mon 28 december

[bear73]

hey all - just quickly posting - off to see parents with my nicotine patch on and diet 7 up.
long drive and it's a bit icy but nothing compared to recently.Day 1.
Tomorrow the exercise programme starts again.

I have decided I want to get back into running - no races , only goal is to be able to run 30 min non stop by end of March - so good for my frazzled mind.actually at the moment it's very relaxed.

Well, wishing you all a good day and I will see you tomorrow evening - I will be staying close to the board again

[Cinders]

mon 28 december

Good Morning, Bear and all to come,

Well, another sober day under my belt and feeling pretty good about it.

Marshy and DG, I don't know what to say about any of my "efforts" at staying sober. None have "worked" and I know the failure is me. Period. I do like the Baclofen, it helps with the cravings tremendously.

However, there is that huge piece of me that simply does not want to give up the alcohol. I have learned that truly deep inside. I am still struggling with Step 1.

I will not give up, though. I want to get to that place where I am 100% committed and I will not quit striving to get there.

My life is much better today in some ways than when I started this journey. In others, it is much worse. But, I will keep putting one foot in front of the other and I will keep heading towards the path of sobriety.

This week will be horrendous, workwise. I am dreading it already.

The good news is I have no time to consider drinking this week. It will not be an option.

For that, I am grateful.

Love,
Cindi

[Marshy]

mon 28 december

Hi bear & Cinders & all to come,

Gorgeous sunny day here. We're due to get icy winds and snow tomorrow though!

Cinders;780846 wrote:
However, there is that huge piece of me that simply does not want to give up the alcohol. I have learned that truly deep inside.

That's the key thing, isn't it? The X factor. There doesn't seem to be any rhyme or reason or logic to reaching the point of *wanting*, really truly wanting to stop. I knew for years that I was drinking ridiculous amounts and it was damaging me in all sorts of ways, but deep down I didn't want to stop.

When that switch finally flipped and I wanted to stop, that's when I found MWO. So from my first time here I wanted to stop. It took me a while and I found it very difficult but my commitment was always there, even when I carried on drinking, if that makes sense. Deep down, I had a solid desire to stop.

But I know exactly how it feels to not want it. Very, very difficult. I feel for you Cinders. But at least you're fighting for it and I really hope it clicks for you very soon.

Have a good day all!

[Doggygirl]

mon 28 december

Happy Monday everyone! Thanks for getting us started Bear. I'm so glad that you keep comin' back here and not giving up. Something I have to work on in all areas of my life is getting away from my "all or nothing" attitude. I have a tendency to want perfection, or not do it at all. I have to work on that with things like exercise and diet. It took me awhile to even begin to start understanding this stuff and figuring out what works for me and what doesn't. You too will find your way if you don't give up. (the "nothing" part of the attitude for me is = to giving up!)

Hi Cinders and Marshy. Good topic that 100% acceptance of the fact we can never ever drink safely. When I first came to MWO, I *thought* I had accepted it and really wanted to be AF for life blah blah blah. Looking back though, there is a huge reason the MWO site and concept appealed to me, even though at the conscious level I wanted abstinence. (there were other web sites I came across that are abstinence based - but this is where I chose to stop and stay awhile!) I realize now that I was still holding out some little something for AL. A small part of me that was still hoping there was a way to keep drinking and change the outcome. I wasn't able to stop for the long haul until I finally accepted it 100%.

The I can easily see the difference now, in hindsight. But I couldn't see it at the time. I thought that my 95% or 90% WAS 100% committment. That 90 or 95% was way more committment to stopping the madness than I had ever had before. But it still wasn't enough to get the job done. I can see that now in retrospect. I just think it's something we all have to work through in our own minds and hearts. I'm glad you are still here and still trying. The miracle can happen for you too. A guy at AA was talking just yesterday about how he struggled with Step 1. (he relapsed big over the summer right after his 1 year anni). He talked about how he *thought* he got Step 1, but looks back now and sees that he didn't. He said he "gets it" in a whole new way now. I believe him because he even seems different. Hard to describe, but there is a different determination and even peace about him. I know this can happen for you too.

Good topic today. I accept 100% that I am addicted to alcohol and cannot therefore safely drink, ever. I will do whatever it takes to NOT drink today. If I can make it through today, I might have a shot at tomorrow.

DG

[AAthlete]

mon 28 december

It truly is a mindset, isn't it - the concept of never drinking again? We know deep down inside of ourselves when that switch has flipped and when it hasn't, and Cinders I appreciate your honesty about that. Everyone has their own path to sobriety, and I simply hope that you are able to find yours.....

Great topic for today, and I was off of work last week for vacation and came back to a bottle of wine sitting on my desk (a present from a coworker)! First thought was 'I'll take it home and add it to my wife's wine rack..". Then said a little prayer of thanks and starting catching up on emails. God, I love being sober!

Bear, good luck on the running!

[Lavande]

mon 28 december

Good morning all!

Christmas is over, back to business now!

bear & Cinders, I wish you both the best! Like DG says - If I can, you can!
It's not easy commiting yourself to go AF but once you do - your life improves drastically
It's the best thing I've ever done for myself - I love being sober too!

Time to turn my attention to a bit of work now - but not too much
Wishing everyone a great AF day!

Lav

[retteacher]

mon 28 december

Hi Everyone: I haven't joined this thread for some time but do read it from time to time. Cindi, it's so great to see you here. I love that you never give up, no matter what! You'll get there.

As far as drinking & missing it: My whole life has opened up since I stopped. I have fun today not drinking. I can work through problems & issues, though it's not easy. I numbed them out for so many years that I'm just starting to understand how to get through wo/AL.
-I KNOW deep down that if I drink, I'll be right back where I started in a very short time.
-I KNOW that I'll never be able to drink like a normal person.
-I KNOW how devastated my husb would be if I drank.
-I KNOW how difficult it would be to tell MWO & AA that I relapsed.

I'm feeling the obsession lift & am glad about that. I got through the holidays wo/even thinking much about drinking...certainly not wanting to drink.

Take care one & all.

Mary

[retteacher]

mon 28 december

Marshy: Congratulations on your one year anniversary of your sobriety! Mary

[LVT25]

mon 28 december

Marshy, if I didn't say this before--Congrats on 1 year! An awesome milestone I believe!

I just wanted to share a little something with you guys that my counselor told me. We all seem to get wrapped up into setting "resolutions" this time of year. She said to think of the things I'd like to do or change as "gifts" to myself rather than resolutions. I like that.
I'm going to give myself a better diet, and the gift of good health and fitness. That's a start anyway.

The family went shopping and to a movie yesterday--Avatar--if you haven't seen it--do.
Anyway, days like that would make me want to drink in the worst way--I hate shopping with others, especially my boys and husband. Every time they found me, I just sent them away and kept on shopping! :H Seems a Diet Coke tastes just as good after a day like that!

Have a good week all. :h

[KateH1]

mon 28 december

Hi All,
This is a great topic. When I arrived at mwo, I was a mess, drinking nightly, hungover and depressed daily. The anxiety was horrible! I had been alienating myself from nearly everyone. I would often have regrets and shame from drunk dialing and drunk emailing. I was watching my life spin out of control....all because of my addiction. The crazy thing was, that as much as I wanted to stop and end the craziness, I also still wanted to drink! The first three months here, I continued to drink, though I did cut down and even have a few AF days here and there. I finally, made it 28 days sober and yes, I felt better, and life was beginning to be better, less depression, less anxiety and the beginnings of so joy. Then I bought a bottle, yes, I drank the bottle and the nightmare returned! The next day, thankfully, I stopped, this time for good. I was comitted to sobriety, but for many months, there was still a crazy part of me that wanted to drink. But, I did not allow myself that selfish self destructive indulgence. Over time I have finally come to a place where I no longer want to drink most of the time and when moments and thoughts of drinking arrise.....I think about my life then and now and the choice is always "Do Not Drink". I really do love Sober Living....life still presents its challenges, but sober living allows me to face these challenges and handle them in a productive way.

My heart truly aches for those that still suffer with drinking. It is a private Hell. I hope those people can find their way one day soon.

Have a good day all!

[ready2change]

mon 28 december

Hi All Abbers! Happy Monday morning to you from sunny but COLD california! I'm back, been lurking now and then, and I want what all of you have...so here I am!

I watched a tv show the other nite, "Til Death" with Brad Garrett and Joely Fischer. There was a parapalegic in a wheel chair on there who wore a rubber band around his wrist and everytime he had a negative thought, he snapped it on his wrist to remind himself of all the good things he had.

I had a light bulb moment and decided I will wear one as well and everytime that nasty ole AL trys to creep into my thoughts, I just snap my wrist (sometimes harder than others) and remind myself how wonderful life is as a sober person. (I might have to switch wrists here :-)

Everyone have a wonderful day, and to quote my dear, sweet, elderly daddy "In this life, no matter what your goal, keep your eye upon the donut and not upon the hole!)

R2C
__________________
And the day came whent the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.~~~Anais Nin

[Raven.joy]

mon 28 december

I like your signature R2C, I read a few of hers including Delta of Venus. Three cheers for those in bloom.

[greeneyes]

mon 28 december

Hi all. Back home now and trying to catch up on everybody. :l:l all 'round!

Need to make some dinner and unpack. I fear I am having sugar withdrawals. I most certainly deserve them. Maybe I'm just tired. Long drive.