January:Just Do It~AF~Week 2

[jessie]

January:Just Do It~AF~Week 2

Hi Lode, I think you mentioned a very important matter. If people remove their alcohol when I visit and make an open or covert show of it, I'll feel like running to a store and slugging a bottle right in front of them. But I won't, because I'm doing this because I decided to quit. For us. I have not been in that situation yet. but will it help if you have a straight talk with them?

[dill]

January:Just Do It~AF~Week 2

Wow, Lode! What a rant! I loved it. I'm glad no one treats me differently as relates to alc. No one knows I have decided to be AF, except for a couple of close friends and Mr. Dill. I don't have a hard time not drinking in social settings. My drinking is anything BUT social. It's a lonely thing, and isolating. I only drink at home and on my own. And LBH, I just noticed you put your sobriety date in your signature line. That speaks volumes about your commitment!

I'm having to admit that I drank yesterday. Once again, it is just a matter of a lack of commitment, that's all I can figure. I had a very stressful day at work, to be sure, but that isn't a good enough 'reason'. I think in my heart I still haven't been able to commit to forever. I still want to be able to drink. Most of the time I feel just fine and I actually prefer being AF. When I choose to drink, I usually think to myself that it will be OK this time. But it isn't. The "off switch" is still not working. I think I am getting to the commitment, but I'm not fully there yet. Does that make any sense at all? I mean, I feel like I am growing stronger in my commitment, but obviously, I haven't achieved it fully. I will keep working on it, and I will keep trying to absorb it from you all. Thanks for being here for me. It is absolutely mortifying to be telling you this, but perhaps this dose of mortification will help me in my quest for true commitment. LBH once said something to me about some of us having that last drink without any fanfare. I think that will be me. I will not know my last drink when I have it. It will just happen because my commitment finally comes to me during a period of AF time, like I gather here with you all. Then one day I will look back and have many, many, many days behind me an I will say, "I haven't had a drink since...."

I will be in chat today at 4:00.

[jessie]

January:Just Do It~AF~Week 2

HI Dill, for me it's also been a 2 steps forward, one back, process. But somehow I feel more determined now then ever. ( I think it finally hit home that I'm an alcoholic and that I can never have just one and stop.) I sincerely hope you get there sooner rather then later. It feels so great even after just a couple of days AF.

[dill]

January:Just Do It~AF~Week 2

Hi Jessie, thanks for the words of encouragement, and:welcome:.

[Lavande]

January:Just Do It~AF~Week 2

Good morning friends,

Happy Saturday! Yay!

I just commited myself to watching my grandson today - his parents are busy with work stuff. I hope to be able to get on Chat at 4 pm - I will try

Lode, loved your rant - glad you got it out! I feel exactly the same way. The last thing I want is other people jumping through hoops on my account. I really, really want people to just do their own thing & I will do mine!! That's all I want

LBH, you are almost at the 2 month mark......good for you! You will get more & more comfortable as the weeks & months pile up!

Jessie, the realization that we just can't stop at one drink is big! Also realizing that we drink for all the wrong reasons is big too. Once we finally get to the point of acceptance - staying AF comes much easier. Somehow it finally makes sense

Dill, you are in the place I was one year ago. Teetering on the acceptance line..... I finally just gave myself a good smack & said ENOUGH! I was tired of thinking about it, tired of playing the same old game! I was READY for something entirely new! You will get there too - just hang in there!

OK, I need to get a few things done before Mr Busy arrives - I will try to get on Chat at 4 pm with all of you.
Lav

[openheart]

January:Just Do It~AF~Week 2

Oh thank you, thank you everyone for sharing your hearts and experiences. As my 30 days are approaching my mind has been full of conflicting thoughts about what I will do after that. Dill, thank you esp for sharing your experience and reflections on commitments. What you wrote completely spoke to me. Someone wrote on MWO that they had "started their af process" like a year and a half before and that has given me so much strength--just seeing it as a process has helped me to understand that it's okay to not be perfect (for me)--that not being perfect is part of the process. Finding a way to do this in a way that works for us is part of the process. There is no right or wrong way to go down this road, but recognizing that this road is the one that will help me live the life that I know I want to have has been huge for me. Seeing you all on this road, and where you're at has given me such hope and strength. We can be where we are at and still be making progress. I can see that I am committed to not having alc steal my dreams and my potential anymore. What that looks like will be part of the process for me. I know that by taking away the choice, and not being afraid of taking it away for the day, has led to the week, which has led to a month. I can see that it's possible and even easier eventually. Being on this road with you all has been the greatest gift.
Openheart:h

[spedteach]

January:Just Do It~AF~Week 2

Good morning,
Drinking coffee, reading thru posts. Still not completely off that blues bus.

Red, my heart ached when you talked about what your son said to your husband. I'm sure that type of conversation took place many times in this house. As if your husband could really do anything about it.

SD, what a football nut you are! Have fun in Mnpls. Good job playing the tape thru at that drive up window, looking ahead to what the consequences would have been.

Man, we moved when my middle son was 18 mths. old. He was so stressed he pulled a big patch of hair out of the side of his poor little head by twisting it around his fingers. I was 8 mths. pregnant to boot so I wasn't exactly looking or acting like I usually did. (at least I was sober!) How lucky for you to have a granddaughter nearby, or for that matter to have one at all.

Lode, thanks for the lovely rant. Went to a dinner at friends house last weekend. Walked into the kitchen. Most everyone has a beer in hand. My friend immediately whips out about 6 non-al beverages from the fridge. And ah yes jessie, it made me want to grab one of them beers and slug it down right in front of them!

LBH, I'm with you. Think I might just get the hell out of Dodge today. Have always regretted not being a skier.

Dill, thanks for your honesty. Your posts always remind about what a safe and supportive forum this is for me and all of us.

Morning Lav, Sooty, Cyn,etc.etc.etc. Glad everyone's warming up.

Later,
Shelley

How do I put my sobriety date at the end of my post?

[lilmea]

January:Just Do It~AF~Week 2

If I'm going to drink, it isn't the place that causes it ~ it's the choice I make
Lode-That statement speaks volumes to me. To me it means no more excuses. If I drink it's because I chose to, knowing full well the consequences. That's why I chose to stay af today and continue to keep my sobriety my #1 priority.

Lav-Lode was right! Your avatar does wink. Don't tell me it always has! I even borrowed your avatar for Halloween and didn't notice it winked. :h

LBH-It's great seeing you post your af date! You are really not just marking time, you are learning to deal with life af. That's no small accomplishment! :l

Jessie-Welcome :welcome: Looking forward to getting to know you better.

Dill-You will find your off switch. I believe that accepting that you can't drink also comes with no fanfare. Sometimes there is no "ah ha" moment that finally leads to that last drink. Just never give up.

not being afraid of taking it away for the day, has led to the week, which has led to a month. I can see that it's possible and even easier

Open-You said it right there. Once we get some af time, the fear of never drinking again, does go away. You are piling up the af time, good for you.

Hello to everyone else. I have to get off here but will try to make it back by 4:00.

[lilmea]

January:Just Do It~AF~Week 2

Hi Sped-cross post!

[sooty]

January:Just Do It~AF~Week 2

Hello all and a happy Saturday to you. I'm keeping everything crossed that we can all catch up later in chat - very excited!
Have a good day one and all
Sooty

[dill]

January:Just Do It~AF~Week 2

My DIL is unwell and has asked me to keep my g-son this afternoon. This is going to make 4:00 chat difficult, maybe impossible. I'll try though!

[ladybirdheart]

January:Just Do It~AF~Week 2

Thanks for the support. I don?t recall when I put the AF date on there but I do remember why; I was feeling fragile and I wanted one more little sense of deterrent. It?s why I use the public tracker. I didn?t put the date there for quite some time as I did not know it would be a potential "last" drink. There was no fanfare and I wasn?t even sure when that drink (more like six) was so I had to go back through my posts to the most recent one in which I had revealed drinking the night before as November was the only month I haven?t used the tracker since August. For me, the times that I chose to drink after a significant period of abstinence have helped me in retrospect form an increasingly defined commitment in that alcohol didn?t do what I wanted it to, I don?t know if I am just too old but it doesn?t agree with me anymore, I felt impaired rather than ?happy? or even particularly relieved. It doesn?t mean I don?t still want to drink anyway as we all know too well, but at least I don?t have any sustained romantic illusions most of the time and can play out the tape of my reality. I am lucky in that people seem comfortable drinking around me and I don?t think they would be surprised or upset if I joined them. I just feel better at this time in my life without it and I am sticking to my story. Love, Ladybird.

[dill]

January:Just Do It~AF~Week 2

I don’t know if I am just too old but it doesn’t agree with me anymore, I felt impaired rather than “happy” or even particularly relieved. It doesn’t mean I don’t still want to drink anyway as we all know too well, but at least I don’t have any sustained romantic illusions most of the time and can play out the tape of my reality

Thank you for that. It is that kind of commitment that I am talking about that I find on this thread. I need to think like this, as your reality is mine as well.

Sped, I do hope your blues go away soon!

[Lavande]

January:Just Do It~AF~Week 2

Hi guys,

Sorry I had to jump out of our Chat earlier........
the kids walked in to pick up their dog, ended up staying for dinner, etc.

It was nice talking to all of you
Maybe we should make it a weekly event!! Why not?

Wishing everyone a great night!
Lav

[lodestar]

January:Just Do It~AF~Week 2

Hi there winky Lav and all the AF summer sleigh riders,

It was so much fun to talk in real time. I really got a lot out of it for the brief time I was there. It was odd to hear some of you say you wished you had been aware of alcohol use earlier in life ~ I have that exact same feeling. I've always been thoughtful about my relationship to alcohol (my dad is an alcoholic, albeit "high functioning" whatever that means) ~ but I haven't ever made a serious attempt at getting it out of my life. It really helps me to be here and I have learned so much in just a few months.

I would love to have a weekly event, Lav. What a great idea.

Thanks to all who commented on my rant. I can relate to the chug it in front of them feeling. It makes me want to assert myself ~ in a bad way. That would only hurt me though. It is a choice and remaining AF now makes sense to me. Open, I didn't shoot for a marker (30, 60, 90 days or whatever) and I'm the first to say I can't believe how long it has been for me. It is a process for sure and progress is good in any form, isn't it? That being said, I'm also really glad I didn't drink two months ago, a month ago, last night or today and I know I will feel this way tomorrow if I don't drink tonight. To me, that makes sense. We are all finding our own way here. If long-term sobriety is your goal, the good news is that you don't have to do forever today. All you have to do is the present moment. All those moments add up, just like you said.

Hugs all the way around friends. Hope everyone is enjoying Sat night (or Sunday morning as the case may be for Cap'n Soots).