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**Lavande** · February 8, 2010, 08:37 AM

FEB FAST ~ Week Two

Good morning friends,

Thanks for thinking about starting Week 2 Dill!
I have to admit I didn't watch football yesterday, never really interested me! Glad everyone enjoyed it!

Lil, have a great trip to FL! I am profoundly jealous - we unfortunately have more snow on the way tomorrow. Don't know where we're going to put it!

Red, Monday mornings can be a drag, regardless of where you are & what's going on! Some things don't change

I need to get to work myself.........sooner rather than later

Have a great day everyone, be back later!

Lav

**sooty** · February 8, 2010, 09:35 AM

FEB FAST ~ Week Two

Morning all, thanks for starting us off on week 2 Dill, gosh February is roaring along!
Things ok this end, weather cold and dull and more snow forecast for later in the week but nothing like you guys are experiencing.
Lots of chores to do but don't feel like doing them - hope you all have a good Monday, see you all later
Sooty

**Chillgirl** · February 8, 2010, 10:37 AM

FEB FAST ~ Week Two

Hi Gang
Im having a wonderful monday....!

I managed to wake up before the dog and enjoyed 5 minutes of gratitude lying in my bed appreciating another AF and hangover free weekend.

My cold felt better so I headed for the gym and took a spin class which raised by endorphins skyhigh after 4 days of no activity. I then started to attack my "to-do-list" and even made it to AA at lunchtime. Having previously dreaded these meetings I now find im getting more and more out of them each time and today I received my "1 month coin". (today is day 39)

:groupluv: Feeling glad to be alive today and very grateful to have all of you here too.

**lodestar** · February 8, 2010, 08:52 PM

FEB FAST ~ Week Two

Hi friends,

Just caught up on last week after enjoying an AF superbowl party yesterday. I'm tired and a little blue. Been thinking a lot...too much really. Kind of struggling along in my journey right now. Please send hope if you have a minute. I'm so desperate for it, I'll give you a self-addressed stamped envelope. Sad to admit it gals, but 3 months plus on this path...sure seems to be a lot of unexpected potholes. WTF? Gotta get over this wall, but I need a boost. Would anyone care to share early experiences about their own journey?

Many thanks for all of you. Truly.

**ladybirdheart** · February 8, 2010, 09:30 PM

FEB FAST ~ Week Two

Checking in here for Week Two. I don't have much to offer tonight, Lode, other than I am on the same road with you and you are with me. What we face is ambiguous and complicated and while we have to find our own way, alone is harder. Somehow measuring out one?s life like this in weeks and posts adds some structure to our efforts, and this helps me a lot on a day like today when I am feeling relentlessly unsettled and restless. I did have a diverting search through poems this evening after being sent one by an elderly (remarkably elderly) friend of my late aunt (who died at one hundred) and wanting to reciprocate. Sometime in the nineties, I made a copy of a couple of poems from an out of print book after it caught my fancy on the desk of a coworker, and this one made me think of our Dill and Red. So again, the atheist of the thread has a sweet poem about God

, this one titled ?A Prayer To The God Who Fell From Heaven? by Fr. John Shea. Love and see you tomorrow, Ladybird.

If you had stayed
Tightfisted in the sky
And watched us thrash
With all the patience of a pipe smoker,
I would pray
Like a golden bullet aimed at your heart.
But the story says
You cried
And so heavy was the tear
You fell with it to earth
Where like a baritone in a bar
It is never time to go home.
So you move among us
Twisting every straight line
Into Picasso,
Stealing kisses from clenched lips,
Holding our hands in the dark.
So now when I pray
I sit and turn my mind
Like a television knob till you are there
With your large open hands
Spreading my life before me
Like a Sunday tablecloth
And pulling up a chair yourself
For by now
The secret is out.
You are home.

**Lavande** · February 8, 2010, 10:07 PM

FEB FAST ~ Week Two

Good evening friends,

LBH, thank you for that poem, have not seen it before.
We do all have the same destination in mind but our GPS will get each one of us there in a slightly different way. I pray for all of us everday but not in the traditional way. We have each other so I don't ever feel alone & I hope everyone else feels the communal strength & power!

lode, I think it all became much easier for me when I just gave up - gave up the hope of ever being a normal drinker again. For me it is just not possible - period! I felt much relief, a load lifted off my shoulders, really. I don't think about AL anymore, never. It's all just a bad memory now. I never knew it was possible to change your thinking so drastically but I did. I am grateful to be living sober. I'm not missing a damn thing by kicking AL out of my life. I have gained so much - my freedom from guilt & the self-abuse I heaped on myself for nearly 10 years. My drinking career is over

Hi to Sooty, I keep missing you! I thought of you today while I made a pot of Kale, Potato & White Bean Soup - it was good. It had a kick to it - thanks to the poblano pepper I threw in - yum.

Chill, congrats on your 39 AF days - Woo Hoo!
My snow dog will be thrilled tomorrow - we are expecting another big snowstorm - yikes!!!

Wishing everyone a safe & cozy AF night.
Hang in there everyone

Lav

**Sky** · February 8, 2010, 11:45 PM

FEB FAST ~ Week Two

Happy Day 40 Chillgirl. Well it will be when you read this tomorrow today.

**lodestar** · February 9, 2010, 12:09 AM

FEB FAST ~ Week Two

LBH, yes so good not to be alone & nice poem. Thanks for the reminder that it is okay that this feels ambiguous. I think maybe it is just where I'm at in general that contributes to my low ambiguity tolerance.

Lav, that is comforting...that you don't think about it anymore. I want that to be true for me too. I know the only way it will be so if give it enough time.

Thanx for the hope. Online is even quicker than fedex

Sweet dreams, all. :l

**redhibiscus** · February 9, 2010, 05:47 AM

FEB FAST ~ Week Two

LBH, I loved the poem. It made me think about how like our search for God, life itself is such a mystery. And a contradiction. What do I mean by that. The seeking that every one of us does for meaning in life. To find God in our lives, hope, love, and peace. I often think of the process of having a family....babies are so difficult, yet wonderous....staying together in a marriage through everything, the good and the bad. Nothing is simple, or easy that is worth having.

Our AF journey is the same. So worth it, so hard, so life changing. Lavande, I love your attitude of surrender, just finally giving up the fight and realizing, enough. No more drinking, ever, it just doesn't work for me. That will be my focus today, I give up the fight, the battle. I lose every time, so what is the point?

Lodestar, I understand feeling blue, the time of year, the struggle to make changes. You are doing great, you have made so many changes and I can see them from your posts. Are you perfect and has your journey been easy? No, but you have our support and we need yours too. You have risked opening up, trying new things, and your courage and light are amazing. Do something good for your self today. Sending you strength and hope.:l

**dill** · February 9, 2010, 07:11 AM

FEB FAST ~ Week Two

Thanks for the poem, LBH. It spoke to me as I am always searching. Although I attend church, I don't know really what I believe. I do believe that there must be a higher power than myself, but I need the power to be formless, not like the ones traditionally presented by religions. I think that the poem's author, although a priest, seemed to still be searching much as many of us.

Lav, I have to second Lode's thanks for your very positive post. I hope to be like you one day in that alcohol will not be a part of my life. I have prolonged my struggle by having so many slips along the way. I think it keeps the beast alive, although on life support. I need to keep commitment and that is why this thread is so important to me.

Lode, you have done amazingly well! You have already achieved more uninterrupted af time than I ever have since beginning this quit. Just keep moving forward and I'll be in your wake

.

Red, acceptance and surrender, why is it so hard for some? I guess for me, I haven't had an "event" that made my drinking a public issue. For me, as for many, it is just not good anymore. It does not agree with me, as LBH says. Every time I take that first "harmless" little drink, I harm my health and well-being. Everytime. Because it never ends with one. It's best just not to go there anymore.

I read on these boards every day. I look up to those, like Lil, and Lav and on other threads, Det, Retteacher, Doggiegirl, Hippie, Gyco and others. I think by being with this group and on this website that I inch closer all the time to the understanding, acceptance, and surrender that I seek.

Chill, congrats on your 40 days! And Hi, Sky! I love your avatar.

Hi to you, Soots. I have a day off due to weather, but I have so much work to catch up on that I think I'll spend the day working from home via the internet. I don't know how we got along before the internet! I think I would have had to join AA if it weren't for MWO, you know?

**sooty** · February 9, 2010, 07:56 AM

FEB FAST ~ Week Two

Hello all, what lovely posts - you have really made me think about surrender and gratitude. I had thought about gratitude before but not surrender - and it is a most positive surrender isn't it? Not giving up in the conventional sense just not bothering anymore ... quite different things I think.
And your notion of keeping the beast alive on life support by having slips Dill also rang a huge bell - wow lots for me to think about today, thank you gang.
I love coming on here and reading all our thoughts, the fellowship and warmth is so encouraging.
Ok its lunchtime here, probably breakfast for most of you - have a good day everyone, I'll log on later this evening
love Sooty

**Lavande** · February 9, 2010, 08:01 AM

FEB FAST ~ Week Two

Good morning friends,

The sunshine outside my window probably won't last too long - blizzard #2 is on the way - Boo Hiss!!!!!

Lode, Dill, Red, LBH, everyone - I know you are all going to be OK. You have all the tools, everything you need to defeat the Beast AL! Kick him out of your lives Once & for All

I don't know about you guys but personally, I got tired of dragging his heavy ass around

OK - need to go out & attend to my hens. I hope they don't kill each other being cooped up for so long, poor things!
I'll be back late. Have a great Tuesday!

Lav

**Lavande** · February 9, 2010, 08:02 AM

FEB FAST ~ Week Two

Hi Ms Sooty - cross post!

**spedteach** · February 9, 2010, 08:19 AM

FEB FAST ~ Week Two

Morning all,
I survived Super Bowl Sunday, though not without a few "last year at this time you were..." 's. Happy to see the Saints win. Post Katrina New Orleans always needs good news.

LBH, you're so right, that poem is just darn sweet. "..I sit and turn my mind like a television knob and you are there..". Would love to have that kind of faith. Don't think it's set to happen in this lifetime though.

Lode, oh I sympathize, sympathize, sympathize. After the dust has settled and you're counting months instead of days, that's when things got tough for me. I too have had my WTF moments, thinking I quit drinking, it should be smooth sailing from here on out. But it's not, is it. When I hit a wall, I practice patience (no easy feat) and have faith that eventually this too shall pass. Good advice from Red, do something good for yourself today. How about a spin class..ha ha, I'm kidding though know what Chill's talkin about when she mentioned those endorphins.

Lav, you sound so determined and strong. It's inspiring. I too feel like I will never drink again, but as to not thinking about it. I'm not there yet. And yes nothing like a poblano chili to liven things up.

I've got a question to ponder for the day. Is the secret to staying af one of surrender or one of fighting the good fight? I don't know the answer to that one for myself.

I'm sure if I get up, get dressed, go outside and start running around this fair city, it will come to me.

Later,
Shelley

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