What made you want to change badly enough?

[Leelou]

What made you want to change badly enough?

Suni,

Great post, i agree on setting a plan/goal for ourselves (historically-I HATE PLANNING, I was the anti-plan grinch) but I needed something to be accountable for. My goal planning since the realisation that I must change has helped immensely.
Today I received a spontaneous complement (I have hated complements all my life) and for the first time, I realised that my changes and goals were starting to show to the outside world. I felt really good inside.

[Doggygirl]

What made you want to change badly enough?

Suni and Leelou, I just love reading both of your posts! Your high energy and excitement rubs off on me too. You are both doing GREAT!!

LOL we could have a really long thread on the many delusional thoughts that are connected with AL!!

DG

[Starlight Impress Forever]

What made you want to change badly enough?

Hi Suni,
I didn`t want to change exactly, more I wanted to step back in time in as much as I could............I wanted HER back..........I wanted to be who and what I was before alcohol ever got its evil claws into me.The best thing is, I got HER back.........HER is who and what I am again now that I am sober. As for my drunken days/weeks/months/years.........merely time I spent with the corrupt version of myself...........the self that alcohol creates.

I think the saddest part of all is that we encounter so many people who try so very hard, strive to beat this scourge, only to fail,........we see this both with people here at MWO and people battling alcohol in our daily lives.

I too, used to be one of those very people........I tried so very hard, time and time again, yet..........I just didn`t `get it`. In hindsight, I now know why. When I was still at the stage of trying and repeatedly failing, I failed simply because I had not yet reached the stage where I actually wanted it enough. I think this is much of the problem for many alcoholics, as indeed it was for me.........we often `think` we want it enough, but that in itself falls way short of the attitude required for success. The truth is, we have to want sobriety ABOVE ALL ELSE and that is one tall order. Often there are things, circumstances, history, even people in our lives who obstruct our path to sobriety and it is down to us to clear our own path. Sobriety often comes at a price. Life, however, is priceless.

I used to say everyone has their `right time` as regards sobriety and I very much believe that still. It took a great deal of soul searching for me to reach my own time. There are many foundations that we each must lay. We must consider our lives and rejoice in all that is good in them, but we should also consider what and who in our lives isn`t quite right for us, for I truly believe that those are the people and things which will keep us shackled to alcohol.

We`re on the cusp of another new year. Let`s make it a good one.

Love to all,

Star x

[Trish]

What made you want to change badly enough?

I do hope that I have laid enough foundations, to begin building a frame. I feel as though time is running out. I do hope this is " my right time ". The biggest part of me doesn't want to die yet. I think what will my kids do without their Mom. How selfish it would be to drink. There have been times it felt like I was going to die if I didn't drink. I know this must be a lie. Sometimes it's hard to tell the truth from the lies.

Well said Starlight Impress Forever! This is a complicated disease in so many ways. What u wrote is full of understanding & compassion. No matter what circumstances a person has either been dealt in this life or created it. We must clear our own path. No one will rescue me, but me. I to failed because simply didn't want it enough. I think this is the secret. Maybe some of us have a high threshold to pain. Feels like the norm.

[Suni]

What made you want to change badly enough?

I know this must be a lie.

Hi Trish,
We can identify with that. It is the biggest lie on earth but as you say -when you're in the grips of it -impossible sometimes to tell. Though we are all agreeing here that you have to want it enough -and until you do you're kidding yourself -there is another school of thought that says even if you don't know yet whether you want it enough or not -the most important thing is just keep on taking ACTION as if you did know.
Simply put that means just don't take the next drink.
That's all any of us has to remember.
Otherwise, in time, things become clearer and clearer, albeit slower than some of us would like.

[Raven.joy]

What made you want to change badly enough?

I felt like I was destroying myself for no reason. Gorgeous wife and kids, nice home and ok job and I was drinking myself into oblivion and hurting my loved ones. Not anymore thankfully.

[dancelot]

What made you want to change badly enough?

After 36 years of drinking, it had definitely caught up with me. I felt old, depressed, could barely get out of bed in the morning, felt like I might "wake up dead" any day now, and if that didn't happen, I'd have who knows how many more years of misery, and that was no way to live.

Now I feel like I have been reborn, have learned to live again and value life, and see the idea of many more years as a gift and not a cumbersome burden. The reason is AL is no longer in my life. It is shocking even as I write this how much control it had over me, how insidious it is. Interesting how these little revelations keep popping up as my AF time increases. Things you "know", but suddenly know for real. Having an honest to God revelation, as opposed to just going through the motions (not that that's not useful - changing habits and attitudes has to start somewhere, and doing the right things consistently was a huge help to me).

Great thread, Suni! Thanks!

[shirazgirl]

What made you want to change badly enough?

For me it was about being completely disgusted with myself. Who had I become? I saw my looks fading, skin looked grey, my practice suffering, self confidence diminshing. It was all enough. I knew I could recover as I had only been drinking to much for about five years and didn't want to end up an old alcoholic. Like someone once said, have you ever seen an OLD raging alcoholic. Not many, most don't make it to their life expectancy. It was time to change and I am grateful that I have.