Weekly AA Thread - Week of Feb. 22 - 28

[retteacher]

Hi Everyone: I just got back from my women's meeting. I'm happy that I've continued to go to that meeting in spite of my reservations about it. Again, as I push through my resistance, I discover things about myself. One of the women said (I paraphrase): "HP, doesn't just grant us wisdom, humility, patience, etc., he/she gives us opportunities to discover it for ourselves." I must remember that when I feel uncomfortable, annoyed, resistant, fearful, etc., those are opportunities to learn something about myself.

I hope all is well w/everyone. There are a few folks we haven't seen for a while. Don't feel uncomfortable about sharing here, regardless of what your circumstances are. Anyone w/the desire to stop drinking (whether you go to meetings or not...maybe you've had problems...perhaps you're confused...whatever), is welcome to comment, ask a question, talk about where you're at...as long as you would like to stop drinking.

Take care one & all.

Mary

[Doggygirl]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of Feb. 22 - 28

Hello all and thank you Mary for starting up this weeks thread! I never seem to think of it even on Monday!

Mary, I am going to think of you and your positive (in the long run) experience with the Women's meeting whenever I feel myself resisting something AA related. I will know that my desire to resist is most likely a fear based desire to cling to the old rather than open myself up to something new and better. I like the quote that Time2Change included in yesterdays Daily AF thread about that.

I am still under house arrest with this cold. It's getting old but I'm trying to keep a good attitude as much as possible and do something productive each day before I go to bed early! :H I really appreciate Sister during this time as she is my 3D connection to AA while I'm not inflicting my germs on people at meetings. Today she said it's time for me to "get busy" and she gave me an assignment to call 2 other people from AA just to say hi and maybe talk about a reading or something, and also to add 20 things to my gratitude list. There was a time when I would have completely rolled my eyes at this stuff thinking it was silly. Now I see these assignments as something that I always end up feeling good about after I have completed them. They always benefit me in some way. So I will do the assignment today and also remember that AA is a program of ACTION. That's part of why it works. I need to remember these things for my own sponsee and future ones if that is in the cards.

Anyway....

I liked this reading today about getting out of the victim mentality:

Walk In Dry Places

We always have choices
Decision Making
Self-pity is often rooted in the strong feeling that people or conditions have victimized us. "I never had a chance" and "You deceived me!" are common complaints that reveal self-pity.
It is astonishing and humbling to learn that we always have choices, even when other people or bad conditions are grinding us down. One of the great discoveries of the Twelve Step movement is that alcoholics could begin to recover no matter how helpless they had become, no matter how far they had slid into defeat and despair. Once a decision was made to seek sobriety as a primary goal, other choices and decisions became possible.
We choose our attitudes and responses. We have neither the power nor the right to control others, but we can choose to soften our attitudes toward them, and we can forgive and release people we don't like.
We can always choose how we want to think and feel. It may take effort to break the habit of feeling victimized and sorry for ourselves, but our higher power will show us the way if we decide that is what we really want.
Nobody can ruffle my feathers today or make me feel oppressed and victimized. I can always make choices that will enhance my sobriety and place me on a better footing for the days ahead.

Self pity sure led to a lot of drinking and self inflicted misery in my life. I'm glad I'm not living like that any more.

Just wanted to add to Mary's welcome to folks who want to share on this thread. You don't have to be involved in AA to post here if you find a topic interesting!

DG

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of Feb. 22 - 28

DG: I liked the reading you quoted. There are 2 people in my life whom I perceive as having offended me. Even if they did act like jerks, it's my choice to hold on to the resentment. I find I waste a lot of mental energy thinking about their past actions toward me. I've been working on these resentments using the program tools. At least these resentments no longer drive me to the bottle.

I loved the assignments you got. Reaching out to others is never easy, particularly now that you've been unable to go to meetings. Whenever I reach out, I feel I risk something...rejection maybe. Anyhow, it's so gratifying to overcome my fear of rejection & call or meet up w/someone. It's the personal connections in AA that keeps me sober.

Mary

[gyco]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of Feb. 22 - 28

hi ladies nteresting ladies,and once you were not welcom in the doors of AA,think about it,a mans ailment,hahaha,tht was only 70 som odd years ago,thankful,is tht not what your trying,or are saying,we look back at the good times,which many of us say ,was not to be,there was good times with our old friend,Al,until,we not Al lost control,a man at the second meeting, i went to yesterday said,it,as soon as we take tht 1st drinkeven with all the angels on are side,we stand little hope on are own,ive hurd this so many times,what i couldnt do,WE could,glad to read you ladies,i can only picture your faces,and the joy ,you dont wake any more toa disaterous day,thnx folks for being hear for gycco

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of Feb. 22 - 28

Gyco: You're so right. I wake up much, much differently now. I was so filled w/shame & self-loathing, it was all I could to do to get myself out the door. The physical hangovers were nothing in comparison to the phsychic & spiritual pain I experienced of drinking, swearing it off, then drinking again. That's a pattern I repeated too many times. Yes, even my worst sober days are not anywhere near as bad as any drinking day I ever had. When I think back on those dark days, I don't have the slightest desire to drink again. Mary

[Doggygirl]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of Feb. 22 - 28

Hi gyco and Mary!

Yes Mary - reaching out was very uncomfortable for me too at first. Especially "in real life" without the computer screen (or AL!) to hide behind. I think fear of rejection was / is at play for me too somehow. That, and fear that someone might ask something of me that I don't want to give. DUH. That's what the word "no" is for! "Yes" when appropriate, and "no" when appropriate. I'm realizing more and more what a factor that has been in my own isolation.

Gyco, I think it's sad that women years ago were not able to bring addiction problems into the open (even anonymously!) for help. Even today I think women feel very fearful of reaching out for help. That is one reason why I'm grateful for internet sites like this one! And of course grateful that AA is available and open for all people.

LOL - Me waking up in the morning used to be really ugly both inside and out! Thanks Gyco for being here for us too.

DG

[dancelot]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of Feb. 22 - 28

Hi, everyone -

It is funny we still even in this day and age feel weird and secretive about our alcohol problems (women). We perceive ourselves differently, and yet still hold on to old stereotypes. I'm as guilty of that as the next person. I'm definitely grateful for anonymous internet sites like this one - that got me in the door, so to speak.

In the BB the story of the first woman in AA struck me as to how similar to any of us she was. She was independent, educated, well travelled, divorced - not my idea of what I thought women were back then. Though I guess we forget our mothers, grandmothers ever were "real" women either!

Well, I'm glad we are accepted at AA now - I've met some great women and men - people I'd never have known before, but we all have alcoholism in common. I think it's taught me to be more accepting of all people - when we see the commonality rather than the differences.

I like too getting the male perspective as well as the female. You get such a better understanding in an environment where all people feel safe being honest. When we can listen to and learn from stories that take so much guts to be open about is truly amazing. When we can hear them, without judging is amazing too. Every one of us gets such an opportunity to grow.

Have a great day everyone!

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of Feb. 22 - 28

I agree that there is so much more shame involved in alcoholism being a female. Maybe it's the lady-like, (in my case) teacher-like image that must be maintained. I go to meetings in 2 neighboring towns. In one of the towns, the meetings are almost entirely men. Out of 50 people attending, there might be 7 - 10 women there. I found this very disconcerting in the beginning. I'm getting accustomed to it now.

It pains me to think that there are women out there that are drinking alone (that tends to women's MO) & are afraid to seek help.

There have been a lot of relapses recently...both women & men. I think the fervor of beginning the new year sober has worn off. I hope that some of the folks who are out there drinking will come back. Again, in the groups I go to, there is no judgement that I've ever seen. There's a section in the BB that talks about relapses & coming back. The sense I get is that, for some people, coming back after a relapse brings a new learning to their eventual sobriety.

For myself, I'm grateful that since I've joined AA last year, I haven't had a relapse. I hear people say: "I'm going to make AA work for me this time." I don't want there to be a "this time." I want this time to be my only time. I know I have to walk the walk. I have to:
-help others.
-go to meetings.
-make connections w/people.
-read the literature.
-work the steps.

We are snowed in today. I'm so ready for Spring.

Mary

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of Feb. 22 - 28

As my sponsor puts it:
1. Trust God
2. Clean House
3. Help Another Alcoholic

Pretty simple formula for staying sober.

Mary

[dancelot]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of Feb. 22 - 28

Hi, everyone -

I just got back from my noon meeting. The topic was on gratitude and attitude, and it was a great meeting. I missed yesterday, and felt a little like "do I have to?" - I want to sit here and drink coffee. They have coffee at AA, so that's no excuse!

A couple things jumped out. One of the newer people just recently had a spiritual awakening, and this person even looked different. Someone who before you could tell likes to keep a firm grip on life "got it". It's like they light up inside, their face relaxes, their eyes are bright. I noticed that the first meeting I went to, the light in the eyes of so many members. That's the only way I can describe it, a light.

Another woman who has a lot of years described how she was before - fearful, negative, always waiting for the other foot to fall, never getting too comfortable in good times because something bad was just waiting to happen - an exact description of how I lived. I was always in fight or flight mode. Through many years of therapy, I eventually worked some of it off. Since coming to AA, it's like dumping off another big heavy layer, like a big heavy coat when it's too warm to wear it.

I'm so glad I went, I was feeling like hiding in my shell a little (not real bad, but it was there). That does reinforce that doing it even when it might be uncomfortable, or you're feeling fearful, but doing it anyway. It's always nice to read everyone's posts, which serve as reminders. Just like when we all share at AA, you never know when or where you'll find a little jewel of wisdom that you needed to hear.

Thanks for listening and for sharing your thoughts too. :h

[Doggygirl]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of Feb. 22 - 28

Hi all. Dance, I love the stories about the women from several decades ago, who really WERE a whole lot like we are today. I tend to think times have changed a whole lot more than they really have. I remember the story you are referring to and this IS a really good story. I could identify as the Geographic Solution never worked for me either! :H

I also like your reminder of how you are glad you went to a meeting today. It's amazing how I can get all comfy staying a home holed up for a few days. I start forgetting how much I value my active life style, and I start getting lazy!! Of course the internet is a double edged sword. I can (and have, and do) fritter away a lot of time here. Some of that is OK but its' time for me to get back to my outside world!!

Mary, I love your sponsors simple (but not always easy!) words of advice.

I'm really liking the Walk in Dry Places readings this week. Sometimes I don't get that far through the Daily Readings! I need to make sure to read farther every day. I like the one today too about two different kinds of selfishness - one is good and one is bad:

Walk In Dry Places

Selfishness____Self-improvement
We're told again and again that we have to be selfish about our own recovery, but this seems to be in conflict with the fact that selfishness is the root of our problem. How can selfishness be both good and bad?
The selfishness we need for recovery is a devotion to self-improvement, rather than the selfish indulgence that made us sick. One is a giving of ourselves, the other is frantic taking that leads to destruction. The person who seeks self-improvement is competing only against his or her former self. The sick brand of selfishness, on the other hand, is usually involved in unhealthy competition with others.
There is no easy way to test whether our selfishness is the right kind. If our conduct leads to long-term happiness and higher self-esteem, it is probably right. If it harms us or others, something is wrong. We can correct this by getting back to the basics of the program and pursuing self-improvement rather than self-indulgence.
Just for today, I will take part in that which will obviously benefit everyone.

Mary as you often wisely say, I need to always be checking my motives.

DG

[dancelot]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of Feb. 22 - 28

DG - You probably know this, but on the Daily Reflections site you can go to any date (which is a good thing since these last few days the day jumps ahead a lot earlier than it was before!). I need to go to it first thing since they use those a lot for topics (except tomorrow is BB day - and Mondays are "back to basics" at least where I go)!

[gyco]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of Feb. 22 - 28

hi folks,well i was at a nother meeting to day,wasnt what i xpected but all the meetings cant be a great one,i guess the old saying take what u can,leave the rest comes into play,struck a note with some members,i have a bad or good habit of dicecting everything,som dont like tht,i no it will take a lot to change tht,as a yungster i used being wooped my father spanked a s an xcuse for my habit,of 40 years,the reading to me stressed our rites,some think we lose them as alchoholics,or as in the paper i read today a doctors opinion was if a women has a baby with fas [fetal al. syndrome her rt to having babies should be taken away,if looks could of killled the girl next to me,the way she looked at me,the rt should be taken,i was astonished,i do beleive the system failed back when the big book was created,not the book,the system,most dont remember probition and wht the intent was,history speaks for itself,just have to read dr bobs story,just my opinion,maybe one day society will take tht away to,thnx folks gyco

[redhibiscus]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of Feb. 22 - 28

DG, thanks so much for the reading "A walk in dry places." It was just what I needed. We have the power to forgive and release people who we don't like or who have wronged us. I like that, it is really hard on me when I hold on to resentment. I do have the power to change the way I think, and then my feelings will change too.

I sometimes get in the pity party mode, and that is not a good place to be in. Thanks again for your insight.

[cpn1004]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of Feb. 22 - 28

Greetings all. I have been on the road for 10 nights. Sitting in the Wichita (KS) airport now waiting for a flight to DFW. It will feel SO good to attend my 630 am meeting tomorrow.
Last night I went to a meeting in Augusta, KS. Introduced myself "hi I'm Phil visiting from Texas". After the meeting I realized one of the AA'ers was a drinking friend from 41 years ago. Yikes, that was funny.
Today we had the "family care meeting" regarding my 89 year old mother. They are suggesting she needs "custodial long term care". Some of you have been through this know that Medicare covers 20 days then partially for a total of 100 days IF the patient is responding to therapy. Well Mom is not responding all that well, so my brother and I may have to deal with some serious money issues. Oh...did I mention that my brother is 8 years older and a Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde type of alcoholic? Ah...family ...what fun stuff.
Have a sober night y'all.