Weekly AA Thread - Week of Feb. 8 - 14
This post was written in two parts, so if it sounds at all disjointed, that's why. The second half was almost finished when I saw R2C's newest post.
R2C - I'd be angry too! What an ass! That's my honest opinion, and that is bullying on his part. AA is for people desiring to get (and stay) sober! There's a reason they ask if anyone wants a desire chip! And some people are still drinking! They even tell us! We don't show them the door either. Isn't AA the best place for them? This guy's out to lunch (or an angry drunk or dry drunk maybe?). At one of my first meetings, someone came in, walked behind me and I could smell alcohol either on them or in their drink. I was kind of like what...?..., but then I realized, no, what am I saying, this IS where they need to be. They were still drinking, but they did show up.
Good for you, R2C, for standing up for yourself. My opinion is, you have righteous anger - I think when we "get honest" we start to see that more clearly. I find I stand up for myself now, where before I thought I was being "good and positive", but was really letting myself be a doormat. Knowing and acknowledging he's an ass is not harboring resentment. If anything it's a grateful moment that you didn't give this guy any more money! That or a sign to try something else. Maybe there's another addiction counselor, or maybe something else.
I was going to say in my earlier post, something I see at my meetings a lot is, not everyone can get there on time (this is a noon meeting). One new woman came in with 10 minutes left, having been held up at work, and said, "10 minutes of AA was better than none". Which got me thinking, as I'm inclined to skip rather than be late. Are there any meetings you could hit on your way home from work or on your lunch hour? Even part of a meeting is better than none.
Sorry, Mary! I meant laughing at people down here - they make a big deal out of any amount of snow here. I would be sick of it too, I'm sure, if I had to deal with it for months.
On the autopilot thing - that really felt like the ultimate in compartmentalizing. It is like a different you that buys the liquor, even as your rational side knows, or knew in the morning. And you might as well buy extra, since you're already at the liquor store, or maybe that's our way of telling ourselves we don't really plan to quit tomorrow either - or that if we do, we'll have an extra big party tonight. Intending to quit never happened with me either. The only times I have I was just way too sick to even consider having a drink. But I usually started right back up within a few days.
I was fortunate after the last of these that I had a realization, a bottoming out, came to MWO, and found some really nice ABs people in chat here within an hour of coming here. That could have turned out quite differently. I talked to another member here who had the opposite experience - someone told her drink if she wanted to (I don't know the exact context). Anyway, it scared her away for awhile before she came back. She's not involved here right now that I know of.
My point is, sometimes it's timing, are you willing to get help now, and is it there when you need it? I hope I would have gone to AA (I was about ready to, I knew I had to do something, could not hide from it anymore - and failed all the "are you an alcoholic" online quizzes miserably).
What I believe is the strength AA has is you have sober examples to help you. I believe in "drunks helping drunks", but if one is a sober drunk, all the better. While it is a good thing to have someone listen to and not judge you, sometimes inadvertent enabling is the result. So especially at a place like this, where there are fewer rules, it is important to follow what works. I always tried to that - otherwise why bother being here? I do give credit to MWO for teaching me that it is helpful to have some type of support, as well as getting me sober. I believe AA will keep me sober long term.
Someone talked today about his perception of AA when he was 18 (and didn't stick around) vs. what he gets out of it in his 40s. When he was younger, he wouldn't listen, wouldn't hear, perceived it as being "told what to do". The last thing he pointed out was how on p.164 of BB, it says this is a book of suggestions - that is how it is intended. Once he saw it as guidelines, and kept an open mind, he could take what was useful.
This post was written in two parts, so if it sounds at all disjointed, that's why. The second half was almost finished when I saw R2C's newest post.
R2C - I'd be angry too! What an ass! That's my honest opinion, and that is bullying on his part. AA is for people desiring to get (and stay) sober! There's a reason they ask if anyone wants a desire chip! And some people are still drinking! They even tell us! We don't show them the door either. Isn't AA the best place for them? This guy's out to lunch (or an angry drunk or dry drunk maybe?). At one of my first meetings, someone came in, walked behind me and I could smell alcohol either on them or in their drink. I was kind of like what...?..., but then I realized, no, what am I saying, this IS where they need to be. They were still drinking, but they did show up.
Good for you, R2C, for standing up for yourself. My opinion is, you have righteous anger - I think when we "get honest" we start to see that more clearly. I find I stand up for myself now, where before I thought I was being "good and positive", but was really letting myself be a doormat. Knowing and acknowledging he's an ass is not harboring resentment. If anything it's a grateful moment that you didn't give this guy any more money! That or a sign to try something else. Maybe there's another addiction counselor, or maybe something else.
I was going to say in my earlier post, something I see at my meetings a lot is, not everyone can get there on time (this is a noon meeting). One new woman came in with 10 minutes left, having been held up at work, and said, "10 minutes of AA was better than none". Which got me thinking, as I'm inclined to skip rather than be late. Are there any meetings you could hit on your way home from work or on your lunch hour? Even part of a meeting is better than none.
Sorry, Mary! I meant laughing at people down here - they make a big deal out of any amount of snow here. I would be sick of it too, I'm sure, if I had to deal with it for months.
On the autopilot thing - that really felt like the ultimate in compartmentalizing. It is like a different you that buys the liquor, even as your rational side knows, or knew in the morning. And you might as well buy extra, since you're already at the liquor store, or maybe that's our way of telling ourselves we don't really plan to quit tomorrow either - or that if we do, we'll have an extra big party tonight. Intending to quit never happened with me either. The only times I have I was just way too sick to even consider having a drink. But I usually started right back up within a few days.
I was fortunate after the last of these that I had a realization, a bottoming out, came to MWO, and found some really nice ABs people in chat here within an hour of coming here. That could have turned out quite differently. I talked to another member here who had the opposite experience - someone told her drink if she wanted to (I don't know the exact context). Anyway, it scared her away for awhile before she came back. She's not involved here right now that I know of.
My point is, sometimes it's timing, are you willing to get help now, and is it there when you need it? I hope I would have gone to AA (I was about ready to, I knew I had to do something, could not hide from it anymore - and failed all the "are you an alcoholic" online quizzes miserably).
What I believe is the strength AA has is you have sober examples to help you. I believe in "drunks helping drunks", but if one is a sober drunk, all the better. While it is a good thing to have someone listen to and not judge you, sometimes inadvertent enabling is the result. So especially at a place like this, where there are fewer rules, it is important to follow what works. I always tried to that - otherwise why bother being here? I do give credit to MWO for teaching me that it is helpful to have some type of support, as well as getting me sober. I believe AA will keep me sober long term.
Someone talked today about his perception of AA when he was 18 (and didn't stick around) vs. what he gets out of it in his 40s. When he was younger, he wouldn't listen, wouldn't hear, perceived it as being "told what to do". The last thing he pointed out was how on p.164 of BB, it says this is a book of suggestions - that is how it is intended. Once he saw it as guidelines, and kept an open mind, he could take what was useful.
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