What made you want to change badly enough?

[Suni]

Hi there,
Sorry if this subject has been explored before but I suddenly wanted to know what had motivated people to decide to stop drinking. I really believe that unless you want the change badly enough you won't be able to keep going.
I'd love to hear other people's views on that.
But in particular what was your motivator?
For example, were you motivated away from bad health or towards good health?
Was it for yourself or for other people?
Were you just sick and tired of your lifestyle and wanted something better?
:thanks:

[Boss.man]

What made you want to change badly enough?

LOL I like the ambiguity in the title: I definitely "changed badly", i.e. I slipped a lot and struggled a lot in the process.

But after a lot of tries, I did change.

For me, AL was having too much side effects. I was taking ibuprofen nearly every day to handle headaches. I had chronic congestion (histamines are an AL side effect). I had not slept a full night in years. I was having anger issues when sober; at work and at home. And I was having absentee issues at work and at home; even drinking ahead of family events so I could be cheerful when I didn't feel like it. In the end it took 2-3 months for most of these symptoms to go away. I was most surprised at the "allergies" I thought I had, that I now understand was just a histamine issue from AL. I think I would have quit sooner if I knew it quitting would be the end of my chronic sniffles. I hardly use any Ibuprofen any more. Hardly any pills at all. I still get angry sometimes, but usually there's a reason for it, and I recover in a normal way.

[KateH1]

What made you want to change badly enough?

Suni, Yes, you are right. In order to beat alcohol, we must be TOTALLY comitted to WORKING throught the process of #1 not drinking, no matter what and #2 and most important, working on ourselves, changing the way that we live and think. Plain and simple, there is no Magic Pill or Magic organization that will make us quit, or make this easy......though there are helpers along the journey. I have watched people on here, try one pill after another, antabuse, topamac, baclofen etc. etc. Each time they try the new "magic pill", they rave at how it is the miracle....but, within weeks, the fall happens and each time the hole that is fallen into is deeper! This is heart breaking.

Why did I decided to stop drinking? I was tired of who I had become. I was tired of how I was thinking and feeling. I was tired of feeling sick, depressed and the constant anxiety. I wanted to FIND Me....the REAL Me. I wanted to get my life back and live joyful and honestly and be a truly loving mother, wife, friend, professional without regrets!

It took a while after stopping the booze....months.....but, after nearly two years, I am really getting to where I want to be!! The struggle and the effort have all been worthwhile and I am grateful for every sober day! I am still a work in progress

[drylifeahead]

What made you want to change badly enough?

Hmmmm

There are soooo many things that motivated me to stop drinking that I am trying to
think of the one main kicker that did it.

I 'think' it was just that I was so tired of having alcohol control my life. It seriously
did...from when I would do groceries, visit friends and family, do my makeup and hair for
crying out loud to when and what I would eat. All revolved around when I could drink,
and not have to go anywhere. Almost like smoking...timing that next cigarette.

I'm sure as the day progresses I will think of a million more motivators, but I think the
above was key to having my life put back in gear.

DLA

[Doggygirl]

What made you want to change badly enough?

Good thread topic Suni! Never worry about whether something has been discussed before. All topics related to recovery and sobriety are important, no matter whether they have been discussed before or not!

Dry life, I can relate to everything in your post. Drinking controlled my life. "When can I drink" was always my highest priority. And of course making sure I had adequate stash at all times and for all situations. I was miserable and angry when I "couldn't" drink. I skipped business and family function so I could stay home and drink. I picked fights with my husband or whoever to give me the "look what a bad day I'm having! No wonder I drink!" excuse. I created a LOT of drama around me that affected others just so I could have my excuse to drink!

I did reach a point where I wanted to end this viscious cycle. I couldn't. I would promise myself I wouldn't drink that day, and then not make it until noon. Or 8AM sometimes. Or even earlier.

I was so depressed I saw no reason to live. I filled and saved every prescription I could get my hands on so that suicide was an option.

You'd think after all of that, maybe I would have realized that abstinence was the only way out for me. But I will confess, that possibility of an option to keep drinking is what attracted me to MWO initially, even though I did not admit that, and maybe I didn't even realize that at the time.

But I am still glad I found MWO because I COULD NOT stop drinking alone in isolation. I couldn't even get through one single day AF just by deciding that I would not drink that day. I am so grateful that I found this place. I really don't know where I would be right now if I had not started the journey here.

It was through a little trial and huge error that I finally accepted that I cannot drink safely, ever. So at least that little bit of something I was holding out for AL in reserve is gone now. The AF life is the good life, and that's the life for me one day at a time.

DG

[tassimo]

What made you want to change badly enough?

Great thread Suni. I think a person does need to be "ready" to quit. Hit rock bottom so to speak.

Alcohol did control my life, but that wasn't enough to quit.

I drank at home alone in isolation, but that wasnt enough to quit

I was verbally abusive to my husband in front of his friends on numerous occasions, but that wasn't enough to quit.

I was emotionally distant from my children but that wasn't enough to quit.

I was depressed and full of self-loathing all the time but that wasn't enough to quit.

What did it finally take? My doctor telling me if I continued drinking like I was, I would be dead in 5 years. I am 42. How crazy is that? I have an enlarged, fatty liver. A definite precursor to cirrhosis. That is what it took for me to quit. And not for me either. For my kids. How could I possibly put them through seeing their mother die of cirrhosis (which as I understand it, is a really nasty way to die, especially to witness). So i quit, for them, because they are wonderful and deserve a wonderful mother. Not the shell of a mother I was while drinking.

By the way,,the fatty liver is reversible. With a lot of hard work, dieting, exercise, and of course, NO drinking. Hopefully within a year or so, it will be back to normal...!

[Emmy]

What made you want to change badly enough?

First , I want to thank everyone on this site & RJ , MWO has been a blessing for me and I am grateful for each and everyone of you .. I see alittle bit of myself in all of your posts.
I think my defining moment was when my daughter (22) walked into the kitchen @ 10am and saw me pouring wine in my coffee cup ! I was ashamed and embarrassed and just looked at her and said " I'm sorry" ~ Later that day , she texted me " Mom , I love you , you have a problem , Plz get help!".......... hmmmmm , i broke down and cried and knew I need to control my drinking or quit .. Thats where I am now , That 10am mug of wine was my last.. that was 39 days ago... We'll see , the jury is still out whether I will stay AF or control my wine to just 2-3 times a month a glass or 2 at a time. I'm leaning towards being AF , the more I read on the Mod page , It seems that modding is harder than being AF .. Thats it , Happy days are here again !:h Em

[Marshy]

What made you want to change badly enough?

Years knowing that I was drinking far too much and knowing I had a problem - and having alcohol control my life and behaviour, like Drylifeahead & Doggygirl.

What happened towards the end was that I was between jobs, and so had the opportunity to drink all day, every day, which I did for about two months. I put on weight quickly and felt terrible, but kept on drinking, all day, every day.

In the final week, I went to the supermarket on Monday and bought several boxes of wine (so much easier to stock up with than those fiddly bottles). I also bought a packet of five plain bagels because I thought I ought to eat something. By this time, I had bad heartburn and no appetite.

I drank all week long. On Friday morning I woke up and went to the kitchen to pour some wine, and I noticed there was one bagel left in the packet. So I'd eaten one plain bagel each day and nothing else, washed down with as much wine as I could before passing out, waking up and carrying on again.

Standing in the kitchen that morning, I faced the reality that I was destroying myself and either had to do something about it or continue to go downhill quite rapidly. I started googling, found My Way Out among other things, and started working on it...

[DeeBee]

What made you want to change badly enough?

What made me want to change badly enough?

My husband wrote the most life changing e-mail to me -- and told me that he HATES what I am doing to myself but he will always love me and always stand by me -- that was worse than any threat he had ever issued in the 15 years we'd been married!!

[scrubbly]

What made you want to change badly enough?

The near-RUIN of me, personally and profesionnaly, from a DUI conviction. That was enough of hitting bottom for this girl.

[KateH1]

What made you want to change badly enough?

Wow! Reading all of this really make one think!! Why in the hell would any of us go back to any of this because we had an "Urge to Drink"?????? Why would anyone go back to drinking because we are "Stressed", or "Sad" or for any reason!! Crazy...Huh!

[Lavande]

What made you want to change badly enough?

What made me want to change badly enough?

Falling on my ass last Christmas Eve, not being able to get up by myself, making a total idiot of myself...........
Never, never again

[Leelou]

What made you want to change badly enough?

I feel a difference this time, going AF, and the difference is that this time I had to hit rock bottom before I woke up to myself and admit I have been lying to myself for way to long!
My DH found my hiding spots, and I was faced with how pathetic my actions became.
I had to look inside, and decide if that was really me or if it was just my actions. Well, I know I am more than what I was turning into and for the first time, I believe I am worth not giving up on myself. This self-belief, although a new sensation for me is what will help me get well, but it had to take shame, and guilt in hurting my loved ones before I would admit things had to change NOW and that I have to do this for myself. I have to find my true self again. And if I look after me: the rest will sort itself out.

[peacenik]

What made you want to change badly enough?

i'm still there, though drinking less and in fact drinking maybe once a week or two weeks as opposed to daily and in copious amounts. i still have bad days, but not as bad as i have been in the past.
the main reason i want to totally stop is because i hate who i am when i am obsessed with alcohol. i do things i am ashamed of (lying to family) and i feel crapthe enitre next day. i have always been a self sabotager and self destructive...i' so sick of being that person.

[Suni]

What made you want to change badly enough?

Thanks to everyone for your honest responses.
It's amazing how everyone has a diiferent story to tell. Seems like everyone crosses their particular tolerance thresholds according to their own circumstances, and for many, the decision to stop seems to have been triggered an emotional response to a loved one or just wanting to regain control of their lives again.
But at some point most of us seem to have gone inside and asked
"What the hell am I doing to myself and those around me?"

I asked because I don’t really know where the strength of my resolve has come from.
It was like I suddenly understood with real clarity that I wasn’t going to wake up one morning with no further desire to drink. That is not how addiction to alcohol works as we know and yet sometimes we actually believe that one day when ......... (fill in the gap) everything will be rosy and we will just not have the need to drink. We'll be able to control it without any effort. Ha! I don't think so
I suddenly understood in a felt way that nothing was going to change unless I made it change.

Added to that I was heartily sick of hearing that internal voice saying:
“When are you going to work out what to do about this?”
Suddenly I knew the answer.

S.T.F.U. you stupid woman. (Sorry about that!)
I'm sick of your nagging voice.
I never want to hear it again.
I'm going to do whatever it takes to get sober now.
I'm going to get a plan so that I can do something better with my life.
I'm going to persist with this and NEVER question my decision to stop- ever.
And I'm going to take responsibility for, and create my own success over my alcohol abuse.

So now I'm on my way and it feels good and I'm so grateful that I took the opportunity to change.