Weekly AA Thread - Week of Nov. 23 - 26

[Winefree]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of Nov. 23 - 26

Geez, I wrote here last night, but don't see it here.

Mary, glad your hubby is doing well.

DLA, keep trying different meetings, you will find some you like over others. Take what you want and leave the rest. That is an AA saying, and that's what you do at meetings and with the BB. I always get something out of a meeting, that's why I keep going.

Doggygirl, Congratulations that is an awesome achievement! You inspire me to go on and on.

Off to Las Vegas to visit with my stepson for the holiday. Will try to get to some meetings there and give a report. I have checked and the names of the meetings are different than my area. Will be interesting to see if the format is the same.

Happy Thanksgiving to all.

Winefree

[Doggygirl]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of Nov. 23 - 26

Hi all! Happy Thankssgiving. It will be wonderful to spend this day in gratitude for being sober, among many other things. My sponsor gave me an assignment yesterday. Over today and Friday I am to add 30 things to my gratitude list. At first the old "lazy me" thought "I don't have time to do that - it's a holiday." I quickly came back to reality and thought about how much time I spent on drinking (and ruining) previous holidays and I realized this will be a very easy and pleasant assignment by comparison. LOL I'm beginning to like having sponsees as I have someone else to pass these things along to as well.

We are going this morning to hear Step Coach speak at his old club - the one where I spoke on Halloween. I am really excited to hear him. He is such a positive person full of love and generosity for helping others. It will be a great way to spend part of Thanksgiving day. Then we will head to my Aunt's house for the family thing.

Strength and hope to anyone and everyone who is struggling or suffering today.

DG

[caysea]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of Nov. 23 - 26

Hi All
This tread is a daily read for me. I am not participating in AA at this time but just wanted to share what your influence has done for me.
I have a cousin who has been fighting al all his life. He had a very hard childhood. He is in his forty's now and went through a divorce that has crushed him. He has been involved in AA for years but as many has had bad relapses. Through it all his union has been able to keep his job for him while he has gone away to rehab.We are not often in contact now that I have moved to Fl. but with al out of my life I felt a need to connect. I emailed him and told him if he needed to get away this winter for a break he was welcome to speed a week with us. He replied that that would be great and that he is going to AA daily.
The point of this post is that I don't think I would have considered being involved in AA based on my past limited experiences with it . Gaining the insight from all here that are participating in AA I have looked up the schedule and locations of the AA meetings in my area. I will let him know that I will be able to go with him to daily meetings. I am actually looking forward to this to being with others who have the same view of al. We at times post here and wonder does it help someone. Well not only has it helped me in regards to my view on AA but it will be helping my cousin in his recovery. I don't know if he will make it down but I feel I am prepared to help him in his fight.

Thank You All

Stay Healthy and Keep Fighting
AF 5-16-08

[Doggygirl]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of Nov. 23 - 26

Caysea, how wonderful that you have reached out to your cousin, and that you are staying open minded in an effort to give him your very best support. I'm sure that will mean a lot to him. There is always hope, and I hope for your cousin that he makes it this time....

DG

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of Nov. 23 - 26

Caysea: Thank you for your wonderful post. If we have done anything here, it's all 12th step work & benefits us greatly.

Everyone: Happy Thanksgiving! I'm having a crowd of extended family here & am really looking forward to it. It won't be perfect, but it will be wonderful! No drinking! Absolutely none!

Love, Mary

PS: You all can't possibly know how much this site & this thread means to me. It sustains me!

[drylifeahead]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of Nov. 23 - 26

So I went to another meeting Tuesday night. It was a beginner closed meeting of about 35 people. Many of the same faces
and the man who was leading it gave me a page to read aloud from the Daily Revelations? book I think it is called. (wish they'd
stop calling on me :H) It dealt a lot with what I had been struggling with.

Speaking of sponsor, I have another question. When I picked up the phone to call AA the man said he'd get someone to call
me back that he thought would be a good match for me. One of the last meetings I was at another man asked me if I had a sponsor.
I said yes, I believe so and told him her name. He asked me if I had asked her to be my sponsor, and I told him no. I actually
thought it was automatic that she would be, and he said I had to formally ask her. Is that true?

Another thought/concern: OK, so I've gone to 5 or 6 meetings now, and NO one cries. Not one person has broken down while telling
their story. When he called on me to speak last week, I said like maybe 3 sentences and had to stop because I got all choked up.
There are so many people there, and yet no one cries. I wish I could toughen up!!

Mary, I also feel like I'll go to any lengths to stay sober. One thing I am missing is praying. I haven't done that in a long time..a few yrs
other than the 'Oh God please help me' desperate times, and there were so many of those. Years ago when I used to pray it seemed like
within a day or two suddenly help would arrive in one form or the other depending on what I needed. An unexpected cheque in the mail,
a promotion at work, a call on the phone...reading sometimes what I wrote after it seems the answer is right in front of my eyes..

DG thank you for the link. Last time I was there at a meeting I had asked for the book..$10.00..but they happened to not have any on hand that night.
I did check out the link the other day online, and will continue until I have that hot little BB in my hands. Oh, and I spoke to my sponsor? about the
agnostic part. She said it's when you think you are the God. Ok...well, then that is NOT the chapter I am looking for cuz there is no way in
God's green earth I think I am my own God. If I was, I think my life would be running so much smoother :H:H.

DLA, keep trying different meetings, you will find some you like over others. Take what you want and leave the rest. That is an AA saying, and
that's what you do at meetings and with the BB. I always get something out of a meeting, that's why I keep going.
You're right Winefree. I'm planning on continuing going, since I've tried being AF so many times over the last yrs. There just came a time a couple
months ago when I had to face the reality I simply can not beat this on my own. If I could have, I would have, trust me.

caysea, it's great you are supporting your cousin like that. My money is going with you'll pick something up from it if he comes to visit you. Along with all
the drama of rehashing the hell we were living through..there are some good hearty laughs in every meeting because you can sooo relate to so
much being said..and the messed up way the AL brain rationalizes things..

I'm sitting here in Canada, our Thanksgiving is long gone, but I'd like to wish all of you a safe, happy, AF Thanksgiving. Gobble gobble...

DLA :h

[Doggygirl]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of Nov. 23 - 26

Hi everyone! Hope you all had a happy and sober Thanksgiving. WF - can't wait to hear about a Vegas meeting if you managed to catch one! Our road warriers you and Phil. Phil, how was your first sober one?

The room was packed yesterday morning for Step Coach. He focused his talk mainly about his experience after coming to AA, and all the people who have helped him. I didn't realize that his first AA sponsor was an early member of the first Chicago area AA group, and was a sponsee of Dr. Bob. So there was a time when Step Coach was very close to the roots of AA. He has had several sponsors over the years and has sponsored over 150 people himself. He has truly given much to the program of AA and to so many people. DLA - you ask whether people ever cry in meetings. There were many, many damp eyes in the house yesterday including mine.

There were also some tears this morning. It was a very poignant meeting that would make too long of a post even for me with all the details. All meetings aren't like that. Most meetings aren't like that. But every once in awhile, something magical happens in a meeting that just leaves me feeling really connected to these people and so grateful I am part of it and healing right along with them. DLA, if you decide to keep going you will see all kinds of things ranging from the wild and crazy to the highly sentimental.

On sponsors - yes it is my understanding that the sponsee chooses the sponsor and is the one who asks for that relationship. That's how I have done it anyway. I had a few bumps in the road getting settled with a sponsor who is good for me. Based on that, I suggest taking your time. It is also common, at least among the people I have gotten to know here, that it is agreed initially that the relationship be considered "temporary." While the sponsor relationship is NEVER carved in stone forever, asking for a temporary sponsor arrangement up front is a good way, IMO, to make it clear that it's on a trial basis for both parties to see if it works out.

Here is an on-line dictionary definitely of "agnostic:"

ag?nos?tic (g-nstk)
n.
1.
a. One who believes that it is impossible to know whether there is a God.
b. One who is skeptical about the existence of God but does not profess true atheism.
2. One who is doubtful or noncommittal about something.

This definition is in keeping with my own understanding of how "agnostic" is used in the Big Book and also reflects how I felt about "God as I had been taught in the Methodist Church as a child." More confusion really, and uncertainty. The Chapter to the Agnostic in the Big Book suggests that many many people coming into AA felt that way. For me, that Chapter (after multiple readings!) showed me that I could make spiritual progress with only a willingness to believe. Not an absolute belief. I'm sure this is somewhat different for different folks - this is just my own experience / view of it.

All I know is that I started saying the serenity prayer a LOT. The more stress, the more saying it. And somehow it seemed to help. I can't explain it - it just started working. As I have grown in the prayer side of this thing, my peace of mind has kept growing. So rather than question and wonder, I'm starting to just accept and keep saying the prayers!

Well, I think I have reached "pack a lunch" length!! I have to finish my assignment of adding 30 new things to my gratitude list today. It won't be difficult to do once I get the pen and paper out.

Strength and hope to all!

DG

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of Nov. 23 - 26

Hi everyone: I don't have time to read & stay right now but wanted to check in. I'm going to a meeting tonight. Yesterday was my first sober Thanksgiving. It worked out great...we even played a card game at the end of the night. I'm exhausted though. Next year will be a simpler affair. Mary

[Doggygirl]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of Nov. 23 - 26

Hi Mary! Sounds like you had a wonderful if tiring first sober Thanksgiving. Good for you!

I forgot to mention that my sponsee #1 picked up her 2 month coin today. I am really proud of her. She had a relapse 2 months ago after just over a month clean. It's gets a little tricky for her as she must stay off alcohol, and she has, but her bigger challenge is prescription drugs. And she has back issues with surgery coming up next week. So there ARE some situations where pain medication is appropriate for her. She has to be especially rigorously honest with herself about proper / improper use of any medications. So this 2-month clean and sober coin for her meant a lot! As step coach always says and I'm learning to appreciate, "I love watching recovery!"

DG

[corkish]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of Nov. 23 - 26

Thanksgiving sober. Still strong here. I am spending many hours in AA and with AA people. They have helped me no end. But when I am with spare time I do come here and I remember you people and one person on that long term bit whose post inspired me so much. Still strong.. still sober. With gratitude.
C

[Doggygirl]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of Nov. 23 - 26

Corkish, I'm SO VERY HAPPY to hear that you are doing whatever it takes and staying sober one day at a time. MWO + AA is a very strong combination for me as well.

DLA, I wanted to address another of your questions from a couple of days ago about "when you think you are God" or however that was phrased. I never, EVER specifically said to myself "I think I am God.." I have also never heard anyone else ever say that they actually thought in specific terms "I was God." Upon reading and reflecting what the Big Book says about that, it says we sometimes ACT as if we are PLAYING GOD - trying to run the show. Now this? I did a lot of this. I would get things all arranged in my mind of how a particular event / day / conversation / meeting / gathering was "supposed to go." I had it all figured out what everyone was suposed to do and how they were supposed to act. Then when things didn't go the way I thought they should, or when people didn't do what *I* thought they should do, I would get mad. I could give a million examples of this, especially when it came to family situations and especially husband situations. Then when things didn't go as I planned, and I got mad, that was often an excuse to drink.

This is just IMO and I'm new at this, but this type of thing is what I think of when I read the Big Book sections where it talks about us "playing God."

For me, the Serenity Prayer is my "counter point" in situations where I catch myself doing this - projecting expectations onto others that I have no business projecting. Bit by bit, I am learning to mind my own business spending less time telling others what they ought to do, or even just *thinking* what everyone ought to do as though I'm such an expert or as though it's my right to run other people's lives. Life is much more peaceful when I come close to succeeding at worrying about my OWN business and letting other people worry about theirs.

FWIW!

I will be off shortly to the Saturday Big Book meeting. We will be reading another story today. While I like studying the first 164 pages, I'm also starting to enjoy the stories as I realize more and more that despite many years going by, AL is still the same old problem.

DG

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of Nov. 23 - 26

I love the BB meetings. I always get something out of the reading & discussion. Last night's discussion was about whether to have AL in the home or even be around it. We choose not to have it in our home, but when normal drinkers come over, we do serve it, then have them take it w/them when they leave. That's what works for me. Bill W. said we are part of the "real" world of people who drink normally, so it's OK to be around it as long as it's comfortable for the alcoholic. He even said that it's OK to have it in one's home if the AL feels OK about it (which is not the case w/me). There was an interesting variety of opinions about it. The rock musicians in the group MUST go into bars to play, but one said that the minute he feels a craving arise, he'll find another vocation. Some folks still go into bars occasionally to shoot pool or listen to music. However, I read once on the daily reflection site the saying: "If you hang around a barber shop long enough, you're bound to get a haircut." I didn't mention that last night. I wasn't a bar drinker...in fact, I can't remember the last time I went into one. I drank at home, thus NO BOOZE IN THE HOUSE! And that's my final answer. And my husb, the dear, dear man, couldn't care less about the odd glass of wine before a meal. He never even thinks about it.

We did have wine w/Thanks dinner. Lovely ones, since our nephew is a wine merchant. It didn't tempt me in the least. Unfortunately, my BIL (an alcoholic) was drinking (a little). I'm sure that since he kept it at minumum, he was thinking: "Oh, now I can drink normally." I've seen that pattern before in him & me of course.

The BB reading last night was about helping people who are READY. Readiness is the key here. My BIL is not ready...no doubt about it. I've talked to him about drinking & recovery, he has a sister who has been sober in AA for some time, so now I think we just have to let nature take its course.

I have a lovely discussion group tonight.

Mary

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of Nov. 23 - 26

DG: FWIW? What is that? Mary

[drylifeahead]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of Nov. 23 - 26

Upon reading and reflecting what the Big Book says about that, it says we sometimes ACT as if we are PLAYING GOD - trying to run the show.
Now this? I did a lot of this. I would get things all arranged in my mind of how a particular event / day / conversation / meeting / gathering was "supposed to go."
I had it all figured out what everyone was suposed to do and how they were supposed to act. Then when things didn't go the way I thought they should, or when people
didn't do what *I* thought they should do, I would get mad. I could give a million examples of this,
especially when it came to family situations and especially husband situations. Then when things didn't go as I planned, and I got mad, that was often an excuse to drink.

Yeah, that sounds suspiciously like someone I know quite well-me. I try and have a laid back attitude, and am often very successful, if things go my way...

Things are much calmer now. Drinking and stubbornness don't mix well. Drinking only made plans gone wrong worse. Now when things don't go as I expected to,
I may still have the initial reaction of being perturbed, but I try and take a minute, and realize the world does not revolve around me. Usually there is a good reason
to change a plan laid out..heck, I do it all the time too.

Thanks for clearing up the Agnostic meaning for me.

Enjoy your meeting today!!!!

DLA :h

[Doggygirl]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of Nov. 23 - 26

retteacher;766140 wrote: DG: FWIW? What is that? Mary

Sorry - For Whatever It's Worth

DLA - I hope you will keep asking questions whenever you have them! Makes for very good discussion here I think.

Mary, that sounds like a great topic for a meeting (or a discussion forum!), especially at this time of year. Your husband sounds so much like mine when it comes to AL and to us - we are lucky! Mine is a true "normie" as well and is willing to go with whatever *I* feel I need to do as far as alcohol around the house or going to venues where there will be alcohol.

For our house, there is sometimes beer here. Beer was never my thing. Not that I never drank it, but it just was a really bad last resort. So if there is beer here or not - I just don't even notice or think about it one way or the other. But wine or Vodka??? NO WAY!!! No overnight stays for wine or vodka around here, ever!

I have gotten into cooking since getting sober, so we generally prefer to make something good at home rather than go out. The only reason I have been in a bar - and that's not very often since getting sober - has been if there is a business social event going on in a bar where it's beneficial for us to network and promote our business. I am again grateful that Mr. D is so supportive. There was a time where I didn't want to go to any of these events, and he gladly "covered" them. These days I go, but usually we drive separately. That way if I feel the need to make an early exit, I'm not *stuck.*

There is little or no drinking at family events so I'm fortunate there as well.

In the BB study this morning, we read a really good story. It's on page 301 of the Big Book. It's the story of a man who was a doctor and surgeon. He was very successful and "high bottom" - he didn't lose everything. LOL - his wife was even nice to him all the way to the end of his drinking. But he was an alkie just like the rest of us in that one drink just made him want more.

This story was especially meaningful to me in terms of the topic of "higher power." In his story, this surgeon talks about the dawning realization that he could work on body parts and stitch people up, but he was NOT breathing "life" into people. A power greater than him was doing that. I made a note in the margin the first time I read this story which was last summer some time. I wrote "like in my garden." I can plant the seeds and water and weed and all that, but I can't put *life* into the plants. Takes a power greater than me to do that.

Well, this is long enough! Strength and hope to all for another day of contented sobriety.

DG