Weekly AA Thread - Week of Nov 1 - Nov 8

[Doggygirl]

Marking and running!! Dang. That should say Nov 2 but I don't think I can change it now. Anyway...now to work on a post!

Welcome to the new week AA'ers, lurkers, people with questions about AA, etc. etc. Don't be shy about posting your questions or thoughts whether you participate in AA or not.

Useful Links:

Daily Readings: Daily Recovery Readings

Big Book on line: Big Book Online Fourth Edition

ATT, once again it was great to see you check in! It will be great to wish you well again on your 5th sober anniversary.



WF - Your story is such a good one of hope WRT your marriage and alcohol and your choice to do whatever it takes to ditch the AL. I hope that many people here who are struggling in their marriages because of AL see what you are doing ODAT, and take some hope from that. Thank you for the kind thoughts about my Dad. I'm not sure if an anti-depressant would help him or not. He's always been a bit short tempered. I suppose the scary thing would be the large number of meds he is already on and possible interactions. In any case, he is still very together mentally and in charge of his own health care decisions. It's been hard but I'm learning to stay out of it so long as that's the way he wants it. Difficult to watch just the same. I hope when my time comes to go, I am lucky enough to go quickly rather than the slow slide route that he is unfortunately faced with.

Cindi, I'm thinking of you on your travels today.

I am very grateful to be connecting "in real life" with other recovering alcoholics. We all share a history of distorted thinking, and misguided problem solving. (AL was my "solution" to everything which is no solution at all!! Just another problem!!) The "blind side" situation yesterday with my ex-sponsor could have easily happened in any setting - not just an AA setting. It's fundamentally a problem in a relationship, and those happen all over the place in our lives with family, friends, co-workers, etc. I tied to handle it the best I could in the moment. But since the problem solving skills I am trying to employ these days are new to me, I suppose it's not unexpected that I would feel uncertain about how I handled things. I was grateful to be able to discuss the situation this morning with my sponsor. Her feedback was very valuable to me.

My relationship with my sponsor is NOT like my previous relationships with girlfriends where the main purpose was to assure each other we were right, even when we handled things badly. If I handle something badly, my sponsor will give me honest input about how I might do it better next time. It has taken me some time to get used to this, and to learn to accept constructive feedback. In my drinking days, I NEVER EVER wanted to be told I was wrong about anything. I ONLY wanted support from others of the kind telling me I'm right, and the rest of the world is wrong. But this is so much better. I'm actually learning and growing as a person. I'm so glad to have a sponsor who is willing to teach me everything that others taught her.

Part of what got me in trouble with my Ex sponsor, and the part of the current problem that I bear responsibility for, was having wrong motives in choosing a sponsor. I realize now that I was fearful of a strong sponsor who might "tell me what to do." I didn't like being told what to do, and am only now learning that I don't always know best, and how to accept input. So I believe I subconsciously chose a sponsor who I saw as being weak - someone who I could push around and who would not be hard on me.

While my ex sponsor bears her own responsibility in this situation by taking on a sponsee when she probably shouldn't have, I still own my part in the choice, which was NOT in line with the suggestions I heard about choosing a sponsor. I am sad that my part in this has caused someone else pain. I am grateful to have a seasonsed sponsor now who is well versed in the Steps and the program. After a review of the circumstances this morning, I feel that my side of the street is clean and I can go forward without feeling responsible any more for my ex-sponsors pain.

Relationships are challenging sometimes because we are all imperfect humans. I'm glad to be developing better skills than what AL provided.

Well, I'm now running late for my Monday business leads group, so zoom zoom zoom. Have a great day one and all. Hopefully that ramble made some sense!

DG

[cpn1004]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of Nov 1 - Nov 8

DG, thanks for getting us started. I'm in Dayton, OH for a couple of days and will give y'all a meeting update from here.
I can't believe this is my 8th week of on the road and no drinking. Huh...is that why I feel better, clear-headed, wake up early with energy?....DUH.
Have a great day everyone.
Love and Peace,
Phil

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of Nov 1 - Nov 8

Hi Everyone: DG, many thanks for starting us off this week. I put in an exhausting day taking care of a sick g-son, followed up by a family dinner celebrating my daughter's 36th B-day. To be completely honest, this is the first day in 7 months that the thought of drinking to ease up crossed my mind. There is no AL in my house, & even if there were, I doubt I would have drunk it. However, I did have one of those "a drink would be great right about now" thoughts. The thought passed, but I know I'm going to a meeting tomorrow night which will put me back on track. A good night's sleep will help as well.

Mary

[Winefree]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of Nov 1 - Nov 8

Mary, I know you will hold strong. I think those thoughts about having a drink to relax/unwind will always be with us. As long as we can work our way through without picking up we will be okay. Our higher power and all the tools we have gained along this journey will help guide us.
DG thanks for getting this thread started for the week.
Hope everyone has a great AF week.

Winefree

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of Nov 1 - Nov 8

WG, you said exactly the right thing. I did get a good night's sleep...something that would never have happened if I had drunk last night. I would have been both mentally & physically tormented. I do have tools today. We're going into a season of eating alot, parties, activities, mega-shopping, etc. I absolutely must not let my guard down for a second. When I got down on my knees & prayed last night, I was especially thankful that my HP helped me stay sober. There is absolutely no way I'm going to let a difficult day ruin 7 months of sobriety.

I think that as the holidays approach, we're going to have to pull together to stay sober. It's not easy under the best circumstances.

Thank you one & all. I wouldn't be where I am today wo/MWO.

Mary

[cpn1004]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of Nov 1 - Nov 8

Morning all. Mary good on you for sharing your honest thoughts. You have been an inspiration to many of us.
I hit 52 days AF today, looking forward to my next "chip".
Stay strong everyone,
Love and Peace,
Phil

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of Nov 1 - Nov 8

Phil: Many thanks for your kind words. I've got a much more balanced day ahead plus a meeting tonight. Mary

[Doggygirl]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of Nov 1 - Nov 8

Hi all. Mary, I'm sorry to hear you had some of "those" thoughts on a stressful day. It is always encouraging to find that we CAN get through days and thoughts like that without drinking. WF, I think it's probably wise to accept we very well might have these thoughts from time to time, forever. We can also deal with those thoughts without drinking. And hopefully that gets easier with more practice.

Time is really flying!! Mary I'm very happy for you coming up on 7 months and :yougo: Phil on 52 days!! WF, I'm trying to remember about where you are but my brain is pooping out on me. :yougo: just the same!! This Sunday is my step coach's 34 year anniversary. We are making sure there is a chip for him since we know he plans to come to this meeting Sunday morning, and it's one of his home groups. I think I might get a cake too and let a few extra people know about it that don't normally come to that meeting. Usually there is not a huge "hoopla" over the anniversaries. They are very meaningful but no fuss and bother. But since step coach was saying just a couple short months ago that he hoped he would still be alive for this one, I think maybe some sugar is in order. But unlike the "old" me, I won't just take charge and organize something under my own will. I will consult others more senior than me, and offer to help if others think it's a good idea.

Today's meeting was an open topic meeting. The chair chose a great topic - the hopeless place that drinking and addiction took us. As we took turns speaking, most of us commented on the very dark places that we experienced "at the bottom." It's becoming eaiser for me to "speak out loud" about being so depressed I was suicidal, and with pills in my cabinet to follow through. It took me a long time to admit that. But it's so important for me to admit it, and remember it. Because that's exactly where I would end up again if I ever decide to drink again.

So I definitely need meetings like that one. And once again, it was a day when my common experiences with every single person in the room were front and center. The more will I am to speak the truth out loud in these meetings, the more connected I feel to this network of people all working to stay sober one day at a time. That is a miracle compared to how very isolated and alone I was for the last several years of my drinking career.

Life is good AF.

DG

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of Nov 1 - Nov 8

DG: Thank you so much for your words about today's meeting. I think one of the main reasons I didn't drink yesterday was I knew all about that hopeless, awful place which is really only one drink away. Yes, drinking is universal in the isolation it spawns. If I had a drink last night, I would have done it under cover of secrecy, & the whole hideous cycle would have begun again. Today, I took it kind of easy & feel 100% better. I think I cleared up a little unfinished business that was on my mind. That helped too. Mary

[Doggygirl]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of Nov 1 - Nov 8

Mary, I'm glad you were able to take it easy and de-stress a bit today. I think an important part of this is making sure that we DO take care of ourselves and try to follow the times we mainly give to others with some time for rest and recharging our batteries.

And yes Mary - I can NEVER afford to forget. That's truly what keeps me from taking the first drink. If I forget what my drinking life was like in the end, I will pick up again.

I forgot to mention a really heartwarming story about the Fellowship. My sponsee is Catholic and she is re-exploring her religious roots. Since I see Sister every Monday, she asked me to ask her a question about the mysteries of the rosary. Sister sent me home with her own rosary to give to my sponsee, with a promise of more information to come about the mysteries. Sister's rosary has different colored beads representing the mysteries. My sponsee was so touched by that gift when I passed it along this morning.

In my drunk days, I could not take time to appreciate things like that. I could only focus on myself and my drinking, recovering from drinking, and planning of the next drinking.

DG

[Winefree]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of Nov 1 - Nov 8

Evening everyone.

Mary, so glad you are doing better today. I agree the coming holidays will be a challenge but with all our tools from AA and here and with each others support we WILL make it through. I also agree we need to take care of ourselves to keep calm. I use the gym to help get out the stress and feel good.

DG, I don't know your whole story, but it sounds like you had a rough bottom. I am so glad you have come so far along. Sister sounds like an extraordinary person. I am so happy she is helping you. Oh, I'm at the 6 month mark and still going strong.

Phil, you are doing great. You will soon have that next chip for 60 days!

Winefree

[Doggygirl]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of Nov 1 - Nov 8

Congrats on 6 months WF!! :yougo:

I think everyone's bottom is really bad for that person, no matter what the details. While the circumstances may differ, the hopelessness and desparation are the same I think...

I'm off to to the meeting I chair each week. I used to get really nervous about that but not so much any more. It's a Daily Reflections meeting and I think the message for me in today's reading is that I really have to stay after things now that I have reached the Daily Maintenance (Step 10) Phase. It's been easy for me to get complacent. I also want to do more learning in the meditation area related to Step 11 (the real focus of the reading) and I've been a bit lazy about that too. Time to :b&d:!! :H

Have a great sober day all! Strength and hope!

DG

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of Nov 1 - Nov 8

Hi: I again got a good night's sleep & am planning on a step meeting tonight. I loved the story about the rosary. When I think I'm "missing out" because I don't drink anymore, I'll remember that story & the blessing of it. I'm off to walk dogs w/my friend. Mary

[Doggygirl]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of Nov 1 - Nov 8

Hi again! Mary, good for you on another nights rest and recharge! That is a great point (sometimes I don't connect my own dots LOL!) about the "missing out." By "missing out" on AL & drunken insanity these days, I'm NOT missing out on the other 4965739573957+ things going on in life....

The lead and discussion took a slightly different twist than I had in mind going in. That's always interesting when it happens. I always ask HP for guidance so I never know for sure what will come out of my mouth. But we ended up talking about the phrase in the reading that said "my shortcomings cause my pain." (reference character defects) Not somebody else's shortcomings causing my pain, MY shortcomings. I'm not a victim. To me, that is freeing. Yes, that freedom comes with responsibility - responsibility to deal with my shortcomings / character defects and "own" any problems they cause for me or others. BUT...I do not have to sit around and blame my problems / pain on others and then drink over it.

Of course this never means that other people don't have their own shortcomings. They do. But that's not my business to fix, and bottom line is that unless I'm a victim of some random crime or something like that, I am my own worst enemy.

For me, it was a slightly different twist than I've taken before in considering character defects and it was powerful for me.

Another really good meeting. I think there is going to be a huge turnout for a normally small meeting early Sunday morning for my step coach's 34 year coin presentation. The person who orders the coins said her ordered him a fancy one. Step coach deserves that. He has sponsored over 150 people in his 34 sober years. Talk about helping other alcoholics. I'm glad he was there and willing to help when I needed it.

DG

[Doggygirl]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of Nov 1 - Nov 8

Hello!

Todays meeting was a really good one for me. I didn't necessarily think it would be going in, but as usual, I always take something valuable away. The meeting was based on todays 24 Hours a Day Reading. There was a section of it on the subject of fear, and the question "Have I lost my fears?" (it's related generally to Step 11, so that question has to do with being at that stage)

Somehow during the comments from various people, I realized exactly why "AA wasn't for me" for all those years when I fought that secret, dark battle within myself. I knew I had a major drinking problem, but didn't want to give up drinking. I used to have all kinds of reasons why AA wasn't for me. "It's a religious program, and I'm not religious." "It's only for REAL drunks and surely I'm not "that bad."" "It's a cult." The usual stuff.

The truth?? AA is a program of ABSTINENCE. I didn't want to face that. I was AFRAID to face the fact that my drinking was SO bad that I could never drink safely again.

It's funny. Many people go to AA, but then struggle mightily with Step 1 (Admitting I am powerless over alcohol and my life is unmanageable) My approach was to balk at accepting my alcoholism as a fact because I simply could not accept ABSTINENCE as the only way to get my life back on track.

I think the reason I was so afraid of relapse deep inside me last spring - even after almost 9 months sober - was that I still had not completely accepted that total abstinence is and always will be necessary for me.

AA has helped me accept 100% what I did not 100% accept before, and AA has helped me build a better foundation on which to construct my AF life. That foundation really begins with honesty. Rigorous honesty. I am no longer secretly holding something back just for old AL.

I don't know why - but today that hit me with total clarity, and I'm grateful.

DG