Weekly AA Thread - March 8-14

[dancelot]

Hi, everyone - I went ahead and started the thread since I"m the first one here today.

Phil, I'm sorry to hear about your mother. It never is easy going through that. I'm glad you're staying sober. Being present is so important during times like this. Love and prayers to you. :h

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread - March 8-14

Hi Everyone: I had a bit of a busy weekend w/a wake & funeral to attend in another state. I'm glad to be home & will head for a meeting ASAP. I do carry the teachings of the meetings w/me wherever I go & try to apply the principles of the program to my life. Thus, no drinking at today's luncheon after the funeral.

I've been thinking a lot about "right action." Gosh! It's not so easy. When I get together w/my in-law family (of which I've been a part for over 38 years), my tendency is to gossip, gossip, gossip. That has been something I've been trying to curb, as it goes counter to the AA principles. I guess I did OK today.

For Lent, I decided to undertake "rigorous honesty."
-no exaggerations
-no gobbling chocolate when nobody is looking
-no easy ways out when someone wants me to do something (i.e. "Sorry, can't do it...I'm b-sitting." when I'm not).
-etc.

It's not easy. It's not easy living the life I'm supposed to lead, but I'm trying.

I will be back when I get a little more time.

Mary

[Doggygirl]

Weekly AA Thread - March 8-14

Hi all and Dance, thanks for getting us going for this week. I'm with Dance and echo the sentiments headed your way Phil. I can't imagine how difficult it must be to face what is going on with your Mom. I know someday you will look back and be very grateful you did it sober. :l

Mary, I always thought of myself as an honest person and really didn't take a close look at all the less obvious ways that I lived lies in my life. You listed some excellent examples. It's hard to change those old habits and I'm certainly not always successful by any stretch. But I sure feel better and "cleaner" (if that makes sense) when I manage to get it right. The good feeling of living honestly makes me want more of it.

I haven't had as much time to post over the last week or so but there has been a lot of deep feeling stuff going on. It seems that several of the relationships that have been developing through AA are deepening right now. It's a bit scary getting closer to people and letting them know me. It's also scary to think about the committment that close relationships entail. But I'm doing it any way. I think the rewards of friendship will be worth the emotional risk. At least that's what I think is going on right now!!

I'm looking forward to the meeting tomorrow morning - it's always a good one.

It was wonderful to read the posts of the newer AA folks in last weeks thread! So happy that AA is helping you stay sober.

DG

[Seacailin]

Weekly AA Thread - March 8-14

Hello All
It is nice to be back on the AA thread, and to be back in the fellowship of AA.
I am still unclear on what is going on with your Mother Phil, but I gather that it is something difficult. My prayers will be with you and yours. As you know, there is Nothing that booze and drugs can make better!
I went to a meeting this evening and got my two month chip. Completely clean and sober, no marijuana maintenance, no benzos. It was a good feeling.
The topic at tonight's meeting was "lonliness". How ironic. I drank to fit in, to become part of, and what I ended up was totally alone. I am still a bit isolative, but I am working on it. My sponsor recommended that I join a group and become a "greeter", so I will be working on that.
Rigorous Honesty: Tough one. I have to pray for that everyday. I was dishonest for so long that I don't even realize that I am being dishonest sometimes.
I look forward to participating more on this thread.
Wishing strength for all.

[Winefree]

Weekly AA Thread - March 8-14

Hi Everyone. Great start to the week in CT with temps up to 60 today. Robins in the yard, light longer into the evening. Yes, I feel spring around the corner.......
Seacallin, congrats on your 2 month chip. Good for you.
I can relate with the loneliness and trying to fit in issues. Also for me was dealing with stress, yet it ended up causing more stress in the end.

Lot's of good talk tonight about giving your life and will over to your higher power. Many stories about the sneeking and hiding the AL when we were drinking towards the end since our families were concerned with our drinking. Some deep heart felt stories of loved ones intervening to help some of us get into recovery. Great meeting. Will keep me going back.
I need to here those things to keep on track.

Winefree

[dancelot]

Weekly AA Thread - March 8-14

Hi, everyone -

To me the idea of living honestly is a new concept as well. I too thought of myself as an honest person, but when I really look at the way I lived.... I thought small lies, gossip, etc didn't really matter. What I was really doing was never being "real". I had a different face for everyone, even the people closest to me. I would deliberately keep parts of myself hidden from everyone - different parts for different people.

When I think of making friends with AA people, it sounds very different. We are truthful from the start. It's quite a change to try to deal with real world people the same way. I don't mean tell them all your dark secrets, but relate as I really am instead of trying to be someone I think they want me to be.

It's funny too because when I first became sober I knew I had to never lie to myself again. Even though I knew I still was dishonest to others. But it is like I was so used to doing it, I didn't see it that way. Then I wondered why I can't really get close to anyone. I feared if they knew the real me, they would no longer like me.

I've been going to a Sunday night meeting I'm starting to like. It's smaller, and always chaired by an older guy who I imagine if you saw him in the old days, it would be in a barroom brawl in some Texas roadhouse. We are reading from that chapter on wives, so invariably we end up talking about how we affected others through our drinking. It's not my favorite topic (I have to look at myself too much!), but I've found it's one meeting that always has a strong effect on me. It pushes me out of my comfort level, and there's a lot of pretty honest talk. There are always a lot more men than women too. It's interesting how different meetings are. Some of the people who rarely share at the usual meeting do in this one.

I am trying to be aware of how I interact with other people, and try not to be on "default addict thinking and reacting mode" at all times. Many times I have to make a conscious effort. I am so preprogrammed, it's scary. I think it's part of the fear thing. I'm working on it.

Seacailin, glad to see you back and congratulations on 60 days. I know I needed AA more than I knew, and have been going about 2 months now, after feeling my sobriety was shakier than I originally thought, and deciding I needed some heavy backup.

Have a great day all! :h

[catch22]

Weekly AA Thread - March 8-14

Hi Everyone,

I started going AA meetings as well as my counselling group sessions. I been going now for 6or 7weeks now.
I did go AA meetings once b4 going back nearly three years ago i never give it a chance i thought they were going to brain wash me, but how wrong was i.......no one force me to do anything they say when your ready in your own time......
I can so relate to so many people i go on a saturday mornings its a small group but the group was a bit bigger last week i do get scare and very nervous to speak but when i do I am very honest and open with them it feels like a weight been lifted of my shoulders.
It interesting to here when poeple say they had done the 12steps again and how they did not do it probably the first time round and just skim through the 12steps.

It is really goood to read through this thread.
Thank you.x :l

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread - March 8-14

Great thoughts here! I really get so much out of this thread.

Yes, the rigorous honesty isn't easy but so worth it. I can walk around w/a clear mind now. The end of my drinking was so full of deceit & dishonesty, I'm not sure how I kept my sanity. Now, it's just a matter of staying in touch w/my HP from moment to moment so that I don't slip into the expediency of dishonesty: "No, I didn't eat all those cookies...they must have just disappeared!"

I too have been working on my relationships w/people in program. I too get that "cold feet" feeling about putting myself out there. I'm not sure what it's all about. Maybe I won't feel I'll have the time or energy to have these relationships. I'm not sure. I'm just plunging ahead anyway: "Fake it 'til you make it."

Take care one & all.

Mary

[dancelot]

Weekly AA Thread - March 8-14

Hi, everyone -

We had a good meeting today. The topic was how alcoholics are the only ones who really understand what it is like for other alcoholics. Somebody brought up how we have a real antenna for each other. I think mine's gotten more finely tuned since coming to AA. Even looking back, I think of people who I maybe didn't know or realize were, but I'm pretty sure are. Sometimes I have felt drawn to certain people, and can't figure out why, except I see something intangible in them that screams they are like me.

Last year, I went to a family event where I saw some relatives I see only every 15 to 20 years, so I am not close to any of them. We had a 5 hour drive with a cousin and her husband. They were just great people to be with, it was like we were all best friends, and my cousin was so similar to me. They were such great people I didn't have to make the sometimes embarrassing suggestion that we needed to stop at the liquor store, because they already had! My brother was driving, and he is a normal drinker (on my birthday we went to dinner and he had one beer that lasted the whole meal. I remember marveling at how slow that glass went down). I could sometimes sense in my brother that he thought I drank a little too much. In fact on this same trip, I got pulled by security at the airport and had to take out all my little 1 ounce whiskey bottles I'd packed as backup in case I could not get to a liquor store. He sort of "harumphed" and walked off, and was a little pissed off acting towards me after that.

Anyway, back where I was, my cousin and her husband bought a big (1/2 gallon) bourbon for a two night trip. Kind of makes me wonder in retrospect. At the time I was just grateful I didn't look like I had the most alcohol, which everyone would know was just for me (plus I had my little bottles for backup if needed - one never wants to run out, right?). Another younger relative I remember got really upset that we were leaving a night earlier than her because she really wanted to hang out with me and drink wine. She's kind of artsy too, so we had that in common, but it was more of after the religious faction of the family went to bed, us partiers could come out in the open. I remember back when I was in my 20s one time being up there, and an uncle and a cousin (not his son) asked me if I wanted to ride into town with them, the "black sheep", who happened to have a cooler of beer in the back of the truck, rather than with my aunt and religious cousin.

I also wonder if AA is so successful partly because of alcoholic comradery as well as the support. We still get to hang with the old tribe, even they're not the same ones we drank with. Well it sounded like a party in there at times today. It's a good thing we've learned to laugh at the things we used to do, instead of only cringe and cry. One young woman said as much, that it made coming so much more bearable that we could laugh.

I went to lunch with a couple of the old guys again today. Interesting the friends you make there. I do need to learn to socialize, and doing it with different types of people than you might normally hang out with is an opportunity for something I think. Maybe learning we are not all so different, even though these guys are old enough to be my father. They have great stories, and one has over 30 years sobriety, so I feel I can learn something. Plus they're pretty fun.

Well, that's my interesting day - hope everyone's having a good one! :h

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread - March 8-14

Dance: I love your stories...past & present. When AL is taken out of the equation, everything becomes so much more simplified. More & more, I'm enjoying socializing sober...even when others are drinking, because nobody we hang with is excessive. I can concentrate strictly on the food, conversation, etc. No more obsessing about when & how I can have my next whopper-sized drink.

I do think that I now have the kind of radar that ferrets out the alcoholics/prob. drinkers in a crowd. I can see who has that distracted look of: "When am I going to be able to refill my drink?" I really can't see anyone in our crowd that does that. On the other hand, my SIL's family is a family of heavy drinkers. All are functional, but there is a lot of boozing at get-togethers. I haven't been together w/them lately which is fine w/me, as the heavy drinking doesn't add anything positive. I'd rather not be around it.

Mary

[hippie37]

Weekly AA Thread - March 8-14

Hi All.

Thanks to everyone for posting in this thread. It's been good to read tonight. Particularly as I've been feeling a lot of discomfort and very much at dis-ease with myself over the past few days.

I attended my mother group tonight where thankfully my sponsor attends, as it's his mother group too. After talking to my sponsor and other group members about my dis-ease I decided to go outside for a fag. Upon my return I was asked by the group leader to do the main share tonight as she didn't have anyone to do it (yeah RIGHT!). I've heard in AA that probably the best time to do a main share is when your at a low. This was definitely the case with me tonight. I reacted rather stubbornly at first but before I knew it I was sitting in the chair without putting up a fight! How did that happen? God only knows!

My head was completely battered to be honest and I really didn't want to be sat in the chair trying to get honest telling it how it was and where I am today. 'Cause today I was in a place that felt like the sadness and anger was not going to leave me for some time. It's been hanging over me since Saturday. I prayed hard during the readings asking God to guide me through what I knew was going to be a difficult share. I started sharing and after only 2 minutes or so my head just went west. I paused for a few minutes and closed my eyes. My head was telling me to just break down in tears and start looking for excuses to get out of doing the share. Either that or just get up and walk out the door. I don't know how I managed it but I ended up sharing for nearly 30 minutes tonight and telling it EXACTLY how it was and what was going of for me in my life today. That saying "The truth shall set you free" was very apt for me tonight. There was some really personal stuff that I felt I was only going to share with my sponsor tonight. But sharing it with a room full of people instead made people want to get close to me and share back their own 'secrets'. I'm still quite sad but that's part of life I guess. I'm just glad the anger has subsided to a manageable level where I'm not acting out in ways that are unreasonable to me. I was very short tempered with my daughter earlier and I felt horrible for the way I was responding to her.

"This too shall pass!"

Love and Light
Phil
xx

[dancelot]

Weekly AA Thread - March 8-14

Hi, everyone -

Hippie, though I've never had to do what you did, I have occasionally had an experience of not wanting to share, or thinking I have nothing to share, and once I start talking, the floodgates open. I am not used to that much honesty coming out of my own mouth, and it is a very foreign feeling. It does bring others closer to you. In one smaller meeting I go to, a lot of the guys who don't open up much in the usually better attended daytime meeting really do. I can't quite describe the feeling I get, but I do find it quite moving. I am still amazed at the fact any of us get to the point we can. I think for a lot of men it is more difficult opening up in general. There are many women who only open up in women's meetings. I would guess in men only meetings there might be the same thing, more so than in mixed meetings. Many times I find that the most uncomfortable meetings are also the most productive. Growth can be scary. It's such a stretch for many of us to even speak, much less tell our secrets.

One day when the topic was self will and selfishness, one individual's observation was it is selfish to not share - you never know if what you have to say may be just what the one struggling person in the room may need to hear. That has happened to me more than once. Thanks for sharing with us.

[Winefree]

Weekly AA Thread - March 8-14

Wow Dance, that hit me hard. Selfish not to share.....I rarely if ever do. Mostly just taking it all in. Don't feel like I have anything important or worthwhile to add. Too new to the rooms....almost as many excuses as I had to drink. Well, not really. I think it goes back to my childhood. Was chastised in grammar school after giving the wrong answer and it's messed me up for a long time. I don't like to answer or speak unless I think I
have the right answer.
With AA I don't know if there are any right answers, and I don't think I know what all the steps are about, so hesitate to talk, and listen to the old timers, in order to learn.

Will have to reflect on all this and think about my motives. I think it mostly revolves around fear.

Winefree

[hippie37]

Weekly AA Thread - March 8-14

That's pretty much the attitude a lot of the 'elders' have within AA here Dance. I was told that sharing at meetings is not just about turning up and offloading your emotional baggage. It's about passing a message of recovery to the still suffering alcohol. Now that 'still suffering alcoholic' could be ANYONE in the room who is having a hard time of it on that given day. It could mean the newcomer who is not identifying with the 'elders' and needs to hear how it is for someone who is also new through the door. All of us have a message to carry whether we're one hour sober or 20 years sober. Admittedly you do get the odd few who love the sound of their own voice and regurgitate the same message over and over at meetings. If I wanted a story I'd of stayed at home and read a book! What makes it worse is when a member is doing this and rambling and taking time away from those that need to share. Just my two cents anyway.

Another thing I've noticed recently (and back to being honest again!) is that I'm finding it harder and harder to make posts in "General". I guess that's why I've found comfort in reading the posts in this particular thread. I just find the more I attend fellowship the more ingrained the 12 step philosophy becomes in my life. That's not everyone's cup of tea here and I find I'm watering down my posts to suit the wider audience so as not to offend. I'm tired of doing that and need to start posting about how I'm feeling in relation to the program of Alcoholics Anonymous. So I'll be posting a bit more in these weekly threads from now on I hope.

Love and Light
xx

[Doggygirl]

Weekly AA Thread - March 8-14

Hi all. I am on the run once again but wanted to thank everyone for all the sharing this week!!!! I have enjoyed reading this thread this morning just as I enjoy the daily readings. I can identify with the "radar" we had (and still do) for other drinkers. I could feel the physical sense of relief just like I USED to feel it when I realized I wasn't the only "drinker" (and by that, I mean HARD drinker) in the group. Kind of strange to feel that sensation even now.

I love when everyone shares at meetings. I get so much from each and every person. I know it's more difficult for some than others and we have to go at our own pace. I just want to say that I find it beneficial to hear from people at all stages of sobriety - not just the old timers or the people who have completed the steps.

I am doing some service work today that is a bit beyond what I have done before. It's something much needed by a valued member (an older woman who recently fell and hurt herself - she lives alone). But it's work I don't really want to do. But I recruited another newcomer to help and we are going to do it anyway. Out of the comfort zone I go!

I'm so grateful to be sober today. I hope that everyone here at MWO that has an interest in AA or attends AA will post a bit so our little community of sharing here on line keeps growing. I love what you all have to say!

DG