Weekly AA Thread - 12/7 - 12/13

[ready2change]

Weekly AA Thread - 12/7 - 12/13

Hi All,

I haven't posted in a while, but I do lurk on occasion. As some of you are aware, I have "dabbled" in AA for a few months. Dabbled but not committed. I am tired of my so called "life". Alcohol doesn't play a big part in it these days, but it is always in the background waiting to make things better, which of course, it never does.

I have been wanting a sponser for some time, but was a bit put off the last (well first) time I asked about one. It was after the meeting, and I was, as it felt to me....chastised for not speaking up at the meeting. I didn't know I was supposed to, I thought I would ask afterwards, so needless to say, I walked away without a sponser and not a very good taste in my mouth..(read this as an excuse NOT to pursue a sponser).

I have attenended a few meetings since then, picked up the Big Book and Living Sober a few times, but have not made a committment. I woke up the other day and really, I mean really, realized...I'm 52yrs old and I don't have a clue how to "live" life??? Sure, I exist, and I exist pretty darn well. But I have no friends, I'm married to a fellow alkie, my Dad is ill (he's one of the only humans I truly care about) and my time on this earth is diminishing. I don't mean to sound morbid, but damn, how many years are left, 10, maybe 20? Am I going to do the same "nothing" for the rest of them that I did the first half? I hope to hell not.

So I went to a meeting this morning, it was a womens group, which I selected on purpose because I fully intended to speak up and ask for a sponser. Well there was me there as a "newcomer" and a young girl who was on house arrest and admitted she was there against her choice. And she asked for a sponser. Well most of the available sponsers were drawn to her because of her urgency. I consider myself lucky because one woman gave me her number and basically said she would be my temporary sponser and see how it goes. For that I was grateful, for I was a bit concerned that I was going to walk out of there without someone to be held accountable to. And even though this didn't go as played out in my mind, I am grateful to her.

She wrote down an assigment on the back of the phone list for me to work on the first step, as I indicated to her that I wanted to work the steps. She wants me to look up the words, "admitted", "powerless", and "unmanageable" in the dictionary and apply them on paper to how they affect my life either sober or in active drinking. I haven't had homework to do in a long time, so I look forward to getting on this straight away!

I guess my HP has other plans for me than how I laid them out in my mind. I have followed DG and Mary's journey into AA and I know I have to just let things happen and not try to control them and not get too discouraged when they don't go the way I think they should.

You guys talked about anonymity as well. About 15 minutes into the meeting this woman walked in late. She seemed very sweet, and she looked familiar as well. We spoke at the end of the meeting when she came over to give me a hug and welcome me, and it turn out she is my neighbor a few doors down! Funny, you just never know who is stuggling with alcoholism, they could be your neighbor, your grocer, just about anyone! We are definately NOT alone.

Thanks for listening to my long post, it feels good to be here again.

Hugs...R2C

[Doggygirl]

Weekly AA Thread - 12/7 - 12/13

R2C, it is WONDERFUL to see you here. I really loved reading your post as it sounds like you have done some terrific soul searching. I only have a few more minutes before I have to leave but I just couldn't walk away from the computer without offering you some encouragement! I know that finding "a" sponsor can be tough and then figuring out if it's the "right" sponsor can be just as tough. (I am on my third one which is now the right one!) I learned a lot through the process and "grew up" a bit in my thinking. It sounds like you are gaining some wisdom from this process too.

I love the homework assignment she gave you! I did not have an experienced sponsor for Steps 1 - 3. I will eventually be re-doing those with my current sponsor. But in the mean time, I really enjoy hearing how other people work on those steps together. My current sponsor is very specific about my homework assignments on each step as well. I really have come to appreciate that structure. I don't have to over -think anything - just do what she says.

My own life has been changing in amazing ways that I NEVER could have guessed or planned or manipulated on my own. It is such a relief to just believe that if I do my part one day at a time, everything will be OK. I hope that is true for you!

The temporary sponsor arrangement is common, and I think a good thing. That gives you BOTH a chance to see how things go before you decide if it's a good longer term relationship.

Geez I can write a sandwich worthy post in a hurry! (my apologies to all!)

DG

[cpn1004]

Weekly AA Thread - 12/7 - 12/13

DG, I give you s*&% about them, but I do love your sometimes lengthy posts, well, since I have my new coffee mug that holds lots of coffee and keeps it warm while I read your brief missives. Anyway, you have always have great words.

R2C, you know the saying, "keep coming back". It took me a long time to find and get comfortable in an AA group, but I'm so grateful I did.

I hope everyone has a sober and happy day.

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread - 12/7 - 12/13

Hi Everyone: R2C: I really liked your post, because though you gotten discouraged at times, you continue to hang in. I think the hardest lesson I've had to learn as a sober alcoholic is that giving up drinking hasn't solved all my problems. Life is full of challenges, & AA gives me tools to handle rather than run away from them. AA has challenges as well, as it's a microcosm for life in general. You'll get the sponsor you need (if you haven't already done so) when the time is right. In the meantime, your assignment is a good one. I think I'll look those words myself when I have the time. DG mentioned that she loved seeing how others work the steps. I do too, because it gives me a new way to look at each one & apply it to my life. Good luck. Mary

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread - 12/7 - 12/13

DG: Thank you so much for the link to "Student of Life" in the BB. I just read it. I too identify w/it...especially the parts about trying to drink like a normal person & being in denial about my drinking. Thank you so much. I'm looking forward to reading this w/my BB group. Mary

[Doggygirl]

Weekly AA Thread - 12/7 - 12/13

The 12 & 12 meeting this morning was just awesome. Our former chair had to step down due to work schedule issues, and we have not yet had anyone who has volunteerd on a more permanent basis. So we are just sort of winging it week to week. Sounds chaotic but it has worked out to be interesting, as things with meetings usually do! Today Step Coach agreed to chair. It was a small group today and we talked about Tradition 5 - the sole purpose of AA is to pass the message to struggling alcoholics. Step Coach just had so many beautiful things to say about his 34 year being part of AA, how it has affected his only life, and how blessed he has been to pass the message to so many people. And he talked a lot about how we "get" just as much as we "give" when we do that.

I could not help but think about my own experience with sponsee. It hit me full force during this meeting how truly blessed I am to have her as part of my life. I'm sure that if I am fortunate enought stay sober and stay involved in AA, I will someday sponsor someone(s) who does NOT make it. I know that will be sad and I have to always be prepared for that, even with current sponsee. And with myself too. And with my sponsor(s) too. BUT...for today, I was really filled with a wonderful feeling of what a great joy it has been to work with her and get to know her and to watch her grow. She truly gives to me as much if not more than I give to her.

Beauty among the ashes of alcoholism is all I can say at the moment!

DG

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread - 12/7 - 12/13

DG: Lovely, wonderful words. The foundation of AA is one alcoholic helping another alcoholic. That's how we stay sober. We have this 24 hours of sobriety. Your step coach has put together 34 years of 24 hours, but he knows that he's no different than the new person who has one 24 hours. The key to my staying sober is doing what I'm supposed to do in AA:
-Go to meetings.
-Work the steps.
-Help another alcoholic.

I had a very fine 24 hours today. We went to a neighborhood Christmas party. Yes, there was plenty of lovely booze, but I only noticed it far into the party when I poured myself a selzer for the bar table.
-I didn't have to hang around the table & wait for a reasonable time to pass before I could pour myself another drink.
-I didn't have to sneak any extra while my husb wasn't looking.
-I didn't have to take a gulp of wine, then top it off (wo/anyone noticing, hopefully).
-I didn't have to get into any of that.
Consequently, I could have nice, unfettered conversations w/folks I haven't seen for a while. I don't have to wonder what I said or if I slurred my words. These are problems I had at last year's party. No, I remember everything & am in enough control over myself to be writing this post.

Life is good.

Mary