Monday September 25th

[vinophile]

Monday September 25th

Hey Guys!!!
Macks, I wish there were a pill that made me break out in huge red splotches whenever I drank wine. Notice how shallow I'm being here not wishing for world peace(of course I do) but concerned for my petty self.
Kathy, good for you for being so honest with us and yourself. I liked the way Mike put it..... "not done with your slip" and I know exactly how that feels. It doesn't mean your going to drink yourself into oblivion but it also means you're not going to view yourself as a failure because you have a glass of wine. I think it's a better mental attitude to adopt for your self-esteem
I wish I could be a slip-proof as some of you are. I know we didn't develop drinking problems overnight and we can't get rid of it overnight either. I view my own quest for sobiety like climbing a huge number of steps. Sometimes I climbing up great, sometimes I fall down a few steps and sometimes I'm stuck on the landing. Progress is progress. Kathy,maybe you can let us know what you learned during you hiatus. I for one hope you still post.
Na ncy, I too have a dog that can not stop chasing balls. If you sit down for a second he's sticking a slobbery ball in your hand. If you throw it to him you're stuck for an hour throwing it back to him. I have another dog. same breed (corgis) and he has no interest in balls... only cookies. A dog after my own heart!!!!!!!
Will post later.
Janet

[southernbelle47]

Monday September 25th

Kathy,

My heart would break if you left Absville. Absville is a GOAL......not a destination...None of us are perfect and we all fall down.

I do think stress is a major part of the reason we self-medicate. It's legal, cheap and easy to get.

I've also been feeling the stress build up because of the upcoming wedding. It's such a happy time, but I'm really looking forward to NEXT week........and some down time.

Need a shower and "hairwash" and I'm off to a football game. Goooo
Rebel

nancy:l

[Mackeral]

Monday September 25th

Hiya All,
Just popping in to say goodnight....Watching telly with one eye open and i'm not even pissed...
Will award the prize for best invention in the morning...This is for two reasons
1. Other people are proberly yet to to post.
And 2. I havn't thought of a prize yet.

Thanks to everyone for always being here....You are all a real comfort.....Gnight........Macks

[Bambino]

Monday September 25th

Atlast wrote: Hi people, my first day ever to this site. I became interested because of the sleep patterns information I viewed about alcoholics. Well, I have been clean for over 5 yrs and I still get night terrors and I have terrible sleep patterns. Being online amuses me for hours to my detriment, when I have so much more I could be doing, but just fun..... A virtual riding a horse through scenic country sides with the wind blowing through your hair would be awesome if you can't afford the rea thing or is not realistic to your daily living. I would run out and buy that right away.

:welcome: to Atlast ... I have just read your comment there and I have very erratic spleep patterns....
I sold My Bambino thoroughbred horse yesterday ( sorry to harp on about it for everyone else who knows ) But just felt that your comments directly related to me, and my battle at the moment... I reckon I won't be feeling that wind through my hair anymore - sorry - I am being a bit self self self today - hope to spk soon and that you enjoy being here XXX

Kathy do not let that thought DARE enter your head, of leaving Absville. I NEED you here.... you know why. X

Macks - have got your pics of your Cloe and Josie and ' the clan' ! - I have been trying to compress them for hours, so that I could post them so everyone can see you, Lisa and your beautiful family. I have sent a PM to RJ to see if it is possible from her end. I have just realised that I am not Bill Gates after all !!!!

And to everyone here... I hope we all stick together in ' Our Family' here.
Lots of love to you all.

Liz
xxxxx

[gabby]

Monday September 25th

I have decided if you change your name I like Lizzee Mouse.

[sickandtired]

Monday September 25th

I am not actually "in" yet but I want to say to Kathy that all of the times I have managed sobriety, have ended in the other. So I am really happy to see that there is no judgig going here, only support. Positive input, words of encouragement, that's what each of us need to win this war. As my uncle told me when I flunked quitting smoking 101, "Don't quit quitting." We are not superhuman. We jsut need to deal with it as it comes along and sometimes we cannot do that. Just dig in and know that a lot of people you will probably never even meet are rooting for you. And for ourselves. Good luck.

[Newyear]

Monday September 25th

GO SAINTS! I know I should be for the Falcons but it's contagious here !!! Woo Hoo Go Saints
And I care nothing about football....

Kathy - you have had so much stress lately and then having someone else there drinking...well, that is a lot to take when your resistance is already down. I have been so close a couple of times lately and it always seemed stress related - or I felt that I deserved to have a few (I guess because of the stress - so same kind of thing)
When you are done - if your not quite yet - af will sound so good. Sometimes we can mitigate the stress and we can tell when it is getting too much... and then sometimes it just seems to sneek up on us.
I'm fully expecting that should I slip that I will still head right back here and be welcomed ....and I'm sure you would be the first to say that - is that right? hope so anyway- I loved what Nancy said about it being a goal...and we have not all arrived at that destination.

Janet.....I think I already have that red splotchy thing!!! rosacea....sometimes when I drink I get red splotchys on my face and neck, sometimes not...so much fun cause I never know!! Just made me drink at home alone more!
Liz - i din't realize Bambino was your horse's name! But I like Lizzee Mouse too
Mike - thanks...the airport worked out ok this time..I had a really good book to read and that helped trememdously. That and the fact that they delayed it in 20 min intervals - no way to go anywhere even if I wanted
Gabby and Lou and Phil and Macks -Hi and hope you are having a nice evening.

So glad I am in my hotel room tonight and not out in all the craziness outside...it's like they are having the Superbowl-
Whew....safe here in my room too.

Lisa

[Newyear]

Monday September 25th

I'm sorry Mojo- missed you - and I so loved your idea this morning (I should be campaigning for the Prize - to be named tomorrow....but I think I would vote for yours)

And hello to Atlast and Sickandtired! Hope you are doing well too
lisa

[YoungAtHeart]

Monday September 25th

Just Awed.....

So I guess it's just MY OLD STUFF that I keep on expecting rejection for my falls from grace, huh??? I know that I'm supposed to be doing this for me, after all, and of course, I AM, but I also find that I care so much about what you all think, that I feel like I would almost rather EAT NAILS than come here and 'fess up like I had to this morning. Mike, man, I understood what you meant about disappearing for a year....but I sure didn't want to do that. WHAT WOULD EVERYONE THINK THEN!!! :wow: Even worse than if I 'fessed up, I think! And I was really worried about what would become of me if I took THAT course of action. I fear that I have come to need Absville much more than Absville needs me.

I do appreciate your loving words so much. I can't tell you how much they mean to me. Like many here, I have my own reasons for suffering from low self-esteem and doubting my own self-worth that go deeper than just the drinking, so that even though I have seen all the love and compassion that is so freely offered and have often offered it myself, it is still hard to believe that it is given so freely to me. Thanks for reminding me of how much I have to offer here and reminding me that you care about me for more than just my being sober.

Thanks for also understanding about my possibly "not being done" with my slip quite yet. I have instituted "damage control" measures; namely, taking my allone, supps and topa every morning and my topa and supps every afternoon. I had gotten quite sloppy with them. I also just placed a new order for kudzu, which I've been out of for several weeks now. I realize as I'm writing this that I have always had a problem with the notion of accountability. To me, accountability means trying to explain to my mother why I wasn't perfect when I had already tried really hard!! It is why I take on too much, sometimes, and then end up angry. My mom meant well, I think, but she had self-esteem problems herself, and what better way to prove she was okay than to have a perfect kid??? Needless to say, it didn't work very well.:sigh:

At any rate, enough of me.....

Phil, Gabby, Mike, Lisa, Lou-Lou, Liz, Macks, Janet, Lurking Neil, and everyone, just thank you.:h

Inventions??? For us, yes, some brain implant that makes us not want what isn't good for us, like booze, bad carbs, saturated fats, etc. Something that makes carrots and celery taste like the nectar of the gods! For Belle, maybe a slow pitching machine for Nancy's tired arm?? Or a doggie treadmill with the ball just ever out of reach?? For us, maybe No-cal, no-carb, non-fat but taste good chocolate sundaes?? Yummmmm....I could definitely live with one of those every night instead of booze....

Anyway, I'm written out. I've written a lot but the most important things are still so hard to say. I'm just so moved, and that remains so hard to really describe. You are all so very dear to me. I have come to need you so much. At my best, but especially at my worst.

Much love,:l
Kathy

Mojo, AtLast and Sick and Tired, I missed you, because I was either posting, or couldn't see your post because of the space considerations. Welcome and thanks!!!

[Guest]

Monday September 25th

Kathy,
No one could be harder on you than yourself right now. Yes, I saw this coming. It inspired my post of yesterday.

I see quite a lot of myself in you. that need to be perfect and how hard it is to accept my failures and to live with them without them crushing me.

You have worked so hard. dont give up the fight.
Brigid

[YoungAtHeart]

Monday September 25th

Brigid, I'm not surprised that you saw it coming!! I'm not giving up the fight. NO WAY!! I can revisit my old ways, but not for long! A couple of days is one thing, but going back to this???? Ugghhhh! No thank you! It's too exhausting! Now I'm climbing out of the hole again, and at least I'm getting better at climbing out. I guess I'll keep getting better at climbing out, or, even better, maybe next time, I'll just take a different street altogether and I won't need to fall in the damn hole again. What a concept!!!

Oh and Lisa, Go Saints!!! I was watching the Saints when people were putting paper bags over their heads and calling the Saints the Ain'ts!!!

[Newyear]

Monday September 25th

Kathy- Looks like the Saints are definitely Back! Can't believe I'm watching football (well, flipping back and forth) but so happy they are winning - and actually it is a pretty exciting game. The local news is just all over this - it is the one and only story today.
This is so good for this city. They need something to cheer about and something to celebrate - cause they sure know how to do that!
Hopefully it will bring in money and business which is what they really need. Baby steps for the Big Easy.


Lisa

[mikeupnorth]

Monday September 25th

Well it's Monday night -- usually a drinking night for me and I'm heading to an AA meeting with a friend after dinner. I've realized that Monday and Friday are the two biggest "trigger" days for me. Seems like if I can make it from 4 to 7 PM on those days I am home free...

Kathy, it sounds like you're doing some good things in terms of harm reduction and damage control. Hang in there -- and you know we are here for you!

Nancy, I really liked what you said about Abbsville being a goal rather than a destination. One of the AA sayings that sticks with me is that we seek progress rather than perfection. I hold onto that myself.... and OMG if I had quit quitting, I would have probably been 6 feet under a long time ago.

Lizzie Mouse.... that has a nice ring to it!

Oh, I almost forgot. Tomorrow after work, I have an appointment with a hypnotherapist. I have gotten into the habit of FALLING ASLEEP during my hypno CD's -- which I understand may not be entirely bad, but I feel that I'm not getting the full benefit. My doc (the one who prescribes topa for me, and who works with a lot of alcoholics) recommended this therapist who does hypnotherapy. He quit drinking himself 31 years ago and hasn't touched a drop since. So we will see how it goes. I'm hoping that a few sessions with him will help me with the psychological cravings, just as the topa and supplements are helping with the physical.

Anyway, hope you all have a great evening. See you tomorrow, Abbsvillians.

Love,

Mike