AF Daily - February 1, 2010

[Doggygirl]

Hello Abblanders! Where is the UK contingent? Marshy, are you off work this week and sleeping in our something? Yes, I saw you rubbing it in yesterday. :b&d:

I ended up going to an AA workshop yesterday which was awesome, but did not get my office stuff done. So...today will be a busy one catching up! I'm SO glad I don't have a hangover. That was the worst - facing a REALLY busy day feeling like total crap and just wanting to stay in bed. Then I would have an unproductive day because of being under motivated and feeling like crap, and then drinking again which piled some guilt on top of the crap. Oy. I'm so glad I don't live like that any more.

One of the things that really hit home for me at the workshop yesterday was reflecting on the mental obsession for me and alcohol. The insanity of it all. On a DAILY basis for years and years I would say "just one" and then BLAMMO. Once I had one, I was off to the races. The outcome was the same every time. It really was insane to think the outcome would be "different this time." It was NEVER different but I kept on thinking it would be somehow. :nutso:

Anyway...Just grateful to be sober here. When I think about how insane my thinking was, I truly feel like a walking miracle.

Zoom zoom...

DG

[Leelou]

AF Daily - February 1, 2010

Hello one and all,

I have been offline, moved my PC into my new office and had no net connection until now.

I've also been struggling abit lately. Lots of AL cravings... which I mostly conquer, but then it seems to sneak in here and there, you know the drill...feel like crap after, let yourself and your family down etc..and I'm really over it! I really am!!

I've been devoting alot of time, patience and soul searching to take charge of my life and not let AL be in charge. And to let the real me shine.

At times .... I seem to be progressing beyond expectations. But there is something that I can't get my head around at this stage, and I think it is one reason I stumble. I'm not sure what direction I should take.

Many of the self-help tools out there (and here) are based on faith, prayer or of a higher power.
Many books, posts, meetings etc. are focused on the higher power to help you deal with any situation. And I'm fine with that, I think it's great. I really do believe in positive focus, I believe in higher power, and I respect faith for all that hold faith dearly.

BUT.....

due to issues relating to my childhood upbringing... I seem to have a brick wall between me ....faith, prayer, and high powers.....

Any interest I have is in Buddhism, and that has only recently evolved out of my experiences. Anyway, AL is totally not the right mindset to be doing if I want to explore the Buddhist faith, so Im not even starting well there either.

This rant isn't about a religion or religions completely.... rather, it's a question based on confusion, because when I read or hear amazing suggestions of how to overcome AL that encourage GOD, prayer or strong faith to help get you through... I think I shut down, and hence, I don't take the suggestions seriously enough for me to act on them, or take them personally.

I admit this is due to my background. I try and accept words of GOD and prayer more universally, but it still doesn't work when it relates to me.

I may be 'lost' to some, but I want to take on board all that I read and hear that will help me get back to the girl inside. This issue keeps coming up, and I am not sure how to balance what help I get, be it read/listen etc. without the fact that this issue makes me rule out so much when it gets to the faith side of things.

Does anyone relate to that or have any suggestions?

[Doggygirl]

AF Daily - February 1, 2010

Hi Leelou! Good to see you and glad that you have your computer all moved now. I still love your avatar - it makes me think of spring!

I can definitely relate to feeling "blocked" when it comes to the subject of God / Higher Power. I do not recall my childhood experience with religion in a fond way. I still consider myself quite "religiously confused." I feel a lot less "spiritually confused" than I used to.

My AA sponsor asked me last Friday what I think the difference is between spirituality and religion. I responded that to me (now - this is a recently developed opinion) religion is something that is outside of me, and spirituality is something inside of me. To me, spirituality is my sense of right and wrong. Part of what is ugly and dark about drinking for me is that I ended up lying, being completely selfish, etc - things that were "soul sucking" behaviors. They made me feel terrible as a person and then I tried using alcohol to feel better, and the viscious circle continued. I was sick in the spirit.

I personally do not have a convincingly strong idea of EXACTLY what / who "God" is. I just don't. I AM willing to believe that there are forces at work in the universe around me that are not completely random. I believe in some simple things like "what goes around comes around." It seems that when I operate through the day with what I believe are better values (trying to think of others more than myself, trying to be honest, etc.) then good things seem to come back to me. The BEST thing that seems to come to me is a peace of mind and a serenity that I'm starting to see as a priceless treasure.

At this stage, praying for me is pausing to ask "the great universe" for help. What is the right thing to do? What is the right thing to say? I don't always hear an answer. But sometimes, a little something will happen that feels as though I got some help. Is that coming from inside me? Or is it coming from outside me? I'm not sure.

At first, I tried to somehow "believe in" this stuff before taking action. That got me nowhere. What I started doing was saying little prayers just in case maybe they would work sometimes. The serenity prayer is my favorite because no matter what I do or don't believe in from a religious sense, I DO believe there are things in this world that are within my control, and things that are not. It is a FACT that I spent much of my life being extremely frustrated trying to control things that are simply not within my power to control. And then I would fail to take responsibility for things that ARE within my control. So when I ask for the wisdom about that, and it works, I can't explain where the answers come from. I only know that saying prayers such as that one seem to be helping me achieve a peace of mind and sense of balance that I did not have before.

So I guess I will keep sayin' 'em even if I don't understand 'em LOL!

Budhism has always intrigued me and someday I would like to at least develop a modest understanding. If you decide to do more research I would be interested if you share your thoughts!

Well, now it's definitely time for some zoomin'! Good to see you and hello to all yet to come and any cross posters!

DG

[Raven.joy]

AF Daily - February 1, 2010

hey DG I am here representing little old England and can sure relate to the always thinking "it will be ok this time"thing.
Truth is I am ok without it. As for God if he/she shows up then fine. In the meantime I will believe in the power of love and human beings cos that is what saved me.

[Lavande]

AF Daily - February 1, 2010

Good morning Abbers,

Thanks for the startup DG! Glad you enjoyed your workshop yesterday
We all need to do whatever works for us..........

Leelou, good to see you! I hope you do find whatever or whoever it is you need to motivate you! I do believe in God, I was brought up in the Catholic church & school. I've really moved away from organized religion as such but still feel some connection. I don't believe that we are alone here, there is some sort of Higher Power at the controls. My nephew recently married a girl who is Buddhist. She has him living a very clean & sober life, eating Vegan, going to retreats, etc. It seems to have grounded him quite a bit - he tends to be a bit of a space cadet (Philosophy major)! You just never know about things until you do some exploring

Greeting to you as well Raven! Sobriety is a blessing, for sure!

Well, I need to get to work myself. Wishing everyone a terrific AF Monday!

Lav

[LVT25]

AF Daily - February 1, 2010

Hello friends.

These on the go weeks and weekends really wear me out! I guess I really should have had my kids at a little younger age. I don't suppose the nutrition aspect helps my energy level at all. Yesterday my diet pretty much consisted of caffeine and sugar--not good!

When we got home yesterday I found myself alone with the tv remote and an episode of Intervention was on. I really like this program, but like most of the programs I like--hubby does not, so I never watch it. But since he wasn't home I did, and the boys joined me. I used it as an opportunity to discuss addiction and the science behind drinking alcohol at a young age when the brain is still developing. My oldest son asked me if I would consider myself an alcoholic before I quit. And I said yes, probably...it's hard to admit out loud though. And he asked about dad and I said the same. It is hard to admit out loud. And I still feel like I was more of a problem drinker and abused alcohol, because it seemed like more of a habit than an addiction to me. I think that is why it is so much harder for some to quit than others. I guess it doesn't matter what you call it--alcohol is over rated! Tonight's episode is about "huffing". I want them to see that too.

LeeLou--I truly feel bad for those that don't believe in God. There is so much help and hope there that you are missing out on. I understand that organized religion has ruined this for so many people, this is so sad. I would recommend a book that I am reading with my bible study group called "The Ragamuffin Gospel" by Brennan Manning. He is an ex-priest and does a good job discussing God's grace for all of us. Maybe it will help.

Well, since I was either gone or lazy all weekend, I better get busy now. Have a great week all! :h

[momof3]

AF Daily - February 1, 2010

Good Morning All,

Well, I am considering February 1st my new January 1st. I had a rough and rocky start to the new year with a series of crises and illnesses in the family. Now that it has passed, I am going to focus on some of my New Year goals and resolutions--more exercise, get back into running (had a back injury last year), back to eating in a more healthy way (my sugar consumption has been out of control), more me time-less work, more play.

On another note, I went to see "It's Complicated" with Meryl Streep this weekend. It was a good movie, but I found it a bit unsettling to my sobriety. There was lots of drinking and some pot smoking which of course was all associated with fun and being uninhibited (which is how I used to see myself when I drank). I had to remind myself that "my movie" would end in disaster. Anyhow, it's the first time I've had an urge to drink in a very long time. It wasn't long lasting but definitely had to talk myself though it--had to tame that irrational addictive place in my brain.

Be Well,
M3

[Sweaty Betty]

AF Daily - February 1, 2010

Hey All.

Lee-Lou - funnily enough someone asked my at work yesterday 'if I had a faith'. I had to think about it
and the answer was that no, nothing I could define, but I do believe in the concept of 'Kharma' (sp?) in very simple terms, do good stuff, and good stuff happens (I said very simple!). I was brought up catholic, and do pop in to a church every now and then to light a candle and have a bit of a contemplate, I find it comforting because it reminds me of family and home - a community, so that's what I take from the faith I was given.

There may be a bit of a Buddhist within me somewhere as I still apologise to the ants that I wipe off the kitchen surfaces, and was most pleased to be able to rescue a water bird last week, that was very similar to the ones Mr Sweats had been eating in rural Vietnam a couple of days before. I felt like I'd paid back his Kharmic debt!

That's my 2c.

Bets
x





Do some reading

[Marshy]

AF Daily - February 1, 2010

Hi de hi campers,

Doggygirl;799425 wrote: Marshy, are you off work this week and sleeping in our something?

I was up at the crack of 9am!

Been busy doing nothing. Well, actually I've got some of those annoying things done - bought the thingy to fix the bathroom light (haven't actually fixed it yet :H), hung pictures, cleared out clothes I don't want from wardrobe and drawers (two big bags of never worn/hardly worn stuff to take to the charity shop tomorrow, two big bags of skanky old stuff for the bin - better not get them mixed up!).

In the "old days" when I had time off work, I just used to drink all day and hated wasting the time off, hating what I was doing to myself, so it's still a bit of a novelty to be doing some useful things.

Leelou - have you tried meditation? I did a meditation course at a Hindu centre in my early AF days (it wasn't religious) and they do drop-in lunchtime guided meditations for stressed office workers which I've also been to from time to time. I found it helped calm my mind when my addiction was whirling around in my head like a trapped weasel. Meditation a key component of Buddhism, isn't it, so it might be an introduction for you if you have a Buddhist centre near you (don't know if you're in or near a city).
ETA: listening to a CD of Tibetan chanting as we speak!

Any of you across-the-ponders seen Precious? It's just opened here and I can't decide if it will be good or unrelentingly grim...

Have a sober day y'all.

[KateH1]

AF Daily - February 1, 2010

Well...Howdy...Abbers, a bit late in the day, but, better late than never! I hit the ground running at 6AM and I have been working all day...then went to my physical therapy....OMG! I always feel so fantastic after PT!! I cannot believe that I am still at this..since my fall last April.

Leelou, good to see you back! Yes, I totally get the whole religion thing. But, I will say that I do believe in a "Universal Engery", Buddist or Zen idea, if you will. Interestingly enough, I have also been involved in the study of Kabbala and so much of that really makes sense to me as well. I do find meditation and yoga to ve very valuable to me.....especially in my sober life! Keep exploring different teachings....you just might land on something or some combination that resonates with you!

Marshy, you sound like you are accomplishing a lot of those things that make us feel great!! Hey, the crack of 9AM, when on vacation sounds wonderful to me!! Enjoy!

Momof3, That movie is one that I have on my list....I guess we have to deal with the whole notion of drinking being fun, relaxing and entertaining.....annoying as that is!! Thanks for the Heads Up!!

DG...I love reading your posts about your AA meetings......your meetings sound, interesting and enjoyable.......if you weren't so far away.....you could through me in your car to attend with you!!:H But, for now, at least I will be content on attending by proxy!!

So, Everyone...have a relaxing AF evening!!
xx Kate

[greeneyes]

AF Daily - February 1, 2010

Whew!!! I have to admit to wanting a drink after the tax meeting for the hole. Well, as long as admissions are on the table, yesterday too - while working on it and in the process sorting the divorce box. That was one fecking depressing box of angst. I SHALL put my grill to good use with those papers in releasing the bad energy in flames to universe.

Speaking of releasing to the universe, I'm on that page of univeral energy too. The meditation is a good idea. I love the idea of a lunch time drop-in. Wow. Kate you should check out that darkness to light series. The woman (Shifra something)hosting it is a follower/teacher of Kabbala.

I'm up for a funny movie. I watched The Boy In Striped Pajamas this weekend and it left me with a feeling that I can't decide if it was hollow or like the weight of a cannonball.

Well, dinner time.

[Determinator]

AF Daily - February 1, 2010

whew, late check in from garlic breath. you know...as bad as we may be sometimes I think we still have a thousand times more self control than our damn government. I really should stop watching the news....bad for blood pressure.

AF and unhung. Pretty good way to enjoy a Monday.

be well everyone