Weekly AA Thread - 12/7 - 12/13

[Winefree]

Weekly AA Thread - 12/7 - 12/13

DG, loved that story about the dad and his 5 yr old daughter, that indeed was a forever moment.
Mary, it was good to read what you had to say about having a part in it.....I think we are like that a lot. Putting the blame on someone else when we indeed have a part in it. Very good food for thought. I am struggling with something right now and what you said really will help me to work it out. Thanks

Take care all.

winefree

[gyco]

Weekly AA Thread - 12/7 - 12/13

hi

Cinders;771650 wrote: I understand that, WF. No one who does not have our "disease" understands it.

Glad you are back home safe and sound.

Love,
Cindi

some interesting comments,had to make a statement,my wife of 33 years knows my desease,she mt not understand why i do what i do to myself,she watched me thro many years of abuse,not only to myself,but to the people around me,i herd it for many years in AA,ah poor me,even in sobriety,poor me,many of the alchoholics ive met also cant stop,in my case i can,its staying stopped , and getting your brain to understand why,really as she s said to me many of times,its like an alergy,if you were told you couldnt eat peanuts or youll die,you d stop,it is the same with Al,over time it will kill you,we no it, rt,our brains have been so damagedby the abuse, i beleive in the big book it states 3 diferent types of drinkers,pages 20 and 21and so on,,over years of being in AA,youll come back to these pages,and wonder,which one am i,other then tht i find this thread very rewarding,i dont come here often enuff,but i do findit more gratifying then AA meetings,you folks are doing great,all in all i do wish you well gyco

[paula]

Weekly AA Thread - 12/7 - 12/13

Hi everyone, I'm still happily attending AA, I get an unbelievable amount of help and support from my friends there, as I do from my husband and family the only difference is that AA understand my drinking personality, my family try to but don't. I was at work yesterday and came across someone having a diabetic hypo, I did everything required, and when she came around I said why do you not eat properly when you know how ill you are when you don't, she said you can't understand because you don't have this disease. I think I learned a small lesson yesterday
Love Paula.

[jessie]

Weekly AA Thread - 12/7 - 12/13

I only attended a couple of meetings - but felt uncomfortable and hypocritical as I was still drinking ( is still drinking and considering Baclofen now) I got the big book though, and found it very good to read and excellent psychology.
Love Jessie.

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread - 12/7 - 12/13

Paula: Interesting analogy of diabetic & alcoholic. I have a SIL who isn't an alcoholic but does have other "isms." I've always chalked it up to a bad attitude. You'd think I would have more compassion, my being an alcoholic. I'll have to give this a little more thought. Mary

[Doggygirl]

Weekly AA Thread - 12/7 - 12/13

Hi all! Mary, excellent post when we cross posted yesterday. I too am working hard at stopping and considering my part in things whenever I feel myself getting worked up. It sure it helpful. Funny how taking responsibility rather than blaming others is what brings us peace of mind. I sure spent a lot of years thinking that I could get peace if I could just get the blame on someone else and make it stick!

On the same subject - WF I can relate as I am finding myself facing this on a regular basis. I'm glad I have the AA tools, program and support to help me through it.

Good to see you as always Geico - you know the program so well and I always appreciate your insights.

Paula - excellent point. I'm sure I have been judgemental many times where I really have no way to relate, and don't even try. I'm quite sure I need to be more aware of my thinking in those situations. I'm so glad to hear that you are doing so well! Yeah.

jessie, it's good to see you here. Explore every avenue you must until you find a way to get sober. You are worth it! If you decide to go to more AA meetings, I wouldn't worry about being judged. At least from my experience, it's a very understanding crowd - they just want to help you get sober. Strength and hope to you! Would love to *hear* more of your thoughts on the Big Book! I'm always amazed how nothing has really changed with alcoholism in all these years, and how well the authors understood people like us. (well, they WERE people like us!)

I am struggling a bit with sponsee post surgery, and her family. While both alcohol and prescription drugs are addictions for her, the drugs are primary. Following back surgery, she is on some medication and there is not much choice in that matter. This is causing over the top and out of control worry on the part of the family, and one sister in particular. The family is OUT OF CONTROL. I think sponsee is doing as well as can be expected. I won't be shocked if she goes through some difficulty when the time comes to get back off the drugs. I don't think there is much choice in that matter, and of course her doctor is fully in the know about her issues. I feel my first and only obligation in this is to help my sponsee. I can't compromise confidentiality by telling stuff to the sister. But the sister still calls once in awhile. I suggested it before, but today I STRONGLY suggested again that she start going to Alanon meetings. She clearly needs someone outside the family to talk with who understands addiction. But I can't be that person and an Alanon point of view would be better anyway I think.

Of course I talk about all this with my own sponsor and a couple other trusted AA's if my own sponsor isn't available and I need immediate guidance. It's really a learning experience to navigate "sponsoring" through the chaos of the family situation. They all love each other, they are just a very dramatic crowd!

Anyway, thanks for listening. You all ARE my AA meeting today as it was 1 degree with minus 18 degree wind chill this morning - so I'm not going anywhere unless the house catches on fire or something!

Love you guys! :l Thanks for being here for me.

DG

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread - 12/7 - 12/13

DG: That was an excellent suggestion to the sister of your sponsee (Alanon). She's probably always been the "good" child, the worrier, the responsible one, etc. In Alanon, she'll get some insight as to her own sick patterns. The codependent people in an alcoholic's life have their own set of character defects & shortcomings to work on. Your sponsee's sister should be minding her own business & letting her sister worry about getting off the pain meds when the time comes to do so. It's not your place to say that; however, she will hear something like that at a good Alanon meeting. Mary

[Doggygirl]

Weekly AA Thread - 12/7 - 12/13

Mary, thank you. That post means a ton to me right now. I figured you might have some insight on the Alanon side of things. Thank you thank you!! I really hope her sister goes. You hit the nail on the head that sister is the worrier, the "good" one, the responsible one.

Sponsees parents both died of issues related to alcoholism. Sponsee was an "oops" baby so sister is about 20 years older, and played a "mother" role in the midst of all the alcoholism. So there are definitely issues. I understand why sister is panicked, BUT - it's not helping - not at all. The ONLY person who gets to decide whether sponsee drinks / uses is sponsee. It's between her and her HP.

This is a really valuable learning experience for me, and you all are part of the learning with all the great sharing we do here! So thanks to all of you!

DG

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread - 12/7 - 12/13

Hi Everyone:

I too am learning, even at my advanced age. It's so good to be dealing w/issues instead of adding all the machinations of drinking on top of it all. This site is so valuable in terms of processing what I'm learning. Also, w/snow & freezing temps, it's not as easy to get to meetings. So, I kind of use this thread as a quickie meeting.

I am going to my regular BB meeting tonight barring bad weather. I find that I really do "need" a meeting when a few days go by in between. I'm doing a lot of b-sitting & other Christmas obligations, so I must make meetings a top priority. That's what my sobriety is: my #1 priority. I cannot have any kind of happiness wo/it.

Take care.

Mary

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread - 12/7 - 12/13

DG: I've been an Alanon member for a long time...before I started drinking alcoholically. The co-d person (in this case, your sponsees sister), tends to think he/she knows best. I've heard many times: The alcoholic is addicted to alcohol, & the co-d is addicted to the alcoholic. It is possible to be both an alcholic & a co-d...I'm living proof. I always ask myself:
-Am I doing for someone what he/she should be doing for him/herself?
-Am I overdoing?
-Am I saying "yes" when I want to say "no?"
-Am I worrying about someone & neglecting my own self-improvement?
-Am I obsessing about what another person is doing?
-etc.

I've been there, done that. I don't want to go back; therefore, I have to continue down the road of self-awareness.

Mary

[cpn1004]

Weekly AA Thread - 12/7 - 12/13

Wow Mary, your post made me think about co-d and being an alcoholic. I'm the youngest of three boys and the one who went to college and all that. Alcohol has been a big part of our family. Both of my brothers are/were daily beer drinkers. I always thought I should be the "smart" one to help them with their addictions, yet I was drinking as well. I assumed since I had never had a DUI, lost or job or marriage that I was not an alcoholic.

How funny life is. My brother that is two years older is not drinking now since he is dying of cancer and my older brother called me last night with a report on the family. Unfortunately he was drunk and not that helpful. And here I am the "successful" one in AA. Got to love the HP's sense of humor.

I'm grateful you all are there for us.

[gyco]

Weekly AA Thread - 12/7 - 12/13

hi teach,im glad AA works for you,and the others i found after the years ive gone,it gets harder to go,even tho i no i should,and your also rt in saying when you start stressing a meeting or this site is a good reliever,as far as the desease part it will always be the most unexceptable desease ever,if your over weight poor soul,if your a hoarder poor soul,if your a diabetic poor soul,but if your a druggy or drunk,heaven forbid,unexceptable,doesn't it seem odd we still like homosexuals did for years,hide in the closet,we go into dark rooms,where no one can see us,i dont beleive we should yell out and say were drunks to all,but are families no,and they let us no,my dear im venting,i do apologise,tht is why i like this thread,you no how i feel,it mt of only been a few minutes and not an hour meeting,but this what i need and i thank you,i do wish you all well at your meetings and keep an open mind,gyco

[gyco]

Weekly AA Thread - 12/7 - 12/13

hi cpn later folks off to get a christmas tree

[Doggygirl]

Weekly AA Thread - 12/7 - 12/13

Mary, that list of things you ask yourself is awesome. I so hope sponsee's sister follows through and goes. I'm a bit concerned about sponsee as I have not heard from her in a couple of days. I'm so glad I have my sponsor to help me with handling all this. It's part of my learning and I'm very sure HP put this situation and these people in my path for good reason.

Mean time, I did step 11 with Sister today. I've grown to love my time with her and the way we read the steps in the big book together (after I have read them DAILY for at least a month on my own!). We stop every sentence or two to discuss what that specific sentence or thought means to me, and she explains what it means to her. She passes on pearls of wisdom that I write in the margins of my book - things that her sponsor had HER write in the margins. It feels very special to be learning this way, and to be part of carryting the message from "generation to generation" if you will. Now I will be reading Step 12 - that whole chapter - five times per week until our next Step meeting - we haven't set the date yet but it will be about a month from now. Then we had lunch and fun!!

Phil, HP does have quite the odd sense of humor at times. I hope your brother and family and YOU are hanging in there through this difficult time.

Gyco, that is an interesting parallel between the torture that gay people often go through when they feel they must "stay in the closet" rather than be honest about the fact they are gay. One of my cousins went through that for many years as far as the family was concerned. I imagine there are similarities to the tortured feeling I had as an active alcoholic trying to hide my true drinking volumes. The more I "come out of the closet" with my alcoholism, the freer I feel. On a practical level, there will always be a certain part of my life (primarily business related) where I may never want to "come out." But I get more comfortable all the time with more people knowing. As I progress in recovery, my alcoholism is starting to be a positive part of my total package, if that makes any sense.

I love you guys! You are so right that this forum is like a meeting away from meetings on days when I can't make it to one!!! (like today and yesterday!!) I am looking forward to Big Book meeting tomorrow.

DG

[Doggygirl]

Weekly AA Thread - 12/7 - 12/13

Hi all! Hope everyone is doing well. I am very grateful and happy to be sober today, and it seems that life is taking some new and exciting turns. I feel incredibly blessed to be sober, to be making so many new friends - REAL friends rather than "drinking buddies."

Sponsee came with me to her first post back surgery AA meeting this morning. She is doing really well and I'm so very proud of her. She is handling herself well on so many fronts right now. Everyone was so glad to see her and welcome her back and I could just tell how good she felt. It was so nice to be a part of that.

Today was Big Book study and we read this story: Student of Life Man did I relate to TONS of things in that story. This is a story that Step Coach had me read at the end of the summer. So even more of it hit home for me this second time around. More than half of it is now either yellow highlighted from the first read or orange highlighted from today. From the frat parties in college to the quiet and lonely desparation on the couch, wanting to not drink but not able to stop - I could identify with nearly all of it. Once again this was a woman's story, but everyone in the room at this meeting related heavily to this one.

Homeless friend and his little dog were at the meeting today. It has been SO COLD the last few nights - down to 1 degree with minus 18 wind chills on Wednesday night. I was so grateful to see them both in one piece. This is not their first winter (or second or third) in the elements so he is an experienced non-traditionally homed person (is that PC or what!) But still....freezing cold is freezing cold. He is a real inspiration to me because he NEVER displays self pity over his situation. He ALWAYS shows concern and caring for others. He was more interested in how sponsee is doing post surgery than he was getting any sympathy for his own situation. I need to remember this when I am tempted to host my next pity :upset: party.

I hope all of you who post to this thread or just read / lurk are having a wonderful sober day. Strength and hope to all who are suffering today.

DG