Weekly AA Thread March 15 - 22

[hippie37]

Afternoon ALL.

Some very interesting reading at the end of last weeks thread concerning spirituality and the whole God 'thing' in fellowship.

Catch, your last post really made me smile. There is a meeting near me where the rows of chairs are set out in threes facing the main table. I still see people coming into the meeting and not wanting to sit in the middle chair. It seems most come in and sit at either end of the row. No one wants to sit in the middle or next to the person on that row. There always has to be this gap between them. So when I see late arrivals come in and look a bit perplexed because they have 'nowhere' to sit it kind of makes me smile too. Reason? Because I'm one of them too! I'm the same on buses and trains. I always head to a seat where there's no-one else sitting as I feel uncomfortable sitting next to strangers for some reason. I looked a bit more closely at this and I think sometimes I take on other peoples nervous energy as my own. This is something I am very good at doing! You know when you see someone trip over and then get back up and look around to see if anyone's seen them? I tend to feel their embarrassment. When I see people doing stupid things on television I tend to be the one cringing in the corner at how silly these people are. I seem to take on other peoples energy as my own for no apparent reason sometimes. I guess that has a lot to do with my own paranoia though. I did feel during my experimentation with hallucinogenics that I opened myself up to all this though and this was not something I was able to deal with due to my behavioural problems as an addict and particularly being so self conscious.

So I have to remind myself quite regularly whether I'm taking on board other people's negative (and positive as well) energy as my own.

As far as isolating goes though I feel we all do this from time to time. It's what I've been used to for many years. I've felt isolated in the middle of a crowd of people stood in a pub getting sloshed. I was at an NA convention last year here in Liverpool and I felt isolated. I could feel the love and energy within the hall but I somehow didn't feel a part of it due to being newly clean and sober. I was still full of barriers that wouldn't allow me to feel that love. Isolation for me though is definitely a state of mind. I know when I'm feeling this way the best thing I can do is make contact with another alcoholic face to face. Go to a meeting and share my experience strength and hope with others. Anything that gets me outside of myself so my thoughts don't become unmanageable. That's when troubles sets in for me when I'm alone with my thoughts!!

Love and Light
Phil
xx

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread March 15 - 22

Phil: I too take on others' energy & feelings. It's a part of my personality that I have to be vigilant about. For example, if my husb feels negative or is in a bad mood, I either take it on or try to "fix" it. I'm discovering through the program that other people are entitled to their feelings (Live & Let Live, Let Go Let God, etc.). I don't have to change other people to conform to my specifications. It's not easy letting go, but it's work I have to do.

Isolation is an easy trap for me also. I like being alone w/my books, sewing projects, etc.; however, I'm beginning to understand the difference between isolation & simple solitude. For me, isolation is about avoiding (I REALLY isolated w/the bottle), & solitude is about restoring myself (I am an introvert & too much human contact exhausts me). I've been acting on the "help another alcolholic" message of AA. There are some women in my groups who need rides to meetings. I've been doing that. I find that even a few minutes alone in my car w/them gives me some intimacy.

I've heard often that the program is simple but not easy. It goes counter to my natural instincts which are selfish & self-serving. I have to ask for strength every day to do the next right thing for the next right reason.

Mary

[Doggygirl]

Weekly AA Thread March 15 - 22

Happy Moday fellow travelers!

From last week - WF, I have liked the bits and pieces of "Living Sober" that I have read - mostly during meetings on that topic. I have that book in my ever growing reading pile! I like the part you mentioned - putting Sobriety first above all else. There was a time when I certainly didn't "get" that - not at all. Before my husband??? Job??? You must be kidding! Now I get it.

Catch, I think a beautiful part about AA meetings is that most people in the room are there trying to "live" the program which means reaching out to other alcoholics. I have reached a point (it took awhile though!) that I'm rarely uncomfortable walking into any AA meeting because I *know* that I can reach out to the people there, or they can reach out to me (or both) and it's just part of what AAers do. That knowledge of the program has really helped me with those uncomfortable feelings when going to a particular meeting for the first time. I'm now working on translating that to "regular life" and realizing that many or most people in any new situation are probably just as uncomfortable as I am and/or are very open to a newcoming reaching out. AA is really helping me in that regard!

Hippie, thanks for getting us going for the week! Taking on the energy of others... Hmmm.... I wonder if this is something that is human nature and true to some degree for all people? I can't speak for "all" of course but can say that I too take on the energy of the people around me. That's one reason I like being around positive energy! LOL - Mary Kay Ash must have understood this well as the 'culture' of the company exudes positive energy. But I also take on the negative energy of others and as my drinking got more urgent and addicted and dark, I spent time in dark places and took on that dark energy too. Literally and figuratively. Spending an afternoon in a darkened tavern with really sad, lonely people comes to mind. I think that was part of the downward spiral too. Negative feeding on negative. I also love the bottom line of AA - go help someone and reach out to another alcoholic. Getting out of myself solves so many of my "moods." It doesn't pay the mortgage directly, but it keeps the stuff of life such as the need to pay the mortgage in a proper perspective. (just using mortgage as an example of something that sometimes causes stress!)

Mary - you have such a wonderful way of cutting to the chase! Avoiding v. Restoring. I like that.

Hello to everyone else. A special :l and some strength and hope for anyone who needs it!

This will be a special AA week for me as the older lady I've been helping a bit will be celebrating her AA anni on St. Patricks day. She is either 17 or 18 years now. For several years, she was my sponsor (Sister)'s sponsor. I am picking Sister up early in the morning and bringing her to the meeting as a surprise, then after the meeting we will go to breakfast. I'm looking forward to that! Both of these women have become very special to me. I'm also hoping sponsee and some others will be there and maybe some who don't have to dash off for work can go with us to breakfast. I'm loving the fellowship of AA.

No meeting for me today except for our weekly AAers here! So I'm especially appreciative of your posts today! I'm grateful to be sober.

DG

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread March 15 - 22

I'm getting ready to go to my women's meeting. I'm taking a woman who can no longer drive due to illness. These small favors make me feel so good about myself, & now I can see why helping another alcoholic is so integral to the program. When I'm helping someone else, a drink is the FARTHEST thing from my mind. Mary

[dancelot]

Weekly AA Thread March 15 - 22

Hi, everyone -

I went to that women's meeting tonight and there sure was a turnout. Mostly women my age and older, so it was different than last time I went. They weren't all long term sober either. Some had less time than me. It's interesting how they fluctuate.

The topic was Step 3, turning your will and lives over to the care of HP. I've been trying to practice this more. To tell the truth, a couple of times I felt guilty for attempting that (interesting turn of self will, maybe). I'm trying to incorporate into my life, even going back to baby steps, one day at a time, for things besides not drinking. I've been pretty stressed lately about finances and not having work and possibly having to change to some other type, figuring out what, probably needing to go back to school, because what I've been doing for the last 30 years is so unrelated to just about everything. I have been self employed, but done work primarily for one person's business. Because of the economy, and whatever is going on with him personally, and my own lack of discipline on the business end (the boring but necessary stuff, like invoices, collecting money, etc), I think this has come to an end (gee, it only took me a year and 5 months to come to this conclusion - or about the time my savings are depleted). I think I just now accepted that. Accepting what I cannot change, and the wisdom (I hope) to know it.

I have had a lot of big things in my life end, implode, whatever in the last 8 years. Some of it was just life, some of it was my own doing. No matter how screwed up everything else was, I always felt at the top of my game in my work. I wasn't getting rich off it, but I got by and was always proud of the quality and care I put into it. I think I'm just now realizing how big a part of me this was, and now I'm facing the fact it may be gone too (between that and drinking - what is left?). I have been in denial about it for awhile. At least I used the time to focus on getting sober, and I know I put a lot of effort into that.

I think what's different is I am looking at it differently, as in realistically, instead of hoping it will magically change without me lifting a finger. I have to trust in the HP, and know whatever happens is for a reason. I have to be open to, and unafraid of change.

Well anyway, the last few days I've been trying to give this over to HP. What's funny is, in little ways, it appears to be working. Last week I went to pick up a rent check from my brother, he also gave me a big wad of cash out of some account of my mom's he'd closed, at a time I really needed some and had no idea on how to get it. Then today some guy driving by asked about my classic Camaro (doesn't run, but the body is in decent shape and it's just so dang cool looking - but I'm not a mechanic, either, so it just sits there) and asked if he brought money, would I sell it. I have been trying to come up income producing ideas, and thought later, crap that was HP, and I didn't click on it immediately. Plus I actually had the patience (not a strong point with me) to find and research some stock I own and how to sell it if needed. I prayed this one to death (or rather really tried to give it over to HP to solve). If you knew me, you'd know how big a deal accomplishing this was. So, thank you higher power.

So the good thing I got from the meeting, which I just listened to, was hearing others' experiences, and then seeing my own in a better perspective. That is one thing I need to keep in mind, when I get so distracted, and get a little of the the "do I have to?" about going to meetings. Fortunately, I rationally know I'll feel better if I do, even if not always immediately.

Have a great day everyone, and thanks for listening! :h

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread March 15 - 22

Dance: I too went to a women's meeting last night w/a friend who needs help getting around. There was a lot of emotion there. When there is a safe place (an AA meeting) where one can air their concerns & heartaches, there's less need to drink. I can see that's one of the purposes of AA. We talked about step 3. I really feel myself turning any worries, anticipations, & projections over to HP. Everything happens the way it's supposed to happen. There's no need for my fretting & worrying. I've been a great one for that. Mary

[catch22]

Weekly AA Thread March 15 - 22

Hi everyone...
Hippie ...Its a good thing your not sitting next to me you would be a bag of nevers.

I hate when im just a little bit late at a meeting all eyes are on you and the worse thing is it takes me a good few minutes to get my jacket of and get myself comfortable i feel like a dog that goes round in circles before i sit down and get myself comfortable. There's this guy he always smiles at me now i know why, the other day he read a passage from the book and when he finish he past it over to me, he laugh to himself, and read right through my mind what i was thinking.
Yes i do pick up negative energy especially when i read between the lines too much and would pick one negative word out and read into it too much, but i love picking up on the positive energy.
Last saturday someone mention the word powerless, he was trying to help a friend out that is in a bad way, but he just cut him of and just said that he is powleress over people in helping others. The man that took the AA meeting said we use to mention the word powerless a lot at the end of the meeting. So i think we will be using that word a lot next saturday.
I enjoy reading through all your pot, like someone said it like having your own 24/7 AA
Got to go im late....Have a safe day and take care everyone.:l

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread March 15 - 22

Catch & Everyone: I think we alcoholics ( or maybe it's the human condition in general) think all eyes are on us when they really might not be. I've been asking HP regularly to have my self-centered fear removed. I try to remember that everyone says & does silly things sometimes. Now that I'm sober, I forgive myself so much more easily. I used to fret over whether anyone noticed my mistakes (noticing that I was inebriated). Now I can chalk it up to being a fallible human being. Mary

[Doggygirl]

Weekly AA Thread March 15 - 22

Hi everyone! Dance, it is very good for me to read your story of how your efforts to do what you can, and turn the rest over to HP are working out. I'm always trying to "take it back."

Catch, I too can get really self conscious like that. I think Mary is right that we often *think* people are far more concerned about what we are doing than reality. Sounds like you are getting a lot out of your meetings!

Mary, I used to be a horrible fretter and worrier too. I worried about all kinds of future events in a way that was extremely unproductive. Mr. D and I were talking about that on Saturday during a drive. He said something that really hit home to me.

Worrying is a trick we play on ourselves to make ourselves believe we are actually doing something about a problem.

BOY did that ring a bell. And I used to get angry with him for NOT worrying. He had it right. All that worrying did nothing about a problem, real or imagined. The worry just ate me up inside and of course, gave me a "reason" to drink.

Todays meeting was a good one on the topic of balance. Many of us including me talked of being people of extremes. All or nothing. That was true when I was drinking and it COULD be true with a variety of things today if I don't stay aware and work on it. And I can still be over the top (i.e. my recent shopping!). A variety of ways imbalances "present" were discussed as well as a variety of strategies to work on balance. One strategy it seemed everyone agreed to was that the AA program and meeting attendance sure helps. I know it does for me.

Well, zoom zoom! I hope everyone is having a stellar day.

DG

[dancelot]

Weekly AA Thread March 15 - 22

"Worrying is a trick we play on ourselves to make ourselves believe we are actually doing something about a problem."

Great quote Doggygirl. It's funny too how it is easier to see in others (where it drives me crazy!). Then that's exactly what I was doing recently. I know rationally how unproductive it is, and would advise anybody else of that!

We were discussing relationships today, but one guy veered off a little and talked about a problem very similar to mine, and how much difficulty he had in turning it over. In some way it is comforting to know others have similar issues. When we isolate ourselves for too long, or try to control every aspect of our lives, we tend to forget that. Or we never knew in the first place!

On the topic of self consciousness - we all have that to one degree or another. But we never look at a stranger coming in and think all the thoughts we think they are thinking about us, do we? I admit, I'm a little funny if I go in late, and my usual first or second chair nearest the door is taken. I won't make eye contact (I guess I could look for a friendly face, and sit by them), I just navigate towards the closest empty chairs, and today ended up going down a long back row to a bunch of empty chairs after stepping over all these people's legs. If I'd bothered to look to the right when I came in, there was hardly anybody there, plus the "good" chairs are in that section. :H Then I felt self conscious!

Have a good day, everyone!

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread March 15 - 22

DG: I like that about worrying. I think that the more I keep in touch w/my HP, the closer I get to stopping the compulsive worrying. Yes, I still have plenty of compulsivity, though thankfully, drinking isn't there anymore. As we've said many times on this thread. I'm a work in progress. Mary

[Doggygirl]

Weekly AA Thread March 15 - 22

Mary and Dance, here is to a worry free day!

The meeting this morning was very special as we celebrated one fellow traveler's 17th or 18th anniversary! (she couldn't remember which so we gave her an 18 year coin!) This is the woman some of us have been helping recently after she fell and hurt her hip. I went and got Sister from the nearby town early this AM so she could be with us for that. Another guy celebrated 60 days sober. It is always so good for me to reflect on the early days of sobriety and remember how 60 days felt for me, and then take heart from the longer term anniversaries. When both happen on the same day, it's just awesome and it happened once last week too!

The topic today was Daily Reflections which was about how God works in mysterious ways. Indeed! How I ever even ended up at AA considering how adamantly opposed I was is a miracle in itself. I also remembered being very new in AA last year on this same woman's anniversary. I remember being amazed at that many years of sobriety. I also reflected today on how so many people introduce themselves and say things like "Hi Family..." I didn't "get" the "famly" part a year ago. But now I'm starting to understand as I develop closer and closer relationships with so many of these people. I'm starting to feel a bit like I'm part of a family there. I can't imagine how that might feel many years from now. I'm really grateful to be part of this caring community.

Several of us went to breakfast afterwards and we had a really good time. Sister is so funny. I never thought of nuns as just being "people too." That's another way that I think HP is at work with the people he puts in front of me.

On the ride to the meeting which is about 1/2 hour, Sister and I had an interesting talk about religion and how many different ones there are. Not only a wide variety of Christian religions but the many other belief systems out there. She is so good at summarizing seemingly complicated things into a simple concept. She said "it just goes to show you that people have been contemplating and seeking a Higher Power for a very long time."

I found it interesting that even as a nun she does not get into "which religion is right." She truly sees this subject as one of each person's understanding. We talked a bit about Confucius. I watched a TV program about him a couple of nights ago.

Anyway...this adventure is certainly never dull!

DG

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread March 15 - 22

DG: I think we got into program about the same time last year. Who could have guessed what a difference a year would make!? My main objection to joining was that I erroneously thought I could solve my drink prob myself & wouldn't have to "out" myself. Now, I've found that being an open, recovering alcoholic is pretty great. I think that the spiritual part of the prog is so difficult for some of us. I try not to analyze too much. I just look at my life today & compare it w/my life of a year ago, & Voila! a miracle has occurred!

Mary

PS: We had our dinner group last Sat. night. There were champagne cocktails to start, & the host had bought a nice bottle of sparkling juice for me. It's nice to know that people now know/accept that I do not drink at all. No thank you...that's my final answer. The special accommodation is the icing on the cake.

[dancelot]

Weekly AA Thread March 15 - 22

Hi, everyone -

DG, I find seeing people with different amounts of sobriety helpful. The newer ones remind me where I came from (lest I forget), and the long term ones give me hope for the future. A lot of them say it helps to see newcomers for the same reason. As much as I hate for someone to relapse, it is a reminder that we need to do whatever it takes to not have that happen to us. Seeing and hearing it in person always hits home.

I like both yours and Mary's stories of how you've progressed in a year. I get a little different perspective reading someone's progress. Good old technology I guess! I like how I absorb a little here and there, and if it doesn't make sense now, it probably will later.

That's nice to hear about your dinner party experience, Mary. The questions alcoholics have about how we're perceived for not drinking are so much bigger in our own minds. So the more we hear about it not being that way to others, the bigger. It is so ingrained in us, I think.

Have a good day everyone!

[Guitarista]

Weekly AA Thread March 15 - 22

Greeting's all,
Dance, restore the Camaro! How cool would that be? Take your time, and what a project!

Best wishes.......G