Weekly AA Thread - Week of Feb. 8 - 14

[retteacher]

Hi Everyone:

I hope all is well. I didn't go to a meeting yesterday, because we had some folks in for a superbowl party. I'll go to my usual women's meeting tonight w/a new acquaintance I met who needs rides to meetings. She has a turbulent past but is trying to get her life together. The destructiveness of alcohol hit her particularly hard.

Sat. night's discussion was on deceptiveness. I shared about all the lying involved in being an alcoholic. With my husband sitting right next to me at the meeting, it felt like another amends to him. He still shakes his head about how well I hid my addiction. This is not an accomplishment I am proud of. I thank God that I don't live that way anymore.

We did have alcohol at last night's superbowl party. It was only 6 of us, & everyone drinks very mod. I'm so glad I wasn't running into the kitchen every few minutes sneakily refilling my glass while everyone else was on their first drink. No cravings or temptation, but we did throw the dregs of a bottle of wine down the drain after everyone left.

I hope all is well. Newcomers: please don't be afraid to share or ask questions. That's what this thread is for. If you don't go to meetings, you can certainly share about your own path to abstinence.

Mary

[gyco]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of Feb. 8 - 14

hi teach,interesting as always,everything is well,i went to a meeting last week it was a about deceptiveness,i to tht it was better to lie then to tell my partner,the truth,the thing is she new,i waas at the thursday meeting and funny as it mt sound it struck me,she said its all has to do with the 1st drink,like a bolt of lightning,it hit me after 10 years,i was also at a meeting saturday,,talked to an old timer about the same, a devine intervention is what another said to me,he also said dont let it go,the last few days have been interesting like no other time,even with surgery on the horison,and even tho all drink in my home,i see a joy in there eyes,they dont have wake rt now to a drunk,i guess i had to release ty teach have a wonderful day,gyco

[cpn1004]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of Feb. 8 - 14

Greetings all,
Another first for me yesterday. My first sober Super Bowl. I did not miss the drink at all.
Had the family over and it was fun to play with grandkids and be completely aware of everything.
Off to Charlotte this week, hope to catch a couple of meetings on the road.

[Doggygirl]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of Feb. 8 - 14

Hi all! Mary, I would have been sneaking into the kitchen for refills too. That's exactly what I did when we hosted relatives on either side of our families - very few of whom drink at all. And the few who do will LITERALLY have one and only one, and may not even finish that. I'm embarrassed to think about how drunk I got and thought I was keeping it so secret. Yikes. I too am so grateful I don't live like that any more. Good for you giving the woman you spoke of rides and support. I'm sure that means a lot to her, and means a lot to you as well.

Gyco, it sounds like you had some good revalations lately? If I read that right, that is awesome news!

Phil, good to hear about the first sober super bowl! I was sort of :egad: at some of the Bud Light commercials. I suppose they were funny to most, but if I WERE in a plane crash back when drinking, I WOULD have been looking for the mini bar on wheels and then emptying it out instead of working on the real life problem at hand. Yikes.

All I could think of during the Budweiser one where they made the human bridge was our discussions here about how we used to go to any lengths to get drunk. I suppose I would have been at the front of the line helping make a human bridge too.

Sister is stuck on "house arrest" at the moment due to an asthma attack last Friday. So we have been having "meetings by phone" and discussing the 24-Hours a day readings. I really liked todays reading:

Twenty-Four Hours A Day

A.A. Thought For The Day

When the morning sun comes up on a nice bright day and we jump out
of bed, we're thankful to God that we feel well and happy instead of
sick and disgusted. Serenity and happiness have become much more
important to us than the excitement of drinking, which lifts us up for a
short while, but lets us way down in the end. Of course, all of us
alcoholics had a lot of fun with drinking. We might as well admit it. We
can look back on a lot of good times, before we became alcoholics. But
the time comes for all of us alcoholics when drinking ceases to be fun
and becomes trouble. Have I learned that drinking can never again be
anything but trouble for me?

Meditation For The Day

I must rely on God. I must trust Him to the limit. I must depend on
the Divine Power in all human relationships. I will wait and trust and hope,
until God shows me the way. I will wait for guidance on each
important decision. I will meet the test of waiting until a thing seems right
before I do it. Every work for God must meet this test of time. The
guidance will come, if I wait for it.

Prayer For The Day

I pray that I may meet the test of waiting for God's guidance. I pray
that I will not go off on my own.

That bold part is something I'm really working on. Waiting patiently for the answers if I am not sure what to do. I am always in a hurry to decide things RIGHT NOW one way or another. When it's not clear cut, I need more patience. Of course I related closely to the first part of the reading and how much better life is now, unhung, than it used to be!

Lots of snow is in the forecast starting sometime tonight and through until Wednesday sometime. I've seen forecasts with everything ranging from 6 inches to over a foot. I hope the power stays on!

Have a great rest of the day everyone. And Mary, thanks for getting us started this week! I echo your welcome to any lurkers to post if you have questions or comments or whatever. No need to be active in AA to post on this thread!

DG

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of Feb. 8 - 14

DG: Thanks for the wonderful post. I enjoyed the reading. I guess drinking was fun, but I must admit that it was a long, long time ago. I can't remember any time in the recent past (before recovery) when I actually enjoyed drinking. I think that for me at the end:
-I knew that one drink would spark a binge.
-I knew that I would have to deal w/the obsession w/the first sip.
-I knew that I would have to "pretend" to be somewhat sober.
-I knew I would have to be hyper-vigilant throughout the evening.
-I knew I would never get enough to drink...even if I got drunk.

These were truisms that I learned from my drinking, but I still couldn't stop. I thank God:
-First for MWO, because this is where I finally broke my own denial.
-Second for AA, because that's the fellowship I needed to stop drinking.

Tonight's women's meeting was the BB reading about the family of the alcoholic. It's written from the point of view that "Father" is the alcoholic. The language of the reading really rankles one of the younger women who attends that meeting. I don't have a problem w/it, as I find I can translate the gender references pretty well. I don't feel that the big book should be changed in any way, but that isn't how all women feel (I found that out tonight). One young woman really went on a rant!

As I said to Christine (she's about my age), my new acquaintance who rides w/me, I try not to judge meetings. I need a meeting, & I go & try to get something out of it.

Take care one & all.

Mary

PS: At last night's s-bowl party, my husb asked one of the folks there if she wanted something else to drink. Her response: "Oh my God no! I've already had 2!" As if going beyond 2 is the most outlandish idea in the world. I couldn't help chuckling to myself. In the bad old days, I could EASILY polish off a full bottle of wine. It might take a while, but I did it many times. Thank God all that is in the past.

PPS: At Sat. night's meeting, someone shared about "going back out" right after receiving his 5 year coin. He didn't have a particular reason...just did it on a whim. After that one slip, he started a real downward spiral into painkiller abuse (which he rationalized that he needed). When he came to the meeting Sat. night, he was only out of detox/rehab for a couple of weeks. Awful story! Hopefully we'll see him again.

[dancelot]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of Feb. 8 - 14

Hi, everyone -

I had a sober Super Bowl too (and the Saints won - yay!). I wasn't at a party, just dinner with my brother for his birthday, and he drinks very little. Interesting how the genes seem to fall - he can have "a" beer, a concept that is right up there with algebra to me. My father, me, and my sister (who is no longer living, but had an extremely addictive personality) all share that one.

The good news is, beer commercials effect me less and less, though I do perk up if the Clydesdales come on - because they're horses! I missed the plane crash commercial, but I used to have a recurring dream of being on a plane that was about to crash, and either searching for or being relieved by finding a bottle of hard liquor.

Ironically too, the Daytona 500 is coming up next week, and fortunately I am not so painfully aware that my driver has Miller Lite as a sponsor. That used to be a good excuse to buy a lot of beer (and drink it), and used to bother me a little last fall. Now it's just a pretty blue car.

Mary, that's funny you bring up the "Father" reference. Just earlier on another thread, I mentioned something regarding another person's comments on what they thought AA was, and what you "have" to believe and alcoholism being called a "disease". I brought up the fact of when it was written. It so often reminds me of my dad talking about growing up in the Depression. In meetings, someone talking about "character defects" always gets big laughs (that alcoholic humor again), and the term is used for that reason, but everyone is also dead serious. The same with the "wives" chapter - even the old guys chairing always say that can be husband, boyfriend, girlfriend, domestic partner, family member. Just older versions of words, really. The wisdom is still there, even when it sounds corny and dated.

DG, I thought of you and your sponsor today - at a traffic light I saw a nun driving a red Scion! So, they are cooler than we think after all!

Hi, also, Gyco and Phil! Take care everyone - I'm off to my second meeting today. :h

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of Feb. 8 - 14

Dance: I liked what you said: "The wisdom is still there." Yes, this was written in the 1930's, so there is apt to be some out-dated language. I can read between the lines thank goodness. Mary

[Doggygirl]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of Feb. 8 - 14

Hi again. Dance and Mary I enjoyed both of your posts! What I find amazing about the Big Book is that despite the "times changing" in some respects (ref: the dated language) the facts about alcoholism and how it affects us remain unchanged. That day I relapsed my thinking was just as "off" as the guy who sat down to lunch and thought whiskey would be OK if mixed in a glass of milk. The insanity is still the insanity.

Just like anything most things in life, if we look hard enough we can find good and if we look hard enough we can find something not to like.

:H on the nun and the Scion. Sister would LOVE that ride!

Dance I live really close to the Chicagoland Speedway. If you ever come up this way for a race......

DG

[gyco]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of Feb. 8 - 14

hi

retteacher;803298 wrote: Dance: I liked what you said: "The wisdom is still there." Yes, this was written in the 1930's, so there is apt to be some out-dated language. I can read between the lines thank goodness. Mary

hi all,wisdom is still there,doesnt take a genious to figure out we had, or should say still have a problem,even when not drinking,if we didnt we would not come to this site or go to AA meetings or see councillors,,i bleive it happened when bill came over to visit bob, and said he didnt drink no more,even the doctors opinion said that,simple concept they came up with,no others no better then another alchoholicno what we go thro,i am beginning to accept the fact of being an alchoholic,and the unmangablenes in my life,ive done the steps several times,but the 1st will always remain the hardest,remember the book has been changed 4 times,things have changed,but not the 1st 164 pages,that my friends will never change,again i like this thread,thnx gyco:goodjob:

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of Feb. 8 - 14

Gyco: It's always great to have your sharing. Please keep coming.

I absolutely can understand the insanity of the first drink. I can count on one hand the number of times during the last 10 months that I've wanted a drink. However, it did happen on Sun. I went through something a little stressful early in the day. We had wine & beer in the house for the guests that were coming for the s-bowl game. I actually thought about taking a "sip" to take the edge off. I didn't do it, but I did think about it for a fraction of a sec. Instead I took the dog out for a walk & said a prayer & that seemed to banish the thought. As I said earlier, after the game, we got rid of all unopened bottles. Actually, my husb (who was doing clean-up) threw it all down the drain. He now knows that unopened bottles are not something we should have in the fridge. Again, the difference between alcoholics & normals: He wouldn't even think about bottles in the fridge.

Anyhow, I feel great today. I can't imagine how I used to function w/constant hangovers & drunks going on. To think I actually held down a full-time, challenging job.

Mary

[ready2change]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of Feb. 8 - 14

Hi Everyone...haven't posted in a bit, but do read daily. Well I finally bit the bullet and am adding another "layer" to my sobriety asrenal. I am going to see an addiction counselor today. I have no idea what to expect. Except to spend $250.00 for the consult. Oh well, I have spent hundreds on hypnosis and don't really feel it has gotten me anywhere, so I am going to see what they have to say.

I have been reading "How to Heal the Addicted Brain" and really find this one of the most informative reads I have found. And I have read tons. It really address how alcohol affects your brain and the damage it does. After 30+ yrs of drinking, I'm sure I have created some damage!

I am interested in cognative therapy and possibly Campral. I rarely cave into drinking anymore, as my body no longer allows me to, thank goodness. But my brain seems to forget occasionally so I'm not out of the woods yet.

I hope the counselor's can shed some light for me, this battle is getting old, even though I will NEVER give up. Thanks for sharing all your success's and wisdom, it is much appreciated.

R2C

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of Feb. 8 - 14

R2C: Going to a counselor speaks volumes about how much you want to get your life out of the grasp of this addiction. You're brave, courageous, persistent, & many other strong positive adjectives. Good luck. Please do not hesitate to share here. You're an inspiration in your quest for a clean & sober life.

Mary

[dancelot]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of Feb. 8 - 14

Hi, Gyco, DG, Mary, R2C, Phil and anybody else I missed.

Gyco, finally admitting I was an alcoholic was a big deal - even though I was technically sober already. That's the point I started looking at AA (thanks to everyone on this thread, which I really love as well). Getting to that point was actually a relief - kind of like permission to let myself do the real work now. At the start I was so concerned with just stopping and staying stopped and put a lot of energy into it. Now I can admit my life was unmanageable - at first that sounded just like words. The more I listen and think on any of the literature, the more I see. See it is me.

R2C - I'm glad you always keep at it, no matter what. What I have done so far has worked, but I keep any and all options open always. Commitment is such a big part of this, and if that means different tactics or meds whatever, so be it. That's why I tried AA, I could sense an underlying instability, like a ticking time bomb. Seeing the serenity of the people on this thread got me - I could see that was at least one missing piece.

We talked about being restored to sanity last night (how timely I felt that was!) and gratitude today. Last night again, I got something out of a more uncomfortable meeting. There are not that many in this particular women's meeting, and a large percentage are from a rehab place. They are a lot younger, some are very emotional, and have various issues resulting from their addictions. Some are other types of addicts as well as alcoholics.

I sat next to a girl who was extremely upset, and I'm not exactly a comforting, caretaker type, and I'm kind of at a loss. It was one of those moments where I thought, I should've gone to BB study across town instead of this meeting. In the moment of silence, I asked HP to come in, let me be open to it, and really meant it, and I felt this unbelievable energy fill the room - I always feel a very palpable positive energy, but this was way beyond that. I knew I would be OK then.

I was the last one to share that night, not realizing I only shared in a women's meeting once - because there were 5 or 6 people that time, so everybody had to. Most of them hadn't heard me even talk before, so they were all proud of me. The upset girl (who felt much better by the end) gave me a huge hug and congratulated me afterwards. So I guess we all do help each other, sometimes in unknown ways. They have talked a lot recently about how whenever you help another alcoholic in any way at all, you are helping yourself.

I think my discomfort at women's meetings is I have some trust issues with women, and am even slightly scared of them (here in cyberspace we're sort gender neutral almost, or appear that way). I generally open up easily in the mixed meetings. I am realizing these slightly uncomfortable meetings are probably good for me. Or maybe to see these tough on the outside girls are very frightened on the inside (wow, I just had a little insight!).

Anyway, it's always great going, listening, and learning. Thanks for listening to my rambling - I do like feeling we have actual conversations here. Have a great day everyone! :h

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of Feb. 8 - 14

Dance: I too go to a women's meeting that I'm not 100% comfortable at. Likewise, they are young & many are from a sober house nearby. Additionally, one of the members is a former student from the school I taught at. I do find that when I overcome my reluctance in any situation, I always come out the better for it. For me, the reluctance or resistance is about fear. I have to conquer those fears, as they hold my recovery back. So for me, the only way to get over the fear is to go through it. Thanks for the reminder. Mary

[Doggygirl]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of Feb. 8 - 14

Hi everyone! Gyco, I love your post about accepting and basically surrendering to step 1 - the powerlessness we have over alcohol and the unmanageability that became a mainstay in our lives. Finally surrenduring to that brought me such a sense of relief! That's when the "fighting" with AL really ended for me I think. Seems like we are all on the same page with that notion here today!

Mary, that "insanity" along with how many of us tend to want to be control freaks was the topic of discussion at the meeting I attended this morning. The chair talked about how if she doesn't watch it, she gets busy trying to run the lives of her husband, her teenage children, her boss, etc. and when she looses sight of what / who she can and cannot control, then AL stinkin' thinkin' creeps in and she believes she can control that too. I think that is the fundamental reason why the serenity prayer is such a fixture in AA and why so much of the early chapters of the BB are devoted to the topic of us "failing as directors of our own show." I tried to control everything too, and certainly have the propensity for going back to that place. I also can relate to your later posts about things being fear based - more on that later in this sandwich worthy post!

On the subject of insanity, Mr. D and I were talking last night about how stinkin' drinkin' thinkin' can cross my mind at any time, and sometimes does. It doesn't matter how long I've been sober. And "logic" plays absolutely no part in it. It is completely illogical to drink again and again and again, have so many bad experiences, and yet somehow think "this time" would be different. I sure wouldn't try that with touching a hot stove. But that's how it is with AL for many of us it seems. Today I said "my logikker is broken!"

Mr. D, A normie, has been really really drunk only one time in the 12+ years I have known him. We were having a bonfire and several neighbors were here. One of the neighbors brought over a big bottle of Crown Royal and Gary started drinking with them (shots! :egad. He got silly and stuttery and weavy and had to go to bed early. He had a HORRID hangover the next day. He couldn't remember things and was mortified. He didn't even drink a BEER for a very very long time after that. And has never touched Crown Royal or any other hard liquor since then. Now THAT is a "logical" response to a bad AL experience. Certainly not anything close to the way I have ever responded in the thousands of times I've been there, done that.

Anyway...back to this thread! R2C, I too admire the growth you have shown and the committment you have demonstrated to your life and your sobriety goals. I admire that you are willing to go to any length to get sober. I believe in you!!!!!

Dance, congrats again on 6 months!!! :yougo: Have you picked up your chip yet? I hope you tell us about it! I get a lot out of your posts about women's meetings. I too am far less comfortable in a women only setting than I am in mixed groups. I have some issues with women too and I'm sure it's fear based, as you suggested. It gives me encouragement to take a closer look and face my own demons by reading about your positive experiences, even when you are initially very uncomfortable. You are so right that we are all helping each other in some way or another. It's not just the more longer sober people helping the newer people. It's way more interconnected than a one way street!

Well, I need to get back to work. Good catching up and I really enjoyed todays posts! Thanks so much for taking the time to share!

DG