Thursday Oct 5th

[gabby]

You guys gotta be sick of me by now. Bet your glad I am goin to work for the weekend. Who is takin over anyway. I haven't even looked at the calendar thread.

Well....I wont say much ok.

I found a good daily thought for us anyway.
So here ya go.

What's good for me?

When we are soul-searching, be it for the smaller or larger decisions we face during the day, we can learn to ask, is this good for me?....Is this what I really want?...Is this what I need?....Does this direction feel right for me?....Or am I succumbing to control and influence that I sometimes allow others or other things to have over me?

It is not unhealthy selfishness to question if something is good for us. That is an old way of thinking.

To ask if something is good for us is a healthy behavior, not to be ashamed of, and will probably work out in everyone's best interests.

We shall not wander down a selfish path of self-indulgence by asking of a thing is good for us. We shall not stray from God's intended plan, God's highest good, by asking if a thing is good for us.

By asking ourselves this simple question, we participate in directing our life toward the highest good and purpose; we own our power to hold ourselves in self-esteem.

Today I will begin acting in my best interests. I will do this with the understanding that, on occasion, my choices will not please everyone around me. I will do this with the understanding that asking if a thing is good for me will ultimately help me take true responsibility for my life and my choices.

__________________
Gabby

[gabby]

Thursday Oct 5th

Just makin sure this thread works.
Oh happy day......la la lalaala

[gabby]

Thursday Oct 5th

ok....its all good....bye

[Guest]

Thursday Oct 5th

Hi Gabby and everyone.
I had to come back and was thrilled to see the debate of yesterday.

Gabby, I fully respect you doing the mayor thing over such a debate.. that really may weigh heavily on you, not wanting to offend etc and I think you are doing it with just the right approach and attitude so keep up the good work.

I'm sure that there are some here that still are wanting to aim for moderation and the discussion between abs and mods can often be fraught... specially when us nutcases (talking about myself here) of abs are so high and mighty and opinionated.. but I suppose if you find something that works for you.. you stick to it, just like when you want to find something that works for you you keep searching.. and for those of us on abs.. we just want others to find what works for them (and we think its abs!!!)

My reality is that mods is just not for me. If I did mods I'd be thinking of drinking every hour of every day. Every time I've tried it I've failed. I cant even go to the mods board.. because that does not support my sobriety.. now, I know it supports people there and thats great.. but for me, they have to keep it there - does that sound harsh? I dont know.. but for me, thats true. Take Tawny, for example. I just love Tawny... a fellow ozzy fighting the grog. I really want to know how Tawny is going but I cant go to the mods board cos then I'll start thinking about mods thinking it works for some.. but I"m not strong enough.. no, not even nearly at a year sober, I know that I have to stick to my strategies ALL the time.

I do think its important that people can share their journey and I'm conscious of the silence of Macks at this point. Macks, dont think because we find it hard to not be sad at your slip that we dont love you or wish you the best.. its precisely BECAUSE we love you that we ARE sad. From the bottom of my heart I want you to succeed... and I really dont want anything that I may have said to put you from your task of succeeding.

Thats where a forum such as this is hard. Obviously those starting out may want a 'softer' place to start out from than hardened abs campaigners like me around.. and those doing the month of abs likewise may not like some of my opinions... thats fine.. because what is for them, they may find from someone else on the board or in their lives. My answer cant be for everyone, it can only be for me.

And to Kathy, your silence was deafening!!! I so want you to succeed. I've seen you struggle so eloquently.. the sharing of your journey has been very powerful to me. I"m your number one supporter and PLEASE dont be offended by anything i've said.

Its a bummer. I just want everyone to succeed and I have no way of controlling how that can happen and I struggle with the emotions it brings out in me.

Lots of love to all
Brigid

[sujul]

Thursday Oct 5th

Thanks, Brigid, for saying what I've been trying to figure out how to say....

I'm too tired to be very eloquent or even very articulate...but I've been thinking (and worrying) about what is happening here all day...wondering what to say, how to be honest and loving at the same time...trying to find some sort of balance that might work for all of us....

So, thanks again, for saying what I wanted to but couldn't seem to find the words...

And, thanks, Gabby, for doing what you do....you're terrific!

Okay--gotta get some sleep--perhaps I'll be a tad more articulate tomorrow...
:h
susan

[gabby]

Thursday Oct 5th

Like Susan, Brigid I was struggleing to find those words. Thats why I am up at 4:17 am in front of the pc. Thank you for your putting them into a post ever so nicely. gabbs

[mikeupnorth]

Thursday Oct 5th

Hey Gabby, great job as Mayor yesterday. You held things together really well. I think these are called growing pains. Our community has been going through several growth spurts lately and while they are sometimes uncomfortable, they make us stronger. Yesterday's discussion was necessary and, I think, inevitable.

Macks I really hope you didn't feel like your slip set off a firestorm yesterday. I know that is probably what it seemed like. But the fact that so many people spoke up, and with so much to say, shows that it was something that needed to be brought out in the open. So this topic would have come out anyway, it was just a matter of time. Hopefully by now your hangover is gone. I hope you're doing better and back on track.

Gabby I went ahead and signed myself up as Mayor starting Saturday. So you can take your much-deserved break, and just enjoy being a community member again for a bit. I actually signed up until the 15th. But if you want to take some of those days back, just go to the calendar and put your name back on. No problem with me.

I've noticed my last few posts have started to look like novels so I will end this one and start a new one. That way at least it won't look so long. :H
Maybe I should change my name to Gabby2.

[Guest]

Thursday Oct 5th

Brigid

Brigid--I can echo every one of your statements. Macks you were not the cause of this discussion--it is what many of us have had on our minds for quite some time. I can also echo the people who have pointed out that this is a monthly forum--which is why there are two sections dedicated to abs. There are two sections because there is a difference between those of us who understand that mods is not for us and others that are just trying it out. There is a difference between people who say--"I can't drink no matter what" and others that say--"I want abs, but if this happens......" and people who are going abs for 30 days and fully plan to moderate.

I am one of those nutcases as well. And in regards to Gabby's topic--"What is good for me"--I find a lot of the time that includes not coming to this board. I have to guard my sobriety at this point. It is difficult for me to read posts where someone has slipped and then decides what the heck--I'll try again in 5 days. My brain can be tempted to process that in a certain way--and I echo the people that say "hey maybe I could do that"---my brain just can be tempted to process it that way--and that is dangerous for me--thus why I stay away often.

I would suggest that if Absville is a place where we would like to have total abs--then it should be be moved under long terms Abs. People can visit--and come to ask for help and support--but when they go to that area they realize that total abs is the goal of the group. If abs is a shorter term goal for some they can visit this area which is designed for shorter term abs. Its just an idea. And I wouldn't say that Absville has to be a place of perfection. But if you drink--and you begin to think mods might be for you--then the post shouldn't go into Absville.

I am still debating if this place is good for me. I love the people and the support that is here. There are tons of great discussions and ideas. But if I think I may not be able to handle some things (my issues--not yours) then I may have to only visit absville occasionally--rather than live here.

Kim

[sujul]

Thursday Oct 5th

Love your novels, Mike! And you had some great suggestions that I didn't get a chance to comment on....so much going on.... And you're so right...Macks didn't set off the firestorm--it's been brewing for a while....

Still and all, I think we did a fairly good job of respecting the fact that we're all at different stages of our journeys and that there are different paths to the same end--a satisfying, creative and sustainable life.

See y'all later on--
:h
susan

[sujul]

Thursday Oct 5th

Amen, Kim. Thanks.

[InnerStrength]

Thursday Oct 5th

Hey guys
I really feel like we are treading in dangerous waters here. I know I am new to absville and everything but are we not being a little TOO harsh on everybody? Like, for example, to me it seems like poor Macks has been afraid to post anything at all. Yes, he slipped but goodness, he came and he posted and acknowledged and now its seems that we are talking about separating people into different forums (long term ab board versus monthly ab board).

I mean, what gives? I thought the whole charm about this site and what made it so appealing (and a welcome alternative to AA) was that it ws non-judgmental and welcomed people with open arms. Well, I can tell you, I have gone to many AA meetings and NOT ONCE was someone shunned or turned away or sent to a separate room if he/she wasen't entirely sure what he/she wanted to do. That's not what it's about. Maybe I am being a little too sensitive or emotional here (forgive me if I am reading too much into what's being going on), but as much as I COMPLETELY support a somewhat tough love support and COMPLETELY support the "let's help re-evalutate what you are doing and where it went wrong" thing if you slip approach, once we start talking about separating people into different rooms, I think we are moving into a dangerous area. And, I was thinking about this last night. I think we have to be SUPER careful about the tough love thing too. Because not only might we encourage someone to be quieter (poor Macks), we might also encourage others to not be truthful, or to shy away from absville altogether. How to rectify this, I dont know. Just my too cents.

I still love ya all.

Jen
Day 5

[InnerStrength]

Thursday Oct 5th

Hi
Day 5.
Jen.

[mikeupnorth]

Thursday Oct 5th

I like the topic of the day ? stopping to ask if something is good for me before I do it. If I had practiced that all my life I would have avoided a lot of trouble. Well it?s never too late to start, is it? And it?s a good discipline for recovery, for sure. We alcoholics (problem drinkers, alcohol abusers -- however we classify ourselves ? I, for one, am an alcoholic) have a lot of practice at making choices that are bad for us. We choose to have ?just one more? when we know we have to get up early the next day. We go head and drive, even though we?ve had too much to drink. We let our bodies fall apart because we are too worn out from the booze to do anything about it. We gain 10, 20, 30 pounds and feel terrible about ourselves and just let our self esteem go down the toilet. We let relationships fall apart. We neglect our spiritual health. And we choose to continue drinking in spite of all the negative consequences. Sometimes, even after starting a program of recovery, we choose to go back and drink. How crazy is that? So yes, I think it?s appropriate to ask, ?Is this action good for me?? And no, I don?t think it?s selfish ? even if the choice might affect other people in a way that they don?t like. What are some of the things today that are good for me, and not good for me? Here are a few things that come to mind:

Good:
? MWO (Topamax, supplements, Absville, hypnotherapy)
? Friends who don?t drink, or who are in recovery
? Friends who may drink but who are supportive of my recovery
? My church
? Anything I can do outdoors to enjoy nature
? Puppies and kittens
? Some aspects of my job

Bad:
? Drinking, thinking of drinking, thinking of mods, doubting my decision to go abs
? Being with people who drink, or talking to them on the phone ? hopefully this will change in time. Right now, though, it makes me miss drinking.
? Getting hungry, angry, lonely or tired
? Isolating
? Making snap decisions
? Obsessing
? Thinking about current world affairs?..

Both those lists could go on and on but it has given me a place to start. Thanks for the topic, Gabby.

And Jen -- congrats on Day 5!! Keep on truckin!

[Mackeral]

Thursday Oct 5th

Hiya Everyone,
Phew, i dont know where to start....First off Brigid, Susan Gabby and others, i am not mad or upset in any way shape or form at any of the opinions or comments of the last couple of days..I've got nothing but utter respect for everyone here..My lack of input in the past few days has kind of been forced..I've been very busy..But i think its a good thing...good for me to stand back and to see what developed..
I'm learning...I drank on Tuesday...I didnt make that decision lightly...I sat down at the kitchen table with Lisa and we talked...I hated the drive to the shop...I hated buying the beer..I hated myself.."Whatever it takes" can apply to a lot of situations....On Tuesday i couldnt bare being me...And i did whatever it took to change what had become an unberable atmosphere in our house...I even felt Lisa and the kids would be better off without me....Thats how bad it got...I was ruining everyones lives.

However i learnt something...I was approching this all wrong...and i couldnt do it on my own.....I'm still not saying what i did was right, but it releived some of the pressure to allow me to take a different look at how i was living and how i was coping...And i think i'm going to be better for it.

Brigid your right...some people can do mods and some cant.....I cant either....I dont think i ever will..Too far gone.
Support comes in different forms...From the " please dont worry...you can try again tomorrow" to " Whatever it takes" and eveything inbetween...What really matters to me is the fact that somebody out there actually gives a shit what happens to me....That means more to me than anything....I can always take what i need and leave what i dont.

Finally back to honesty again, the fact that everyone can have their own opinion...not follow suit...not jump on the bandwagon, was one of the things that turned me on to this forum...The day people start saying things only to please others is the day i'll pull the plug..

So THANKYOU for all the advice....Theres no doubt i will need more in the future.....Your friend...Macks:l

[gabby]

Thursday Oct 5th

Hi Jenn. Happy Day 5 to you. You sure came in absville in a whirl. But at least its better than a few weeks ago. hee hee.
Always the 4th day of my skippin beer was the hardest. I usually never made it past that. Good for you. When did you say your dinner party was? gabbs
ps...can't help but wonder what your nevernind was. snoopy aren't I.
I miss bambs and her snort in her laugh....just so ya know I snorted just now and a dorky laugh. I like doin that cuz my cats look at me funny.