Weekly AA Thread - Week of March 1 - March 6

[retteacher]

Hi Everyone: I hope all is well. I'm continuing to make progress in overcoming my fears which were the foundation of my alcoholism. As I push myself into more & more activities, I realize just how much I inhibited myself w/AL. As I mentioned at the end of last week's thread, yesterday's skiing w/friends would never, ever have happened had I not been sober. I would have rejected the idea:
1. because it was a non-drinking activity.
2. because I would have felt too self-conscious & afraid.

Last night's BB meeting was on a story I had read before at DG's suggestion (p. 338). It was a story by a woman, & all the references applied to me from finishing up the AL in people glasses after an evening at my home to having AL accompany everything I did. I forgot about that accompaniment part:
-I drank when I mowed the lawn or snowblowed the driveway.
-I drank when I cleaned.
-I drank when I cooked (almost always).
-I drank when I b-sat the g-kids.
-etc.

I would start off feeling like the drinking would help me get through whatever I was doing, but before long, I would be struggling & might not even finish. Now, if I want to rest, I do. I don't need AL in order to feel like I'm taking a break.

It's is small things like that that make me grateful to be sober. I don't have to reward myself w/AL. I can sit, have a cup of tea, & do a crossword.

Mary

[cpn1004]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of March 1 - March 6

Great words Mary.

[Cinders]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of March 1 - March 6

I wanted to add the Daily Reflections quote here. I hope you don't mind. (no pun intended)

Hope is the key that unlocks the door of discouragement. The program promises me that if I do not pick up the first drink today, I will always have hope. Having come to believe that I keep what I share, every time I encourage, I receive courage. It is with others that, with the grace of God and the Fellowship of A.A., I trudge the road of happy destiny. May I always remember that the power within me is far greater than any fear before me. May I always have patience, for I am on the right road.

I love the word "hope." It brings so many good things to light. Like snowblowing and skiing and watching the grandkids, sober. Hope that we can live life without alcohol.

Hope.

And I know that Hope requires action on our part. It is all a piece of the pie, isn't it? Hope, courage, action.

Love,
Cindi

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of March 1 - March 6

Cindi: Wonderful quote...thank you so much for it. When I was drinking, I never gave up hope. Yes, I was discouraged if I went back to drinking after a longer period of time or a short period of time. However, I ALWAYS kept sobriety as an ATTAINABLE goal. I admit that it did take a bottoming out experience for me to get into AA. And, I don't think I'd be sober today wo/AA. As all of you know, I tried many, many times on my own. I just couldn't sustain sobriety, regardless of how wonderful it was to be sober. I really needed the fellowship (& the accountability therein) in order to stay sober. I know that AA is not the be-all & end-all for everyone. But, it worked for me. Thanks again, Mary


PS: Hi Phil! Hope all is well w/you on the home front. Stay sober...things have a way of working themselves out the way their supposed to.

[Doggygirl]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of March 1 - March 6

Hi Mary, Cinders and Phil! I typed something up yesterday but must have not hit the "Submit Reply" button! Oh well - now you have an extra sandwich! :H

Mary, I love your assessment of how fear + AL = leading a very inhibited life. At the end, I didn't even want to leave home and did so as little as possible. Fear of a DUI was a good thing at the time, I suppose, but that plush a zillion other fears kept me in isolation. Not good.

Cinders, what a great post about hope! It's great to see you back posting here - I missed you!

Phil - sending positive vibes your way for your travels and family things.

Todays meeting was great. It was "open topic" chaired by a woman I really like and respect. Nobody else had a burning topic so she chose to give the lead about humility. That is a good one for me and an area where I still have a very long way to go. The chair read something about humility from the "Keep it Simple" book. One of the lines from the reading was something like:

"I will be grateful to be among people watching the parade instead of "being" the parade."

I was reminded of course, of my ego and sometimes desire to be the center of attention and / or to have everything done the way I think it should be done. There is a time and a place for "leadership" but more often than not, the best kind of leadership is the quiet kind where we simply lead by example with no expectation for "credit" or notice of any kind. My mind can be sneaky in that regard.

I need to remember that here at MWO (as in all of life - this is just one example) I am just part of a larger group of varied opinions and behaviors that all deserve respect. Just because I have been here "longer" or have a strong opinion about something doesn't mean that my way is the right or best way. If I feel strongly about something, I should just quietly walk the walk I believe in.

When it was my turn to speak I was actually thinking about something we've talked about here and that is motives. I act with proper humility I think when I do the right thing FOR THE RIGHT REASON, and without looking for any self glory. I've gotten better I think at chosing to do the right thing a little more often in sobriety, but my motives can still get the better of me sometimes. (pride / ego)

Today I will try to enjoy watching the parade as one of the crowd!

DG

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of March 1 - March 6

I've been to discussions about humility & am always provided w/food for thought. I am a kind of quiet type of person & do not look for the limelight. However, I've looked at my self-centered fear quite a lot lately & see that it & humility are in opposition to one another. I think that when I'm well-grounded in the principles of the program & am trying to help others, humility is the natural outcome.

Mary

[Winefree]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of March 1 - March 6

Humility is a tough one for me too. I am also quiet and go about my business doing my work etc and never make a big deal about it. To me that is already being humble, but I'm not sure humble and humility are the same. So I'll keep on going to meetings to see if I can figure it out.

Winefree

[overittoday]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of March 1 - March 6

I have loved reading these posts i get some much great stuff from you guys!:thanks: There is alot of insight in what everyone has written. Looking at your fears is not an easy task because they are the ones that want to survive at all costs, i guess its because that is all we know. When i look deep into my belief system i fear rejection which makes me subconciously want to please everyone and how could you possibly do that??? being comfortable in my own skin is my goal and i know that AL takes that away from me. Yes at first it does make me feel comfortable and then it eats away at me like a rat with a piece of cheese. I need to stay aware of this but also not be to hard on myself. Pfffff well insight is amazing and that is how we learn day by day to become better people to ourselves and also to the outside world.
Thanks for sharing I really enjoyed it.:l

[gyco]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of March 1 - March 6

good morning all,great comments,i likethis thread to,AA meetings even after ten years,i presume its my ego,but it is my ego,good or bad,its been intrenched into me for years,it will take as long to fix,as it did to do the damage,patience is a virtue,not even so much the drinking,as many have said,it is but part of the symtom,like what cindi said,not such a big word, I, am responsible for my actions,if weve or i have dulled my judgement beyond return for the day,can i really do right,i use to ski and many other sports,always drank b4 or during the activity,980 abovve outside lets face it nothing like a nc cold drink,to dull the reflexes,we or i forgot the cold part,we or i liked the numb feeling,youth was a great xperience,we never new when to let go,i havent been sober long enuff,even tho i started recognising a problem in the 80 s,like many have said we new from the start,i dont beleive tht anymore,simple,i am greatful.for you folks,i am greatful for AA rooms at times,i am greatful i have the resourses to remain sober for a day,tht is the simple part of the program of life,choice,it is up to us,if we want to mess it up,no matteer how u do it,thnx folks,gyco

[gyco]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of March 1 - March 6

sorry my 9 and 8 stik together it was ment to be 80 above hahahaha

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of March 1 - March 6

Everyone: I see a lot of gratitude here, especially in the last few posts. Somehow, that's part of humility too. Regarding humility, I've heard at meetings: "This program helps me feel not too big, not too small, but right-sized." Maybe that's what humility is...feeling right-sized. I'm not the center of the universe nor am I dirt under anyone's feet. I'm beginning to accept that I make mistakes, I do things well, & I go along on an even keel.

Overit: I do think that the chipping away at my fears a little at a time is "walking the walk" as they say in AA:
-making a phone call to someone
-volunteering for a service job
-doing something I don't ordinarily do
-etc.
Progress is a one day at a time effort. I'm willing to make that effort, because I'm being useful to others & am a lot happier myself.

Mary

[overittoday]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of March 1 - March 6

I believe if you are aware of your fears you can do many things to change them just like what you are doing. I say No now and try not to feel responsible when things go wrong.
Here's to killing our fears!

[dancelot]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of March 1 - March 6

Hi, everyone -

Today's meeting's topic was on "self will run riot" (I'm not sure that's the exact quote). Today was one of those days I was very unsure of speaking, another fear thing which has been cropping up all week. I've come a long way as far as not being afraid of meetings or speaking, but the last few days some of the old "not knowing what to do or not being able to what needs to be done" have been cropping up big time in my regular life. Then I started thinking I need to get more motivated about getting a sponsor, then (big one) the fear and distrust of women made me wonder could I ever trust anyone to that degree.

I know it is part of the "self will" and not wanting to give up control. I've been really going for the prayer and allowing HP to have the problem (good thing a couple of meetings this week emphasized that!). It works when I do it, though I must admit it's not instantaneous always! Again I think I'm grasping at it too hard.

Today, I listened a lot, was not sure I had anything to say, though as it got closer to me, felt I needed to admit all this. I feared what that would say about my commitment to the program, etc. Or about me (my ego...). Just before me, it got to burning desire time, and there were a few, so I didn't end up speaking. One long time member who spoke said something about how she was told coming in, she was "a part of, not apart from". That was just what I needed to hear. In some ways this woman seems so different from me, yet she hits home with me so many times. Her life was ruled by fear and perfectionism. She always describes my feelings so well.

I was glad to have been there, and I when I got in my car thanked HP, and I swear i heard a little voice in my head tell me, stop trying so hard, "allow it", it will come in time, and if that's not right now, that's OK too, it will. It was like a weight was lifted, and for that I am grateful.

On a lighter note, I went to a Monday night (extra) meeting, which is the one they give away chips in, so I got a genuine 6 month chip! Someone gave me two 3 month chips because they were out of 6 month chips after a daytime meeting, so I hadn't gotten a real one yet! I was feeling kind of bummed still this morning and thought of it, and how it was a symbol of forward progress which gave me a smile. I need to hang it up on something so I see it every morning.

Thanks for listening and for everyone's great posts - this is like a meeting! Have a great day, all! :h

[Doggygirl]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of March 1 - March 6

Wow - such really great posts today! I'm glad to be tackling some of my fears too. And I realized in todays meeting that some of the selfish stuff is finally disipating a bit. Dance, I think we talked about the same reading today that you did! From daily reflections? It was about self will run riot and selfishness. It was a great meeting to remember how my drinking was #1 in my life for so long. I blew off family and business committments / obligations right and left in favor of drinking. When I DID participate in family and business committments, I was always resentful and thinking about when the drinking could finally get underway. (or be sneaking extra drinks where possible) Most of what I did other than drink was done with a horrid and selfish attitude.

I'm grateful today to be able to do things for others and to keep my family and business committments with a much better attitude and willingness these days. I'm not perfect by any stretch, and at times fall back (hard!) into the "poor me" pity party thinking. But I'm grateful to recognize it now, and have some tools to get back on track.

The guy who gave the lead is an OLD timer who is very passionate and very "By the Big Book." He can quote it backwards and forwards. When I first heard him speak shortly after going to AA about a year ago, I was sort of put off by him. (what? Not MY way???) But after getting to know him better and also learning more about the AA program, I've come to really respect him. One can agree or disagree philisophically with the AA program, but it has saved many lives and this passionate and "by the big book" old timer has helped many men get sober and turn their lives around. I'm starting to like and appreciate what he has to say. Today he insisted aa is NOT a "selfish program" as I've heard many people say. After all the comments, I wrote in my little notebook that I think AA is only a selfish program in that 1) I must always put my sobriety 1st and 2) I have to work on my sobriety for myself first and foremost - not do it for other people. (i.e. as one guy always says, when he went to AA meetings to get his wife off his back about his drinking, that didn't work)

It was just one of those really good meetings where I just felt "in the zone" or something. Great way to start a busy day!

Dance, they say that when the student is ready, the teacher will appear. The teacher might not look like you. Heck, I never in a million years thought I'd end up with a Nun for a sponsor. But we sure speak that same language when we are around the tables!! The sponsor thing will all work out when it's right I think.

The girl who will be getting her 60 day chip tomorrow who is also afraid to ask for a sponsor has been talking about that fear some at meetings. She is getting good feedback from the old timers about it. While of course the message is "get a sponsor" - nobody has gotten angry or testy with her about it. It's just a strong suggestion. I love how people stay calm about things for the most part, even when they have a strong opinion. Anyway, just letting you know you are certainly not alone!

LOL I asked her today if she wanted some home work. (she keeps saying she wants me to be her sponsor but she is afraid to ask me. I'm not going to give her the answer to the test question, but I'm happy to help in the mean time!) She said yes. I suggested she write a gratitude list of 20 things. She said "that's all??" So I said how many do you want to write? And she said 50.

I hope you all are having a fabulous day!

DG

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of March 1 - March 6

I too have read those words, "self will run riot." I think that, for me, I need to accept life & the people in it on life's terms...something else I've heard in AA. I've done a lot of manipulating/controlling/deceiving in my life. And, when situations didn't go as I would have liked, I drank. Not a good combination. I'm just beginning to see that the world doesn't revolve around my wants & desires. I can let the flow of life happen & won't get swept away. This means that I must have faith in an HP that knows what I need in any given circumstance. I've been thinking that a 10th step inventory right before I go to sleep, a review of the day's events, my motivations, & reactions might be a good thing to do.

Mary