still around

[1967]

hi all.
work has been way too busy so i've not been in here.
pretty much work and sleep.
we had a halloween party on friday night. i had two glasses of wine over 3 hrs.
it was okay but i still felt bad about myself. not terrible, more scared to start the cycle again.
anyhow, it's tuesday and i feel like its friday afternoon.
somehow i have to get through this job.
if i don't do this i have no idea what might be better?
gotta get on the road.
hope everyone is well.

courage a tous!

[Doggygirl]

still around

Hi 1967! I'm not sure I understand the last bit of your post. Are you saying you feel like it's Friday as in you want to drink? I'm also not clear on what you meant by this:

if i don't do this i have no idea what might be better?

Maybe you can provide some clarification that will make it easier for folks to give some input!

Take care - good to see you as always.

DG

[1967]

still around

Sorry for the cryptic message!
I think it was 6:30 am when I wrote the message? I meant that I was so tired it felt like getting up at 6 am on a friday morning!
but today is only tuesday!

I also meant that my job is making me crazy but I have no aspirations of a different or better life?
Meaning, what would I do if I didn't work like a lunatic?
Stay home and paint pictures? Sounds great but I need money.

Also, I know I am better off for not drinking BUT I DON'T FEEL LIKE IT JUST NOW!
(sorry for shouting)
By the way... ladies and gents... this AF thing doesn't seem to be getting easier!
What's up w/that ?!

[1967]

still around

Well, here is a thought!

Mindfulness: Both as a formal meditation practice, and as a way to approach daily life (awareness of the moment, and careful attention placed on whatever is going on right now), mindfulness is a skill par excellence. Much of our emotional distress arises out of a focus on the past (regrets that contribute to depression) and the future (anticipating disasters that contribute to anxiety disorders and panic). When we realize we have allowed our minds to dwell on the past or the future, shifting into the present can be calming, comforting, and effective in helping us to deal with life as it is (not as it was, or as it might be in case something awful happens). Re-focus on physical sensations: deliberately feel the sensations of your breath as it goes in and out, for example. Notice what your thoughts have been telling you (often it may be that your mind has tricked you into a dialog about drinking!).

[1967]

still around

I think I'm in a dialog of distress if you want to know the truth.

In fact I have very little to be freaking out about.
I need money to live but that is all.
Am I thinking about quitting my job?
I think I would like to work part-time next year.
YES!
Yes, indeed I would like that very much!
I would like to get a puppy and spend it's first year with him/her!
I don't care if it sounds childish either.
Peace.

[caysea]

still around

Hi All
1967 doesn't seem like much thought or effort is going into what ever it is you are trying to do. Last month AF all the way this week a couple of glasses of wine no big deal. I guess people do come here and use it for a social hang out. "I don't feel like it right now." What working on a plan, stooping drinking, mod your drinking. Time for you to look into the mirror and figure it out.

Stay Healthy and Keep Fighting
AF 5-16-08

[1967]

still around

I just typed a long explanTion sea and our connection cut. It is bedtime for me, I am doing my best and not here to socialize but keep myself on track.
I want to be af all the time but I am not perfect yet. When I drank it was around 10 30 pm and had been up since 6 and not had a day off in16 days. I had been offered drink all evening and lost my grasp. So, what to do? Make a big deal and continue? No, I suck it up by admitting it and keep trying.

[1967]

still around

I slept most of the day & nite sat & Sunday which I needed desparately.

[Doggygirl]

still around

1967, sorry you are going through a bit of a rough patch.

Is it really "not drinking" that is not getting easier? Or is the underlying issue more the fact that you would like some things about your life to be different, but changing them isn't necessarily easy?

Using AL to bury life's other challenges is "easy" in a very short sighted sense. True gratification with life and AFness for me, comes with the sometimes difficult chore of examining my life, and making changes for the good.

I think it's a good thing that you are really thinking about what you want out of life and your career. Being sober will afford you the opportunity to delve into that, and actually MAKE some changes once you decide upon your goals. If you want to run from the fact that you are not necessarily happy with your work or other life circumstances, then AL is the way to go.

I really like your post about staying in the now. I struggle a lot with excessive worry about the future. I'm working on ways to try to "stay in the now" a lot more. Never a dull moment in this game we call life, is there!

DG

[1967]

still around

U ve understood exactly doggygirl! Ultimately I have worked very hard, & spent a lot of money on another degree, and got what I wished for! Now I am not sure I really want it after all! It is all very normal. I think I need to step back and evaluate what works and slowly dump what doesn't,right!

My work benefits others which is great but I have moved too far from the foundation which is art.
Everything is not going to be magically perfect because I am not drinking.
But it is, overall, a tiny bit easier on me.

[tlrgs]

still around

1967;750124 wrote:
By the way... ladies and gents... this AF thing doesn't seem to be getting easier!
What's up w/that ?!

well 67 its all in how you look at things around in your life .. your ups and downs left and right turns .. yes it does get easier and its all in the way you want to handle things .. if af or mods and i would have to say for me its alot better being af and its up to you .. what you want and need to do for you .. thats how it gets easier"" the understanding of everything"" and still there are days things just dont make sence .. but its again up to you how you want to handle it .. easy or hard its up to you
stay strong and keep thinking positive big cyber hugs

[1967]

still around

thanks tlgrs...i feel a bit better this morning.
not sure if i've mentioned i am the college counselor as well as an art teacher.
i made a mistake and discovered a whole new aspect of the college application process that hasn't been addressed: working with the kids on their essays!
so, after 2 weeks of madness yesterday an administrator stepped up and said 'we are going to figure this out, you cannot do all of it.'
so, i feel this morning like a bit of a load has been lifted!
i've not been to the gym regularly in a few weeks.
and i've not painted at all in how long?
i need to achieve a balance between life and work.
i can't see anything for what it is when i am so tired.
today, i am not going to rush and i'm going to leave work on time.
maybe even 15 minutes early.
you and doggygirl have some helpful insights. AF is far better for me of course. I am reading how people moderate and it slowly creeps back into disaster. I'm really not trying to moderate, if I drink it's a slip and the goal is 'don't have one in the first place!!!"
good day to all. maybe i'll touch base today through my itouch... oh, and I plan to have a lunch break too!
I've not had one for a couple of weeks!!

[1967]

still around

It's 3 30 am and I am awake! Mind is racing!
I did make it to the gym yesterday and plan to go this morning too.
AF is the plan. Thinking about drinking is not worth the time it takes!