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    Wednesday October 11

    Good Wednesday morning, Absville!

    Hey Lisa – made it through another day AF yesterday! I must say it is wonderful to wake up every morning without a hangover. And it is nice to keep turning in time sheets without sick leave (aka hangover leave) on them. Eek. Oh well, water under the bridge, I suppose.

    Anyway I’m beginning to feel that I’m settling into a new routine with sobriety. I’m breaking old patterns. I’m getting more used to coming home and filling my time with things other than drinking after work, so I’m not missing it that much right now. I’ve been getting up each morning and spending about an hour reading your posts here – and it’s time well spent, as it’s time dedicated to my recovery. And as for weekends, I’ve broken my old pattern and established new ones as well. Instead of Saturday being a day of recovering from Friday night’s debauchery, it is my day of getting work done around the house. And Sunday is church and NAP day – spiritual renewal and physical rest.

    All that is to say that I’m noticing how the rhythm of my life is changing. We all have our routines, our rhythms, that we get into. We have our day-to-day rhythm and it gives us a sense of security. When we are drinking, that becomes part of the rhythm, and even though it’s unhealthy, we are comforted by it. Changing that rhythm can be unsettling at first, but it can also be very rewarding.

    Neil – you talk about how you turned your life around 300 days ago when you stopped drinking and smoking and started exercising. That required a massive shift in the rhythm of your life. Maybe it didn’t happen overnight but it sounds as if you made the shift pretty quickly. And you made a commitment and have stuck by it. It also required a reversal of your thinking. I recall what you said about your calendar: how you were initially marking the days you drank, and then you started marking the days you exercised. You turned a negative into a positive.

    Besides the daily rhythms, the routines we choose for ourselves, we are also at the mercy of the natural rhythms of life. We deal with the seasons, we have hormonal rhythms (yes, even men do), our energy waxes and wanes, we age, we watch children grow up and leave home, we lose loved ones. Our moods come and go like the tides. These are all a part of the larger rhythm of the universe itself. It’s all as natural as the sun coming up every morning and setting every night.

    It seems that we expect that we should always be at the top of our game. We think we should be chipper, energetic, happy. But that’s just not the way we’re built. We are sometimes going to be lethargic, sad, or grumpy. Sometimes we are going to be sick, or feel like crying, or be lonely. And that is all OK. Those feelings come and they go. What’s important is how we react and what we do with them. Do we let them cause us to panic? Do we freak out and make rash decisions when we feel sad? It’s just part of the rhythm of life. Sometimes the best thing we can do when we feel this way is just go ahead and cry. Or laugh. Or throw something. But always, take a deep breath and remember that it really is OK.

    Well who am I to say that it’s all OK? I’m just some guy sitting at a computer typing out some random thoughts late at night up in the wilds of Alaska. But I’ve had my share of the ups and downs of life, and not once has drinking helped in any of those situations. Not once.

    So I guess the question of the day is – besides drinking, how do you deal with the rhythms of life? Whether you are talking about the day-to-day routine, which can get monotonous or stressful, or the more out-of-your-control kind of rhythm (hormones, feelings, life events), what can you do to stay centered and sane that doesn’t involve drinking?

    I’m asking this for selfish reasons, you see. Because I really don’t know how I am going to do it for very long. I have some coping skills, but not many. So I’m asking for your advice. When I get bored with my new routine, or when I start feeling blue, I’m not sure how I’ll handle it. That’s why I’d really like to know your thoughts on the subject.

    Or, of course, whatever you want to talk about.
    "Few things are impossible to diligence and skill. Great works are performed not by strength, but perseverance." -- Samuel Johnson (1709 - 1784)

    #2
    Wednesday October 11

    This is a good topic, Mike.

    I don't think that I have changed enough of my routines to support my sobriety. I still do all the things that I usually do, I just don't drink while doing them. When things are going smoothly, that's not so bad. But when things are stressful, or I get blindsided, I'm very vulnerable, as evidenced by the other day.

    One thing I DO change is that I devote more time to preparing and eating healthier foods when I'm sober. This gives me a lot of gratification, and it is nice to see the scale inch down when I'm not comsuming alcohol.

    I NEED to devote more time to spirituality and the hypno CD's.

    My sister will finally be here for good on the 24th.:yay: I can't tell you how nice it will be to have an another adult in the house. She will also be coming today for a long weekend, and we are going to be cleaning out the garage (packed to the gills with STUFF) and putting things into storage. Our plan is to make an exercise room in the garage--nothing elaborate, just room for step aerobics, a floor mat for pilates, some weights and maybe an elliptical trainer. (I guess that sounds a LITTLE elaborate!) The whole point of my telling you this is that I also need to add in regular EXERCISE as well! I'm not into long walks alone. In the past, at least, gym memberships have been a waste of money for me.

    At any rate, back on the ABS wagon for me! I've gotta go and get my second cup of cappucino.


    You know, Mike, in talking about natural rythyms of life and children leaving home--well this sounds horrible, but sometimes I just wish my daughter would leave. I love her dearly, but I feel sort of trapped. She is going hither and yon, but I still feel like I have to be here for her. Her STUFF is still all over the place. I don't feel completely free to do my own thing, even though I am certainly more free. It's sort of like a year of being in limbo. Yikes!


    For everyone who has been so supportive, I want to thank you. You've all been great!!!


    If I'm the first to post after Mike, I want a few weeks in a first class rehab with great food, with an exercise gym, loving counselors, and lots of warm fuzzies! Sort of a spa for recovery! Dream sweet dreams!!


    Hugs,

    Kathy
    AF as of August 5th, 2012

    Comment


      #3
      Wednesday October 11

      Can the 2nd place winner join Kathy in her spa?? Boy that sounds nice right now!
      What do I do to cope? HA HA!! Lately, I haven't been coping well. However today is day 7 for me and I have been under major work stress so I guess something woke up in me. Last night I went to the gym for the 4th day in a row. I think it was the wrong decision because I felt like I wanted to walk out of the class. I felt so depressed. I made it to the end, then cried on the way to my car. I realized that I hadn't cried about the situation since last week when I had the blow up with my boss. My mom called when I got home (mom's must have that intuition!). It felt SO good to talk to her. She has been amazingly supportive to me throughout this ordeal. I think I will tell the doctor I work(ed) for that I will not work for him one day a week. I don't think I need to put myself in a negative unhealthy environment again. Just on pins and needles right now waiting for my old boss to tell me what day I can return. Hope everything goes smoothly. I feel uneasy being unemployed for the first time in 23 years!!

      Gina's coping skills:
      1) Exercise
      2)Talking to and confiding in a friend (or mom!)
      3)Allow myself to recognize my true emotion and go with it sometimes. Cry as needed.
      4)Bake or cook. Keeps my mind distracted and feel productive.
      5)Take boys on LONG walk...one of my favorite activities with them.
      6)Journal....tho I wish my notepad could talk back to me at times.
      7)Pray.

      Thanks Mike! Another great topic. Always keeps me thinkin'. Have a great day Absville!! Gina

      Comment


        #4
        Wednesday October 11

        Gina, I love your list--espec. "Cry, as needed." That is wonderful! What an RX!

        You sound like you are coping pretty well, Gina, given what you are coping with. Cry as needed!


        Hugs!
        AF as of August 5th, 2012

        Comment


          #5
          Wednesday October 11

          OK -- as I am catching up with the prizes, both Kathy and Gina are being sent to a super-posh, first class My Way Out Rehab Center for 28 days!! (Bells and whistles, please! :wd: ) It's everything you imagined, with the best counselors, the healthiest and most delicious food, top of the line fitness equipment, spa, wonderful accommodations, etc. Not only will you be able to concentrate full-time on taking care of yourselves, but by the time you come home you will have 30+ days abs under your belts, you'll have a tan, you'll be in top physical condition and you'll feel GREAT! (How's that for a prize? Thanks for asking!)

          Speaking of crying as a coping tool, here's something I got by email earlier. It's something from Leo Buscaglia. Ok he didn't email it to me himself (I haven't heard from him in a while) but you know what I mean. Leo was judging a contest to find the most caring child.

          The winner was a four year old child whose next door neighbor was an elderly gentleman who had recently lost his wife.

          Upon seeing the man cry, the little boy went into the old gentleman's yard, climbed onto his lap, and just sat there.

          When his Mother asked what he had said to the neighbor, the little boy said,
          "Nothing, I just helped him cry."

          ______
          "Few things are impossible to diligence and skill. Great works are performed not by strength, but perseverance." -- Samuel Johnson (1709 - 1784)

          Comment


            #6
            Wednesday October 11

            Good morning Absville!

            Wow a cruise to Alaska!!!!!!! How did you know? I've been dreaming of this for years!!!!!!! I'm not sure that Belle needs to come though.....she gets car sick! Yuck!!
            Do you think I could bring my hardworking about to retire AGAIN hubby? If he promises to not bring any of his homemade wine??
            Thanks Mike! Your the best!

            I had a good af day yesterday. I recovered some straight chairs for our condo and went to grandsons football game.

            To answer your question of the day, Mike. I realized yesterday that I was doing something that I loved. I've tried to "love" gardening as much as my hubby but I just don't. There is something about dirt under my nails that makes my skin crawl! I do "like" it but only love the blooming and yummy results. I fell hard for the flower professor that taught the section on blooming flowers at my mastergardener class a couple of years ago. Even asked him if he would come home with me and dig bulbs with me! He was short, overweight and wore suspenders too!:H

            I think in the long term we have to fill the space left by our drug with something we love.

            Kathy, I too have thought about the slip being so small. You put into words what I feel about that. You are so good at that! It seems we are cut from the same cloth.

            Love to everyone here......need coffee!

            Nancy & Belle:h
            "Be still and know that I am God"

            Psalm 46:10

            Comment


              #7
              Wednesday October 11

              man mike.....you are the best mayor ever. I hope you have time to keep on doin this. Heck....I hopeI have more time just to respond. My goal for today is to answer all the ?'s I have missed at least briefly. And I am open for feedback from you all. If I take offence I'll tell you nicely but I bet it will be fine.
              for today: My coping tools/skills that arent alcohol.
              see guys...even tho im on day 125+ today i dont feel real positive about my coping skills and feel they are real on real solid ground.
              1) Cant say
              2) Come here, this is good
              3) exercise tho not consistant
              4) self meditation/talk
              5) topamax
              6) friends, tho not a lot...still pretty much in the closet about this whole thing need to answer sundays question. (miss mom)
              7) cry....tho not as needed, I'm not as good about that and tend to let it build.
              8) in reference to no 6...i wonder if secluding myself has been a copeing tool. cuz i have done that considerably since i quit drinking. i really dont go anywhere or do anything but work. also kids have a lot to do with that tho cuz i hang out and keep total tabs on them. but i notice when i get invited to do things i immediatially im my mind think oh i cant go i have to stay home and not drink and take care of my teenagers. (forgive me for really wanting to say retards with no brains)
              Gabby :flower:

              Comment


                #8
                Wednesday October 11

                Hey Gabbs
                I completely relate to you 'cause I thnk I am kinda moving into the isolation thingy too except for the husband. Whenever he wants to see people my automatic reaction is kind of panic, like "oh I cant go see them, cause I cant go out, I have to stay home and not drink!
                So to be honest, I have been doing a lot of lazing around, eating comfort foods (its true), watching bad tv, some crying, playing with my kitten, and spending a LOT of time on here (it really helps me, guys).
                Talking to friends? Not so much because I dont have that many friends who understand...or I feel like they wouldnt anyways..
                I am like Mike, I need better coping mechanisms...oh, I like to cook too....
                Love you guys - day 10. (I couldnt bear to go back to day 1!!) Woulda been day 11...
                Oh well. Still feeling pretty good.
                Love Jen
                Over 4 months AF :h

                Comment


                  #9
                  Wednesday October 11

                  Hey guys.I got in a hurry and forgot to add........

                  My passion.............spending time reading and hearing God's words to me . He "speaks" through the Bible, other people(yes you all) and circumstances, nature, music(not only religious music) He "spoke " to me once when I was really down and driving my car through the song "you are so beautiful to me"...... It was after I ranted to Him how I "perceived "that my hubby "loved on " Belle but couldn't or wouldn't show affection to me.
                  OK.....quit laughing! At that moment, God said to me (and I felt it in my heart) that He loved me so much that I was able to put the lack of affection from hubby into perspective and "get over it!

                  Gabby.......Glad to see you back. I totally understand the keeping watch on the kids! They can get into more trouble at home between 3:00 and 6:00 pm than a truck of monkeys! You're doing a great job!
                  Later...duty................calls..
                  Nancy:l
                  "Be still and know that I am God"

                  Psalm 46:10

                  Comment


                    #10
                    Wednesday October 11

                    Mike,

                    I just wanted to say thank you for your posts. You have a lot of good things to say and I look forward to having something new to think about every day. Keep up the good work. We are even thinking about stealing some of your topics for mods land, if you do not mind. And Nancy, I am the exact same way with gardening. My husband loves it, my friends love it, and I just cannot stand it, and I really need to like it because we have a huge yard that is in desperate need of TLC. Don't like the dirt issue either. Anyhow, have a good day in abs land!!
                    I'm really easy to get along with once people learn to worship me

                    Comment


                      #11
                      Wednesday October 11

                      Jenneh, It is like an initial sort of panic feeling...those first few seconds after an invite. I wonder if the people know. lol Then I make up something...whatever it is....I always have an excuse....thi kids of course and no hubby to make me go. (thank the Good Lord!!!!! I know its ok with him that we got a divorce....I just know it!)
                      jenneh, happy day 10. good work
                      Gabby :flower:

                      Comment


                        #12
                        Wednesday October 11

                        Lush, As former mayor I say....steal away. And I know Mike is honored! and so am I that he is my friend. big smiles....
                        Gabby :flower:

                        Comment


                          #13
                          Wednesday October 11

                          Absolutely, Lush -- steal away! Hope you guys have great discussions over in Mods as well. I am honored to have you all as my friends here, and as I've said before, I learn something from you all every day. That's why I keep coming back. (And Gabbs, please don't lock yourself out of the office again!! :crossed: )

                          Hey Jen -- I am such a dope. I just now noticed that your kitty is seeing a lion in the mirror. I LOVE IT!

                          And Nancy, you can absolutely bring your husband along on the Alaskan cruise. I guess Belle will be guarding the garden?

                          Off to work now -- see y'all later!
                          "Few things are impossible to diligence and skill. Great works are performed not by strength, but perseverance." -- Samuel Johnson (1709 - 1784)

                          Comment


                            #14
                            Wednesday October 11

                            Update

                            Yay! Gina and I get to go to the MWO spa!!! Thanks Your Honorable Mike!! I will definitely cry as needed while I'm there, as well as emerging tan and fit! I feel like I have had to stuff so much in the last 15 years just to keep on going every day and alcohol has helped me do it. Sometimes I feel so overwhelmed at the thought of learning how to be in touch with all of my feelings again. At one time, I was quite in touch with my feelings and I thought I had a lot of emotional support. I have become a lot more independent from losing that support, but also more distrustful. I have also had to dump being in touch with myself just to keep on going. I mourn those old days, and I would like to be more in touch with myself again. Where to begin?

                            I need to develop a new professional circle. I've been putting off doing that. That is on the back burner until my sister gets settled. I need to make some new friends whose lives don't revolve around alcohol, and that will take time. My sister is my friend, and we will support each other as she makes new friends down here too.

                            Jenneh, talking to friends is a good thing, but I think that it will take some time for you to think through which friends you will want to talk to about. A lot of my friends know about this now, but this has been a few years in the making. Take your time and proceed gently and cautiously!

                            Gabby, I don't know how old your kids are, but I hope you start planning for the day when they drop you like a hot potato because their own lives have become so busy! Ouch! I know my daughter loves me very much, but I still feel unceremoniously dumped!

                            Nancy, I feel like I have been "spoken to" a few times in my life. It is a very comforting feeling to feel that God is communicating with you. Thanks for all that you bring to the board.

                            Thanks for popping over here periodically lush! I'm glad that you get something out of reading here in Absville.


                            Oh, and for all of you reluctant gardeners out there....I got myself a pair of dishwashing gloves that fit snugly to do gardening. They wash off very nicely, and never, ever, do I get dirt under my nails! I hate that dirt under the nails thing too!!!


                            I had a brief craving at 2pm today :eeks: but I told it to get the hell out of here. It did!


                            Hugs to all,

                            Kathy:l


                            AF as of August 5th, 2012

                            Comment


                              #15
                              Wednesday October 11

                              Hi Mike and the rest of absville, I think the idea of coming up with coping mechanisms is a good idea. Here's mine! Still kind of hard on special occasions, to abstaine from wine, eat desserts!
                              1. exercise regularly (5 to 6 times a week)
                              2. deep breathing
                              3. shopping
                              4. re-decorating rooms in house (needs it)
                              5. taking continuing education courses
                              6. go to kids soccer,football,basketball,volleyball games
                              7. womans group
                              That's my recovery program

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