Good Friday morning, Absville! And am I the only one thinking “Thank God it’s Friday!”? Oh my, and Friday the 13th. How spooky. [OK let’s set this straight right now: you won’t get away with a slip by blaming it on “Friday the 13th” OK? So let’s not even go there. No slipping allowed on Friday the 13th is what I say! Not in this neck of the woods! 
]
Seriously, folks, why do we make this so hard on ourselves? I was thinking about that earlier. I mean, I understand this is supposedly a disease and all, but give me a break. We start out doing something that is enjoyable, sociable, relaxing and downright fun. We enjoy it for some period of time – years, if not decades – before noticing that it’s causing problems. But eventually the problems are there in droves. Late to work. Headaches. Regrets. Fights with spouses. DUI. Yada yada yada. We try to cut down or quit and find we can’t. The harder we try, the more we want the stuff. I’m not telling you anything you don’t know: it’s why you came here in the first place.
So we go to doctors, shrinks, churches, maybe even AA. Still, we want to drink. Still, we drink. Somehow we find My Way Out. Here we are, giving this program a good try – and still, we want to drink. If this is the best thing available (and I believe it is), then why do I still fancy a drink? I’m not saying I’m craving, mind you. Just that there is still a part of me deep down inside that I know would just LOVE to have a Cape Cod sometime this evening. And you know what? That part of me scares the hell out of me. Now that is spooky.
I’m still young in sobriety – 25 days today if I make it to midnight – so it’s not surprising that there is still an obsession with alcohol in this somewhat pickled brain. But again I ask: why do we make it so hard on ourselves? Why is it such a struggle?
The key, I think, is in letting go. If I look back on other things I’ve struggled with, the calm came when I just let go. An example would be trying to hang on to a lover when the relationship was clearly over after 8 years. The longer I tried to hold on, the more miserable we both became. When I let go, it hurt – but the struggle was over and the healing could begin. There is much in my past I’ve had to let go of: my youth, my innocence, and many loved ones, for example. Clinging always causes pain. The idea of letting go causes anxiety, but the act of letting go brings relief.
So – what have I let go of, or what have I yet to let go of, in regards to alcohol?
• I have let go of the fantasy that I can, or might someday, be able to drink moderately.
• I have let go of the belief that I need alcohol in order to live an enjoyable life.
• I have let go of the belief that I need alcohol to enjoy a meal out, or an evening with friends.
• I am letting go of the belief that I can be comfortable in any social situation without the social lubricant effect of alcohol. (Work in progress.)
• I am letting go of the self-esteem issues that reinforced my alcoholic cycle for so long (again, a work in progress).
• I am letting go of the image of alcohol as something enticing, and coming to see it as it truly is (a poisonous, addictive drug) – this helps keep it in the proper perspective for my personal goal of long term abs.
• I have yet to let go of the connection alcohol has in my mind with certain situations – holidays, vacations. (Need to work on this in hypno session soon)
So I have come a long way, but I have work yet to do. There are still some powerful connections in my mind, such as “holidays include alcohol.” It’s important for me to recognize those connections, and prepare for the situations that I know are going to be tough. And ultimately, I will need to let the connections go.
And if you find yourself struggling today (it IS Friday, after all) take a moment and ask yourself what it is that you are clinging to. What is it that you have the opportunity to let go of?
]Seriously, folks, why do we make this so hard on ourselves? I was thinking about that earlier. I mean, I understand this is supposedly a disease and all, but give me a break. We start out doing something that is enjoyable, sociable, relaxing and downright fun. We enjoy it for some period of time – years, if not decades – before noticing that it’s causing problems. But eventually the problems are there in droves. Late to work. Headaches. Regrets. Fights with spouses. DUI. Yada yada yada. We try to cut down or quit and find we can’t. The harder we try, the more we want the stuff. I’m not telling you anything you don’t know: it’s why you came here in the first place.
So we go to doctors, shrinks, churches, maybe even AA. Still, we want to drink. Still, we drink. Somehow we find My Way Out. Here we are, giving this program a good try – and still, we want to drink. If this is the best thing available (and I believe it is), then why do I still fancy a drink? I’m not saying I’m craving, mind you. Just that there is still a part of me deep down inside that I know would just LOVE to have a Cape Cod sometime this evening. And you know what? That part of me scares the hell out of me. Now that is spooky.
I’m still young in sobriety – 25 days today if I make it to midnight – so it’s not surprising that there is still an obsession with alcohol in this somewhat pickled brain. But again I ask: why do we make it so hard on ourselves? Why is it such a struggle?
The key, I think, is in letting go. If I look back on other things I’ve struggled with, the calm came when I just let go. An example would be trying to hang on to a lover when the relationship was clearly over after 8 years. The longer I tried to hold on, the more miserable we both became. When I let go, it hurt – but the struggle was over and the healing could begin. There is much in my past I’ve had to let go of: my youth, my innocence, and many loved ones, for example. Clinging always causes pain. The idea of letting go causes anxiety, but the act of letting go brings relief.
So – what have I let go of, or what have I yet to let go of, in regards to alcohol?
• I have let go of the fantasy that I can, or might someday, be able to drink moderately.
• I have let go of the belief that I need alcohol in order to live an enjoyable life.
• I have let go of the belief that I need alcohol to enjoy a meal out, or an evening with friends.
• I am letting go of the belief that I can be comfortable in any social situation without the social lubricant effect of alcohol. (Work in progress.)
• I am letting go of the self-esteem issues that reinforced my alcoholic cycle for so long (again, a work in progress).
• I am letting go of the image of alcohol as something enticing, and coming to see it as it truly is (a poisonous, addictive drug) – this helps keep it in the proper perspective for my personal goal of long term abs.
• I have yet to let go of the connection alcohol has in my mind with certain situations – holidays, vacations. (Need to work on this in hypno session soon)
So I have come a long way, but I have work yet to do. There are still some powerful connections in my mind, such as “holidays include alcohol.” It’s important for me to recognize those connections, and prepare for the situations that I know are going to be tough. And ultimately, I will need to let the connections go.
And if you find yourself struggling today (it IS Friday, after all) take a moment and ask yourself what it is that you are clinging to. What is it that you have the opportunity to let go of?
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