Weekly AA Thread - Week of Nov. 23 - 26

[retteacher]

Hi Everyone:

DG, you mentioned having yourself on the list of amends. I too must make amends to myself, because I still have so much regret about the drinking. Now that I have a list of character defects that I know I have, I can ask HP on a daily basis to remove them from me. No, they haven't been erraticated immediately. However, I'm so much more aware of them now & head them off when they come up.

Last night's BB (Big Book) story was about fear. It was so relevant to me. I drank to ease the fears only to have the drinking multiply them one hundredfold. Now, I do try to walk through the fears & come out the other side. I guess that's what "taking life on life's terms" really means.

DG, BTW, I quickly read the housewife story you talked about. It was so very "me." The hiding, the progressing into alcoholism, the substituting activity for AL, all of it was me. Now I know why there are Big Book meetings. There's a commonality in all the stories, regardless of how "out there" they seem.

Take care one & all. My husband's surgical procedure is tomorrow. We're starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel.

Mary

[drylifeahead]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of Nov. 23 - 26

Good morning AAers.

Warning-this is not to upset anyone...just looking for views.

Well, Saturday night I went to my first AA closed meeting. The place was PACKED. I had
always understood it was smaller and more intimate. Wrong. There had to be 50 people there!!
In a way I was relieved thinking since there are soo many people there is no way they'll
call on me to speak. Wrong. I can't even remember what I said really..I think it was 3
sentences, and I was so shocked I forgot to introduce myself as in 'My name is .. and
I'm an alcoholic.'
Bruther!
Anyway, I did get more out of the closed meeting. Will probably go to another tonight. In
8? more days I receive a chip for being sober for 60 days.

However this is what I'm dealing with since Sat night, and maybe you can help me with this.

I am having a bit of a struggle with the God part of it. It's so heavy on the religion
side. I believe in a higher being, but not they way they have it all laid out.

Also, they talk about alcoholism being a disease. I don't believe it is, MHO. I think if you
GET a disease from it, then that's what you're dealing with as a result of being an alcoholic.
For me-I 'think' if I agreed that it was a disease, then I 'may' think 'see, I can't
help it, I have a disease.'

Just a sort of messed up day in my head today. Probably should get more sleep.
DLA.
P.S.-Good luck Mary!!!

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of Nov. 23 - 26

DLA: I've heard many, many people speak about the whole God aspect of the program. One guy said that his sponsor told him to read the chapter to the agnostic from the Big Book over & over until he understood what he could accept. Maybe that would work for you. Also, start to see if there is anyone whom you feel you could talk to about the spirituality of the program.

As far as alcoholism being a disease: How important is a label? If you don't think it is, then that is your stance. I know I don't drink like a normal person & never can. Therefore, I can live w/a diagnosis.

Mary

[Doggygirl]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of Nov. 23 - 26

Hello all and Mary, thanks for kicking things off for the week! Which story was it that you read in the BB study you mentioned? Fear is an important topic for me as well and I have not yet read every story - this might be a good one for me! I hope your husband's surgery goes smoothly.

DLA, the points / questions you raise are excellent. The God issue in particular was a HUGE one for me. It helped me a lot to 1) read what the Big Book has to say about it (as Mary suggested) and 2) really listen to what other people had to say about the subject of "Higher Power." What I found was that the Big Book is very expansive and intentially broad about what "Higher Power" means. While the founders definitely had a Christian spiritual influence - no doubt about it - I believe the founders intended the program to be very broadly inclusive. The point is not what (if any) religion you subscribe to, but having a belief that there is some power - ANY power out there - that is greater than yourself.

Recognizing that the world doesn't revolve around me, and that I can't "run the show" all the time, and that I need to stop pouting (and drinking) every time I don't get my way, is one of the main points of all that higher power business. At least to me that's how I see it. I HAVE been willing to accept that much. Take comfort too in knowing that most people feel this way in the beginning. I've come to accept the various religious / spiritual beliefs of others that differ from my own, and that's OK. I have enjoyed seeking out people such as a Native American Indian man whose spiritual beliefs are in that tradition.

I actually like what my step coach had to say about it - frankly it's one of the reasons I wanted to study the Steps with him. He says "when I first came to AA alcohol was my g. o. d. You people told me I better change my g. o. d. or I was going to die. So I changed my g. o. d. to the good old drunks around the table who showed me how to get sober one day at a time. And eventually to like it." THAT made sense to me somehow.

I really don't have an educated opinion one way or the other on the "disease" issue. I have often suspected that the "disease" labeling had as much to do with insurance and accessibility to treatment as anything biological, but even that is not an "educated" opinion. LOL - that is why I often mention the disease/affliction/obsession/whatever-you-like-to-call-it that we all share. I need relief from the actual problem itself, not from whatever the label of it is.

Your questions are good ones and like Mary, I suggest not being shy about expressing your questions and concerns to folks at meetings.

2 cents and a bag of chips I suppose! And WOW - that was a big meeting for a closed one!

I went to the frightfully early 5AM meeting where I see Sister today. That, after missing it for a couple of weeks while I was down with that cold. It was great to see her and also the group that I am slowly getting to know with my once a week visits! One guy got his 2 month coin today and talked so poignently (sp) about how his life is turning around. His kids are so proud of him and he just found out over the weekend that he is going to be a Grandpa for the first time in the spring. He is so excited about being a sober Grandpa. I am starting to understand what Step Coach means when he says "I love watching recovery!" I may not be on the pink cloud any more, but I get to experience it through the sharing of others who are on it!

The topic was a good one for me taken from one of the readings. The lead focused on the part about being transformed from a selfish jerk to a more caring and giving person who thinks, at least sometimes, about other people first! I can always use a reminder about that. But it was good to take a moment and really reflect about how far I've come in this area. I still have a long way to go, but I'm a whole lot better of a human being than I used to be.

Well, hope you packed a lunch!!!!

Strength and hope to all who post regularly, post occassionally, go to AA, don't go to AA, have questions about AA (please post them if you do!) or just lurk.

DG

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of Nov. 23 - 26

DG: The story is "The Man Who Mastered Fear" p. 275. I hope you enjoy it. There's a reason why our sponsor asks us (as does the BB) to make a list of our fears when doing the 4th step.

Take care one & all.

Mary

[okydoky]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of Nov. 23 - 26

Hi everyone, just checking in to say I am thankful for you!
I had 10 months on Friday...the time is just flying.
Drylife, I understand where you are coming from about the disease model. The chapter in the book called the Dr's Opinion mentions we have an allergy. I can relate to that...just as someone who is allergic to peanuts wouldn't go near them...my allergy is just as deadly!
I remember someone once saying God to them stood for Good Orderly Direction. AA does not promote religion. It's more a spiritual program.
Have a wonderful Thanksgiving everyone!

[Doggygirl]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of Nov. 23 - 26

Mary, thank you for the story name and page so I can find it!

Okey, wonderful to *see* you and :yougo:CONGRATULATIONS:yougo: on 10 months sober!!! You are doing great.

Someday I will learn to be BRIEF like you guys are.

I'm going on a date with Mr. Doggy to the movies. We rarely go to the theatre but there is a sci-fi something or other he wants to see on the big screen. I will be having popcorn. LOTS and LOTS of it!!

DG

[drylifeahead]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of Nov. 23 - 26

retteacher you're right. Didn't know there was an agnostic chapter, was hoping, but wasn't sure how to ask? I know
that sounds silly, but I'm trying to not offend my sponsor, don't really know her yet, and do not know any that attend as it
was just my 4th? meeting. No doubt over time I'll meet some people I can connect to.

I know I can't drink like a normal person either, wondered why for sooo long-what was their secret? Just came to figure out this is my lot in life
so better find a way to deal with it...did no better at that. I ask on this site because I can not talk about it with the one person I figured I could.
She will not hear at all of my opinion, gets very upset.

doggygirl, because the group I am with talks so much about God, and the one group I had attended before did the same I felt safe coming
here to ask the question. Religion can be sooo touchy. Your step coach sounds quite insightful. I haven't read the BB, or even laid my hands on it or seen it.
Sounds reasonable that getting and reading it should be my next step.

And wow DG, that makes complete sense regarding the 'label'. I did get some help through my insurance last year, and without that diagnoses, it
wouldn't have been covered. And really, personally I do NOT care what it is called, all I know is that it affects too many people in awful ways,
and destroys too many lives each and everyday. Mine being one of them, not to mention my family..

Yes, at least 50 people. I was expecting 7ish? There are usually 20-25 people at the open meetings, so I was quite surprised.

That is sooo great okydoky...10 months!!!!!!! Fabulous, I can't say enough times how much I LOVE reading success stories. It gives
me HOPE and I hang on to it tightly. Thank you so much for sharing that.
Funny you mention allergy. Never heard of that, but if I eat fresh bread, real fresh bread from the bakery, I get the hiccups. Never
fails. Beer affects me in such a negative way, I sometimes wondered if I have a yeast allergy. Seriously. It's ok, another good
reason to not drink..works for me.

DLA :h:l:h

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of Nov. 23 - 26

Okey: First, congratulations on 10 months of sobriety! I hope you have something special in Jan. for your 1 year anniv.

DLA: When I joined AA, I was at a very low ebb. Luckily, I got a sponsor who asked: "Will you go to any lengths to get well?" I said "yes" & meant it. I don't feel I have to accept every single thing I hear at meetings. I just try to take sensible suggestions & go to meetings. I try not to have a set of expectations for meetings, because regardless of how different some of the stories are, I can still identify w/something. I can still find a nugget of wisdom therein.

Whether it is a disease or an allergy or a lack of willpower, drinking was ruining my life. I was hiding my drinking more & more as it increased. I was missing out on a beautiful life. Now that I've joined AA (& have MWO in my life), I no longer drink nor do I have a desire to drink. That's evidence enough for me that I'm doing something right for myself.

Yes, I pray to God or HP.
-Do I always feel a connection? No I don't, but I do it anyway.
-Do I always feel that God or anything is listening & is willing to help? No I don't, but I do it anyway.

I am sober right now & intend to stay that way until the day is over. I know from the past 8 months of sobriety that my life works much, much better when I'm sober. I feel 100% better about myself, because:
-I'm no longer lying to everyone on a daily basis.
-I'm no longer afraid of what's happening to me physically, emotionally, & spiritually.

Take care one & all.

Mary

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of Nov. 23 - 26

Everyone: My husb's final removal of the rest of the kidney stone was today. The doc just called & said all went well. I was a nervous wreck the last couple of hours waiting, but I did not drink. This would DEFINITELY have been cause to drink. I would have been careful not to drink too much so that I could pick him up & get his prescriptions. Instead, I'm fully present not buzzy or hungover. I can do whatever is necessary to take care of him as he recovers. I'm grateful that I'm completely sober right now. Mary

[Doggygirl]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of Nov. 23 - 26

Mary, I'm really glad that the surgery went well! Isn't it wonderful and refreshing to be able to handle these things without AL? I'm constantly amazed to find that I am far LESS stressed out staying sober than when I used to drink to "relieve stress." (insanity just isn't a strong enough word to describe it sometimes!) I hope his recovery goes smoothly.

And Mary, you have such a great way of summarizing your thoughts in a meaningful way. That was a great post about HP and the prayers and not necessarily always having faith in it, but doing it regardless. Sometimes my faith is more in the program itself and the people who are leading a contented sober life. I'm willing to do what they do in the hope I will get what they've got.

Dry, here is a link to the Big Book on line. My favorite chapters initially were 1 (Bill W's story), 2 & 3 (describing alcoholism and the insanity of it). At minimum, those chapters convinced me that I had at least a few things in common with the founders of AA, and that they understood my brand of addiction. There is a story within that segment that is often talked about. A guy who has a bit of sobriety goes into a restaurant, and somehow develops the idea that if he only puts the whiskey in a glass of milk, then it will be OK. I'm sure you can imagine where the story goes. But that is the sort of nutty thinking that I can really really identify with! Big Book Online Fourth Edition

I got my 18 month coin today. That felt good. We talked a lot today about humility and gratitude. And how much those two really go hand in hand. For me, yesterday was such a classic example of how my life has changed - both in a stressful situation and a fun one. One of our dogs (momma's BEAGLE!!) got out of our yard through a hole in the fence. Needless to say it was a harrowing afternoon but we got him back - so happy ending this time. The Big Thing is that Mr. D and I handled it calmly. In the old days, I would have been 1) resentful as the dog gone missing would have interfered with my drinking. (yes, I was that bad) 2) guilty feeling sure it was my fault, so desparately looking for ways to blame Mr. D making it HIS fault. (what a sick cycle of twisted thinking that used to be) None of the above doing anything for finding our dog. And I would have drank through it anyway just making everything worse and getting increasingly unable to do anything productive to help.

Last night Mr. D. and I went to see a movie he had been wanting to see that was definitely not my type of movie. In the old days I would have 1) probably been passed out, so not even an issue OR opportunity 2) resentful that I would have to go someplace and not drink - and hide that behind resentment over the fact it wasn't "my kind of movie" As it was, the movie was bad even by Mr. D's standards (2012 if you are looking to save your money!) and we ended up laughing like teenagers over how bad it was! At the end of it all we had a really good belly laughing time!

Life is good. And it can all go to hell in a handbasket FAST if I drink again. So I won't be doing that - at least not today.

DG

[momof3]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of Nov. 23 - 26

DG
Congratulations on your 18 months of AF Bliss
:goodjob:

[Doggygirl]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of Nov. 23 - 26

Thank you M3!

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of Nov. 23 - 26

DG: You deserve all the blessings that you have.

You always praise me (which I love & appreciate) for summarizing my thoughts so well. That's what a lifetime in the classroom will do for you.

Mary

[cpn1004]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of Nov. 23 - 26

DG, way to go, 18 months is awesome!
Hope everyone has a great holiday. It will be first one sober.
Love and Peace,
Phil