Weekly AA Thread - 2/1 - 2/7

[dancelot]

Weekly AA Thread - 2/1 - 2/7

Hi, everyone -

I do like that the higher power can be whatever you see it as, and I've heard some interesting ones. Some people call it God, refer to it as "He", and I'm fine with whatever - I try to keep in mind someone else's vision is different than mine.

I was reading I think in the BB that some people use the program itself as their HP - not that it's actually seen as God, but that it's a workable system. I know just the energy I find in the place does work that way - and I guess that's the feeling some people get from church.

WF - I too feel that if it works, it's worth a shot. Once I kept an open mind about AA, I found it has way more plusses than not. There's the thing of Step 1 being the only one that has to be 100%. That I can agree with. I also like that saying, "Spiritual progress rather than spiritual perfection." That right there takes off the pressure without letting one off the hook.

DG - I was talking to someone who said he serenity prayer really does say it all and is really relevant to any aspect of life. So simple, yet it covers so much.

Mary - Thank you! I agree with DG about the leaping forward. That's a great way of putting it.

Thanks everyone for the thought provoking posts. The more I come here, the better I like this thread.

[Horsegirl]

Weekly AA Thread - 2/1 - 2/7

GOOD MORNING ALL!!!!!

Just checking in to let you know I have been to five meetings in five days. Am so glad I got the courage to do this.

This huge fog of denial is beginning to lift, and I must say it is a very painful process. Beginning to see myself in a whole new way is not at all pleasant, but I am starting to see that it is going to be necessary. Honesty about drinking hasn't been a part of my world for quite some time. After I had been to two meetings I told my HB and youngest son about my decision. My drinking has been like the huge elephant in the room that no one acknowledges, but definitely sees. It felt good to actually discuss it out in the open.

I am starting to believe that there is hope.

I am still so very grateful to all of you for opening my eyes to AA.

Love to all of you
Have a super day

HG

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread - 2/1 - 2/7

HG: How great to see you & see that you've done the 5 & 5! I too had to admit to my closest loved ones that I am, in fact, an alcoholic. Admitting it was very freeing, though my daughter doesn't want to believe it. The AA program has, as one of its pillars, rigorous honesty. Without honesty, I, for one, wouldn't have a recovery program. I'm trying to clean up my act on a minute to minute basis:
-no more lies of convenience.
-no more exaggeration.
-no more dishonest motives.
-& of course, no more sneaking drinks.
HG, I hope you'll keep going to meetings...it gets easier to the point now where I really look forward to my especially favorite meetings. Who would have thought sitting in a chilly church basement could be so gratifying?

DG: I too have heard people share that they are bartenders. I can't imagine how they do it. Even the restaurant business would be difficult, as at the end of the evening, the staff usually relaxes together w/a few drinks before going home. That said: if they can do it, all the more power to them.

Mary

[Winefree]

Weekly AA Thread - 2/1 - 2/7

Had to sit on the carpeted floor tonight at a meeting since it was so packed. (I wasn't the only one). It;s hard to believe that just last April when I went there for the first time there were only 5-6 people there and I was the only woman! It is one of my favorite meetings since the room is so serene. Just automatically relaxes you once you walk in.
Again discussion from the daily reflections tonight was around the higher power and God. Since I was born and raised a Catholic, I am amazed at how many seem to be in the rooms. Makes me wonder a bit.

HG, I was one who was NEVER going to AA and ended up doing more than 90 in 90! I was initially going to 7-10 meetings a week for more than 3 months. It kept me on track to keeping AL free, even through those tough times when picking up would have been so easy.
Of course MWO was also a key player for me too. I kept track of my AF days on the drink tracker here, which really helped me to see the days add up to weeks and months.
I like others enjoy and anticipate going to meetings. Recently I have been attending 4-5 meetings a week which keeps me on track.


Have a great evening all.

Winefree

[Doggygirl]

Weekly AA Thread - 2/1 - 2/7

Happy Thursday!

Dance, I think a lot of people use either the group or the AA program as their higher power. Some initially, and I think some for the long haul. I've heard that called the "G.O.D. Good Old Drunks around the table" by the old timers. I don't know why but I love all the corny sayings. The group as a whole certainly has more power over alcohol than I ever did! There would be far less liklihood of me taking a drink after sitting in a meeting with that bunch than after sitting alone.

HG - good for you on the honesty. I can really relate to drinking being the "elephant in the room" that nobody talked about. For me, getting honest with myself and others has been such a key to freedom. Freedom from all the guilt and remorse and shame that comes with living in so many lies and wrong doings.

Mary, I love your point about dishonest motives. My motives really stank a lot of the time, and I have to watch it now because old habits die hard. It feels SO good when I do the right things for the right reasons - I want more of that!

WF, I too did 90 meetings in 90 days and it didn't feel like a chore at all. Oh there were some days where I maybe didn't feel like it, but by the time I actually went to AA I already knew I wanted what some of the AA people here at MWO had. So the willingness to learn was there. I'm like you now hitting about 5 meetings a week. Has the group grown over time (where you sat on the carpet) or was yesterday just a bigger than usual group? You mention that the room is nice - what sort of place is this meeting held? LOL - most of the meetings I go to are at the little Alano club which is run on a shoe string budget so the only bread from 70's decor is the paper decorations for whatever holiday is coming up! :H

Today was a very interesting meeting. The bartender that I mentioned yesterday is really struggling still with the recent AL induced deaths. The place where she works is hosting a "benefit" for the families this weekend, and ironically, lots of $$ will be raised by selling lots of AL. She feels so conflicted about that and I don't blame her. The wonderful thing today is that there were others around the tables who either are or were bar tenders. They were able to relate directly to her situation and offer her some great wisdom on how to cope with her feelings. I also found it interesting that somewhere in Chicago is a meeting that is specifically geared towards bar tenders and those in the hospitality industry.

Our discussion today was centered on the 24-Hour reading and many of the people who commented talked about the real and lasting friendships they have developed since coming to AA and getting sober (friendships both inside and outside AA) v. the superficial "friendships" many of us had while drinking - especially in bars. I have to say that when I was drinking, before I isolated myself, my relationships definitely had a "using" component. I always expected something in return for anything I did, and for many years AL was involved. (i.e. I'll buy the drinks but I expect you to sit here and keep me company..... I'll do X for you but I expect you to come drinking with me.... etc.)

I realized that I even abused my position as a manager throughout my career "twising the arms" of those who reported to me to come drinking with me. That was not fair. It felt good to realize it, and be able to be honest about that.

Well, that's probably enough rambling for now! I hope you all are having a terrific day.

DG

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread - 2/1 - 2/7

Tonight's meeting was about humility (step 7). It happened to coincide w/something I read in today's reading. If we're rigorously honest about our character defects and our motives, humility happens naturally. Until I got honest about my alcoholism w/my sponsor & my loved ones, I either felt like the worst person in the world or I was doing whatever I could to feel better than anyone else. Humility is about feeling right-sized. Also, if I'm doing the next right thing for the next right reason, humility is the natural outcome. My problem was, & still is at times, doing the next right thing for the wrong reason (so that others will think I'm wonderful or so I can have things my own way or some other selfish reason). Examining my motives (especially when I'm about to do, say, or think something) does not come naturally, especially in the moment. I'm starting to see my motivations a little more clearly when I do my nightly prayer session which enables me NOT to repeat the same selfish actions over & over.

I'm beginning to see that these principles are a life-long process. I can also see (as the obsession subsides) that they can guide my sober actions & make me a happier person.

I love that, at many of the meetings I go to, the promises are read. I can have them IF I'M WILLING TO WORK FOR THEM.

Mary

[Doggygirl]

Weekly AA Thread - 2/1 - 2/7

Mary, that is an excellent post and something I have to work on - watching my motives and humility. In todays readings, the Walk In Dry Places reading illustrates a good example of how a particular behavior can be good or bad depending on motives.

I love the promises. They are coming true in my life. I don't always understand how or why this program works the way it does, but I'm sure grateful it works.

DG

[Doggygirl]

Weekly AA Thread - 2/1 - 2/7

Hi all. I included this link in the daily thread too, but this is the story we discussed today at the Big Book meeting. http://www.aa.org/bigbookonline/en_t...edintime14.pdf It was a good read for me having gone through many years of a "work hard, play hard" career only to have AL suck me dry before I finally was ready to see the problem.

I was saddened today by the news that my homeless friend and his little dog have not been around because he was told he can't bring his dog into the club any more. I do understand that they have to have rules, and everyone doesn't like dogs, someone might be allergic, etc. It was actually progress for me to be able to honestly say "I understand why the board may have needed to make that policy, but it still makes me sad." In the old days, I would have not responded that way.

A few of us are going to try to find him, and see if he is interested in making a time once a week to have an outdoor meeting someplace in a park or something. I know some of the other homeless guys probably see him, so I'm sure we can get word around somehow. I know coming to meetings at the club was also a way to get in out of the cold for awhile, so I hope he has found a "dog friendly" place where he can still do that in the winter.

The words from the Big Book "show me the way of tolerance, kindness and love" came to mind. I'm not even saying that those making the new rule were NOT doing that. I'm sure it was difficult for all involved. I just still thought of those words and hope I can apply them more and more in my life.

DG

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread - 2/1 - 2/7

DG: I bring my dog w/me wherever I go. He's small & wears a sweater to keep him warm. Perhaps your friend could stow his dog in someone's car for the hour he's in a meeting. Missing meetings is the surest route to a relapse. Mary

[Doggygirl]

Weekly AA Thread - 2/1 - 2/7

Hi Mary. I'm guessing there were some hard feelings involved - sadly that's how these things often go. I'm just hoping I can find a way to get in touch. He's been sober a long time and is very resourceful - I'm guessing he's going to meetings somewhere somehow. His little dog is a fashion plate with all her coats LOL! He won't accept much of anything from people for himself so we spoil his dog.

DG

[Doggygirl]

Weekly AA Thread - 2/1 - 2/7

Hello all! For some reason we had a record turn out this morning for a 12&12 meeting. It was on Tradition 9. It truly is pretty amazing that AA has withstood the test of 75 years time with very little by way of "organization" the way we typically think of it. Only 12 traditions guide the entire ship. No person is in charge - all the members are in charge. We typically behave based on suggestions, not orders. Nobody with a desire to stop drinking can be turned away - at least not for good! (maybe for a short time for REALLY bad behavior from a particular premisis or something)

Something that I find really sad is the misperception of certain "have to's" in AA, when they are not "have to's" at all. Just yesterday in chat several people commented that one thing they don't like about AA is the requirement to introduce oneself as an alcoholic. There is no such requirement! And yet I can relate because I had all kinds of misperceptions about AA before I decided to go check it out first hand and give it a real chance. (my own committment was 90 in 90, then decide if I wanted to stick around or not)

Anyway, I think what's important here at My Way Out is that all of us try to be open minded about all possible aids in the battle against our common enemy - alcohol. What has worked for me might not work at all for someone else. There are many approaches discussed here. If one doesn't work, I hope that posters here always feel encouraged to try one of the other approaches (or something entirely different we may not be currently discussing here).

I hope that I never inadvertently discourage someone from trying a method just because it didn't work for me, or just because I personally don't know much about it, or just because my ego likes it when people follow in my own path. At the end of the day, I wish sobriety (or successful moderation for those trying that) for each and every person here. I'm trying to work on humility.

I'm so grateful that I didn't spend yesterday running around like a chicken with my head cut off acquiring more than my usual amount of booze in honor of Super Bowl Sunday, even though I'm not much of a football fan. (no AL sold until noon on Sundays here) Super Bowl Sunday was just an excuse to get drunker than usual. I'm glad I don't have to live like that any more. At least if I don't remember the commercials, it will be due to dozing off for real - not being too drunk to remember or passed out!

Now there's a ramble for today! Hope you are all having a good one.

DG

[dancelot]

Weekly AA Thread - 2/1 - 2/7

Hi, everyone -

DG, I too went to a huge meeting this morning. Maybe it's always that big - it was my first time since I'm not much of a morning person, but I have decided to try for 90 in 90 (my decision). Maybe it's the Super Bowl, which comes on during the evening Sunday meeting, so everyone came in the morning!

Mary told me (after I asked) that the only requirement for AA was a desire to stop drinking. That kind of simplified for me. I know I was uncomfortable saying that I was an alcoholic when I was first sober, and couldn't until about 5 months in. I wonder if that was because I was still holding back something. I don't know if that was my fear of AA - after all, I knew it was a good program that works, but it's for alcoholics. Probably more about admitting the obvious. If you admit you're an alcoholic, then the next obvious step is giving up drinking, or knowing in my case staying that way, and no exceptions ever. I think so much is when you're ready (which I learned in AA). I like the very straightforward AA saying about admitting you're an alcoholic, and willing to go to whatever lengths necessary to get and stay sober.

When I saw what AA is about, it was much less scary. I feel free to go at my own pace, though I do try to attend a meeting every day, read a little BB every night, read the Daily Recovery Readings (and thanks for posting that link, DG - that was another thing I got from this thread - even if I never even went to AA, there's some great food for thought there).

Learning humility is a big deal for me too. I also am a much bigger control freak than I thought. I think learning humility makes me more useful here as well. I can still have my strong convictions, but gain a better perspective on the fact that it might be different for different people. Or maybe they're not quite ready yet, and all the good and well intentioned advice in the world won't make a difference right now. Today someone mentioned "planting a seed", regarding this very issue.

I also agree that whatever method(s) work for each individual are OK by me. I always keep an open mind, and am grateful how many ways are discussed here. I too, would try a different one if what I'm doing didn't help. I also discussed supplements such as L-Glute with some AA people who hadn't heard of it. So it works both ways for sure.

I have been in a somewhat negative thinking pattern the last few days, and felt very down yesterday. I didn't even want to go to a meeting yesterday (women's meeting - sometimes it's great, sometimes I definitely like the men women mix better). This was one of those emotional ones, we talked about fear, which about reduced me to tears anyway, and a couple of women had some very sad stories. I did not feel good when I left like I usually do, but went home with my notes I always take, and started working it a little more. A little more "give it over to God, pray that he take on your burden and guide you, look at your own pain and fear (hurt pride and self righteousness - two things a young women brought up and a light went off in my head). Anyway, I did all this, went to bed early and actually slept soundly through the night, and awoke with a clear spiritual head I guess. So even the meetings that aren't as "good" are often valuable lessons. When you can use the tools to get out of a bad place, now that's healthy sobriety!

This morning the topic was service and helping other alcoholics. There are many ways, the very simplest being sometimes someone who thinks they have nothing to contribute, but what they do say resonates with somebody in the room. That was my experience yesterday.

I think too, that giving up control (lots of control freaks in the alcoholic world, it seems!) is what people fear about AA. But we really are powerless over alcohol, once we drink it. And so many of us have made a huge mess of our lives by clinging so tightly to the idea that we can control everything, all the time (and cling to this idea even when it's proven we can't). To me it is a huge relief to let go finally. Get some much needed rest and respite. I have not slept so good as I have since joining AA. By letting go, I have more control in a weird way.

One more thing to anyone who has not tried AA - the people are no different than you find at MWO, except they are all sober (many for a whole lot of years) or want to be. They are just like us. We have fun there, we laugh at drinking stories, hidden bottles, all the same things we do here. We also share how the AA tools work on a very practical basis. We share a positive energy that you can feel in the rooms. We give each other so much hope. The old timers get as much out of it as the new people. You can get a real live hug when you need one (virtual hugs are good, but real 3-D hugs are wonderful).

Anyway, I'm rambling now too - I could talk all day on this topic! That's how energized I get! Have a good day everyone!

[Doggygirl]

Weekly AA Thread - 2/1 - 2/7

Dance I love how you express yourself. Usually I feel positive after most meetings. Like you, there are some that leave me feeling unsettled or uncomfortable. That's generally (like you mentioned!) because something comes up that is uncomfortable for me, but that I need to face or deal with in some way. I've learned to take feelings of discomfort as a "sign" that I should look around for the lesson right away and just get it over with! :H

I completely agree that for me, my negative perceptions of AA were really a fear of the inevitable "solution" necessary for me as an alcoholic - no more drinking. I did NOT want to go there and that is the biggest reason I made up other reasons that AA was not for me. I too felt a huge sense of relief to finally get past that, admit my addiction to myself and others, and get on with recovery.

Yes, 3D hugs rock. I love My Way Out because it's really 24X7 - we can come here and express whatever we need to WHENever we need to. I also like learning about the newest things in addiction treatment and people's diverse experiences. I love AA because the tools are making a difference in my life, and the 3D aspect is really helping me get into the mainstream sober - something I simply have never done in my entire adult life.

Well, I think it's about time to figure out what happened this season leading up to the Super Bowl. Sister is rooting for the Saints. I asked her if that's because they are, well, the "Saints." She said no - because the Colts took the Bears rightful spot. :H

Happy Super Bowl Sunday!

DG