February: FEB FAST ~ AF ~ Week 1

[Lavande]

February: FEB FAST ~ AF ~ Week 1

Good morning friends!

Just a quick hello from me for now. My grandson is on the way over for an extra day of hanging out with Grandmom
Will check in later.
Have a great Thursday!

Lav

[spedteach]

February: FEB FAST ~ AF ~ Week 1

Good morning.
Running in the snow this morning. Know some of you guys are inundated with it, but here in the high desert it's a delight.

It is so wonderful to read through these threads. What a thoughtful group.
Love all this talk about mindfulness. Thanks Red. I've got a good one, " Mindful Recovery: A Spiritual Path to Healing from Addiction" by Thomas Bien. I ordered it online. It's full of exercises you can do, what he calls practices. Meditation, physical exercise, writing. Spiritual yet very pragmatic. It's been a very important book for me. I read it about 6 months ago. LBH, big fan of Thich Nhat Hanh.

Chill, oh my , my mouth is watering just writing about those eggs. I too had a chocolate moment yesterday.

Miss B. swim squad, lavender bubbles and hot chocolate...sounds like heaven!

Lode, it's ditto time here for me in saying be careful. And I agree with Dill, we want you to STAY.

Can't seem to wrap my mind around a visualization of that dog carrier.

Sorry about that dang S and G song. I don't even like that song.

Everybody..you know who you are..have a good day.

Shelley

PS: saw Elizabeth Gilbert last night. She wrote "Eat, Pray, Love". Has anyone read that? She was wonderful, so funny. Lots of LOL's.

[ladybirdheart]

February: FEB FAST ~ AF ~ Week 1

We each have to find a way out that works for us, Lode, and you are so wonderfully introspective along the way. As you know, last week I had one ounce of alcohol after nine weeks alcohol free, and depending upon one?s perspective, that hot toddy could be described as a relapse, slip, imbecilic choice, no big deal, or cough medicine. When I said at the time it made me wonder what was ?realistic for me?, I think it was interpreted as I was musing that I might be able drink moderately and that was not what I meant at all. I can?t drink moderately in terms of it being no big deal, no danger, no worry, no problem. I don?t particularly even want to drink moderately, I want to drink a lot but with immunity and those days are no longer possible for me. What I meant was I wondered if being alcohol free forever is a realistic goal for me. It makes more sense for me cognitively and emotionally to just put drinking off as I already have for weeks, to be alcohol free indefinitely, to create situations in which it is OK to drink that are improbable (at restaurant two thousand miles away) so that I reduce my rate to zero in spite of myself. On the other hand, maybe I never will drink again, the truth is I don?t know for sure. If I do drink, I do not want it lead directly or more likely insidiously to an ?oh well I might as well just keep drinking since I have blown it? response. I was really afraid of that at first but less so now. I had a painful smoking quit nearly thirty years ago, I don?t miss it anymore at all, but every three, four, eight years I have one cigarette. I am not sure why, I just do. I am pleased with my progress. So don?t go to another thread and neither will I unless I am booted, many of us on this one are not going in a straight line and our goals will evolve and refine to what suits our individual natures. Love, Ladybird.

[sooty]

February: FEB FAST ~ AF ~ Week 1

Hello again folks - many wise and wonderful posts on here.
No-one but no-one is getting booted off this thread cos I'm the driver and I said so!
It doesn't matter how long it takes us or what route we take - we're all going the same way and that's fine with me!
I'm half watching 2 and a half men at the same time as writing to you all - I am a big fan.
Mr S up the pub watching the rugby and its lovely to have the house to myself.
Coronation Street on later - did you ever watch that Lav? In my opinion its far better than East Enders.
Well that's thursday nearly out of the way. See you all tomorrow - have a good rest of the day
love Sooty

[lilmea]

February: FEB FAST ~ AF ~ Week 1

Hello all. Had a busy morning here so a little late on checking in.

Sweaty!!!-I loved seeing your post. Stop in more often.

LHB-If I think about it, I have a hard time believing I will never drink again. Although being totally af is my main goal. I have just stopped worrying that far ahead. I work on today and when tomorrow comes I work on it. I have read that you should never tell yourself that you "can't" have a drink. It just makes you want it more. So I am like you, it's easier for me to just put off having that drink.

Lodes-I am afraid I will have to ditto what Chill, Red and Dill said. But I also ditto what everyone else said about not going anywhere else. Just stay right here with us.

Red-Good for you on recognizing your 2 week cycle. Now that you are aware of the problem, it sounds as if you are making a plan to get through it. It's time you break that cycle. You can do it!! :l

Dill-My oldest was going to drive over from Ohio but now they are predicting this huge snow storm. It's coming up from the south and will probably hit you folks first. I can't believe it. It's been in the low 40's for the last 2 weeks. ull:

Hello :wavin: Sky, Lav, Sped, Miss Sooty, Man, Cyn and everyone who follows. Have a peaceful, af evening.

[lodestar]

February: FEB FAST ~ AF ~ Week 1

Hey lovelies,

I just want to say thank you so much for all the kind words and warnings. I absolutely refuse to get complacent and that is why I would like to stay aboard ~ thanks for having me, friends. I do feel like this is where I belong with every fiber of my being. I like not having a tolerance for al and that is only possible with continued commitment to regular sobriety.

I want to be clear that I do not intend to "moderate" in the way that I will now try to control my drinking by allowing myself this or that, in these circumstances but not in those, 3 times a week, but never two days in a row, etc. That will not work for me and I know that. My life needs to be mainly AF for my mental wellbeing and physical health and that is top priority.

I do not view my night out as a success that should therefore lead to regular, controlled drinking, and I will not use it as such. The success I'm experiencing is that the big, scary "I'll be right back where I started thing" has been unveiled for me. I see the drink behind the curtain and it is not more powerful than I...if I continue not to indulge. For me, that was an important discovery. Believe me, I know how quickly al could have a hold on me again and I'm determined to keep fighting this battle right along with you. I am very committed to recovering myself and being here is an essential element of that process.

I just want you all to know how much your advice meant to me. I know it was lovingly given and it is gratefully received. You are all so special and I wish I could take you out for a fabulous af dinner to celebrate our collective wonderfulness. Since I can't, this will have to do:

:groupluv:

Be back soon!

[Lavande]

February: FEB FAST ~ AF ~ Week 1

Good evening friends,

Well, I hear there is a possibility of 18-24" of snow on the way. Who the hell needs that? I sure don't

Lode, I'm happy to hear you are doing well & staying on the sober bus with us. We don't want to disappoint our driver Sooty now do we?

LBH, the next time you fire up a smoke let me know OK? I may want to join you

Hi Lil, Dill, Red, Sky, Man, Cyn, Shelley & everyone who stops by......
Be well & watch out for major snow storms!

Lav

[Sky]

February: FEB FAST ~ AF ~ Week 1

Hi everyone

I have finally got my house repairs in order. And my car mended - well almost. Starting tomorrow, I can now shower inside again. And drive again. It's been a hell of a week, but it's over and now I can have a relaxing weekend. Perhaps I shouldn't speak too soon, but I can't see any obstacles at this point on a Friday evening. The only thing that may put a damper on the weekend is the looming grey sky. But, it will remain hot, so I can still choof on down to the beach.

There were a couple of times this week when a cigarette would have gone down so well, but I don't want to go back there. A friend has been driving me around so getting a lungful of her secondhand smoke has probably given me the nicotine urge. I would have thought after all this time I would hate the smell, but I don't. Most unfortunate.

Lodestar, just my two bits. I went along the path of only having two drinks when I went out to dinner, once a week or once a fortnight. lt slowly led me back to the every day drink and disaster. Hence my being here. You sound like you have your head screwed on though.

Have a lovely evening/day and I will look forward to catching up over the weekend.

Love Sky :rays:

[Sky]

February: FEB FAST ~ AF ~ Week 1

Hey Red, you must be on Day 14. Well done mate.

[lodestar]

February: FEB FAST ~ AF ~ Week 1

Oh feck.

Right. Sorry for the language. Here it is. The warned craving. I had a great day. Got approval for graduation!!!! Even though I have much writing to do, I've been informed that I will pass my exam almost without a doubt. Went for an amazing lunch and shirley temple to celebrate (alone, of course ~ family is a across the country), saw a movie (up in the air...maybe not the best movie at the moment, given that the guy is totally alone), little shopping afterward and bought a fab thrift store find. Was really fun, actually.

Definitely started feeling sorry for myself on the way home though, when this girl texted me (yes, even with all the cuteness I purchased). She seems a little interested in a date. Threw me for a major loop. Can't even believe I'm telling you all...just can't not tell you. Was it this morning that I sat in therapy and proclaimed my resolve about not numbing? Sheesh. There is a huge hole in me. I've been comfortable with being a lesbian for 18 years, right? Right. Right? I can't imagine going on a date without alcohol involved and I certainly cannot imagine being intimate. I mean, I was very intimate with partners of many years, but I do not know how to date or how to start off. I know you guys are mostly married and all, but...help? I know I don't want to date right now, but omg, I feel a bit raw all over just from being asked.

[lodestar]

February: FEB FAST ~ AF ~ Week 1

Thanks, sky. I don't know about screwed on though. A bit confuzzled right now. I think staying committed to AF right now is in order.

[Miss Behaving]

February: FEB FAST ~ AF ~ Week 1

Lodestar :l It is really hard getting "back out there" whether lesbian, gay or straight. If you dont want to date right now, could you suggest a weekend afternoon coffee or something like that?? You might at least find a new friend I think alcohol tends to isolate us from (good) social contact ... I'm a bit of an introvert myself but I also find that the more AF time I build up the less fearful I am about meeting new people and attending social events (ironic as some of my early drinking was very much about being able to relax in social situations).

I'm not going to be here for a week .... driving my mother up north to see one of my brothers. She is 85 and he is really sick (why am I being euphemistic? he has terminal cancer). They are going to stay together in a nursing home .... I sort of feel a bit blown away about how many people have helped us pull this off as it was important for both of them to see each other, but a bit hard to achieve it on a practical basis for a number of reasons. So I feel incredibly grateful that it is all going to happen and know that there is no way I could have managed it if I was still drinking.

and I have to say that I'm really looking forward to a week where I know that they are both being cared for and I can go to the beach without any anxiety! see you next week!

[Sky]

February: FEB FAST ~ AF ~ Week 1

Lodes, just be happy and be yourself.

Miss B, hope all goes well. Drive carefully.

[redhibiscus]

February: FEB FAST ~ AF ~ Week 1

Well I'm glad no one is being told to get off the bus, Sooty. Sounds like you had a contented evening, AF, enjoying a little TV, reflecting on your MWO site.

Lodestar, intimacy sober is a big deal, and dating...I have no idea how that would feel. Just maybe take it slow, go out for coffee, get to know the person. As you get more comfortable, it may just fall into place. Good luck. It is nice to be wanted though, isn't it?

Sky, today is day 14, nice of you to remember. Sounds like you are getting things done, a nice feeling. I am also a former smoker who likes the smell. Once in a while I will have a cigarette or two and yuck, the poisons in the cigarettes make me feel sick right away.

Reflection: It is great as I am getting older to let things go. Cigarettes, now alcohol. I feel lighter, more free. It is time to simplify and enjoy just being alive. Even eating differently, more naturally, less processed stuff. Also, the mindset of living in the now, being here in the moment. Lots to think about.

[redhibiscus]

February: FEB FAST ~ AF ~ Week 1

Well I'm glad no one is being told to get off the bus, Sooty. Sounds like you had a contented evening, AF, enjoying a little TV, reflecting on your MWO site.

Lodestar, intimacy sober is a big deal, and dating...I have no idea how that would feel. Just maybe take it slow, go out for coffee, get to know the person. As you get more comfortable, it may just fall into place. Good luck. It is nice to be wanted though, isn't it?

Sky, today is day 14, nice of you to remember. Sounds like you are getting things done, a nice feeling. I am also a former smoker who likes the smell. Once in a while I will have a cigarette or two and yuck, the poisons in the cigarettes make me feel sick right away.

Reflection: It is great as I am getting older to let things go. Cigarettes, now alcohol. I feel lighter, more free. It is time to simplify and enjoy just being alive. Even eating differently, more naturally, less processed stuff. Also, the mindset of living in the now, being here in the moment. Lots to think about.

Had another bad time on the way home. CRAVING. I think it is becaue I ate sugary foods at work. I wish people would stop bringing junk food, no one needs it. It sets me up to crave. So today, I am going to eat only healthy good stuff. Oh, I overcame my craving my again thinking it through to the end. Not just the drinking part, but the horrible night sweats, anxiety, restlessness, regrets. That did it for me.

So, it is Friday, and I love Fridays. I just need to take care of business being AF. I may revisit this afternoon. Have a great AF day.