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    #31
    Weekly AA Thread - Week of Feb. 8 - 14

    This post was written in two parts, so if it sounds at all disjointed, that's why. The second half was almost finished when I saw R2C's newest post.

    R2C - I'd be angry too! What an ass! That's my honest opinion, and that is bullying on his part. AA is for people desiring to get (and stay) sober! There's a reason they ask if anyone wants a desire chip! And some people are still drinking! They even tell us! We don't show them the door either. Isn't AA the best place for them? This guy's out to lunch (or an angry drunk or dry drunk maybe?). At one of my first meetings, someone came in, walked behind me and I could smell alcohol either on them or in their drink. I was kind of like what...?..., but then I realized, no, what am I saying, this IS where they need to be. They were still drinking, but they did show up.

    Good for you, R2C, for standing up for yourself. My opinion is, you have righteous anger - I think when we "get honest" we start to see that more clearly. I find I stand up for myself now, where before I thought I was being "good and positive", but was really letting myself be a doormat. Knowing and acknowledging he's an ass is not harboring resentment. If anything it's a grateful moment that you didn't give this guy any more money! That or a sign to try something else. Maybe there's another addiction counselor, or maybe something else.

    I was going to say in my earlier post, something I see at my meetings a lot is, not everyone can get there on time (this is a noon meeting). One new woman came in with 10 minutes left, having been held up at work, and said, "10 minutes of AA was better than none". Which got me thinking, as I'm inclined to skip rather than be late. Are there any meetings you could hit on your way home from work or on your lunch hour? Even part of a meeting is better than none.



    Sorry, Mary! I meant laughing at people down here - they make a big deal out of any amount of snow here. I would be sick of it too, I'm sure, if I had to deal with it for months.

    On the autopilot thing - that really felt like the ultimate in compartmentalizing. It is like a different you that buys the liquor, even as your rational side knows, or knew in the morning. And you might as well buy extra, since you're already at the liquor store, or maybe that's our way of telling ourselves we don't really plan to quit tomorrow either - or that if we do, we'll have an extra big party tonight. Intending to quit never happened with me either. The only times I have I was just way too sick to even consider having a drink. But I usually started right back up within a few days.

    I was fortunate after the last of these that I had a realization, a bottoming out, came to MWO, and found some really nice ABs people in chat here within an hour of coming here. That could have turned out quite differently. I talked to another member here who had the opposite experience - someone told her drink if she wanted to (I don't know the exact context). Anyway, it scared her away for awhile before she came back. She's not involved here right now that I know of.

    My point is, sometimes it's timing, are you willing to get help now, and is it there when you need it? I hope I would have gone to AA (I was about ready to, I knew I had to do something, could not hide from it anymore - and failed all the "are you an alcoholic" online quizzes miserably).

    What I believe is the strength AA has is you have sober examples to help you. I believe in "drunks helping drunks", but if one is a sober drunk, all the better. While it is a good thing to have someone listen to and not judge you, sometimes inadvertent enabling is the result. So especially at a place like this, where there are fewer rules, it is important to follow what works. I always tried to that - otherwise why bother being here? I do give credit to MWO for teaching me that it is helpful to have some type of support, as well as getting me sober. I believe AA will keep me sober long term.

    Someone talked today about his perception of AA when he was 18 (and didn't stick around) vs. what he gets out of it in his 40s. When he was younger, he wouldn't listen, wouldn't hear, perceived it as being "told what to do". The last thing he pointed out was how on p.164 of BB, it says this is a book of suggestions - that is how it is intended. Once he saw it as guidelines, and kept an open mind, he could take what was useful.
    ​​Emancipate yourselves from mental slavery, none but ourselves can free our mind ~ Bob Marley ~ Redemption Song

    AUGUST 9, 2009

    Comment


      #32
      Weekly AA Thread - Week of Feb. 8 - 14

      Ready2change,
      I am following your experience with the Addictions doctor and have a few things to say. I am not understanding why he is shaming you. You showed tremendous courage and strength to go to someone and discuss your problems. Then, to say you HAVE to take medicine, Have to pay $600.00. That is not right. Just because some people have degrees and certifications does not mean they are competent and this facility sounds very unprofessional. I would not go back.

      The point of treatment is to work together to find solutions. To shame someone and guilt them is unproductive in my opinion. I am sure you have enough shame and guilt all on your own. I think most people on this site do. I know that I work better with support and encouragement, not judgement and assumptions. Not that he might have had a few things right, it was the way he presented it. He is up here and you are down there. Wrong, wrong, wrong. The best therapists and doctors work with you and you leave their offices with hope, or something positive. What an a**. I have had experiences like that with doctors, therapists, and I get away from that negative energy as fast as I can. Then find someone who LISTENS and has a caring and empathic manner. Period. Someone who works with me.

      You are on the right path, you are courageous, strong, and will find your way. You are finding your way and are on the path you need to be on. Good luck to you.
      Redhibiscus
      ______________________________

      Comment


        #33
        Weekly AA Thread - Week of Feb. 8 - 14

        time

        ready2change;804340 wrote: Thanks Dance, for your understanding and support. I just remembered another thing he said to me (it was a bit brutal at times). He basically said, how dare I go to AA when I'm not completely sober??? And I told him my understanding was the only requirement for joining AA was a desire to stop drinking?? He said no wonder nobody wants to sponser you if your not serious about stopping. And why do I go and be with others in AA who are 100% committed to being sober. That threw me, even though I toughed him out with some of his sarcasm and rants, he made me feel like a phony for attending AA meetings, but now after I have sifted this conversation thru my head, I don't aspire to what he said.

        I have heard many a speaker at meetings say it took them a long period of time to finally "get it" but they attended meetings anyways. I keep going and reading and throwing my money at different avenues just trying to "get it". The more I think about our session, the angrier I actually get. Deep breaths, live and learn. The worst thing I can do is harbor resentment, right?

        I really appreciate getting these thoughts out here as I really have no one else to talk with. Duh, perhaps I could talk with fellow AA'ers at meetings??

        R2c
        hi R2C,i to had found that in AA,people with a little sobriety an d some with lots of sobriety making comments about using and going to meetings,im a firm beleiver that most would not go to meeting under the influence out of respect for the ones that have there sobriety,i lerned that more so when i went to treatment,a man jeprodised everyones sobriety when he was in treatment,he even asked somone for money,he ended up losing everything,job,license,possibly his wife and kids,but then i was in treatment,this allergy or desease can get really bad ,ive seen it 1st hand,and i wasnt on the streets,butit is the word at AA,tolerance of others,the book teaches us that,if someone comes to a meeting give them direction,but lets face it,the hardesrt thing to do is talk to a drunk,even if your late for a meeting at treatment your not allowed in,and there are reprocussions from nor beingg on time,im babblin,i dont apoligise,buy the way when the drunk came in at the AA meeting,i was siting with a gentleman with 35 years sobriety,the drunk as asked if he could use his car,he picked him up for the meeting,i saw terror in his eyes,i keep this on me,and i understand and read it every day now,i have to,I am responsible,When anyone anywhere reaches out for help,i want the hand of AA always to be there,AND FOR THAT IM RESPONSIBLE,eventually amemorise ie great comments R 2 C gyco

        Comment


          #34
          Weekly AA Thread - Week of Feb. 8 - 14

          wonderful

          ready2change;804027 wrote: Thank you Mary and DG...I appreciate that you know I have a true desire to stop this insanity. Mary, I did not get the meds....not without the financial committment for the $600.00 he would not prescribe them. Not to say I can't go to my regular doctor and ask for them. I'm just plain scared of antabuse, I don't take any meds for anything and don't like doing so.

          I don't know if any of you can relate to the "other person" your addict side? Truly mine strikes out of nowhere (I have never considered it a trigger, because I don't identify with it). I think Chief expressed it once a long time ago, how he felt like he was on auto-pilot going to the liquor store. No excuses here, not at all. I take full responsibility for my actions. But I really don't know what to do about the drinking (alcoholic) spouse. He will abstain mostly when I do, but he is right there as a willing partner as a drinking buddy. I KNOW I have to do this for myself, it just convolutes things having an alkie in the house.

          Thanks for your input and listening to me. I know I need to get more involved in AA...again no excuses, but working 8-5, and not being an evening person really interferes with my motivation. Thats why I go on the weekends, but I know I need more.

          R2C
          hi again,R 2 C,i guess your doctors are different in the states,i dont no much about antabuse so to comment,i cant,ive been on many others and trust me,as you said the commitment you wont drink is not there,your a very wise person to realize that,in the big book it says quote dr jeykle mr hyde,page 21,my opinion good fairy bad fairy,i no of the person you talk of R 2 C,i never sware,but if i drink,say somthin tht irrates me and the other one comes out,so as ive found out a few days b4 new years,dont let the other monster out,dont take the 1st drink,easy solution,coming here is a bonus,getting to AA meeting,when working i to no is very difficult,try your best,love your desire,and keep up the great work,always remember there is no such thing as failure,just keep comin back ty gyco and i no my writing is a bit to be desired,hahaha gyco again

          Comment


            #35
            Weekly AA Thread - Week of Feb. 8 - 14

            Red Hibiscus...Thank you so much for taking the time to comment on my experience. The more I relive it in my head, the more frustrated I get. I'm not sure if I should comment on it to the addiction counselor who I initially had contact with, or just chalk the whole thing up to a lifes lesson? I NEVER, EVER want to be coddled about my addiction, but he really never wanted to hear any of my side, I believe he was rather narcisisstic (sp?) and only wanted to hear himself. It was a bizarre experience for sure.

            Gyco, please don't misunderstand me, I have NEVER attended an AA meeting while drinking, EVER. And I never would, I have way to much respect for the others there that have truly "gotten" it and put the effort in that I can't seem to scour up. But I attend because I want some of what they have and someday I will be open enough to recieve it. I suppose I have not yet been rigorously honest with myself yet.

            Thanks everyone, I appreciate your input, I feel a whole lot better getting this out.

            R2C
            Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall. --Confucius
            :h

            Comment


              #36
              Weekly AA Thread - Week of Feb. 8 - 14

              The 3rd trad. states: The only requirement for membership is the desire to stop drinking. I can't count the number of times I've seen people warmly welcomed at meetings even when they are still struggling w/staying abs. There wouldn't be an AA if everyone had to have continuous sobriety. The first few weeks I had a sponsor I was still drinking. He wasn't happy about it, but he didn't ditch me either. On March 23, 2009, I finally said: "This is it! I'm ready to stop." Everyone has his/her own time & path. Please don't get discouraged or give up (anyone out there who is struggling). Try to do what the program suggests:
              -Stay sober just for today.
              -Make phone calls.
              -Go to meetings.
              -Read the literature.
              -Get a sponsor.
              There is nothing in the literature that I have read that would excude anyone from doing the above.

              I had to join AA. As much as I love MWO, I needed face-to-face relationships. I needed that kind of committment & accountability.

              Mary

              PS: I have been to meetings where there have been people under the influence. Obviously, I don't recommend it, but I was surprised to see them treated w/respect & consideration. Likewise, I've seen the same people pick up 24 hr. chips over & over. They get the same applause as the people picking up 10, 11 month chips. Recovery is an individual thing, & it's not my place to judge.
              Wisdom, Courage, Strength
              October 3, 2012

              Comment


                #37
                Weekly AA Thread - Week of Feb. 8 - 14

                I just got back from a very powerful meeting. There was a lot of emotion w/one struggling newcomer. It was incredibly heart-warming to see the support & encouragement he got after the meeting ended. I've been going to meetings lately w/a new woman I met who had her license taken away. In fact, she just got out of jail. We're gradually getting to know each other...she's kind of shy, & I think she carries a lot of shame about her past. Mary
                Wisdom, Courage, Strength
                October 3, 2012

                Comment


                  #38
                  Weekly AA Thread - Week of Feb. 8 - 14

                  Hi everyone. Been lurking and reading all week. Thanks for such inspiring and heartfelt posts. I love this thread and AA too. It is wonderful to have all the support and hear all the wisdom of those of us learning and working so hard to obtain or maintain our sobriety. It is great to be surrounded by such sharing and caring people.

                  Hope everyone has a great holiday weekend.

                  Winefree

                  Comment


                    #39
                    Weekly AA Thread - Week of Feb. 8 - 14

                    Great writing this week y'all, way to go.
                    I started attending AA in May 2009. I would go few days AF then drink a few days, then go to meetings, then drink, then go AF...and so on. It was not an effective program for sobriety, BUT, no one at AA called me out for drinking. I've heard a story from one old timer who claims when he first came into AA he was drunk. Everyone knew it and just asked him to sit in the back of the room and not share. As several folks have mentioned here, 'it is the desire to stop drinking' that is important.

                    All I can speak for is myself and MWO got me thinking about quitting and AA has helped me accomplish it, one day at a time.

                    Btw, we had 11 inches of snow here in Arlington, TX. Lots of tree damage. It has been one for the record books. Of course it will all be gone in a couple of days.
                    Have a great weekend everyone.
                    Love and Peace,
                    Phil


                    Sobriety Date 12.07.2009

                    Comment


                      #40
                      Weekly AA Thread - Week of Feb. 8 - 14

                      My son lives in TX, & my g-children have never seen snow. I haven't heard from him yet about whether the San Ant./Austin area was hit. I almost hope so...my g-kids would get a kick out of it...though we here in New Eng. have our fill (& then some) every single year.

                      Yes, I have never gotten the feeling that anyone is excluded from AA. I choose to hang out w/people who have some experience, as I'm still learning. & I'm always looking for women friends, especially my own age. But, at meetings, everyone is made to feel welcome. We have one guy who regularly falls asleep at meetings, sound asleep. The guy next to him simply gently removes his coffee cup from his hand to avoid spillage.

                      Mary
                      Wisdom, Courage, Strength
                      October 3, 2012

                      Comment


                        #41
                        Weekly AA Thread - Week of Feb. 8 - 14

                        Hi, everyone -

                        I missed the meeting yesterday because of the snow - I can drive OK mostly, but people here have so little experience it can be treacherous for that reason. The parking lot where our meetings are is also on a hill. I have done extra meetings 2 days this week, so I'm still on track for 90 in 90.

                        I went to the women's meeting today, and it was good. I did a lot more visiting afterwards (now that's new). Little baby steps of progress, especially in being around and trusting other people. I heard one woman's story which had a lot of similarities to mine. We talked afterward, and like me she has a lot of trust issues, especially with women. She wasn't always big on women's meetings either.

                        One thing I like a lot is sometimes just listening, you hear your own words or story coming out of someone else's mouth. The feelings of isolation so many people feel. So often it is like everyone in the room is the same person. I love the feeling of fellowship that truly exists there. It truly is unlike anything I've experienced before. To truly be able to relax enough to be honest and trusting and accepting of others is so great.

                        I even went and said hello to someone new (if you knew me you'd know why this is unusual). I didn't feel the least bit awkward either. This is totally unlike the old me, who was so afraid, and most likely self centered (OK was self centered - we discussed that too today) she would never talk to a total stranger, would never have taken that big scary risk. There have been a few new and returning relapsers this week. I'm starting to get like at MWO, welcome them, and seeing that it means even a little something to them is a good feeling. Likewise, the other day, an old timer commented on my 6 months and the woman next to me having 9 months, and you can see in their eyes that it means something to them to see new people coming into the group they've been in for years. That was touching to me.

                        I like too the variety of people. One young woman (who is just so not the stereotype of the alcoholic, but then most aren't) said so many things are relevant to my own life, and she's half my age. It was also her one year birthday. There are a lot with 20 plus years as well. Hearing stories from these proper lady types and what they were like before just shows we can be anybody, really.

                        Oh, and DG you asked about my 6 month chip - that is funny, they were out, so I got two 3 month chips! But I'll take 'em!

                        Have a great Valentine's Day everyone (or Daytona 500 day for me)!
                        ​​Emancipate yourselves from mental slavery, none but ourselves can free our mind ~ Bob Marley ~ Redemption Song

                        AUGUST 9, 2009

                        Comment


                          #42
                          Weekly AA Thread - Week of Feb. 8 - 14

                          Mary, I too find it amazing how some people just sit down in meetings and close there eyes. It is great that people can relax and feel that comfortable in the rooms that they can do that. Don't think this one lady is sleeping, she appears to be so peaceful and may be meditating, but she does this at every mtg I see her. I once thought she was a newcomer, but she has many years in. There is a peace or calmness in the rooms. I love to go to a meeting after a stressful day at work to unwind. Peace comes over me as soon as I enter the room and the stress of the day seems to melt away. Much better than it ever did with a drink. Did I say
                          "a" drink? You know what I mean........
                          Got called on to speak today at a meeting. Not my thing yet, but I was able to share and it felt good.
                          Still taking it one day at a time.

                          Winefree

                          Comment


                            #43
                            Weekly AA Thread - Week of Feb. 8 - 14

                            Dance: I love what you said about baby steps. Yes, going over to a newcomer & saying hello wouldn't have been easy for me. On Tues., I'm having 2 women I like very much over here for breakfast. I absolutely must do things like that in order to cement friendships & extend myself. Also, I'm taking a newcomer to meetings, as she lost her license & can't drive. We're getting to know each other. You couldn't find more unlikely candidates for the stereotypical alcholic than she & I. She's younger than I am by a little & is a former nurse. I'm sort of grandmotherly w/a the aura of a teacher about me. You never know who alcoholism can strike. It's a disease that knows no boundaries.

                            Mary
                            Wisdom, Courage, Strength
                            October 3, 2012

                            Comment


                              #44
                              Weekly AA Thread - Week of Feb. 8 - 14

                              Winefree, I notice some folks closing their eyes in my meetings too. I do it sometimes because it helps me feel the power (HP) that is inside all those folks, including me hopefully. Meetings are supposed to be a safe place, maybe even a "sanctuary".

                              Happy Valentines to y'all today.
                              Love and Peace,
                              Phil


                              Sobriety Date 12.07.2009

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