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**irish eyes** · October 7, 2009, 03:02 PM

Reflections for Change

Hurt Feelings
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I used to feel hurt when someone spoke in anger to me, gave me 'that' look or perhaps ignored me. Today, I know enough to realize that look, tone or mood of another person towards me has nothing much to do with me. It generally tells me pretty much what is going on in the other person's head. If I allow myself to become dragged into these little mind games, I quickly realise that it only hurts and controls me. It is important that I keep at the forefront of my mind that yes, other people are important to me and yes sometimes their opinions matter BUT I may be taking something personally that has nothing to do with me. Having my own opinions about me allows me accept others negative thoughts without being hurt by them. What others do, say,feel reflects on them, what I do and say and feel reflects on me.

**irish eyes** · October 7, 2009, 03:03 PM

Reflections for Change

Hurt Feelings Part 2

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Today I am learning to mind my own business and stay silent when tempted to interfere in something that is clearly not my business. I am learning the value of silence, but silence can be more hurtful than verbal abuse when it is used to punish... Deliberately ignoring anothers attemts to communicate is just as bad as a war of words. Anger that is expressed by slamming doors and through dirty looks is still anger. I know when i set out to hurt someone in this manner, the only one I hurt is myself. What message does my silence communicate? If I cannot communicate constructively, well then I go for a walk, swim, find a friend and vent my feelings. I will remember that my aim is to heal myself and my relationships and I will try to make choices to support this goal.

**irish eyes** · October 7, 2009, 03:04 PM

Reflections for Change

Loving Myself

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Many of us have spent far too much time feeling badly about who we are and what we have done. We may have been criticized by others or lost perspective and become overly critical of ourselves. Isent it about time we allowed ourselves to feel good about ourselves? It does take time for old doubts to fade and wounds to heal. Self confidence comes slowly but it grows with practice. We can begin by acknowledging that we do have good qualities. If we have negative thoughts about us we can make an extra effort to counteract them with positive thoughts, it works! It can be helpful to list five or six things that were good about our day before we go to sleep. With practice we can learn to treat ourselves with compassion and kindness, after all we all have many admirable qualities and we owe it to ourselves to let them shine. Just for today I will remember that I am a wonderful human being.

**irish eyes** · October 7, 2009, 03:05 PM

Reflections for Change

Learning Curve

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Everyone who plays a part in our lives offers something we might learn. Other people can be our mirrors, reflectiong our worst and best qualities. They can help us work through unresolved issues from the past. They can act as catalysts, activating part of ourselves that need to rise to the surface so that we can attend to them. Others can learn from us too, we are all connected. That is our great strength. So when I become impatient with someone, or take offence at something that was said or feel inadequate around certain individuals, I will consider the possibility that my teacher or my mirror stands before me. Life is my greatest teacher if I pay attention.

**Teba** · October 7, 2009, 06:17 PM

Reflections for Change

Irish eyes....How did you get so wise? I have a feeling there is a lot of pain and anger behind your wisdom. Thanks for caring enough to post your thoughts and convictions. I find it very helpful.:thanks:

**irish eyes** · October 8, 2009, 12:18 PM

Reflections for Change

Teba, thanks for replying and I am glad that you are getting something from my posts. Wisdom..... I am not so sure, I guess I think very deeply and come up with the answers that have helped me. Yes you are right there is alot of pain behiend the wisdom am not so sure about the anger am still trying to pull it up!!! was never allowed to be angry as a child so buried alot. I grew up in a very dysfunctional family where I never really felt nurtured or loved apart from my granny who was wonderful. Then I married my husband who was an alcoholic but he was also very cruel and I felt very hurt abused and humiliated for a long time in the marriage until I found AL Anon. That was the turning point for me, I believe that I learned everything that I know about life and Alcohol in those AL Anon rooms, there was so much wisdom, compassion and support there. Additionally, I had many years of counselling before I finally got the courage to leave my husband and that was the best thing I ever did. I went on to become a counsellor and just recently got my degree in psychotherapy. I rarely drank during my life, perhaps the odd glass of beer socially. Then two years ago my mother died and I began drinking wine at home alone to help blot out the pain I guess. I would drink a bottle of wine on Friday and Saturday. I realised that I was getting to like this too much and I could see that my drinking was escalating and in isolation that is when I decided to come to MWO for help. Thankfully I havent drank since Jan 1st this year. I am glad to say that I am happy in my own skin today and I am in a very loving and supportive relationship and I am really grateful for that so I guess that when I post I just want to give back something of the nuggets of wisdom that helped me along the way. I believe gratitude is really important in our healing process and this is my way to heal.

**scrubbly** · October 8, 2009, 12:25 PM

Reflections for Change

irish eyes;731721 wrote: ________________________________________
Many of us have spent far too much time feeling badly about who we are and what we have done. We may have been criticized by others or lost perspective and become overly critical of ourselves. Isent it about time we allowed ourselves to feel good about ourselves?

Thank you Irish, you have NO IDEA how much I needed this piece today! You stopped me from crying at my desk AGAIN this week. What a blessing!!!! I don't have to repair my mascara yet again....

:groupluv:

**irish eyes** · October 8, 2009, 01:37 PM

Reflections for Change

scrubbly;732218 wrote: Thank you Irish, you have NO IDEA how much I needed this piece today! You stopped me from crying at my desk AGAIN this week. What a blessing!!!! I don't have to repair my mascara yet again....

:groupluv:

Scrubbly, I am so glad that something I have written has stopped u from ruining ur mascara!!! I hope u will go on to forgive yourself and become the person you were meant to be.

**irish eyes** · October 9, 2009, 12:22 PM

Reflections for Change

Just for today I will mind my own business

I do not respond well when people impose their will on me, why then should I try to impose my will on others? There is only one person that I am responsible for and that is me. I do have responsibility to many but responsible only for me. There is only one person who can make my life as full as possible..... that too is me. So today I will keep my focus where it belongs... on me and I will make the choices I want to make and not allow habit make that choice for me.

**Lavande** · October 9, 2009, 02:43 PM

Reflections for Change

Thank you irish eyes,
I'm trying my best to do just the same today

**greeneyes** · October 9, 2009, 02:48 PM

Reflections for Change

Irish will you adopt me?

**Mstall** · October 9, 2009, 09:31 PM

Reflections for Change

is there somewhere i can save all this to, like a library?

i've loved reading every post!

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