Announcement

**greeneyes** · December 4, 2009, 07:30 AM

AF Daily, Friday, 4th December

Morning abbers!

Hallo leelou! You post reminds me of my amazement over modding. It has always seemed an incredible amount of work. All the time spent trying to decide, monitor, count, battle the voices, the temptation to have one extra. If it were me, I wouldn't drink. Being AF, I would be a better hostess, have more fun, feel proud of myself, and be free of the worry connected to it. Besides, I CAN'T mod. I CAN'T have just one. I know that and accept it without question. It's a relief to me and it helps me feel that "safe" feeling.
I'm not sure I get why being AF for the party changes the focus of your goals to eternal mode. I understand your pondering the big commitment. I know some of us are in it for the forever mode - not just monthly abstinance. But I don't think your decision has to be tied to this party. Good luck with whatever you decide, you know we're behind you 100%!

Picked out 2 frames yesterday! One purple, one green. Green really wows my eyes! Bought a Dale Chihuly (glass artist) calendar at the art museum and bumped into the woman who made a necklace I bought myself for my birthday. We talked about art and I told her about my dream. She dabbles in dream interpretation and told me it had a lot to do with spirituality and ascending to higher levels, freedom.

Then at the pottery show/sale a woman struck up a conv. with me as I was holding her pottery to purchase. I have a couple of her pieces and she said she really is more of a painter... was I an artist? Talked about dream again. She wants me to show her my work that she is sure I will produce. :H

I still hate going to the nursing home.

I hope to get a Christmas tree today. Last year was my first sober christmas and I loved it!

**Pamina** · December 4, 2009, 08:47 AM

AF Daily, Friday, 4th December

Hello Leelou, Greenie and all to come,

Yummm, LL your party sounds delicious - can I come??!! I won't be a minute, 24 hours should do it. I could bring xmas pudding...

Yours is a good question, though I suppose at this point your guests are arriving and you've made your decision. The first thought that comes to mind is "to thine own self be true". What kind of a drinker have you been, what would happen if you were to drink at your party, what damage are you risking - not just the physical (can you have 2 glasses and stop there) but the mental (polluting the clear headspace that has sustained your AF weeks, perhaps feeling you've let yourself down and kicking yourself tomorrow)??

Most people here have chosen AF forever and can address the process of acceptance that is key to that route. (Apologies, abbers, skip this paragraph, it's in response to Leelou's question). My equation is slightly different in that I'm emotionally but not physically addicted. My choice of strategy is 98% AF forever. I abstain for months on end but can have a drink on some special occasion IF I'm not in the middle of emotional turmoil. As time goes by, I find I rarely want to. I have to say, though, that it took me many many months to unlearn the use of AL as an anti-anxiety med, to resist the pull of the release/escape route I'd previously had, and to change all my AL-related social habits. It must be so much harder still for those who also do battle with strong physical cravings. So from where I'm sitting, I would respect early sobriety. It's a time for redrawing the canvas and establishing new patterns, including NOT drinking at one's own party. What follows in the long term depends on what kind of drinker you think you were. If you recognise an emotional drinker in your patterns, feel free to PM me if I can help. If you were a long-term daily drinker, others here will have more to say.

Greenie, I look forward to piccies of your paintings - wouldn't that be a great project for xmas vacation? I love glass work, actually reminds me of a craft workshop I haven't visited in eons where I wanted to get a colourful glass plate I couldn't afford at the time. Off to google your artist in a bit.

Speaking of art, greetings from Paris! I was supposed to hook up with a friend attending a conference, but she cancelled at the last minute after her daughter got sick. I'd already paid for all my bookings, so what's a girl to do? I spent a lovely two days meandering around cloudy Paris, including an exhibition of Renoir's late work (which will travel to LA and Philadelphia next year). His colours are amazing, I was completely transfixed. Time now to get back to healthy eating, those pastries were also divine...

Happy wind down to the week, everybody.

**Lavande** · December 4, 2009, 09:05 AM

AF Daily, Friday, 4th December

Morning LeeLou & Greenie & all Abbers to come today,

I'm glad it's Friday as well. I've been busy this week (which is a good thing)! But I haven't had much time for myself (which is a bad thing). I am determined to not repeat my past behavior of killing myself to make everyone else happy while forgetting about myself.........leads to dark places & bad things!

LeeLou, I guess we each have to make that grand decision for ourselves - to mod or not mod. I know that modding will not work for me, my addicted brain just doesn't get it!! One drink for me is about as impossible as having one smoke! I am choosing happiness & freedom for myself! A life without guilt, sadness & hangovers sounds like heaven to me

I suppose if you weigh the pros & cons you'll find your answer!

Greenie, you probably are an artist just waiting to be discovered! I see a New Year resolution coming for you........maybe 2011 will be the year you find your artistic self

Take me with you on your visit to the nursing home........I understand!

Well, I'm off to get the mandatory work done then turn my attention to ME, ha ha.
Have a great FRiday everyone!
Lav

**Lavande** · December 4, 2009, 09:06 AM

AF Daily, Friday, 4th December

Hi Pam - cross post!
Lav

**greeneyes** · December 4, 2009, 09:14 AM

AF Daily, Friday, 4th December

Chihuly Seaforms

Our Art Museum had his seaforms exhibit last spring. It was fantastic. Had luch w/ a GF and afterwards we decided to see it instead of going to shoot our guns at the shooting range. :H:H:H

**Pamina** · December 4, 2009, 09:30 AM

AF Daily, Friday, 4th December

His stuff looks amazing, Greenie. An exhibit has just closed in October here at the V&A, else I would have asked Marshy to go with me. Marshy, are your parents here already?

Hi Lav!!

**LVT25** · December 4, 2009, 09:59 AM

AF Daily, Friday, 4th December

Grrr--wrote a long inspiring post and it logged out on me. Maybe later!

**Marshy** · December 4, 2009, 10:50 AM

AF Daily, Friday, 4th December

Hello abbers! Swooping in from work. Off my sickbed, back to work

Leelou - dunno how much you drank so dunno what drinking for one night would do to you. It would be playing with fire for me, but we're all different. Be honest with yourself, above all. Have a great party!

Greenie - I had a recurring flying dream a few years ago, and it was (I think) about safety for me. Flying away saved me from the "baddies".

Lav - I hope you get some ME, ME, ME time!

Pamina;769461 wrote: An exhibit has just closed in October here at the V&A, else I would have asked Marshy to go with me. Marshy, are your parents here already?

I'm always up for an exhibition! It's something I used to do often and then the drinking years got in the way, and I need to get back into the habit of it now. Don't mention the parents. About 10 days and counting...

**Determinator** · December 4, 2009, 11:06 AM

AF Daily, Friday, 4th December

Aloha Friday ABerooooos!

LeeLou, you are being honest and discussing a real battle that wages in your soul, well done! All I can add to the great posts is that this is an opportunity to challenge yourself to grow in your strength if you so choose. Personally modding made me VERY cranky. I was so distracted thinking about it that I really wasn't living my life. When I let go and went AF a HUGE burden was lifted from me and I felt I could just breath and relax. amazing! You may find as I did in my early days that having some antabuse around will help immensely. For me it helped to just remove AL as an option and I could get on with my truly happier life. At any rate it's strenth (not luck) that will be your best friend and I truly wish the best for you.

LVT, so sorry you lost your post, that blows!

Pamina, Paris? wow! hope you had a crocumbuche for me

well, I have a big challenge ahead. Next week I'm on travel to a casino where I have NEVER been AF before and have had some of my worst binges. I'm strong and ready, but must say I'm reminding myself to keep my guard up. One is too many and it's NOT worth it.

be well everyone!

**Doggygirl** · December 4, 2009, 12:51 PM

AF Daily, Friday, 4th December

Hi everyone! Leelou thanks for getting us started with an honest and heartfelt post. I'm guessing that each and every one of us here as been or will go through the decision making process that you are so honestly facing right now. But before any comment on that, it sounds like you are really excited about hosting a fabulous holiday party for your friends! Whatever you decide about AL, I hope you have a good time.

When I think about those "fantasies" of having "a" drink (hardy har har..."a??" drink??), the picture that naturally comes to my mind has nothing to do with reality. I never EVER was a "drink or two" kind of gal. I drank to get drunk. While I TOLD myself many many many times that I would stop after one or two, I just never did. Even after 60 days AF when I *thought* that had changed, nothing at all had changed. I always over drank and then ended up feeling guilty and ashamed about my behavior, or terrified about what I could not remember. Sadly, 60 days AF did nothing to change that. Not to mention how difficult it was for me to get back on the AF bandwagon (that took me 8 months).

Just sharing my own experience with that struggle in case it helps you with yours.

Greenie, it seems like there is magic in the air all around you! I'm on the edge of my seat waiting for some Big News that must be coming soon to you from the Universe!!

Pamina it's wonderful to *see* you! I've only been to Paris one time for a few days, and most of that was on my own finding my way around. I will never forget the Louvre! And yes, like every other tourist on the planet, I took a picture of her.

LVT I hate when that happens!

Marshy, good to hear you are back on your feet. won't comment on the count down...:upset:

Deter, may the force be with you as you face your upcoming challenge! The force and some antabuse in your pocket should see you through!

Mr. Doggy has been down all week with a cold. Well, not 100% down as he is trying to work a bit. Business is slow and so it's a time when we are much better off with him at 100% so he can be proactive with customers and prospects. But sometimes shit happens and we just have to deal with it. I'm learning to keep thing in a broader persepctive and remember that this one week in life is not going to make or break us. And the important thing is that he get well!

The Men's Short Program at the Grand Prix Figure Skating Final was AWESOME this morning. There is just a lot of exciting competition in the Men's field these days. Daisuke Takahashi from Japan was out much of last year and early this year with an injury, but he's back and he has a completely drooling fangirl worthy short prgram and leads the competition so far. And he definitely knows the right way to sport :bling:. In other skating news, Davis & White from the US won the Ice Dance competition by a HAIR over Virtue and Moir from Canada.

Well, I'm off to get my barking dogs into the house before the neighbors start throwing poison meat over the fence. It's a GREAT day to be sober, and to not be fretting over any of the mechanics related to alcohol consumption.

DG

**Raven.joy** · December 4, 2009, 03:53 PM

AF Daily, Friday, 4th December

It is indeed a great day to be sober.

**Leelou** · December 4, 2009, 05:42 PM

AF Daily, Friday, 4th December

Thanks for all your comments, it is the morning of the party, I've been cleaning the house so far, trying to get out of BootCamp in half an hour, but decdied to hurry up and get dressed and go! I dont have a spare hour and a half but I know I will feel better for the exercise and I wont feel like I let my team down.

My mindset is:

Stay strong
Buy more Soda water on way home from training, I'm gonna need more
Let this AF nice person host this party, it could be even more fun!

Gotta run.. (literally..)

Thanks a bunch for your comments, will be back later to re-read them!

Swoooooosh........>>>>

**greeneyes** · December 4, 2009, 05:49 PM

AF Daily, Friday, 4th December

Great leelou, sounds like a good plan!!! Leelou, I bet you find the night flies by and you don't even have time to think about AL. GOOD ON YA for going to exercise!!! :goodjob:

I got a tree today and I'm all chuffed about sawing off the bottom with my chainsaw for a fresh cut and getting the sucker in the house. I am having seltzer water and pomegranate/cranberry juice (no sugar) with a slice of lime in my favorite beautiful wine glass, feeling really special.

It's a step up from my ordinary seltzer and lime in a tumbler.

DG, the Universe put a bird's nest in my tree - just for me!

**bear73** · December 5, 2009, 04:44 AM

AF Daily, Friday, 4th December

Lee Lou hope goes well - thinking of you - I too had this debate - and I lapsed at 3 months.
We're all different, what worked for me was focusing day to day after that - also remembering i can't moderate.forever freaks me out - it's what i want but i do my forever one day at a time at this point.
I was fantasising about 1 glass of really nice wine - and that's what it is for me - just a fantasy.
i am on the af thread cos that's what i want for myself - hope this helps.

Welcome Guest to My Way Out Forums.

Announcement

AF Daily, Friday, 4th December

AF Daily, Friday, 4th December

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment