just restarting

[Raven.joy]

I had done a few weeks af mainly inspired by this site. Fell off the wagon and soon sank back to square 1, Lying, feeling sick all time shouting at wife the shame etc. Just restarting and hoping to learn from my slip how not to slip again. Is anyone else at the beginning and really mean it this time.

[jaxx]

just restarting

i am constantly beginning again. you are not alone. i have come to believe it is a process. no one wakes up the next day after years of drinking to quit the bottle right away. as much as you want to succeed; you fail. dont feel bad though. at least you are trying.

its like riding a bicycle.... its learned.. with practice and alot of patience.

ps. im still trying. little by little im learning.

[retteacher]

just restarting

Raven & Jaxx: I've been at this site since Apr. 07. I've had relapses galore, but I never gave up. Keep coming here to MWO, especially the abs forum (if you really want to stop drinking). I'm now in my 8th month of sobriety. In Feb. 09, something awful happened that made me take a long, hard look at myself. I decided that I needed to join AA & really commit to sobriety one day at a time. So far, AA & MWO has worked. I haven't had a relapse since Mar. 09. I'm determined never to go back to lying, hiding, obsessing, & all the other negative stuff that goes along w/drinking for me.

Again, it would be great for you to come to this forum, read, & share. The daily thread & the weekly AA thread are particularly good ones. Also, there is a newcomer daily thread on the newbie forum, but I haven't been to that one for a while. Good luck.

Mary

[dancelot]

just restarting

Use it as a lesson. It amazes me still how we lie to ourselves, over and over and over. Practice is only valuable when it's perfect (and that means all the time, in our case). Half assed practice equals half assed results. I cannot "practice" being sober so I can fuck up at a future date, like when the addiction somehow magically disappears. As if.
When this happens more than a few times, what does that mean? It won't work. You are an alcoholic, admit it, do something about it now, or be sick and dead sooner rather than later.

I am not constantly beginning again because I finally saw the light. I can NEVER slip, because I know I will most likely not come back - I know it was 8 years drinking the last time I fell off the wagon. At this point, I doubt I would have 8 years left if it happens again. And actually, it didn't "happen" - I chose to have "just one" instead of finding another way to ease stress. Hopefully now I have more and better tools to combat it, but the biggest one is don't have any!

Look at your own history honestly, always. NEVER lie to yourself. Ever.

I do wish you both the best - and you both CAN do it!

[jaxx]

just restarting

at this time, to tell you the truth; i need all the guidance i can get. thank you for listening and taking the time to respond. i must say though... no one talks about how bad it is for them. its all words of encouragement. what about the ugly face of it all. lets talk about that. about what happend to you; why your date picked you.

as ive said before; im a drinker of 15 years (beer). my nose is red. i have spider veins on my cheeks and nose. sometimes my stomach hurts. i know it is my pancreas.

how long does it take for the face to lose its reddness? i know the spider veins will never go away. im thinking 2 to 3 months of sobriety?

i want to hear the bad stories of drinking. THE REAL STORIES. tell me what it has done to you.

[Doggygirl]

just restarting

Raven.joy, welcome back! I remember your screen name.

When I first came to MWO in July of '07, I managed 60 days AF using the supps, the hypno CD's, and the diet / exercise recommendations. I did all of that "by the book" with the exception of Topa - I ordered some off shore but never took it - the side effects people talked about scared me off a bit.

After 60 days, I decided to try "moderation." HA and BLAH. That's all I can say about THAT experiment. Like you said raven, I was back to the daily drunken lying self hating me in under a week. And then it took me 8 months to muster it up to get AF again, despite WANTING to in the worst way. I really was sick of the active alkie routine. Well, actually I was sick of that for years but didn't know what to do.

At any rate, I just celebrated 1.5 years sober on Sunday. Trust me - if I can, you can. So welcome back. If you are ready to get serious about it, there are plenty of people here who can help you along.

jaxx, just wanted to say "welcome back" to you too. How 'bout we start another thread for the bad and the ugly? Like Mary, I have added AA to my arsenal and one of the things I actually get relief from is the ability to be totally honest about "how it was" among people who will not judge me and completely understand because they've been their too. It's cleansing. So I hope you will come and share! I'm off the start a thread now.

DG

[dancelot]

just restarting

If you look around this forum, there are plenty of horror stories. I find them very useful if I even think I could ever drink again, because that will be me. Oh wait, it already was me. Sometimes it's helpful to write out your own stories, and reread them later. There's the "What I hate, loathe, etc about alcohol" thread (in this same section). Read the "tell us your story" section. There's some I can barely look at. Unless I need a kick in the butt.

Most of the really bad behavior I indulged in was when I was a lot younger - fighting with strangers, or worse, friends or family, and ultimately permanently ruining friendships and relationships, because I of what I said or did under the influence of AL. My ex referred to me as Jekyll and Hyde (and I was - and guess what, I'm not that way anymore, which is a direct result of not being either drunk or hungover, which I was always one or the other). I personally would never condone that type of behavior in someone else.

In more recent times, I always drank alone and secretly. I didn't get into fights anymore as I only drank excessively when I was alone. I also didn't answer the door or the phone while drinking. I had a huge stash of empty bottles under my bed and tucked behind books, under piles of laundry which I had to go through and wrap and sneak out on trash day so no one knew. That's pretty disgusting, or maybe just pathetic.

What got me to stop was after a night of extra heavy drinking (from which there was no longer a buzz), I felt even shittier than usual, and started researching alcoholism, and found MWO. I had been feeling worse and worse physically. I woke up feeling like I was about 30 years older, I could not look in the mirror in the morning, I could not leave the house without extra makeup, my skin looked grey, I looked way older than I was. The liquor store that has the senior citizen discount on Wednesday always gave it to me (and I'm not that old). I also had vague stomach pains, and weird hallucinations that would make me jerk awake suddenly when I tried to sleep. I really felt that I was past the halfway point of being dead. That physically I would not hold up too much longer, if at all. That's the only way I can describe it. I'd ceased to live years ago. My life revolved around when was drinking time. AL had become my top priority. I had one choice, save my life or destroy it.

[dancelot]

just restarting

Doggygirl, good idea! I was deep into writing that already, so I went ahead and finished it.

[Raven.joy]

just restarting

I do believe I can do it and that slips or relapses can show just how great the need for complete abstinence can be for some of us. Right now I feel I could never forget how awful it was drinking, but a few weeks back I did just that so I guess its about troubleshooting, using this site to keep in touch with how painful life had become drunk.

[msfreedom]

just restarting

Read The EasyWay to Stop Drinking by Allen Carr

If you are ready to call it quits with the relapses, I strongly recommend The EasyWay to Stop Drinking by Allen Carr. He offers a very detailed plan for experiencing a SHIFT IN PERCEPTION with regards to alcohol consumption. This book did it for me. I did it for me. I was VERY ready to release the misconceptions about why I needed alcohol in my life.

I am only twelve days sober and yet I have never felt this solid and celebratory ever. I am posting on Monthly Abstinence about my progress.

In solidarity,

Ms. Freedom

[heastwa]

just restarting

Awesome work guys!!! simply amazing. Anyone have any tips to getting started with this sort of thing? stock photo sites, how you do things ect. I'd love to give this a shot next time so any info would be great

[cancun123]

just restarting

heastwa;770530 wrote: Awesome work guys!!! simply amazing. Anyone have any tips to getting started with this sort of thing? stock photo sites, how you do things ect. I'd love to give this a shot next time so any info would be great

WARNING-link might take a while to upload your pic but it's well worth it!!
Enjoy!

[mario]

just restarting

:spam::spam:above:spam::spam:

[JackieClaire]

just restarting

mario;773778 wrote: :spam::spam:above:spam::spam:

Good move, mario.

2 in one thread.

[Tulipe]

just restarting

i don't get it... thick I guess.