Weekly AA Thread - Week of Feb. 22 - 28

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of Feb. 22 - 28

Phil: I have dealt w/that w/my dad who was in a Alz/Dementia facility for about 8 mos. It is expensive. Thank God, my parents had planned for it & could afford it. I'm not sure what would have happened had he lived on & on. Medicare (in the form of hospice) was part of the picture, but much of the cost was incurred by the family. Take the situation one day at a time. Your HP knows what you are going through. As far as your brother is concerned, he has a HP guiding his life too. You never know what will happen. Good luck...I know what you're going through is not easy.

I went to a trad. meeting tonight. It still amazes me that AA can function simply on the group conscience (w/the backing of HP). No hierarchy, no bosses, no dues, no fees, no CEO.

Mary

[dancelot]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of Feb. 22 - 28

Phil - You have my sympathies. Keep hanging in there. I'm glad you've got AA. My mom went through that 2 1/2 years ago, and I know how difficult it is without the added family problems. Take care.

[Winefree]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of Feb. 22 - 28

Phil, wow that is tough. Turning into the parent for our parents isn't easy. Glad you are able to stay on track with your recovery through it all.
Mary, we read the second tradition at the women's meeting tonight. It is amazing how the meetings go on and there is no one in charge for good. Everything seems to run pretty smoothly like that.
HMMM, makes me think about the government.....I wonder...

Hope the weather isn't making everyone gloomy. Nothing but rain, rain and more rain here the past few days. Guess it's better than the snow which is now expected if it cools down overnight. Is it spring yet?

Winefree

[Winefree]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of Feb. 22 - 28

Oh, one more thing. They were talking about planning the annual celebration of the women's meeting they hold every year in April. I couldn't believe it when they talked about that. I was at the one last year! It was in the first couple of weeks I started AA and I remember how uncomfortable I felt since I was so new. What a difference 9-10 months have made.

Winefree

[Doggygirl]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of Feb. 22 - 28

Hi everyone! Gyco it's good to see you as always. One of the things that really amazed me about AA when I first started going was the way the meeting protocol works, and how that protocol allows for discussion of a topic where there might be stong opposing opinions, and yet the meeting as a whole stays "orderly." I've heard stories of some rare occassions where someone really lost their temper, but it seems rare and I've never seen a meeting "fall apart" over opposing opinions. What a change from the bars I used to go to. (well, and water cooler gossip at companies I've worked for, and other disrespectful situations!)

Red, I hear you on the pity party mode. My brain likes to go to that "special place" too. I had no idea how counter productive that was for all the years I spent way too much time there. I'm able to resolve my problems a lot faster these days by skipping that step entirely. :H It is not always easy to forgive and release, but it's so true that clinging to resentments only hurts US, not the person who wronged us (real or percieved). One friend in AA has talked about "releasing" her father who abused her terribly until she was well into her teens. She struggled with "releasing" him until only recently - she is 6 years sober now. She talked about how freeing it was FOR HER to finally let it go. I will remember that particular lesson from her example.

Phil, I am so sorry about your family situation. I'm so happy for you though, that you are sober so you can deal with it. Especially given your brother's situation, I'm guessing this could be way messier and more difficult if you were drinking too. It's not always easy to be the one taking the "high road" so to speak. I will try to remember your good example when the time comes to face these issues within my own family. I'm sure the temptation will be there to make an escape attempt with AL's help. (((Phil))) I bet you WILL be glad to be back to your home group!

WF, sorry to hear you are in the "receiving zone" for this latest round of Mother Nature's bounty. Yesterday we had high 20's and sun, and that is is the forecast for the next few days. Not bad here for February. I hope you don't get too much snow! I hope you have fun helping with the planning of things for the women's celebration this year. I know what you mean - it is so hard to believe a whole year has passed since we started our AA adventures. I'm so glad that we are all still her and posting and sober!!

Mary, I too love the traditions. Having spent many years in the "corporate world" and many of those in management positions, I am facinated by how effective those 12 little traditions are, and no management hierarchy. Most companies struggle mightily with too many policy manuals to count, and managers of everything from the important to the rediculous. I'm looking forward to one day reading more of the history. I'm sure some of the process might have been painful!

It was FABULOUS to be back to "regular life" yesterday including the morning meeting. The topic was the 24-hours a day reading, which was jam packed with good tidbits for discussion. The concept of Higher Power was part of it. I remember how mightily I struggled with the whole concept of "power" in general (thinking I had a whole lot more of it than I actually do) and a Higher Power in particular. As much as I tried, I was NOT powerful over alcohol (while drinking it). I also have realized how un-powerful I am over other people in my life. Geez - no wonder I was always frustrated. I look back now and realize how hard I tried to control everything around me that I CAN'T control (especially other people). I sure bloodied my head against the wall trying. And those things I CAN control (not taking the first drink, among others) I completely ignored. It was a lot more fun criticizing everyone else than to look in the mirror and do something about me. It was a good discussion.

I may end up with another sponsee. Or maybe just a new good friend. Either way is cool by me - whatever evolves. She has tried and failed so many times to get sober. I see in her a lot of myself. Tons of false bravado on the outside, and filled with fear and insecurity on the inside. I relate to her in a huge way. And I believe that we all have a chance at sobriety so long as we are still breathing. We have to be willing to work for it - that's all.

Well, I need to get a move on. Hope you were smart enough to make a sandwich. Have a fabulous day everyone!

DG

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of Feb. 22 - 28

Everyone: It's great to see all your posts. I love them. This is such a supportive & positive thread. I look forward to it each & every morning. I've only been to one meeting where there was an actual verbal argument w/2 people stomping angrily out of the meeting. There was also a drunk person involved in that meeting. After the eruption, we all just kind of went on w/the meeting. It was uncomfortable, but I guess HP meant it to happen so that we could learn something. Additionally, I've been to meetings where there were people under the influence. They are treated w/firmness but respect.

I was in a school system where there were levels of hierarchy: from the superintendent on down to the student body. There was so much in the way of politics that it's a wonder anything got accomplished. I still shake my head that AA meetings are there under all kinds of circumstances: bad weather, holidays, shake-ups, etc. The meetings are uniform & predictable. I love that!

Mary

PS: My husb works w/brand-new Americans teaching them English. We're having a couple of his students here for lunch. It'll be very international & fun. It'll be one of those simple afternoons that I can now enjoy so much more that I'm sober. It's doubtful I would have done this when I was still drinking.

[dancelot]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of Feb. 22 - 28

Hi, everyone -

I love this thread too, Mary! Maybe because it kind of works like a meeting. Everyone have their can have their say. I hadn't thought of that, but it is amazing how AA meetings almost run themselves. The worst I've seen is a little bickering among the old timers about someone (one of them) talking out of turn. Like any drama, I stay out of it. The group I go to is pretty relaxed. We got through everybody 10 minutes early, and ended up talking for 10 minutes about the coffee, which was pretty funny. I never thought I'd laugh that hard at an AA meeting.

I ran into a member at the store later, and had a nice talk. She said the first time she saw someone outside of there, she ducked down so they wouldn't see her. It's sort of funny what we're afraid of, really. I'm glad I'm getting to where it's like running into a neighbor or any other acquaintance. The nice thing is, the two times it's happened, I can actually carry on a meaningful conversation. Even though we've maybe only met at a meeting, you already have this common ground. Just by sharing in the same room, you feel you know these people.

Have a good evening, all! :h

[Winefree]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of Feb. 22 - 28

Evening all. Hope everyone had a great day. Went out to dinner with fellow AA's after the meeting tonight. Always afraid to take the chance, not sure what I was afraid of. It was a good time and I definitely enjoyed the comraderie. Looking forward to going another time soon.
I'm feeling a definite peace when I'm at the meetings now. Almost feel like I could fall asleep. All my anxieties just seem to melt away. It's odd since I don't even feel like this at church. Amazing what the fellowship can do.

Winefree

[dancelot]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of Feb. 22 - 28

Winefree - I've never been a churchgoer but what I get at AA is what I think people that really get religion get from church (if that makes sense). I'm guessing it's what my very devout cousin who's always trying to convert me gets from her beliefs. Whatever it is it's wonderful. I like how it puts me in such a good place mentally. That I know will help me to maintain my sobriety.

[Doggygirl]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of Feb. 22 - 28

Hi all! It's great to read your posts as always. I've really been thinking a lot lately about fear. I figured out quite some time ago that fear was / is a big driver in my life. It seems recently HP is showing me some new ways that fear plays a part that I didn't really see before. This whole process is like peeling the layers off an onion. One thing I don't need to fear at all any more is potential consequences from drinking. I realized just yesterday how very MUCH that particular fear preyed on my mind while drinking. I'm sure that contributed to my feelings of stress, anxiety and depression. At least I'm free of those fears today and grateful for it!

WF, that is wonderful you had such a good time out socializing with your new friends. Isn't it funny where we find fear, and how AA helps us overcome.

Mary, I always love reading about your entertaining adventures! Sounds like lunch will be very interesting and enjoyable without the added distraction and stress of AL. (and fear of getting caught filling the glass secretly, and all that jazz!)

Dance, I too have gotten used to running into AAers in various places and just striking up a conversation. I don't even care who sees my truck (which is full of vehicle graphics advertising our business!) outside the "Alano Club." I'm learning more and more to just let go and trust that the things happening in life day to day are supposed to be happening in whatever way they are.

I really enjoyed the Big Book study today. We are still on the stories - we read the last one of Section II. I could REALLY identify with a lot of it. There are some differences, but OH BOY lots of similarities too. This person's progression went a lot faster than mine, but many of the experiences and feelings were the same for me. If you want to read it, here it is! http://www.aa.org/bigbookonline/en_t...edintime17.pdf

I forgot to bring my highlighter pen today so will be reading it again later with highlighter in hand because there are some real doozies in there. I like this definition of "the bottom."

One definition of a bottom is the point when the last thing you lost, or the next thing you are about to lose is more important to you than booze. That point is different for everyone....

For me, I think my "bottom" was reached when the "next thing I was about to lose" was my life. I had such strong thoughts of suicide, and such a desparate lack of purpose or vision for my life. I truly saw NO point in it. I think in this instance, my fears may have saved me. I had all the stock pile of prescription meds necessary to end it all. (I had more than enough) But for some reason (fear I think, or HP intervention) I just couldn't do it. But I couldn't live drinking day in and day out any more either.

There is also an analogy in this story about "being an apple, and accepting myself as an apple instead of always trying to be an orange." I still don't fully know who I am. But this story made me think about accepting myself as I am (current mysteries included!) rather than always trying to be something I'm not, which I have done a LOT of in my life. (driven by fear and ego, etc.)

Anyway, enough ramblings! Have a fabulous day everyone. Warm thoughts out to Phil, and Okey and anyone else who is struggling or lurking or just plain busy!

DG

[dancelot]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of Feb. 22 - 28

Hi, everyone -

I went to women's meeting today, and it was good. I've been trying to put my finger on what it is I am ambivalent about women's meetings. I think it may be my discomfort with too much shown emotion.

What's interesting (to me) is many of the women admitted they only feel comfortable in women only groups, and actively seek them out, where in my case I generally open up more in mixed groups. So I guess I learn something new about myself while learning about others. Though someone brought up some other group and called it "bitch fest", so I suppose not all groups are the same! The woman I ran into yesterday also said there were some groups in town that she said are "toxic", and that ours is a long running and very stable group. I'm glad I didn't walk into one of those first time out. But then it really makes sense to check out different ones - if there's nothing to compare it too, you never know.

Today's topic was what keeps you coming back, and it's great to hear from new and old alike - we have people sober since the 1970s, so can go back a ways. We've also had a few recent relapses. At the end of the meeting the chair reminded everyone we always welcome them back with open arms, they do not need to go to another group out of shame or embarrassment, and we do not judge them ever. Which is always a nice reminder - it was good especially to see one of the younger members back again today. Also hearing them telling their stories always reinforces why we need to keep up the work. The "in person" reality of seeing this does hit home. Another reason live 3-D is so good for me.

Have a great rest of the weekend everyone and as always thanks for being here! :h

[cpn1004]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of Feb. 22 - 28

Greetings all,
I went to my morning meeting today, yippee, two days in a row at my home group.
Get this...the topic suggested was "how to deal with losing someone"..just what I'm dealing with. Hmm...ya think our HP has a sense of humor? I do. Of course it was a great meeting and really felt good.
I have about 4 more days at home then on the road again, got to make sure I appreciate this home time.

Oh, btw, I got/had to babysit my 9 month old grandson and three year old granddaughter for 3 hours this morning. Could not have done that a year ago, I would have found some excuse. Man, do mothers work hard!!

[KateH1]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of Feb. 22 - 28

Hi All....OK...I don't attend AA meetings, though I do think that a lot of what AA has to offer is helpful. But, I was invited to come here and share by DG and Dance and few others. I am honored and delighted to join in such positive, uplifting conversation! So thank you all in advance!

OK, so DG's comment about being and Apple or an Orange made me think of my thoughts that I am like an Onion. For years layer after layer of a False Self, hiding more and more of the real me. These layers were thickened by alcohol to the point that I no longer knew who I was and no one else could see me either! For the past two years, I have been peeling the onion that had long hidden the real me. Each time I peel a layer, I feel so much better and I am finding the real me that had been lost for so long!

Have a nice evening All!!

Kate

[Winefree]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of Feb. 22 - 28

Kate, welcome to the thread. I've heard several at meetings compare themselves or what is going on in their life as the peeling of another layer of the onion. It makes perfect sense to me. I like how you put it as well. Getting to the real you. I feel similar to that. I've been hiding behind booze and camouflaging myself. Time to get rid of the facade and just be myself.

Dance, I like varied meetings. I go to two women only meetings each week and then 3 mixed meetings. I still don't talk much and when I do it's been a mix of meeting types. Haven't found too much drama at women vs. mixed meetings. I do feel women drink for different reasons than men. We all seem to end up in the same bad place though, needing to stop to regain our sanity and live a life worth living.
I too need the 3-D, hearing about current or past relapses to help reinforce the need for continued sobriety. I still have that voice in my head speak to me occasionally about having a drink sometime in the future. Can't seem to get it(the voice) to quit. Then I go to a meeting and hear about others sad experiences and I get reinforcement about why I am there. My HP speaking to me for sure.

DG, I can relate to that bottom definition for me. My bottom came when my husband had walked out and I needed to decide what was more important. So far he has one and I plan on keeping it that way. ODAT

Phil, glad you are enjoying your home meetings. It is great to see the same supportive faces at meetings. A true feeling of belonging.

Winefree

[Doggygirl]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of Feb. 22 - 28

Hi all! Great to read your posts and Kate, great to have you join us. I look forward to your participation in our discussions!

Phil, I had to laugh when reading your post about "mothers working hard." I don't have kids myself, and really have never done much babysitting. One time on a vacation with extended family, I offered to babysit my then 2-year old nephew so my brother and his wife could have an "adult" afternoon. OMG. I swear that was the longest 4-hours of my life. I now understand why mothers promote naps. It's because mothers NEED naps. Enjoy your time at home and travel safely! Always love hearing about the "on the road again" meetings you attend.

Dance, I'm more like you feeling more comfortable in mixed groups than women only groups for some reason. That probably means I need to seek out a women's only AA meeting and start going. There aren't any of those at the club I go to. But I know of at least one that is within a reasonable distance. A woman's meeting AND an evening meeting. I should stretch myself on both fronts I think! (at least check it out!)

WF, I feel so blessed that here lately, the obsession has been lifted. I think regularly hearing about relapse (although I don't with that on anyone of course!) and also hearing the stories of people just starting out - when those stories are recent and raw helps me to. I need that reminder of the REALITY of what drinking would do for me. In my head, my addiction would glam it up for me if I left that part of my brain to it's own devices for long enough. (been there done that with the 60 days AF, then relapse)

The meeting this morning was 12&12 and we discussed Step 11. This is fast becoming my very favorite step. For anyone reading who may not know what this step says, here it is:

Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with
God, as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us
and the power to carry that out.

The reading in the Big Book about Step 11 starts at the bottom of p. 85 and goes to the end of that chapter, just a few pages. But I love that the instructions for that step are crystal clear. What to do in the morning, through the day when faced with indecision about something, and what to do at night to finish off a recap of the day.

I never did much praying during the drinking years (aka my whole adult life). When I DID pray, it was always self centered for what I wanted in that moment. "Please get me home safe without a DUI." "Please get my boss fired because he's an A-hole." Always wanting ponies and barbies for myself. Duh - there is no Santa Claus! (although I do think my prayers for safe delivery home without DUIs must have been answered because geez - I deserved DUIs and am just grateful I somehow was spared that and worse!)

Anyway, I love the simplicity of just asking the universe to help me know what is right for me to do. That's all. I also love the instruction about waiting patiently and quietly for the answers to come. I have a tendency to want to ramrod some solution to every problem even if I am uncertain that my idea of what to do is the right thing. I am learning to wait patiently rather than just push and bully my way through things inappropriately. That is hard and I'm not always successful! But I'm trying. And I'm sure a lot calmer and more peaceful when I can manage to wait if I'm not sure. (and the building is not on fire LOL!)

Kate I too like the analogy about layers of the onion. I hope I am done trying to be what I am not, and I hope to discover what is really there under these layers.

May we all do the next right thing today! Which of course for me, starts with not drinking.

DG