heart and soul and spirit. Anyone that is going to be a part of my life from this poin t forward will nourish those parts of me because if they can't I can do it myself. I can't be sucked dry anymore. Life is too short.