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**retteacher** · February 15, 2010, 02:12 PM

Weekly AA Thread - 2/15 - 2/21

Hi DG & Everyone: I have a meeting tonight but haven't been to one since Fri. I don't like to let too many days go by. One of my most immediate goals is to work through some of those fears that have plagued me throughout the years. Those were the impetus for many a drink. I'm going to try to look for those situations when discomfort arises & work through...whether it is meeting/greeting someone new or getting through a conflict of some kind. I feel my program leap ahead when I challenge myself to going out of my comfort zone.

Mary

**Doggygirl** · February 15, 2010, 02:21 PM

Weekly AA Thread - 2/15 - 2/21

I agree with those leaps ahead Mary! Lately I have been forcing myself to call people on the phone. I used to "drunk chat" on the phone all the time and getting on the phone sober has been a real challenge for me. I know, might sound silly. But for me? That phone really DOES seem to weight 1,000 pounds.

Now that I am getting past some of the discomfort, I am realizing how rewarding it is to connect with people SOBER and do things that "normal" friends do! This is so good for me. And I think maybe I'm able to help others too and it's so nice to be feeling more connected to the people around me.

Amazing. Here's to growth! Mary, I too am feeling the lack of meetings and can't wait to get to one. Hopefully tomorrow morning, even if I end up going in my pajamas! :H

DG

**dancelot** · February 15, 2010, 03:15 PM

Weekly AA Thread - 2/15 - 2/21

Hi, everyone - I just got back from my noon meeting, which was great. We talked about Step 1. I'm becoming such a regular I got called on by name today. That's progress, I guess!

I missed Friday and yesterday, and it was really good to get back. I am such a creature of habit, and if I do it everyday, I'm more inclined. If I get in the habit of staying home, I'll do that too. But my noon meeting is really, really comfortable, and was packed today. A couple of guys I didn't see last week were there (still sober). One is new, and I was starting to worry, because he was a little shaky last time he was there. But, just like here, it's a nice feeling to see someone keeping at it.

DG, I'm the same way with telephones. I used to always need at least a little wine to pick the thing up. My heart would pound and my hands sweat otherwise. I used to panic at answering one even (at least there's caller ID now!).

I go a lot on my instincts still as far as talking people. And some days, I just don't want to. But I'm less likely to take it personally if nobody talks to me either. I do notice a lot of people appear as uncomfortable as I am as well. It's interesting the similarities between alcoholics (or maybe the whole world?). But I allow myself as small of baby steps as needed, and try to be honestly aware of my motives. I think acknowledging them is important, even if maybe they are less than ideal. "Spiritual progress, rather than spiritual perfection". I love that saying, and often head my meeting notes of the day with it (I carry a little notebook - someone on this thread suggested it for my first meeting. I keep bringing it because I learn best by writing down things I hear - I have ADHD and am easily distracted by anything - even the knitting and needlepoint ladies, who maybe do that for similar reasons!) It's such a great reminder. I always feel better remembering it.

I also like the idea of leaping forward, Mary. I too notice more and more changes in my "real" life. That's what really gives me hope. The longer I'm sober (or "dry" since there's a distinction I'm coming to better understand), the more the importance of the work to be done becomes apparent.

Always great to read everyone's posts, and thanks for giving me a place to share. Have a great day everyone! :h

**retteacher** · February 15, 2010, 03:56 PM

Weekly AA Thread - 2/15 - 2/21

Dance: You have such a lovely perspective. Baby steps. Anything I do to go forward a little bit is great for my program. As far as the calling challenge. I too am forcing myself to do so. It's so rewarding.

Sat. night we had the dinner club at our home. Very mod drinkers all around. I felt perfectly fine being the only one who didn't even have the flute of champ. At one point, I was in the kitchen w/my friend. We both just gave each other a quick hug & a quick "isn't this really, really fun!" kind of comment. In the past, I would have been half in the bag at that point, & totally obsessed w/refilling my glass as many times as poss. For the 7 drinking people at the party, we had remarkably few empty bottles.

Sat. night was the anniversary of that disastrous overdose I had last year. It was wonderful spending it sober w/some of the same people.

Mary

**retteacher** · February 15, 2010, 08:13 PM

Weekly AA Thread - 2/15 - 2/21

I just got back from the women's meeting. It was on step 2. I do feel that in the months that I've been sober, sanity is returning.
-I do not get unglued over little snags in my life.
-I look for opportunities to heal conflicts rather than avoid.
-I'm not feeling that free-floating anxiety that I used to live with.
-I'm letting those loose ends take care of themselves.
-etc.

Mary

**cpn1004** · February 15, 2010, 09:29 PM

Weekly AA Thread - 2/15 - 2/21

Hey Mary congrats on the year since the "event". I'm in Pensacola this week and hope to catch a meeting. My body clock is used to my 630 am meeting so I guess I will wake up and read some literature to get the meeting "vibe".
Hope you all have a great week.

**Winefree** · February 15, 2010, 10:54 PM

Weekly AA Thread - 2/15 - 2/21

Happy Monday all. Mixed things up a bit tonight. Went to a different meeting that was scheduled to have a woman speaker as part of a 19yr anniversary of the meeting. Turned out it was a pot luck dinner as well. The speaker was excellent and is close to her 19th anniv. sober as well. It was amazing to hear how she was constantly sick each time she drank in her early years but continued on drinking anyway. In her mid 30's she met her present husband who was also an alcoholic. He stopped drinking 3 years before she did, so she talked about the struggles going on in her home during that time frame.
It was great to hear her fears about going sober and thinking life would be boring and unenjoyable and then sharing about how it is just the opposite. She is enjoying her grandchildren and numerous other pleasures in her life. Recently surviving throat cancer and still remaining alcohol free.
For a newcomer, those are the things I need to hear to help keep me on track.
Hope everyone has a great week.

Winefree

**Doggygirl** · February 16, 2010, 08:17 AM

Weekly AA Thread - 2/15 - 2/21

Hi all! As always I enjoy reading everyone's posts. Dance, I love what you said about not pressuring yourself to talk to others if you don't feel like it, but ALSO not taking it personally if others maybe don't talk to you. I used to take everything personally, and still catch my mind going to that place at times. I'm so glad to have "sober school" which reminds me all the time that the world doesn't revolve around me, and I am not "The Reason" why people are doing / not doing whatever it is they are doing or not doing.

Mary, you have really made big changes in your life since that fateful night. How cool that you were able to reflect on that while being in a similar setting with some of the same people - experiencing a completely different outcome. I can relate to your description of the old days and obsessing over how to sneak more drinks, etc. rather than enjoying the evening.

Phil, you are the roving reporter here! If you find a meeting that works in your schedule I hope you will share a little about it!

WF, that sounds like an awesome speaker. I had shivers when I read the part about how tumultuous things were during the time when her husband quit drinking, before she did. There was so much chaos and upset in my own home and life from the time Mr. Doggy quit smoking cigarettes through the time I quit cigarettes (a couple of years) but then my drinking got even worse. And his pot smoking got worse. There was SO much tension and "negativity" until we both finally managed to get clean and sober. Thinking of those bad years is NOT a good memory. I suppose there is a bright side - I sure appreciate what we have now! A peaceful marriage and home.

I really like the Daily Reflections reading today AND the 24-Hour reading. If I had to pick a favorite, it might be this one by a hair:

Twenty-Four Hours A Day

A.A. Thought For The Day

One drink started a train of thought that became an obsession, and
from then on, we couldn't stop drinking. We developed a mental
compulsion to keep drinking until we got good and drunk. People
generally make two mistakes about alcoholism. One mistake is that
it can be cured by physical treatment only. The other mistake is that
it can be cured by willpower only. Most alcoholics have tried both of
these and have found that they don't work. But we members of A.A.
have found a way to arrest alcoholism. Have I got over my obsession
by following the A.A. program?

Meditation For The Day

I will try to be unruffled, no matter what happens. I will keep my
emotions in check, although others about me are letting theirs go. I
will keep calm in the face of disturbance, keep that deep, inner calm
through all the experiences of the day. In the rush of work and
worry, the deep, inner silence is necessary to keep me on an even
keel. I must learn to take the calm with me into the most hurried
days.
Prayer For The Day

I pray that I may be still and commune with God.
I pray that I may learn patience, humility, and peace.

Link to all the Daily Readings

Willpower alone did not get me anywhere close to contented sobriety. I was so insecure, and lacking in any sort of life skills to be able to deal with problems, fears, emotions, people, etc. I'm so glad I finally got up the nerve to walk through the doors of AA. My life has been enriched in so many different ways. New skills, new friends, and one of the biggies - peace of mind!

Have a wonderful day everyone!

DG

**Doggygirl** · February 16, 2010, 11:39 AM

Weekly AA Thread - 2/15 - 2/21

Since we were talking about the difficulty reaching out and connecting with people.....

I am so grateful that I have been more open lately to calling other women and being open to take the calls of other women in AA. I have been taking calls lately from a woman who has been in and out of AA (and active alcoholism) for years. She has said that "this time is different." I don't know what she was like before in terms of participation in meetings or other aspects of the AA suggestions. It DOES seem to me like she is really trying hard!

Anyway, she called me today with the most amazing story of how the universe just sort of lines up sometimes and good things happen. She had an experience like that today. She called me to talk about it. It was so good to hear about the miracle happening in her life, and to be an active part of a developing friendship. I know that BOTH of us need that - me too!

Sometimes it feels like "work" to be "present and available" to friends in real life. I much prefer the cloak of the internet where I can come and go as I please - particpate on MY terms. For me, one of the hardest parts about developing meaningful friendships in "3D" is not having everything on "my terms" all the time. It's give and take. This situation today was good for me because I "gave" by being available when I really didn't want to at the time the phone rang. But the reward for me was there ten fold when I got to hear about this woman's wonderful experience first hand. It was wonderful.

I'm so afraid of these relationships and yet they can be so rewarding. I hope I can continue to work at letting go of my fear and my selfishness to experience all the blessings that come from friendships.

DG

**dancelot** · February 16, 2010, 12:35 PM

Weekly AA Thread - 2/15 - 2/21

Hi, everyone -

DG, I like the term "Sober School"! That's exactly what AA is. In a weird way it reminds me of going to school everyday, seeing the same people (mostly), etc. Maybe I'd feel different if I went to job full of people everyday, I don't know. The difference though, is it is 99% of the time it is so positive (at least ultimately). The world would be such a different place if everyone was living by these principles. It is so unlike anything I've done before. To see and feel your own life changing for the positive, and sharing the journey with others is something I can't compare to anything I've experienced before.

Oh, yeah, and it does teach you to be sober, and most importantly to live sober. I had an interesting thought as I was lying in bed last night. I was not feeling regret, but my mind wondered to how different my life might have been had I done this 20 years ago. I see how relationships with others could have been a whole lot different. The good thing is, I am very aware that the past is the past, and the future has the potential to be so very different, so much more positive when I live the right way - honestly. I now look forward to it. Back when I was drinking I just did not care. The idea of living a long life seemed like punishment.

I like what you said about willpower alone. When I first got sober, and appeared to be successful, sometimes I thought it was too easy, or maybe I'm just superior or tougher than others. Around that 4 - 5 month mark, I could feel it was not going to be enough. Like I would create even more stress on myself by gripping so tight. Like living in fight or flight mode constantly (I already wasted so many years like that). I still am so glad I found this thread, started reading the Daily Reflections, and saw the peace in you guys.

Reading on this forum, you see this come up with different people at different points. This kind of added a new dimension to this whole thing - I started to be aware of the other component of the longer sober people, was who appeared to be content. the common denominator I see, whether they are AA or not, is they have a spiritual life. I had one too, but it is now deeper than I've ever known it, or bigger, or more in every aspect of my life I guess.

I gotta go, now so I get to AA (I see you already posted again DG, so I'll have to check that later!) See ya'll!

**retteacher** · February 16, 2010, 02:08 PM

Weekly AA Thread - 2/15 - 2/21

The posts on this thread are so awesome. DG, you really spelled out the difference between cyber & 3D relationships (both of which I find necessary to my recovery). I had two AA women friends over for breakfast this AM. We had a free-ranging discussion w/plenty of AA mixed in. Just before they came, I had a small attack of nerves: "Why did I plan this?" "I could have just as well have seen them at meetings." "Why did I push myself into this?"

Well, we had a great time. Yes, meetings are very important, but I need phone calls & socializing to push myself forward in recovery. I have this wonderful feeling of accomplishment now that I stepped out of my comfort zone & took a chance.

MWO is also important in terms of reading your posts, your thoughts, your observations. I can then process what I'm thinking as well. I didn't know that I needed more until I had relapse after relapse. Live & learn.

Mary

**dancelot** · February 16, 2010, 04:04 PM

Weekly AA Thread - 2/15 - 2/21

Hi, again -

We talked about Step 1 again, which must be a big one for me, because I'm just talking away (and saw some folks intently listening).

We had a brand new person, and another who came years before, relapsed and wants to get back on the program. Someone made a great point to newcomers coming in. It was to first worry about stopping drinking, don't obsess about the God concept, sponsors, steps - just show up. By the end of the 90 in 90, they'd have a good clear idea of what AA is all about.

I like that because I know how overwhelming just even getting a handle on the idea of not drinking was when I came here. I had a fear of AA because I thought it was a bunch of "have tos" - and like lots of alcoholics both here and at AA, have a real aversion to being told what to do.

On the idea of connecting with others - one thing I like about this thread is how we add another dimension to this whole process - AA and MWO both. Being able to share these little details, and seeing close up the process in someone else's life, and relating it to one's own is just really neat. I like getting to digest whatever I get from AA, reading other's experiences, and by writing it out, sometimes find something totally new. Kind of the meeting after the meeting, even though we're all geographically apart.

Mary, that is really cool that you had your friends over for breakfast. On a lighter note, we know we've come along way when people we never would have hung out with except maybe as drinking buddies can find a true connection over breakfast! :H I look forward to getting to that point someday too. But I feel no pressure either way, I know as I progress and my life skills improve, good things will come. The idea of developing true friendships, sometimes with people we never would have thought of, is wondrous. I'm happy for you!

Something else I've been wondering is how long have the others on this thread been involved with AA? Maybe it's like how when I take notes, I put down the person's name and sobriety date. Interesting how everyone's perspective is different, yet sometimes so similar. You'll hear a real jewel from a newbie or the oldest old timer at the same meeting.

Have a great day, everyone! :h

**retteacher** · February 16, 2010, 06:00 PM

Weekly AA Thread - 2/15 - 2/21

Dance: This thread gives me so much to think about too.

I joined AA at this time last year right after a pretty awful incident happened to me. I didn't stop drinking until March 23, 2009.

Mary

**retteacher** · February 16, 2010, 06:00 PM

Weekly AA Thread - 2/15 - 2/21

Actually the incident didn't "happen" to me. I did it to myself. Mary

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