Weekly AA Thread - Week of Jan. 25 - Jan. 31

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of Jan. 25 - Jan. 31

HG: Good for you! If this thread had anything to do w/your trying AA, then all the more power to us. Tonight I got a coin for 10 months in AA. One of the young guys came up to me to congratulate & said he remembers my first few meetings when I didn't identify myself as an alcoholic. Admitting I was an alcoholic (as difficult as it was to do out loud at an AA meeting) was the beginning of my real recovery.

I too was a secret drinker. The hiding was killing me spiritually. Now that I no longer do it, I cannot imagine living like that again. Please, HG, let us know how you are doing at the meetings. Don't feel you have to say anything. Reserve judgement until you've gone to a few meetings. I hope it works out for you. Also, don't hold back sharing here at this thread. we welcome newcomers' comments, questions, observations.

Mary

[Winefree]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of Jan. 25 - Jan. 31

HG, welcome to the thread. Keep an open mind when you go to the meetings. It can be hard at first, but so worth it. Try different meetings to find the ones you like the best and feel the most comfortable at. Listen and learn, you will be amazed at all you hear and how friendly and welcoming everyone is.

Winefree
Celebrating 9 months AF, ODAT

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of Jan. 25 - Jan. 31

WF: Great job on the 9 months (ODAT). Mary

[momof3]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of Jan. 25 - Jan. 31

Hello All,

I just logged on and read through this thread as I usually do. As others have mentioned over the past few days, I like this thread. Here's why...

I went to a friends house last Saturday...there were about 7 of us women there and all were drinking wine except for me (I still can't get over the fact that I'm the nondrinker--it tickles me). As the evening progressed, and some got a little tipsy, I became uninterested in being there. So, I packed myself up and went home for an early night of sleep.

I left because I was bored, even though all who were drinking probably found that they were quite entertaining and profound (as I used to when I was drunk). I prefer more meaningful conversation these days. That's why I like this thread and one or two others on this forum. I think its why we are attracted to meetings such as those that occur in AA. People talk to one another at a deeper level...about their hopes, struggles, dreams, and pain. This does not happen in the typical day-to-day conversation.

My thoughts for what they're worth.

M3

[Doggygirl]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of Jan. 25 - Jan. 31

Hello everyone! It's been a very busy and rewarding week. There is NO WAY I could have survived a week like this one when I was drinking, much less THRIVE on a week like this! So I thank God, AA, and my MWO friends for helping me get and stay sober, and start LIVING again!

Winefree;797517 wrote: I too came here in 07 for the first time. Didn't want to hear anything about AA.

WF, congrats on 9 months!!! :yougo: I too first found MWO in '07. I too was ADAMANT that AA was NOT.FOR.ME!!!!! (knowing nothing about it really - just 10th hand notions that were largely incorrect!) Thank goodness for MWO or I might just be dead.

Horsegirl;797925 wrote: I am going to my first meeting tomorrow night ( there, I said it now I have to do it...)
I am a secret drinker and very timid about opening up to anyone, but I think I'm ready to take that leap.

HG, when you find the right AA group (I too say "keep looking" if your first meeting/group isn't it...) I think you might find a huge sense of relief being able to be honest with others about the secrets. I found it to be a HUGE relief to know there were others "just like me" and to be able to openly talk to them about what it was like. I hope you will share about your experience! I always try to remember that none of us are perfect - not me and not anyone else. Sometimes I expect to be able to make a "faux pas" but man oh man, everyone else better be PER-FECT in how they deal with ME LOL!!!!

Mary, congratulation on 10 months! Wow - time is really flying isn't it? You have grown so much here right before our eyes. I'm so grateful you have chosen to share your journey with us in your very special way. (with your terrific communication skills!)

M3, I am getting that way too. I'm not bothered as much being around drinking - as in being around it makes ME want to drink it too. But I too get bored when the "real fun" (as I used to see it) begins.

Dancelot - wow 5 minutes! That's convenient!!!! I love reading your posts seeing the early part of going to AA through your fresh eyes!

Gyco - You are so right that it doesn't matter how long we have been sober. The devastation that would ensue from the "first drink" is equally bad for all of us.

Phil - hope you are heading home by now!

Hello to anyone else I missed!

I met with Sister today to review the 12th Step in the Big Book. The way we review each Step (after I have done my assignments related to that Step on my own) is to read it together, and we pause often for her to share her wisdom, have me write notes in the margins of the book, and underline specific things. Since Step 12 takes up a whole chapter, we did not finish it all in our hour today. So we have two more meetings scheduled in the next couple of weeks. There was a time when I might have not looked forward to that. But in our time together I feel like we have become friends in addition to her being my sponsor and mentor in AA. I never ever ever ever ever in a trillion years thought I would become close friends with a nun. We always go out to lunch after our meetings and today we laughed like teenagers. What a gift she is in my life.

I hope that each of you on this thread are being blessed with new and wonderful relationships as you get more involved in AA. There are some truly wonderful people involved in this program. M3, I believe it was you who mentioned the depth of character. When we are around the tables, we DO talk about such significant life issues. For me, that's where my learning and growth come from. Makes whatever "deep things" I used to think I was conversing about in a bar seem so laughable by comparison!

One of the very useful tips Sister gave me today was about chairing meetings as part of 12th Step work. She suggested always having a backup plan in mind if the meeting is ever disrupted in a minor way (i.e. someone talking too long or maybe being to noisy if they have been drinking) or a major way (i.e. a person who might pose a risk of harm). She suggested always having 2 men and 2 women in my mind that I could ask for help should something happen. (i.e. Suzy and Mary, would you please take Lori to the coffee area for a cup of coffee and a private talk.....) or (Bert and Bob, would you please talk to Joe in the parking lot...) etc. I realized I never had such a plan in all the meetings I have chaired. I got lucky! But I'm sure the day will come and it's nice to have that wisdom - some idea of what to do in a difficult situation.

That's what's up for me!! I'm looking forward to Big Book study tomorrow morning and maybe some R&R over the weekend. There is a "12 Steps Ungarbled" workshop not TOO far away on Sunday. I'm thinking of going to that.

Life is good.

DG

[dancelot]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of Jan. 25 - Jan. 31

Hi, everyone -

By going to AA, I'm finding out what it means to have a truly meaningful conversation. Becoming used to it even. I've never in my life had this experience, maybe one on one occasionally, even then not often. I realize how little true intimacy I had in my life - but then how often do any of us actually live that way? Maybe mentally healthy people do. I've had very little contact with anybody like that in my life (or if I did, I probably didn't get it, since I was incapable of it).

I heard a very soul searching story from a young man today. I was blown away. He is having a struggle right now, but having the courage to look at himself, his life, and then talk about it to a room full of people..... I was incredibly moved. That's the power I see there, being able to let down your guard like that, and having a SAFE place to do that. To me, it's an amazing feeling to be able to trust and feel unafraid, as fear seems to be a common thread among a lot of us.

Today I stopped for lunch after the meeting, and about halfway through, 3 people from the group came in. So I got to have an extra "meeting" (no one forced this in any way - it was just hanging out and visiting across tables). It's interesting, at MWO many people who were very social in their drinking worry about finding new friends, since many are no longer comfortable in old situations. Well, I've met some great, very funny, fun loving sober people recently - at AA! Now that's a benefit I hadn't expected. Oh, yeah, you can be totally honest with them too! Who'd a thunk it?

Have a great day, everybody!

[dancelot]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of Jan. 25 - Jan. 31

Hi, DG, I think we cross posted there! That's funny you're writing about making friends at the same time I was - but it goes to show, it's not uncommon at all. These other people (the ones I saw at lunch) have known each other for years (even though they're the same age or younger than me). They do have some amount of years at AA.

Another thing I'm finding is you can ask anybody anything, get an honest answer, and again, no pressure. I just figured it was one of those little "spiritual happenings", and used it to ask a few questions I really wanted to ask in a personal situation. I am getting better at just asking questions after a meeting - I just had an added bonus today, I guess.

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of Jan. 25 - Jan. 31

What great posts! I don't have anything to add in addition to what has already been written. I look forward to my "Burning Desire" meeting tonight. Mary

[Cinders]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of Jan. 25 - Jan. 31

From the Daily Reflections:

We are going to know a new freedom. . . . ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS , p. 83

Freedom for me is both freedom from and freedom to. The first freedom I enjoy is freedom from the slavery of alcohol. What a relief! Then I begin to experience freedom from fear ? fear of people, of economic insecurity, of commitment, of failure, of rejection. Then I begin to enjoy freedom to ? freedom to choose sobriety for today, freedom to be myself, freedom to express my opinion, to experience peace of mind, to love and be loved, and freedom to grow spiritually. But how can I achieve these freedoms? The Big Book clearly says that before I am halfway through making amends, I will begin to know a ?new? freedom; not the old freedom of doing what I pleased, without regard to others, but the new freedom that allows fulfillment of the promises in my life. What a joy to be free!

This is loosely from the 9th Step promise.

I love the 9th Step promise. We read it at the beginning of every meeting. It keeps me filled with hope, even when I fall and fail.

Love,
Cindi

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of Jan. 25 - Jan. 31

Cindi: Thank you for that. It really struck home for me. I even have a new freedom when I make a mistake or say the wrong thing. I know that I'm just being human not drunk. Mary

[momof3]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of Jan. 25 - Jan. 31

Cindi,

This freedom piece has been HUGE for me. I never used to feel like I had the freedom to express myself or be myself; to tell others what I honestly thought. And of course, no one knew who I truly was because I was so tangled up with alcohol. I felt so much shame and guilt over my dependence on alcoholism. I wasn't fully aware of this of course but now know how it it kept me from being me. Freedom from my point of view means freedom from alcohol, from shame and guilt, from living a lie.

M3

[Horsegirl]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of Jan. 25 - Jan. 31

Good Morning All!!!

Went to my first meeting last night. It was great. Feel kind of silly for fretting so long.

I live in a small, rural community and this is the only group, so the meeting was very small. There were 10 of us in all. I felt pretty freaked out before it started when I seen how few people were there and realized I couldn't just hide in the back. But they were great. They made me feel very welcome. I told them it was my first meeting ever, so I suspect the meeting was geared toward that. They each shared where they are in the program and what brought them to that point. Everyone that spoke said at least one thing that I could really identify with. I walked in feeling so lonely and ashamed, but left feeling good and hopeful.

Am going to go again tonight. Glad to have the first one down.

Thanks everyone
Have a super weekend

HG

[Doggygirl]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of Jan. 25 - Jan. 31

Hi all! Cindi I'm so glad you posted that part of the reading! When we read that at AA this morning, that part that LEAPED off the page for me was the "new" freedom v. the old "free to do whatever I want without regard to others" freedom that was so spiritually void. Yes, I was free to drink and free to put my own self centered desires before consideration for my husband / family / friends. I was free to make my #1 priority the acquiring, consuming, and recovering from alcohol. I was free to lie about anything and everything in an effort to "protect" my alcohol soaked life. It was a "free country" all right.

The "new" freedom I am just beginning to enjoy today is totally different. I love the feeling of spiritual freedom when I am making an effort to be kind to others with no strings attached. I love the freedom from hangovers and drunken foggy days so that I can be a productive contributor in this life and not someone who is basically just existing and taking up space.

Yes - I am free to drink whenever I might choose to do that. I am free to go back to a life of bondage to AL and all it's misery. I hope I keep choosing sobriety and the NEW freedom of today's life.

I love you guys!

I'm heading back to the Alano Club (where I go to meetings) to help decorate for Valentines Day. There will be lots of kids and spouses / significant others there along with the AAers. Should be fun! I am grateful to be thinking about "sneaking" a cookie against my diet plan (as there is sure to be baked food there!) rather than the old days figuring out how to "sneak" drinks where AL was inappropriate, or sneak MORE drinks where only one or two were appropriate.

Hope everyone is having a great day. Strength and hope!

DG

[Doggygirl]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of Jan. 25 - Jan. 31

HG, I missed your post earlier today. So GLAD to hear that you enjoyed the meeting and felt comfortable. I think that vast majority of people in AA truly just want to help other alcoholics and reach out with no strings attached. It's amazing to me.

I hope you will keep sharing your experiences!

DG

[Panda Eyes]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of Jan. 25 - Jan. 31

Hello All. :new:

I have been lurking on MWO since early Jan this year. Up until now I thought AA were dirty words here as there is very little mention of it in the other threads. I thought it may have been a "conflict of interest" with this programme!!

I began attending AA late December last year (2009) and so far I have 36 AF days and I am so grateful for that. Instead of obsessing about where my next drink is coming from I am obsessing about my next meeting. I love it and it is such a relief for me to know I am not alone anymore.

I have spent this 1st month just getting to as many meetings as possible (2 today) and listenting to the similarities. I know that AA has to play a part in my new journey and I embrace it as it embraces me. :l

I look forward to sharing our experiences.