af daily 24/10

[bear73]

hey all good day to you - not been around for a while - focusing on weight loss and diet for time being.

It's week 10 alcohol and smoke free for me now - feel GREAT - I couldn't have made it this far without the support of this group - I always thought I'd struggle with a month!

I feel calmer,skin is better, I have more money (well would have if I hadn't bought tonnes of nice new clothes!)I sleep better I feel more confident in myself - I love diet 7UP and coffee, they have got me through and the one drink at a time thinking if it gets really hard.

I still have days (especially recently) where I dream I'm drinking - I do think one glass would be nice BUT if I could do that I never would have been here in the first place. I try not to think of never drinking again - one day as it comes.

I've also started roller derby - love it - practice is on fri eve and sun afternoon - there's no way I could do that and drink and smoke!

happy Saturday to y'all - one hour extra in bed tonight for all in UK - woo hoo!

[Suni]

af daily 24/10

Well Done Bear!
There's nothing like a little success story to spur the rest of us on.
It sounds as if you're doing just great.
Apparently dreaming about AL is quite common. I have that to look forward to when I've been off it long enough!
I've only been off for a week and I can agree that I feel calmer too with much fewer mood swings.
As you say, ODAT. Good Job!

[greeneyes]

af daily 24/10

Quick hello between the couch and bed. While polising off the ice cream. Just one of the funny aspects of the single childlesss life. Running to do a bed dive.

[Cinders]

af daily 24/10

....So today was my first furlough day (of 17). The real shock will come when I (and hubby too) get our Nov. 20 paycheck. Would any other state furlough it's public school teachers? There won't be any rocket scientists coming out of this state. Students will have 4 day school weeks for the next 2 years. A very sad and stressful time for education.

I just read this from yesterday's thread and I am steaming hot under the collar!! Hulagirl, I simply cannot believe that Hawaii is doing that with something so precious as a child's education. It makes my stomach clench, and other parts, too. I hope the educator's of your state make a huge stink at the State Capitol. I hope parents join in. If I were there, I would be marching and I don't do things like that!!

Just thinking about it makes me so angry.

Bear, it is great to see you!! I am glad you are concentrating on improving your life all around. I think that attitude increases our chances a hundred fold in staying successful with our new lifestyle. I, for one, have got to stop overeating and start overexercising.

Greenie, there is definitely something to be said about not having children. You can do whatever you want, whenever you want, and wear whatever clothing you want while you do it!!

As for myself, I am trying to stay calm and at peace. This is critical for me. Hubby said some things to me yesterday that got my blood boiling. However, I do have to recognize that I have my part in his feelings and reactions and take responsibility. Deep breaths.

I am on day 10 (again, sigh) but working hard at my sobriety this time. See, I always got the, "I am an alcoholic" part of the deal but I think I have always felt I was not up to the challenge of actually taking it on.

Now, I recognize that not only can I take it on, I must if I want to continue to live. More importantly, some friends have pointed out that this is where I need to be today and my life can become fuller and happier because of my struggles.

I am hanging on to that with every single fingernail I have.

Love,
Cindi

[Doggygirl]

af daily 24/10

Hello everyone! Great to get an early start here today in AF-Land.

Bear it's awesome to see you and thank you for kicking things off today! SHOPPING!! Love it. Congratulations on your transformation inside and out. Congratulations on 10 week AF/NF!!!! :yougo: And Roller Derby - wow! That seems like it would be wicked fun and a bit of a contact sport?? I can relate to what you said about knowing you couldn't do it if you were still drinking and smoking. I often think to myself while I am weight training or doing cardio that there is NO WAY I could do what I'm doing, especially at my age if I were still drinking & smoking. Makes all the hard work and tough days worth it to feel physically fit again. And buy new clothes!!! (any with sequins by chance??)

Suni, :yougo: on a week AF! That is awesome. Good to hear you are noting some positive benefits. I think that is important. It's easy to get caught up in the negative - thinking about the cravings or the changes that need to be made, or about dealing with our lives and emotions "head on." (for me anyway, not always a bed of roses.) But there are also HUGE benefits and it's important we think about them...a lot I think!

Greenie, looks like you stayed up late living that single wild life where you can eat ice cream any time of day you want to???

Cinders, it sounds like you are doing some really great introspection. Congratulations on 10 days and on your progress. The full weight of the life and death nature of this thing is overwhelming to say the least. But it is life and death. It was hard for me at first to start looking for my part in difficulties. But I'm starting to realize the only way to stop being a "victim of circumstance" is NOT to focus on changing others - only myself. And seeing my part in stuff is so key. Not always easy though. You mean....I'm NOT perfect????? Soldier on today Cindi!

One of the things I'm working on is being able to say "No" and be OK with it. My old way was to grudgingly say yes to everything, and then host a pity party in my honor to focus on how over worked and under appreciated I am. And how people all expect the most rediculous things out of me. Poor poor me!!!

Truth is, I don't HAVE to say yes to everything, and when I DO say no, it's OK. That "OK" part is what I am struggling with right now. Just letting it go and feeling comfortable. NOT being angry at whoever asked me for something that I said "no" to. It's like a viscious circle for me, but I'm seeing that it's MY problem - not other people's problem.

This happens with my husband, my family, my friends, etc. It's part of life and I need to fix "me" so I dont' end up in resentful mode all the time! Learning to say "no" in the first place is progress for me. But I still have a ways to go with the rest of it. There is a woman at AA who talked about this very thing - how she struggled with it - not too long ago. Since I see her there regularly, I think I will ask her what techniques she used to get over the "guilt" part.

I'm speaking tonight at an open speaker AA meeting. It's my first time doing that. I'm nervous. Believe it or not, I worry that nothing will come out of my mouth. Too bad I can't type it, huh! The advice from others is "just share your experience, strength and hope" so that's what I shall try to do. Wish me luck.

Deter, is this the type of shirt you are talking about? Nice! Google Image Result for http://www.thai-imports.co.uk/mensroom/bluegold/cs05mcss580a.jpg

OK now I'm off to watch some figure skating! Cup of Russia and the come back of Plushenko. And yesterday Johhny Weir (:yougo: Go Johnny!:yougo in black and a variety of pink adornment. I think his costume was a "statement" but I'm still not sure what exactly he was saying. I love it.

Strength and hope to all for another AF day!

DG

[Gold]

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Finally back on track mentally!

I'm reading a very interesting book called "Power vs Force" (The Hidden Determinants of Human Behaviour) by David R Hawkins and I found this paragraph to be important for me.

"Successful solutions are based on the powerful principle that resolution occurs by fostering the positive, not by attacking the negative. Recovery from alcoholism can't be accomplished by fighting intoxication, but, rather, only by choosing sobriety. The 'war to end all wars' did no such thing, nor could it possibly have done so. Wars - including wars on 'vice', 'drugs', or any of the human needs regularly traded for in the great hidden social marketplace that underlies conventional commerce - can only be won by choosing peace."

Hope everyone has a great day.

[greeneyes]

af daily 24/10

Morning abbers

Little doggie made me get up. Kinda like having children, the litttle bugger. Geez this is really late for me too. Musta been that 4 AM ice cream.

Hula, in a former life I was a teacher and I have to say I share Cindi's opinion. Every start of the new year I felt like I had to repeat 4 months. I was in special ed and had the same kids year after year so I knew exactly how much was lost over the summer. I was thrilled over the idea of year 'round school. That is going SO fecking backwards.

coffee

[Leelou]

af daily 24/10

Today has been an encore of yesterday, frightfully tough, AF DAY 6 though, but I am weary.
I appreciate everyones input here, it has helped me see AF DAY6 more than you know.

One of the reasons I came back to MWO was to find a group that no doubt would support each other, but that would make me be accountable for my goals. (30 AF days).
I would have to :touch base: on my goal. And although early days, with out much input from me, you guys rock. Youv'e helped me through the time I thought would be the hardest.

I've had a hard few days however, and wanted to share abit of what got me here in the first place..

here goes....
(recent history-not long term)- thats a longer post!

My DH found my hiding places, as pathetic as they were just over a week ago. I have never felt such ashame.

I know I am that :shame"

I wrote DH the following on Monday,

Dear DH,

I am very sorry that I hurt you.
It makes me feel ashamed that I did.
It was not my intention to.

I am relieved to be confronted on how pathetic my actions became. It makes me admit I need to make big changes.

I am determined to not hurt you or myself anymore. I am going to learn to look after myself, and make sure my aim is to be in control, not be controlled.

I love you so much! I am not willing to let my issues affect our lives anymore.

On Monday, 19th October 2009, I pledge to you that I have started, and will continue to take positive steps towards getting myself healthy inside and out!

I know you are a stronger person than I am. And I am so sorry I had to put you through this low point, and that you probably don?t understand why.

But, with you by my side, & with your patience, support & love; the future is going to be brighter, happy and worth every effort I am about to make to change things for the better.

I love you.

Since that letter to him, I have looked at everything that I can change for the better. NOT for him, but for me.

I wont go into details about all my goals, but, I just wanted to share why I am here and that I appreciate everyones input on this thing that destroys perfect moments

[Lavande]

af daily 24/10

Morning Abbers,

Such a busy Saturday morning around here

bear, a huge congrats on your 10 week quits!! Awesome commitment & dedication!

Suni, great job on your 7 days, it does feel good, doesn't it?

Cindi, you sound strong, congrats on your 10 days!

Greenie, enjoy that ice cream...........I miss it so (lactose intolerance, boo hiss)

DG, I'm much better at saying NO than I used to be........it gets easier when you stop worrying about pleasing people all the time. My feelings come first these days, as selfish as that sounds........

Gold, good to see you! That sounds like an interesting book, may look into that myself.

Leelou, congrats on your 6 AF days! Stick with it, it gets easier, really!

I'm off to run some errands in the pourin rain - oh well.
Have a great AF day everyone!
Lav

[greeneyes]

af daily 24/10

I love you back, leelou

[Determinatrix]

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Leelou;743263 wrote: ...But, with you by my side, & with your patience, support & love; the future is going to be brighter, happy and worth every effort I am about to make to change things for the better.

This is beautiful.

[Doggygirl]

af daily 24/10

Hello to all - Greenie, Gold, Lav, and a special wave to Determinatrix!!

Leelou, what a beautiful post. You are not alone having been to that very dark place. If you want sobriety more than you want to drink, then you CAN do this. You have done so wonderful on your first 6 Days. One day at a time. We can do this together. So we can LIVE and love and laugh again. Keep that hope burnin'!!!!!

DG

[maslow23]

af daily 24/10

Hi Everyone. Leelou--your post was very moving for me. I am in the fight of my life for not only my mental health, but my family. Alcohol and my behavior may have cost me my family. However, I can't stop trying to "fix" things. My wife keeps telling me terrible things about me, but the truth hurts I suppose. I wish I could make the past ,not forgotten, but have the future be the goal for all involved. I can't change the past!! It hurts deeply when you care about someone and you don't get anything in return. There were lots of positives in our relationship and I think there could be more. But, I may never get the chance. Sorry for the rant. I hope everyone has a good day. It can't be much worse then mine :-(

[Doggygirl]

af daily 24/10

Maslow, you keep that hope alive too! First and foremost, for your own sobriety and life. After that everything else will fall in place however it's meant to be.

I'm sorry to interject another AA thing - I am not trying to convince anyone else to adopt AA. We each have to find our own way out. But I like the section of the Big Book which is referred to simply as "The Promises." I believe these come true for us in whatever way we find contented sobriety - whether that's through AA or MWO or some combination of things.

If we are painstaking about this phase of our development, we will be amazed before we are half way through.

We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness.

We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it.

We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace.

No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others.

That feeling of uselessness and self-pity will disappear.

We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows.

Self-seeking will slip away.

Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change.

Fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us.

We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us.

We will suddenly realize that God (of your own understanding) is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves.

Are these extravagant promises? We think not.

They are being fulfilled among us - sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly.

They will always materialize if we work for them.

Maslow, I bolded the promise that spoke to me when I read your post. Please have faith that a time will come for you in sobriety where you can face your past objectively and in a balanced way. Something that you learned from and that is part of your life experience, but not what defines you today.

DG

[maslow23]

af daily 24/10

Thanks DG. A very hard go at it right now. I wish for so much and wish I could stop wishing. LOL. Smiles are good. I mss my wife and children so much. I guess I could just run??

We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it. ---perfectly stated.