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    Sunday, October 8th

    Good Sunday Morning, Absville!

    If you are reading this and it is still Saturday, I wonder: do you also skip to the next chapter in your books? LOL

    Anyway, the topic for the day is ?Who do you tell about your struggles with alcohol and how does that affect your recovery??

    I think one of the things that people find attractive about MWO is that it can be done in the privacy of one?s home. We are taking affirmative action in an area of our lives that has up until now been terribly out of control. And, if we so choose, we can do it without anyone else knowing ? except, perhaps, for the doctor we go to for the prescription medication. This program can truly be more anonymous than Alcoholics Anonymous, which usually requires some kind of face-to-face interaction.

    I find it hard to imagine any of us doing this completely in the closet. [Couldn?t help but throw that in, Susan!] But really ? how healthy is it to keep this thing a secret? Do you only tell your spouse? Do you tell your co-workers? What about the rest of your family? Do you think they didn?t know you had a drinking problem? And if you choose not to tell them, what are the reasons?

    I know that for myself, I have told a few close friends about what I am doing with MWO. They are people who have known about my struggle with alcohol for a long time. They have seen me make earnest attempts to moderate on my own, or to quit with AA, and fail. They are happy that I?ve found something that seems to work.

    I haven?t mentioned it to my family yet, but I will. Almost everyone in my family drinks heavily (topic for another day) and won?t admit that they could be candidates for such a program as well. They?ll be disappointed to know that I won?t be joining them for cocktails when I visit this Christmas.

    And I haven?t come out as an alcoholic at work. Not so sure about that. I saw a therapist for about 6 months, and he explored with me the question of what would happen if I told my boss that I had a drinking problem and asked for time to go to treatment. Keep in mind that I was calling in either sick or late at least once a week due to hangovers. I never did answer this question for myself because I found MWO instead. And I?m still unsure what purpose it would serve for me to come out at work. Except for this ? at some point in the future, if I were known to be a ?reformed? alcoholic, I might be approached by someone who has the same problem and asked how I did it. And then I could pass it on. :h

    So I?ve rambled, I guess. But I think it?s important to look at why we choose to tell people. For instance, are you afraid of telling people you have quit drinking because you might fall off the wagon and disappoint them? (What does that say to you?) Are you afraid to be held accountable? Do you think that people will think less of you if they know of your struggles? Or is it simply none of their business? We?ve spent years hiding our drinking from people. (Often times they know and we just didn?t realize it.) But keeping secrets can make us sick, too. Opening up is part of the recovery process.

    I certainly don?t think we should broadcast this to the world. I don?t. But it?s good to stop and reflect on who it is we share the information with, and why.
    "Few things are impossible to diligence and skill. Great works are performed not by strength, but perseverance." -- Samuel Johnson (1709 - 1784)

    #2
    Sunday, October 8th

    Excellent topic Mike - yesterday's too. Everyone thinks that when I quit it is to lose weight so no one thinks I have a problem. That works for me - then I don't have to go into the whole thing. Weight loss has always been my demon and my passion. I tell my friends and my family the "side effects of not drinking" such as being productive, waking up feeling good, etc.

    My father in law passed away early this morning. Three years ago, they gave him two to five years. He took a turn for the worse Friday and the medical folks said it would be a day by day thing. His kids all were there yesterday so it was time, and I am glad he let go. My husband loved him a lot, as did I - we were very good friend.

    I won't be around much this week but will lurk as I can. I don't have much to add in the way of insight and don't want to get in the way of anyone's sobriety. I will be on the boards as I can but don't think I can be in Absville this week.

    I'll check in later in the week but know that I love you guys.

    Comment


      #3
      Sunday, October 8th

      Good Topic!

      Happy Sober Sunday, All,

      Starting to see the good effects kick in, because I was productive yesterday, for a change! :yay: And Mike, I didn't think that you were rambling at all!

      Regarding the topic, I'm very fortunate, because actually I've told quite a few of the important people in my life. My family has known for a while. My mom has been bugging me to do something about it for quite a few years, actually. (She's pretty much a teetotaler, so even if I had just two drinks a day, she'd probably bug me!) A few years before finding MWO, I had a very tearful conversation with my youngest sister about my drinking because I was fit to be tied about it, but I didn't like AA. My family is so supportive of my efforts and happy that I am doing something. They are all pleased with my progress, even with the slips.


      My staunchest supporter has been my therapist; she knows all the dirt!! Her quiet faith in my has been a Godsend, and she sees the whole me, not just the drinking. It took a while for me to "come out" to her and and even longer to be able to talk freely about it without feeling like I would be judged. I got an interesting surprise about two years ago, when she told me that she was in recovery! MY THERAPIST??? Yikes!! What is truly amazing about this woman is that, even though she got sober the old fashioned way, through AA, she has been very open to MWO, and has checked out the website and read up on topamax and the hypno and everything. She completely supports my efforts here. She has always encouraged me to find MY WAY with everything--even with the drinking.


      Lastly, many of my friends know. One of my "drinking buddies" and her husband are now sober, because they have been having trouble with their teenage daughter. She has been getting in trouble and they felt that their drinking was contributing to the problem. I'm glad, cause now I can visit them again! I hope they keep it up. Another newer friend of mine is also slowly letting me know that she thinks that SHE has a drinking problem. I've told other friends too, and they are more than supportive. Since they aren't alkies, they have no problem not drinking when they're with me. It's more an issue of their being married and our all having limited time to get together.


      My biggest issue will be when the next flag-sewing season comes around. I can see now that it will always be stressful, especially now that I am much busier work wise. I am debating whether I should tell the band director why I need to limit the amount of stress I should handle. She is a fairly discreet person, and I have joked with some of the band parents about sewing flags "driving me to drink!" HAHAHA, but I do have fears about it getting around that I am an alcoholic.

      ="font-family: Georgia;">
      I believe that it is beneficial to have people know about your struggles, but it is important to be selective about those people that you want to know. For example, most of my friends are therapists, and I can count on them to support me in the way I need to be supported. For me, too, accountability is a tricky thing. I have enough shame issues that I don't need anyone else stirring them up. I can do that EXTREMELY WELL ALL BY MYSELF, thank you very much! When I'm feeling ashamed myself, I just get defensive with others, and it's hard to hear them, even when they are trying to help, unless I know them VERY WELL.... (like my therapist and looonnng time friends).

      Anyway, I hope everyone is doing well. It is FINALLY a nice day here!!! There's so much to do!

      Have a beautiful day, everyone!

      Hugs,

      Kathy


      AF as of August 5th, 2012

      Comment


        #4
        Sunday, October 8th

        Hi Barb,

        My deepest condolences on your father-in-law. I'm glad that you checked in and told us.

        I'll be thinking of you throughout this time, and when you're ready to return, we'll all be here.


        Love, Kathy
        AF as of August 5th, 2012

        Comment


          #5
          Sunday, October 8th

          Good sunny Sunday all,

          It's a beautiful fall day here..Thank you God!
          We've made plans to go walk around our favorite gardening place this afternoon. It's petalsfromthepast.com if you want to go have a look. They have old roses surrounding an old farm house store. Lots of educational opps too. Check it out!
          Kathy......you could grow some things in pots! Check out the blue one on this web site!

          Who do I tell? My immediate family knows I have been struggling for a few years. They know about MWO also. We don't talk about it much as the kids are all grown and out on their own. My hubby and I talk about it some but since he drinks everyday , 5-6 beers yesterday and a glass of wine with dinner, he gets a wall up as if I'm trying to talk about his drinking...which I guess I am because it is a trigger for me.
          I've tried the therapists route and just couldn't find one that "fit"..

          The person that I can be totally honest with is Jesus Christ, my Lord and Savior. Might as well be......He knows it anyway! In my alone time with Him is when it all comes pouring out. My hubby has a hard time knowing what to do when I cry but Jesus is the Perfect Comforter.... And I don't have to worry about it "getting around town".....that is if we had a town!

          The honeymooners landed in Atlanta last night safe and sound! They had a great time in Jamicia. Sun in the am and then rain in the afternoon just in time for a nap!
          Oh to be young again!

          Barb....I so sorry about your father-in-law..but you're right.....if it was time, I'm glad his family was there....I didn't get to be with either of my parents when they died. It still hurts. Hurry back!:l

          Mike , thanks again for a good topic......
          Whats the weather like there?

          And much love to all neighbors.....Lisa, Lou, Liz,Janet, Gabby,.....I know I left someone out...sorry.....got ADD!:H
          You know I love you ALL!

          Nancy & Belle
          "Be still and know that I am God"

          Psalm 46:10

          Comment


            #6
            Sunday, October 8th

            Mike,
            Interesting topic. I am attending a trade show this week with my coworkers. Many opportunities for dining and drinking after the show hours. The second night here my boss commented that I was drinking as usual. I told him I was doing some "cleansing" for a while.
            The next day I ran into a friend that was my boss for 10 years at another company. We had not seen each other since the last trade show in March. He commented on how great I looked. Again I replied with the "cleansing" comment.
            I guess the point is I am reluctant to admit to these people that I am working on a drinking problem. Instead I disguise it as improving my health.

            Thanks for listening,
            Phil
            Love and Peace,
            Phil


            Sobriety Date 12.07.2009

            Comment


              #7
              Sunday, October 8th

              Hey Absville--

              Barb, I'm so sorry to hear about your father-in-law...please know that you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers. Your compassion is so clear... Too often we want to keep our loved ones with us even though they are in great suffering...it is a tremendous act of lovingkindness to be able to let them go.

              As Kathy said, we'll be here for you when you get back--
              :l :l :l
              susan
              "I'm a sucker for a good resurrection story." Anne Lamott

              Comment


                #8
                Sunday, October 8th

                BUT PHIL, YOU ARE CLEANSING YOURSELF!!! LOL! I like to say that I am on a diet and drinking and dieting don't mix when I'm with peeps that I don't know that well!

                Hugs,

                Kathy
                AF as of August 5th, 2012

                Comment


                  #9
                  Sunday, October 8th

                  That "cleansing" thing might work till i light up a ciggy (hey one thing at a time ok).I think i got one positive response out of anyone i told, most choose to ignore it.So whatever i dont really care to be honest with you im over it. I have you guys to hold my hand so that is good enough for me. Made day 2 working on 3 good for me!

                  Comment


                    #10
                    Sunday, October 8th

                    Morning All
                    day 9 af for me

                    Barb - You sounded sad but peaceful when you talked about your father in law. It is so hard to lose
                    someone you love-I will be thinking of you today. Take care of yourself and we'll talk with you when you get back.

                    Thanks for the topic Mike. I have hidden (or so I think), my problem with drinking, from everyone. I live alone and my family members do not live in the same town. So, it has not been too hard to do. I have never had anyone ask or confront me about my drinking, although I have been quite drunk around several of them on several occasions. I think they think those are just isolated incidences - which I tend to encourage by agreeing and saying 'oh, wasn't that crazy?- not me at all'. When it is exactly me in fact.

                    So, I have a hard time even talking about it - so far anyway. I have told one friend that I just decided to 'quit drinking for awhile...maybe I had been drinking a little too much recently'. She just said 'oh, but not forever right? Just cutting back for a little while?" I wasn't sure what to say to that.

                    As far as work goes - no way for me. I kind of feel like unless you need your job protected for fear you will lose it - i.e having to go into rehab or something and don't want to lose your job, I don't think it is at all productive to tell people at work. Not at this time. Not with 9 days af...maybe at 9 years. Work is work and personal is personal. Guess I just don't feel like being judged, or worse pitied.

                    What I'm saying when I'm asked why I'm not drinking- Ive just started saying
                    'I just don't want it thanks - don't feel like drinking'.

                    I have another good friend who I used to go out for drinks with - she would have maybe 2-3. I've seen her have 4 once or twice. But we would go out fairly often. After she left I would just keep drinking. Well, about 6 months ago she started dating a guy who had had a horrible alcohol problem but has now been sober for I believe 3 years. So, she has been spending her time with him, and then if we do go out she doesn't drink ( she said she didn't think it would be nice to drink and then kiss him - did not want to temp him in any way). So our drinking nights have stopped.

                    Anyway- my long story for today!
                    Hey Nancy - glad the honeymooners are back safe and sound! You sound happy
                    Kathy - I think you are doing great - you made it thru the weekend with extra stress with flying colors.
                    Can you just not do that sewing this year? The flags seem to be a huge trigger and stresser for you although I know you also love doing it. Please just think about putting yourself first in deciding what to do. Think about what you can handle and what parts of it bring you joy and then tell that director exactly what you are willing to do with the sewing. I would bet you they would be thrilled to have you in any capacity.
                    This needs to be your year! **sorry, that's starting to sound like a rant Just felt like standing up for you Kathy - don't let them take advantage of you.

                    oh, my...I'm still working on that blasted budget so I'd better get back to it. I'm also packing tonight for my
                    trip back to NO tomorrow. Phil- hope you get some time to spend at home soon. This traveling is crazy stuff.


                    I'm not going to re - read this now , so forgive the rambling please and the typos
                    Happy Sunday!!
                    Happy Fall!!
                    Love,
                    Lisa

                    Comment


                      #11
                      Sunday, October 8th

                      G?Day again Abbers ?

                      Good to see you all.

                      First off, Barb ? condolences to you, your husband, and the rest of your family. My prayers will be with you during this time.

                      Kathy, it sounds like you have an absolutely wonderful support network of family and friends. And you are in a somewhat unique situation, in that most of your friends are mental health professionals. Hmm?. I?m just wondering about dinner parties with nothing but therapist. Would love to be a fly on that wall!

                      Oh, and Nancy. Having a spouse that continues to drink when you have quit. I know that must be difficult, and I?m sure you aren?t the only one here in that situation. I can tell that it is your faith that carries you through.

                      Phil, it is understandable you might not want to talk about it with casual co-workers. And in a sense you are right: you are doing this to better your health. You must be doing something right, if they are commenting on how much better you look. Keep it up! :thumbs:

                      Hey Susan, great to see you!

                      (Gabby, where are you?? I mean, really. Give you a few days off from the mansion and what happens?)

                      Mojo, congrats on your two days, and here?s to 3. :good: You can do it!!

                      Lisa, happy day 9! (Hey, I was AF yesterday too!) I know what you mean about being ?judged or pitied? by others at work. I also don?t want people to treat me any differently ? such as thinking they can?t invite me to events, or serve alcohol around me. I am not planning to tell anyone at work any time soon. But in my personal life, I do need the support?..

                      Also ? it came to mind that sometimes when people are uncomfortable hearing about OUR drinking problems, it may be because they suspect they might have one too.

                      Interesting night at the 70? Disco Par-tay. I went with a non-drinking friend, and we stayed a couple of hours. The place was hopping. Lots of bell bottoms, polyester, big glasses, frizzy hair. Hilarious. Lots of booze, too. I drank water. And I mingled and talked to people (dazzling them with my communication skills?. Thinking of a pelican from time to time??). A couple of people were sloppy drunk (not pretty) but most were just pleasantly buzzed. A few (like me) were sober. And you know ? NO ONE NOTICED that I was drinking water. No one even asked if I wanted anything else to drink, or tried to get me to drink. I never had to explain anything. Pretty cool. Anyway, I wasn't exactly doing the Hustle, but I did have a good time, without a drop of the sauce.
                      "Few things are impossible to diligence and skill. Great works are performed not by strength, but perseverance." -- Samuel Johnson (1709 - 1784)

                      Comment


                        #12
                        Sunday, October 8th

                        mike i will never again see a pelican without thinking of you!

                        :happy: < mike doing the hustle :H

                        Comment


                          #13
                          Sunday, October 8th

                          Happy Sunday All,
                          Just a beautiful day here,sunny and upper 60's, my kind of weather. We ended up not going to the cocktail party as my husband decided it would be better to go out to dinner as a family since my oldest son was home. I brought over my appetizer and bootle of wine to the party but made my excuses and left. So,,,you would think that would be a relief but changes of plans can throw me too(I did think of you kathy) I had mentally rehearsed how I would only drink selzer water at the party and now we were going out to dinner.We went to a restaurant where the waitresses know me and know I like my chardonnay (Iknow I should be embarrassed). But I stuck to it and kept saying to myself "a change will do you good" (by that I mean not ordering wine). Sleep was not easy but we all know that 6 hours sleep without alcohol is better that 9 with a hangover.
                          So, I'm ready for my wedding today. I feel mentally strong.I will need to hang tough because several of my female drinking buddies will be at this wedding and they will be clearly attuned to the fact that I won't be drinking.
                          This leads into the discussion of the day.I generally will keep MYO to myself. I might mention to a few friends that I've stopped drinking for a while. I am painfully aware of the "for a while" and I put it in there because I am indeed afraid of failing in the long run. My husband knows I'm "cutting down" and doesn't probe too much as he will go through periods where he doesn't drink. Our problems arise in that he drinks, but not to excess. He does not understand why I just can't have two glasses. If we go out to dinner and order wine my glass will be empty by the time the appetizer comes and he won't touch it until he has food in his stomach.I think much of it is background. I am of northern european background and he grew up in a mediterranean country. They do not drink to get drunk.
                          I've wandered off the subject!!!! I will keep my desire to abstain to myself. If I go to this wedding today and tell everyone I'm not drinking I think they'll feel threatened. Perhaps a few will tell me I don't have a drinking problem and I can not hear that.I will probably say my stomach has been bothering me and I don't want the alcohol to upset it. I am a coward but whatever gets me alcohol free through the day is going to be my way out.
                          Barb, I'm sorry about your father-in -law. I am thinking of you and your family.
                          Mike, great job being mayor. I feel as if we are all of one mind now. Sometimes you need minor conflicts to make yourselves (us) stronger as a group.
                          Everyone else, happy sunday!!I look foward to a beautiful, clearheaded monday morning.
                          Janet

                          Comment


                            #14
                            Sunday, October 8th

                            Hi all
                            Mike- super topic. I wont have time to go into too much detail in my answer right now except to day that I have told my mother and sister and several close friends about my problem with drinking (they already knew anyways...) and my quitting... I dont feel I would be comfortable to tell coworkers right now, as I am not overly comfortable with them...
                            Barb - I am so sorry for your loss, hon. I am thinking of you today. Big hug.
                            DAY 8 today.
                            Love you all
                            Have to run for Thanksgiving supper at my parents
                            Love Jen
                            Over 4 months AF :h

                            Comment


                              #15
                              Sunday, October 8th

                              Hi Janet -- good luck with the wedding, I can imagine (and understand) that would be a bit awkward. And you're right, whatever it takes to get through the day. What's great about this program is it is NOT "one size fits all."

                              And Jen I was very moved by your story from yesterday about spending time with your family, going to see the show and having dinner, after your mom got out of rehab. Now that really is something to be thankful for. :h

                              And Mojo -- unfortunately, dancing is one of those things I never would do without SEVERAL cocktails circulating in my bloodstream.... will definitely have to work on that!!

                              Mike
                              "Few things are impossible to diligence and skill. Great works are performed not by strength, but perseverance." -- Samuel Johnson (1709 - 1784)

                              Comment

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