Weekly AA Thread - Week of Dec. 21 - 27

[retteacher]

Everyone: This is a quick start to the weekly thread. I'll be right back. Mary

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of Dec. 21 - 27

Everyone: I know you are all busy w/the impending holiday. Take care of yourselves.

I just reread the last posts of last week's AA thread.

Regarding AA tolerant attitudes: I find it remarkable just how tolerant the AA's are. At my meetings, there is a chip for "people coming back"...meaning people who have relapsed & are back at meetings. I've seen people pick up those chips over & over accompanied by the same level of enthusiastic applause that they got the last time they "came back." The BB is also very clear about welcoming people back & accepting that some folks relapse again & again before they finally "get it." Last night's women's meeting is a perfect example. One of the regular women shared that she had "picked up" on Sun. I saw plenty of hugs & exchanging of phone numbers afterwards.

The woman who lapsed said she had been carrying around some resentments that she just couldn't seem to shake. I don't have a lot of resentments, but I do carry one toward a family member who acted like a jerk to my husb. I haven't thought about drinking over it, but I do like to entertain scenarios of revenge about him (definitely not a healthy or spiritual pastime). I know I should pray for him...his happiness, properity, etc. This would neutalize all the bad feeling I have. I'll think about it, because the last thing I want is for it to cause me to even think about drinking.

I hope everyone is well & not too frenzied. We've gotten a spell from all the child care we've been doing. That feels quite good.

Mary

[cpn1004]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of Dec. 21 - 27

Mary,
Thanks for maintaining this thread. Resentments, yeah I had a couple pop after last week with the family, funeral and all that. Amazing how they creep into your mind. Fortunately we have a program that helps us recognize and deal with them. Much better than my old plan of "hey, let's just drink them away".
Take care.

[Doggygirl]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of Dec. 21 - 27

Hi all! Mary, thanks for the start this week. I've been running around so crazy that I totally forgot that yesterday was Monday! I mean, I "knew" but I didn't "know" if that makes any sense. I will be sort of glad when the holiday rush is over and we get back to a more normal routine.

Resentments, I've had a few! Mary you are so right that in the end, the resentOR is the one hurt by the resentment - the resentEE is often blissfully unaware. Or aware but doesn't care. Either way, best to do whatever it takes to get rid of it, at least for me with my resentments! Phil - I used to drink away over mine too. A really GOOD resentment could keep me in a drinking excuse for many days running. In 2007 and before, just the thought of spending a few hours with the in-laws a week or two before Christmas kept me in "drinking excuses" until after New Years. And *they* didn't even do anything for me to resent LOL!

Mean time Phil - How are you doing? I hope it feels good to be at home now.

Todays meeting was just one of those that was beautiful for me. I'm so grateful I have this program (as you said Phil!) which teaches me to start catching the stupid thinking and at least be AWARE of it so I can try to stop it before it takes hold. I woke up this morning to a note from Mr. Doggy saying that my Mom & Dad had to change the time of our meal on Christmas day. It's now in the evening instead of the afternoon. And BOY did I get a "me me it's all about me" thing going when I read that note. *I* prefer the afternoon. I recognized my selfish thinking for what it was right away in this case, thank goodness. Then off to the great meeting..

I really needed to get out of myself and hear a different perspective. One man came to the meeting, although he had to leave early, JUST so he could read the promises at the start of the meeting. That's because they are coming true in his life. He has been out of work a long time (lost his job due to drinking - not the economy) and found a new job that starts in January. And his new boss fronted him a bit of money which will allow him to buy some gifts for his g-kids.

Then another guy who is a train conductor for Amtrak told about an event where the train he was conducting hit a kid who was playing "action hero" on the tracks with a 4-wheeler. The train was going 78 miles per hour. The ATV was smashed to smithereens but somehow the kid lived.

Another guy talked about his gratitude to still be married. He said if he had kept on with drinking (he is back a few months now after a summer relapse) he would absolutely be divorced. And he said when he was drinking, he didn't care. He would have rather been divorced. Amazing how some sobriety and gratitude affect they way we see things.

Another woman talked about a meeting she had on Sunday with her 1/2 sister who was given up for adoption when she was a little kid. Another man talked about decorating the Christmas tree with his adopted daughter who is now 18 - and how grateful he is that a young woman made the decision to let her baby live.

And I was feeling "poor me" over a schedule change in dinner? That was made to accomodate my nephew so he can open his gifts at home and play with them some before they leave for the long drive?

Yes. I NEED to go sit around those tables to get my head on straight every morning. And yes, miracles do happen - every day.

I'm grateful for AA and for all of you here at MWO. Alone, my mind is a dangerous place.

Strength and hope,

DG

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of Dec. 21 - 27

DG: Your post is so filled w/gratitude that it just warms my heart & fills me w/hope. All I have to do is appreciate what I have. It doesn't always come naturally. Often the opposite is the case. I pick up on the one thing that isn't going according to my plan, & I run w/that.

Phil: Amazingly, family can just about always bring up something within us. There are always lessons to learn.

Take care one & all.

Mary

PS: I just got back from a speaker meeting that was quite good. A young girl spoke, but as always, there was something I could relate to.

[Doggygirl]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of Dec. 21 - 27

Mary, indeed - family can bring out the not so good side of me if I am not vigilient. And sometimes even when I believe I'm doing my best TO be vigilent!

Todays meeting topic was the Daily reflections reading, which is about the primary purpose of AA being to carry the message to suffering alcoholics, and the three legacies Recovery, Unity and Service.

The legacy of recovery talks about us getting sober together. That made me think about my own journey, and how none of it was done alone. My first step was to come here to MWO, which got the ball rolling. By biggest "fear" about AA, in retrospect, was surrendering to my true powerlessness over alcohol, and the fact that I can never ever drink safely. But that #1 fear was followed by a close second fear - the fear of being "discovered" at AA by someone I knew, or having someone see my vehicle at the building, etc. That ties to my pride and ego - the problem of worrying about what others will think of me. Those two fears kept me from walking through the doors of AA or any other local recovery program. Thank goodness for MWO - this site helped me make the first step out of the "alone" place of my disease into a world of connection with fellow alcoholics - a necessity for my recovery.

Being at the table with people face to face, along with the structured program of recovery has taken this concept of recovery with others to a whole new level. I love MWO and can't imagine ever NOT being part of this community. But the internet cannot entirely replicate face to face contact. And I had to FULLY come out into the open with other people when I went to AA - I think that was a crucial step for me too.

Strength and hope,

DG

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of Dec. 21 - 27

DG: Ah...the fear of discovery. I still struggle w/that. I think this is because I still feel as if there is something morally wrong w/me for being an alcoholic. I guess I just have not completely bought the whole disease concept. Anyhow, I see people at the meetings that I knew in the "real world." This brings me back to my struggle w/ego & pride. I have a long way to go in that area.

I too needed face-to-face contact & accountability. I wouldn't be sober today wo/AA. That said: I wouldn't have begun the journey to sobriety wo/MWO. Thank you one & all for being here.

Mary

[gyco]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of Dec. 21 - 27

hi folks great to see all is well with AA,i will stick to listening to your accomplishment,resentments can be nasty,i beleive the old saying is,the 1st drink is the liquior ?think about it.to all have a merry christmas and stay safe gyco

[Doggygirl]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of Dec. 21 - 27

Hello fellow AAers and anyone else reading along.

Our weather was hovering right around freezing last night, and there was rain. I couldn't tell for sure how icy the drive was as it is still dark out when I leave for AA this time of year. I got on the phone with my sponsor, who also doesn't drive in this sort of weather and she suggested we have a "meeting by phone" and we did! We said the serenity prayer together and then talked on the subject of gratitude. It was an extremely nice way to start the day since I didn't go to the meeting.

"Fear of economic uncertainty will leave us." One of the promises that hits very close to home for me. I CONSTANTLY worried about money and nagged and sweated and accused Mr. D of not working hard enough blah blah blah etcetera etcetera back in the drinking days. And of course all that nonsense doesn't make a wit of positive difference to anything. If anything, it drove Mr. D nuts and he probably became under motivated as a result! Not to mention the self induced stress, and then of course you KNOW what stress relief *I* sought, and the vicious circle went on and on.

These days I use the tools I'm learning in AA to keep a peaceful frame of mind about matters economic. Worrying and stressing over things doesn't help anyway. And lo and behold - we ended up with a new client yesterday that we were not expecting. A true blessing for us at just the right time. The universe is a miraculous place and I'm so grateful to be learning how to live with and in the ebb and flow of it rather than be fighting it upstream all the time.

Sister and I plan to have another meeting by phone early tomorrow morning to start Christmas day with gratitude for our sobriety. I hope the driveway is not iced as I would also like to go spend Christmas morning with whichever of my AA friends ends up going to our regular meeting.

I am grateful to everyone at MWO and especially for our sharing here in the AA Weekly thread. Miracles are happening every day and if anyone who might be feeling hopeless is reading this, please know that your miracle is out there too. Keep coming back.

Strength and hope,

DG

[Doggygirl]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of Dec. 21 - 27

Merry Christmas fellow AA / MWO travelers! I went to the 7AM meeting this morning and I am so glad I did. Normally Friday AM is a 12 & 12 discussion - I'm not normally at this meeting due to other business obligations. We took a group conscience and decided to just keep it open topic due to the holiday and the different than usual attendance.

The discussion gravitated once again towards gratitude - gratitude to be sober, and to be developing far better tools and skills for living. I was doing something yesterday and something hit me like a wave - gratitude that I somehow ended up at AA. I treasure those building relationships where I am more honest than I have ever been in my life with friends, and they accept me just as I am. While I will continue working to live all of my life with rigorous honesty, I can't imagine that I will ever have as many honest and accepting, and non-judgemental relationships as I have found at AA. (speaking live face to face here - MWO is similar in cyberspace, but not exactly the same. I value both!)

Anyway...it was great to share a little part of Christmas Day with my local fellow travelers. I saw a few people that I haven't seen often of late due to work schedules and such. All good!

I hope all of your are having a wonderful day filled with love and laughter - wherever you are.

DG

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of Dec. 21 - 27

DG: How wonderful you were able to spend Christmas morning w/your AA family! I couldn't be more grateful for my sobriety as well. Case in point:

I always thought drinking made me more uninhibited & free (sometimes good/sometimes bad). It turns out that sobriety creates more spontaneity. On Christmas eve morning, I got the idea that my husb & I would sleep at my daughter's & SIL's home. I called & said "Let's surprise the kids!" She blew up the air bed & closed the door to the spare room. When they all came home from the in-laws that night, we were there waiting. The kids couldn't have been more thrilled & excited. I would NEVER have done this if I hadn't been sober. I would have been worried about the booze I drank during the day, & the booze needed to drink. On Christmas morning we were up & hangover free at 6:15 watching the kids tear through the gifts Santa had brought. I felt extremely gratified to be sober.

On Christmas, we had a wonderful day playing games & eating. SIL's parents, who are heavy drinkers decided not to come, claiming illness. That made me realize just how much alcoholics miss out on. I'm sure they stayed home & drank unfettered.

What I can I say? I too could not be more grateful. Sobriety makes problems solvable. Sobriety makes life much more enjoyable.

There was an icy snowfall last night. I want to go to my Burning Desire meeting tonight. I hope I can do that.

Take care one & all. I know that no matter what happens 2010 will be a very different new year than I've ever had...not that I take ANYTHING for granted.

Love, Mary

PS: Again, I wouldn't be sober today wo/MWO.

[Doggygirl]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of Dec. 21 - 27

***DOUBLE SANDWICH WARNING***

Mary, WOW what a fabulous experience that must have been surprising the G-kids and then getting to watch and participate in their "Santa" experience! Those moments must be so fleeting and you are right - when drinking I missed many many many countless moments that I can never get back. But I am not morose about that any more. I know I can make TODAY count and so long as I don't drink, then I've got a shot at tomorrow.

I can absolutely identify with "calling off sick" when the REAL reason was that I wanted to just stay home and drink how *I* wanted to drink. I missed many many a holiday moment by doing that. I sometimes wonder how many people figured out the real truth. Again though, it doesn't really matter other than to learn from it. Today is what counts.

Today we read another story from the Big Book that REALLY hit home for me. It's another story of a woman. She was successful career wise and all that, and her bottom was more like mine - she does not mention losing her home / family / drivers license / job, etc. Somehow she seems to have kept that together, at least by a thread as I did. I could identify with so much of it and I suspect others here can to, so here is the link if anyone is interested. The name of the story is Because I'm An Alcoholic and it starts on page 338 of the Big Book.

At the very end of the story, she mentions that she ended up really changing her life - different profession, different lifestyle (country v. city), and that she realized she is a lesbian. Her sexual preferences or any exploration in that regard were not mentioned in the story until just that brief comment at the very end. This sparked one man to talk about how so many of us harbor fear of those who are not *like* us whether that be differences of race, sexual preferance, cultural, etc. He talked about how afraid many of the men (including him) were when several years ago an alcoholic man with AIDS showed up wanting a sponsor. The man telling the story today sponsored him, despite his fear of the unknown. He helped this man get sober and was his sponsor until he passed of AIDS related complications.

The man who shared this experience is a black man who came from very disadvantaged circumstances, and he has talked before about how people were extremely fearful of him when he first came to AA. This man also talked about going to his first AA International Conference (like the one that will be in San Antonio next July!) He said that being at an event with thousands of people from different cultures and countries and backgrounds and sexual preferences and and and and was an awesome experience. He said that experience got him over any lingering doubts about his ability to find a way to relate to ALL alcoholics somehow.

Through the reading of the story in the BB today, and this black man's story of how he related, I realize that I need to be aware of my own fears of difference, and work toward a goal of reducing / eliminating that fear. I would hate to realize I had turned my back on an alcoholic in need due to fear of a difference. One of the people on my amends list is a friend and former (heavy) drinking buddy. We had a falling out over an alcohol fueled argument several years ago. He lives in my neighborhood. I think our paths will cross when HP thinks the time is right. He is a gay man. He is wonderful and delightful and I would love to take him to an AA meeting if he were ever willing to go. (I have heard second hand he is trying to cut back on his drinking). The thought has crossed my mind that I'm not sure how the men at the AA meetings I attend regularly would respond to an openly gay man. I realized today that is not my concern. (in other words, I should not NOT invite someone to a meeting because of my own "running of the show" decision about how I think the players will respond....). I also know for sure of one man who would absolutely be open and that is comforting. Maybe HP is paving the way....I don't know but I will take it easy and see what happens.

It was a good meeting filled with food for thought - they always are on some level.

Strength and hope to all.

DG

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of Dec. 21 - 27

DG: Many thanks for the link. I just read the story, & it was a wonderful one. I identified w/so many themes:
-the fearsome blackouts.
-having to drink before cleaning, going to an event, attending a play, etc.
-clearing my house of alcohol, only to buy it the next day.
-going from liquor store to liquor store so the clerks wouldn't recognize me.
-feeling different.

We live in an area known for tolerance & acceptance of differences. However, I find that AA surpasses all my expectations for acceptance. There doesn't seem to be anything AAer's around here condemn or deny someone their service. At the end of every Tuesday meeting, a small blurb is read: If someone reaches out his/her hand for help, it is up to me to help (paraphrased).

We're able to go out, & I'll be able to attend the "Burning Desire" meeting. I'm very happy.

BTW, I used to regret all the events & experiences that I missed to alcohol abuse...weddings, reunions, etc. Now, I have a renewed appreciation for any experience where I can enjoy it sober.

Mary

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of Dec. 21 - 27

Last night's "Burning Desire" meeting was wonderful. We talked about the gifts of the program as how they relate to the holidays. I'm feeling pretty grateful in spite of a number of complications...who doesn't have those? Also, I picked up my 9 month chip last night. It's an intimate & wonderful group & their applause meant a lot. My husb was there as well.

Cindi: I read your post on the daily thread. I hope you're doing OK. I defintely substitute other thoughts for the drinking ones, which are reducing on a daily basis. I can't remember when I thought I wanted or needed a drink. Stick it out & eventually they disappear.

Take care one & all.

Mary

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of Dec. 21 - 27

Last night's BB meeting again taught me the commonality of the drinking experience. I feel so privileged to be on the other side of those drinking episodes. Things are going well here. Mary