January: Just Do It! ~ AF ~ Week 4

[openheart]

January: Just Do It! ~ AF ~ Week 4

Hi everyone--what generous and insightful posts have been shared. Thank you, all. There is so much to reflect upon in the discussion about life themes. I am going to read and reread, ponder and take into my heart. The love here is beautiful.
I'll be back later--
Open

[spedteach]

January: Just Do It! ~ AF ~ Week 4

Good morning,
I used to get the Sunday blues because I had to go back to work on Monday. Now I get the Saturday blues because I don't get to go to work. Guess that speaks well of my job. What it does not speak well of is my marriage. I have been drinking through most of this 28 year relationship. I am a different person when I'm not drinking and I am not sure the sober me wants to be part of this relationship any more. This morning it feels like there isn't a relationship anymore.
Can you tell I didn't run this morning? No endorphins.
Don't feel like I have enough sobriety to make any life changing decisions. But what to do in the mean time. I also have often thought about how much staying in an unsatisfying relationship has contributed to my recurrent relapses.

God, what a downer I am!!

Spin class at 9:00.

Love y'all

Shelley

[lilmea]

January: Just Do It! ~ AF ~ Week 4

Hello Everyone,

Lode-Thank you for sharing your story. :l You are becoming such a strong, confident woman. I wish I had been able to figure this all out when I was your age.

Sky-Congrats on your 27 af days. When I first started here, I was told not to keep projecting into the future. Thinking about not being able to never have a drink again. So although my goal is to be af, I use the ODAT method for today. You are doing a great job. Just keep on piling up those af days.

LHB-I'm so sorry you're not feeling well. Although we can draw on each other for support, this really is an individual journey and not always easy. This is a new day and you are right back here with us.

Hi to Chilly, Red, Cyn, Lav, Dill, Open, Sped and everyone.

I have suddenly run into a busy time. I'm doing my Meals 3 days a week for now. Working on the finial plans for my Mom's 90th Bday party next Sat. She has 47 direct decendents and I think 45 will be able to make the party. Then I am leaving for Floridia right after that. I would have put the trip off for a week but couldn't due to resevations. It's all good though. This is the way I like my life. Busy with plenty to do.

I am looking forward to 'talking' to everyone in chat tomorrow.

[lilmea]

January: Just Do It! ~ AF ~ Week 4

Hi Sped-Cross post!

Relationships do tend to take a beating when we get af. We don't know ourselves and what we are capable of. And of course we have 'changed all the rules' on our partners. I know my HB feels like he is suddenly living with a stranger sometimes, I am that different from when I was drinking.

I too, don't feel I have enough AF time to make any major decisions. Although I have made being af my #1 priority, no matter what that Intel's. Hang in there, you are not alone.

[ladybirdheart]

January: Just Do It! ~ AF ~ Week 4

Sorry your home is not a haven for you right now, Shelley. I really feel for you as it has been so important to me to not have stress in my own private life that I have spent most of it living and traveling alone, a bit extreme perhaps. I think a lot about what others have said about how different our perspectives are these days or how we are more or less tolerant of what our lives were like with alcohol, and while I understand how it would be unwise to make any big decisions until the seasons go around and we see what is enduring and what is just background noise or release, I certainly have fleeting fantasies of changing just about anything and everything, even things that don?t matter. I have been on edge much of the month for no reason I can define, feeling like something is missing (other than alcohol), uncomfortable with myself. Feeling better physically was the one thing I could seem to count on and when I got sick, it has just seemed to keep coming on in waves rather than turning a corner. A mean one. I guess that is just part of recovery, losing ones grip a bit as we have been holding on to the wrong thing be it a glass or an image or a thought. We are probably self contained and don?t have to hold on to anything at all. Love, Ladybird.

[Lavande]

January: Just Do It! ~ AF ~ Week 4

Good evening all from snowy PA :no: I didn't order it but it came anyway!!

LBH, sometimes home is anything but a haven! This time last year mine felt like total hell! What a difference a year can make
It seems that if you hang in, work hard on making changes - things do improve. They certainly don't become perfect, but better & more managable!

I'm going to throw more wood on the fire........16 degrees outside right now - chilly!!
Wishing everyone a warm & cozy night!

Lav

[Sky]

January: Just Do It! ~ AF ~ Week 4

Have a great day everyone.

[cyntree]

January: Just Do It! ~ AF ~ Week 4

Such posts, everyone thank you.
I am thinking of how in orbit, we always pass by the dark side of the moon, and then we come around to the other side. Our circular journeys seem to have a lot of darkness - sometimes nutritive, sometimes just dark and scary. But all a necessary part, maybe.
Thanks to all for their bravery and honesty.
I'm hanging in, but can't be in chat tomorrow - off to CA for 36 hours to help relatives move into a new house. I won't be able to post, but will try to jump back in on Monday night.
Sending love to all -

[Chillgirl]

January: Just Do It! ~ AF ~ Week 4

Hi GUYS
Sunday morning and the hopes for a lie in have been thwarted by my dog as usual! She comes and licks my face at 7.30am every day and refuses to leave till i get up! Maybe i can fool her with a quick walk and go back to my cozy bed.... however once im up i never feel like going back...

I just wanted to reply to Sped's post -Seeing life through sober eyes is very different and can be quite alarming at 1st, we need to give our selves time to adjust and for it all to settle down again. Emotions too are also in roller coaster mode.

Last week I had a morning where my mind went to so many places I really didnt want to go and I had this over whelming desire to change everything in my life. Nothing minor just ask my enstranged husband for a divorce, leave my job and maybe move countries! Then panic set in and consumed me, the tears started and i felt utterly hopeless. I quickly got myself to an AA meeting which help me enormously.

Someone was talking about something that had gone terribly wrong in their life recently and how instead of falling apart over it she handed it over to her higher power and trusted that she didnt have to solve it all in 5 minutes. She would get guidance to show her whenever the time was right and for now she would just relax and take each day at a time.

I SO needed to hear this.... being the control freak that i am, I had thought "thats the alcohol dealt with so whats next?" I thought now i could race through and deal with all the other issues in my life but hey.... what happened to baby steps? For now I will contiune dealing with and enjoying my sobriety, the rest of the worlds problems can wait for now.

I hope that spin class helped!

Have a wonderful sunday gang i wll check in later.

[sooty]

January: Just Do It! ~ AF ~ Week 4

Morning all, still cold and snowy here too Lav but no new snow has fallen. Off for a walk shortly with the dog and Mr S - that'll bring the colour to my cheeks!
See you all later in chat .... looking forward to it. Have a good day everyone
Sooty

[redhibiscus]

January: Just Do It! ~ AF ~ Week 4

"Someone was talking about something that had gone terribly wrong in their life recently and how instead of falling apart over it she handed it over to her higher power and trusted that she didnt have to solve it all in 5 minutes. She would get guidance to show her whenever the time was right and for now she would just relax and take each day at a time."

This by Chillgirl really spoke to me this morning, and something I will work on as I am a worrier. Handing my concerns to God and knowing that it will be taken care of in good time.

Spedtech, thanks for sharing about your relationship struggles. Not drinking does change alot and requires us to stretch ourselves. My husband and I married really young and are completely different, so we have to make extraordinary efforts to have anything in common. Examples: I am a nerd/bookworm, he never reads. He is a TV addict, I could do without TV. I have an advanced degree, he barely obtained a high school diploma. I am intense, he is calm. I like to exercise, he is mostly sedantary. I could be vegan, he has to have meat. I am a blonde, he has black hair. I mean just everything, so our love has to be strong and we have had to change things in our lives repeatedly. Then add alcohol to the mix and going AF and it is just a struggle. A focus for me is to think about what we share, have in common. Past experiences, raising children, our love for them, our spiritual beliefs, common goals financially and at home, daily companionship, I read a great book, The Four Seasons of Marriage, and it was helpful to me to put our relationship in perspective, where we are at this time in our lives, etc. It's basic premise is that marriage is hard work, always changing, and so worth it. I am not telling you what to do, but just sharing my own journey as I sometimes wonder, "What was I thinking?" At other times I really appreciate our relationship. Any comments from others who have stayed the course in their marriages?

Had a great day yesterday because I felt good. Shopped in the morning, great sales, and invited old friends over for dinner. It was a great time. The husband is a recovering alcoholic, for over ten years, so he and I had iced tea and alcohol was just not part of the equation. Life can be so full of wonder and joy, if I just create positive times. I have made it through this weekend and want to thank everyone for your nonjudgemental and kind support. I will try the chat at 4:00.:l

[Lavande]

January: Just Do It! ~ AF ~ Week 4

Good morning friends on the very last day of January!

Don't know if I can make it to Chat this afternoon, helping the kids move today.
Just wanted to share something I saw on Quitnet this morning. Have a great day!

Choose to feel good

Choose to feel good and your actions become more effective. Choose to feel good and you'll see opportunities that you otherwise would have missed.
Choose to feel good and you'll attract positive, helpful people into your life. Choose to feel good, and events will work in your favor.

Choose to feel good, and you'll find a reason to persist through the most difficult of challenges. Choose to feel good, and the problems will not be able to overwhelm your spirit.

Choose to feel good, and your creativity will flow. Choose to feel good, and your days will be purposefully productive.

When you choose to feel good, it costs you nothing and it causes no harm to anyone else. In fact, when you choose to feel good you create much more value for yourself and for those around you.

So whatever life may send your way, choose to feel good. The joy you give to life cannot fail to make it better.

-- Ralph Marston

[spedteach]

January: Just Do It! ~ AF ~ Week 4

Morning,
Just went downstairs to make coffee. Three open bottles of wine sitting on the kitchen counter, left overs from a dinner party last night. Oh my...loving my coffee this morning.
Chill, so interesting that you should mention your doggie wake up routine. I have this old black cat named Hubie (don't ask). In the olden days when my hang overs seemed endless, he would stay next to me for days, like a little feline nurse. These days he sleeps on my bed and every morning when I wake up and say his name up he comes to my face and does this nose touching, eye gazing, sniffing routine. It's like he's checking to make sure I haven't indulged the night before!

LBH, understand that "something's missing" feeling. So much of the time I feel like I'm on this quest for some nebulous something...the meaning of life, at least the meaning of marriage. I remember feeling this way when I was 15. Always searching for the meaning of things. I started drinking when I was 15. Interesting.

Red, you sound so up this morning. Thanks for the book suggestion. I agree that marriage is hard work. One thing that bothers me so much about mine is that my husband seemed a lot more comfortable when I was drinking than he does now. He was the care taker; he was in charge. It's co-dependency 101, I know.

Good Sundays to all.

Shelley

[dill]

January: Just Do It! ~ AF ~ Week 4

Greetings,
Chill, so sorry to hear you had such a difficult morning last week. It was good you reached out to people by getting to a meeting. And I'm grateful you did because what you shared here has been helpful to me and others, I'm sure.
It is interesting to read all these posts this morning. I gain so much from each of you. My marriage is fairly solid, but it is not without strife. I know that at times I project my anger and frustration in trying to maintain sobriety on to Mr. Dill. I become very irritated with him. It's hard for me to know if it is just normal irritation, if it is irritation he deserves, or if it is irritation because of my own internal af struggle. So, I try not to analyze it but just accept it and try not to act on it. Easy to say, hard to do. I guess no matter what the state of your marriages or relationships, it is difficult to get a clear picture of things through this prism of the 'AF struggle'. Perhaps sobriety is enough to deal with for now?

Hope to see some of you in chat later.

[mandalay]

January: Just Do It! ~ AF ~ Week 4

Hi everyone

Just checking in after a few days silence. No dramas, just work and battling with my physical body. I haven't time to catch up with reading all the posts as I overslept a little , and need to leave in one hour for the chiropractor, then straight on to a work assignment which takes me away from home until Saturday afternoon - I used to love these trips away - a wonderful chance to sit and enjoy a quiet drink each evening... you know the rest. But now, hey, I'm in a beautiful place right on the river, with lovely birds, beautiful trees, and all the time in the world to just kick back and enjoy it each day after being on 'duty' for about 9 hours each day. It's going to be great. I will hopefully have more chance to check in here, as I won't have all the usual stuff to do. Just hope Mr Man bothers to give my girls a little cuddle and a stroke every morning like I do I am sorry not to have been in chat with everyone - I just couldn't figure it out, so I will have to investigate and find some instructions instead of just diving in. Hope everyone has had a great day.

Just another 2 and a bit days to my own goal which comes around on Wednesday night.... can't wait for that.

Mandalay