Friday September 22

[xtexan]

Friday September 22

Hi everybody:

This is it. Moment of direction. Friday evening is upon me. The so-called witching hour, and the urge to binge is still in my bones. The urge is deep down still. Nope. No way. NADA.

Got my running shorts, and shoes ON. By God, they are on, and I am gonna go until my lungs burst.

Pulse watch. CHECK.

Pedometer. CHECK

GPS. CHECK

Cell Phone. CHECK

MP3 Player. CHECK

.357 Magnum (for the wild dogs, and psychos if needed) CHECK

I'm out the door. Will catch you later!!

[Lou]

Friday September 22

Hi

Hello to all and huge appologies for going slightly AWOL!!!

My absence has been due to the fact that i always assosiated sitting in front of my computer with having a drink in my hand and although i had gotten over that i was a little scared as today is only day 6 for me after my "slip" last saturday and iv been feeling a little weak the past few days. So i have forced myself to sit downstairs and watch T.V with my nanna until the real cravings passed... but i have stuck it out and im feeling much stronger now...i hate that i have to start again but i know i have to in order to teach myself a lesson and it must be working as its Friday night and no cravings, I'm back to my happy place and am not gonna beat myself up anymore over my slip...it happened and i got over it. If anything id say its made me more determined cause i really can see how pointless it was!

Hope you are all well this evening

Loves as always

Lou-Lou x x x x

p.s...Bambs, You ok chick???

[xtexan]

Friday September 22

HI Everyone. I'm back.

I'm having another one of those rushes of extreme clarity now. The kind that manifests itself after a hard, hard workout.

I changed my mind at the last minute, and took the Schwinn instead. There was a bit of rain left on the pavement, but the skies were clear. The bicycle gives a greater sense of satisfaction in the end, but is a much harder workout. It's very hilly around my house out here in the forest boonies, and the hills will just wipe one out.

Right now, my heart is slowly coming back down. Its at 143 as I write this. This was an extreme workout for my old boozy bones.

Stats: Distance-4.757 miles
Average speed, 8.5 miles per hour.
Maximum speed, 27.2 miles per hour
Ride time: 33 min. 30 seconds

Heart monitor window: 31minutes 24seconds
Max heart rate: 186
Average heart rate: 172

This is the most rigorous workout I've had since I was in my 30's. Remember, I'm a 50 year old guy. I think I coughed up a couple of cartons of cigarettes I smoked back in 1983 or 1984. They were still down in there, but they are gone now. Haven't done the numbers yet, but probably 600+ calories burned off too.

Those numbers above would have killed me back in December. My max heart rate back then was maybe 171 or so.

When I first started the ride, it was just for me. But then, I thought, I will go the extra mile for the forum members.

The drive and desire for a drink, must....absolutely must be overidden with a more powerful force. The drive to become strong, healthy, and powerful must take over the very core of ones being. That drive is now flowing through me. It is a rush of life going through my limbs. Just for a little while, my hearing is better, my eyes are sharper, all my senses are energized. Remember that movie 'Chariots of Fire", when the guy said he could feel God's pleasure when he ran. It's something like that.

The thought of an alcohol drink right now is repulsive in the extreme for me. I want Gatorade!!

I must ramp down here a bit. Heart now down to 136. I will sleep so good tonight. I may check in once more later on.

Thanks everybody. You were on my mind to go the further distance

[Newyear]

Friday September 22

Xtexan---You have inspired me!! That was a great description and I want to feel like that too. I especially loved that you did a little extra for us here. That made me want to do that too.
I had been working out in the mornings before work but have just stopped.
I had gotten into it and even set up to work out with a trainer. I haven't been back since.
I was just thinking today how tired I am all the time. I know exercise can do so much to fix that.

Thank you- that was excellent! I will have to work out and get those endorphons for myself!!!!

YEA!! thanks again!!
Lisa

[Newyear]

Friday September 22

Kathy- couple other thoughts on the relationship thing.

I feel like the person you are meant to be with is the person you most want to see or talk to when something really good happens..or something really bad happens ....or you hear something funny on the radio...or no matter what it is that happens that is the person you most want to share it with.
They are also the person whose irritating habits aren't a deal breaker. Another person my have that same irritating habit and they are 'done'.....but this one well, he may have that same irritating habit but somehow it just doesn't matter.

I think dating sober is a daunting but exciting idea. I know exactly what xtexan was talking about - dating other heavy drinkers- easier but you won't actually get into a good relationship that way.
I think, strike that, I Know, that I have messed up several potential relationships by getting drunk on a first or second date - wish I could use a nicer word for it (overly tipsy sounds better but isn't quite right).
These were nice guys who probably met me sober, liked me, asked me out and then ended up driving home a drunk girl. I never meant to get drunk ...came out of anxiety I'm sure.
Dating sober could not be any worse than that. I say....Let's give it a try. At least we will remember the details the next day.
Lisa

[vinophile]

Friday September 22

Good Friday Evening All,
Missed yesterday and there was so much catch-up reading to do.
Lisa, when any of my friends declares that "he's the one" it inevitably ends up becoming .... he's the one TO RUN AWAY FROM. Perhaps I'm skeptical about the notion of there being just one person out there for each one of us.I think a lot of relationships develop because of timing. If I had met my husband one year earlier or one year later I never would have become involved with him. It doesn't sound very romantic but I'm a realist.
Alcohol and it's effect on our relationships is tough.Especially now when so many of us are tender and unstable around alcohol. When dating(oh so many years ago) alcohol was a necessary crutch to me as I was shy and insecure.
After fighting severe urges to drink on Wed night I woke up feeling great and really happy on Thurs.Then caved right in last night and had quite a bit of wine. I don't know why I just can't seem to get over the 10th day of abs. However, as Mike said in a post yesterday, I'm learning from my "slip" .I have not been perfect in September but I'm much better than I was. I'm learning to deal with my emotions and how they can turn into triggers.
I really wish I could address you all individually. You are all in my heart.
Janet

[YoungAtHeart]

Friday September 22

Maybe by getting drunk we made sure that we wouldn't have to deal with the anxiety of having a relationship??? Hmmmmm....

Good work Xtexan. You are beginning to inspire me to get high in another and better way. Thanks for your energy, my 50-year-old compatriot.

Janet, we were posting at the same time. So good to "see" you! I think that heart-thumping thing for me is the "one to run away from!" That's why I think that it is important to subject those butterflies to the test of time!

Love to all!
Kathy

[Lou]

Friday September 22

Lisa

I can really assosiate with what your saying...i can not yet entertain the thought of dating sober!! although i have had many offers...i have refused, as i do not know what to do in order to stay sober...i am absolutely petrified of going on a date without having a drink.. as i fear so much that i will be boring and uninteresting to my date...how do we become so reliant on alcohol that we are scared to meet new people without it?????

[Lou]

Friday September 22

Ah well,

Have really tried to get rid of it ..( denial...which my comp seems not to accept!!).to no avail..so guess i jus have to say im here and hi..not happy tho!!!!

Lou x x x

[Newyear]

Friday September 22

Hey Lou--
I used to get dressed for a date and by opening a bottle of wine and drinking a little before I showered and then drink a little while I figure out what to wear and then maybe a little more to finish up the make up.
By the time I leave, I've had about three glasses...maybe a tad more. It's hard to be funny and smart and charming after about four glasses.
We are always thinking we aren't quite good enough. But you know what? We really are. And I'm not just saying that....that is not an affirmation - that is just the truth.
We are terrific, wonderful people, and we deserve the best. (And I know you are a good and caring person just by the things you write.)
It is hard to remember that when we are waiting to meet someone or when we are nervous and can't think of a thing to say. Mind you....I haven't been on a date in awhile either still trying to work thru it all.
Hope you had a really good day today.
Lisa

[Newyear]

Friday September 22

Janet........gonna keep and eye on my friend's 'the one'

lisa

[gabby]

Friday September 22

Man X...your really doin good on the exercise'n. Good for you! And way to encourage Mike to get out there and do it too! Come on now Mike!

Ya know tho X....I dont see what it would hurt to have just a casual date with one of those ladies you mentioned. Why wait till you have your "sober self" sorted out if its only a casual date. If their not drinkers and your getting sober....whats the harm? Now maybe getting into a serious relationship may not be the best thing till you get sorted out. But who knows it couldn't develop into a nice friendship that with or without their knowledge may be part of your growth and recovery. Now remember....I am saying friendship. But if you have the feeling to....might be a reason for it and give it a look. Just a thought.

Lisa, I dont know why....I could just hear that in you about your friend. I guess Kathy is right. Time will tell. And I guess for you and me we'll just have to wait and see what that good ole time brings.
Sometimes I think it is hard to watch things fall into place for others that are close. And also hard to watch when they fall apart. Never know which way they are gonna go and how we are gonna feel about it.
(I guess I'm ramblin)
For me....I didn't think I was lonely till I stopped drinking. I don't know if I was just numbing the feeling or if drinking was fillin the void. Temporarily of course. But I didn't miss hugging and closeness until I have gained some abstinence. Interesting huh? So drinking defintally helped me isolate...but I wasn't lonely for it. weird

Kathy, I love your posts. You are the sweetest most caring lady. You can just feel the love and compassion coming from what you write. And ya know....I thought I noticed you flirting with Mike too. ssshhhhhh. Don't worry...I wont tell anyone. Mike just has such a great personality. Knows how to communicate well.

Geeze.....I wonder if anyone notices I flirt with Macks. Dont ya think he is cute too Kath? Oh well....I guess I better knock it off. He's got that cute little wife Lisa and all those cute little kids. Plus the tatoos in his arm. I guess I'll just have to get a real life. ah dang Kath....maybe I could help you with the Flags.

Phil, ya I agree and Lisa too. When I abstain, I am much more in tune to my emotions and feelings. Might even be more emotional. Not like a cry baby or that just more tuned in to where I am at right then. Which as far as being in a relationship sounds better than numbed out with beer.

And ya Phil, so ya slipped on the 6/pk.....just keep on goin....that's all. Just keep on goin.

Lou Lou, so good to see you. Looking forward to Monday. Glad you have stayed away from the computer if that is what it takes. We miss ya tho. And where is that Bambsie. Hope she is doing something fun with Lee. She sent a picture of the two of them on their wedding day. So cute! Both of them are. Fun to see the pictures.

Well....we are missin a lot of people right now. Cant go through the names. But hi to you all. nighty night.....gabby

[mikeupnorth]

Friday September 22

What was the Mary Tyler Moore tv show song? "You're gonna make it after all.....?" That's how I'm feeling right now. Shortly before leaving work I felt like I might want to have a drink this evening, so I logged onto the board. Read posts from Kathy, Lou, Lisa, Xtexan. I was reminded that I wasn't the only one fighting this fight..... and was particularly inspired that Xtexan went the extra mile for the rest of us during his workout. I thought, I can do this for them AND for me. So I took a walk (yeah, baby steps!) took a nap, ate dinner, and here I am, sober. I've made it through the worst part of the week -- Friday right after work -- and I'm pretty sure I won't have a drink tonight. :wd:

So anyway, it takes what it takes, huh? I was reading on one of the other threads about the craving being like a song that gets stuck in your head, and if you can distract yourself for a while the song will eventually go away. I thought about that this afternoon, too.

It's only 7:30 here in Alaska but much later in the rest of the nation (and already tomorrow in the UK and in Oz) so I guess today's thread is winding down.... hope you are all doing well.

And Kathy, you can flirt with me any time! I do love smart, pretty women with excellent taste in hats.

[gabby]

Friday September 22

oops, I missed you Janet
I think you have a point on the timing thing.
I hadnt thought of that.
I do look forward to dating without alcohol and dating in my older years. lol....that made me laugh. But seriously. I feel so much smarter now then before I got married a few centuries ago. And these 100 plus days of alcohol freeness....I dont feel like I need it to date or to gain courage to meet someone new. In fact I look forward to seeing that part of my world without it. Cool huh?
Anyway....goin to bed now.
See ya all tomorrow.
I'll come up with anther topic in my sleep. Gabby

[gabby]

Friday September 22

Very good job Mike. I would say you have made it through the hardest hours. So just keep going. Maybe try to eat something sweet. That always took my desire for beer away. I'm thinkin about ya! Gabbs