Weekly AA Thread - Week of April 5 - 11

[retteacher]

Hi Everyone:

I hope all is well. I'm doing fine. Yesterday, Easter Sun., we went to our niece's for dinner (the whole family went in the van). It's about a 2 hour drive, & the traffic was wicked on the way home. The kids got a little restless, & my daughter & SIL got a tiny bit testy w/each other. However, I felt completely self-contained. I used to drink to avoid just such emotional situations...even the smallest wrinkle would kind of unglue me. Staying sober all day allowed me to see that what was going on was not my responsibility to change. Everything simmered down (except for the occasional "When are we getting home?"). Sober is far more relaxed than drinking. No headache, no hangover today.

Mary

[cpn1004]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of April 5 - 11

Hi Mary, thanks for starting. Amen to "sober is far more relaxed......"
I'm on the road this week wll check in with y'all.

[Doggygirl]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of April 5 - 11

Hello fellow travelers! Mary, thanks for getting us started today. AMEN that sober is more relaxed than drunk ever was. I am still amazed at the "baffling" part of alcohol. I used to "drink to relax" and what a joke that was! And what's even more baffling is that not only was drinking not relaxing, but it CAUSED so much stress. I couldn't see that either. I am so very glad not to be living in that viscious circle any more! Mary, aren't you glad you were able to see that the situation had nothing to do with you, and just relax and "be."

Phil, travel safely and calmly this week. Where are you off to? Would love some reports of any meeting hopping that you might do.

Today we read from "As Bill Sees It." I usually have a business obligation on Monday mornings which keeps me from this meeting. Being the day after Easter, my business thing was cancelled. I'm glad I was able to catch this AA meeting.

One of the themes in our discussion was about "bottoms." There were many interesting remarks from both new and longer term people. One long termer reminded that there are really 3 parts to the bottom. Physical, mental and spiritual. I think I was feeling a lot of pain in all 3 areas before I was finally ready to surrender and stop trying to figure out how I could control my drinking. Another guy talked about being in SO MUCH PAIN that we are finally willing to do ANYTHING to get sober.

That brought up some discussion about "reservations" that I could really relate to. So long as I kept thinking "I want to stop drinking, but here are my conditions....." (i.e. AA is not for me, I would NEVER consider rehab, I don't want to tell anyone I dont' drink, etc.) I really did have to get to the point of being willing to do whatever it takes......

I'm glad I didn't have to go to rehab. I'm glad I didn't have to take prescription drugs. (that's just a personal oddity of mine) I'm glad my whole family didn't do an intervention on me. BUT.....If what I am doing now stops working, I will be willing to do whatever it takes including the things I would rather NOT do.

Anyway, that's my ramble for today. I hope everyone is off to a great start on a fresh sober week!

DG

[dancelot]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of April 5 - 11

Hi, everyone -

I like what you say about bottoms, DG. Physical, mental, spiritual. That describes where was at when I came here. That was the first and only time all three lined up together so to speak (if I think about it). That makes sense too about the concept you have to be ready to quit, or be at the bottom.

I think there's a big difference between wanting to quit, and being ready to quit. That thought crossed my (overactive) mind recently. While I know there are many variables, I suppose it is true some people want to quit (well part of them anyway), and won't or can't because they are not at the point of ready.

I knew in my rational mind I drank way too much, knew quitting was what I needed to do, but until I hit that three part bottom, it never lasted. The two times I did quit were more because I took advantage of getting sick enough to hold off a few days on AL, and then it was fairly easy to not pick it up again. In recent years this changed, and even the most disgusting all day puking hangover no longer had the same effect. I would "forget" the minute I was back to normal. I may be different than other people here, but I never once felt guilty about the drinking in and of itself (maybe the negative behavior towards others - drinking alone was my solution to that). It's funny, there's two guys at AA that are the same as me on that. No guilt, just liked doing it and always have. Feeling no need to make excuses or reasons or rationalizations to drink. We're kind of odd men (and woman) out on that (which is why it's good to talk at meetings - you never know who can relate).

It makes sense that when we have any reservations whatsoever, we're still not to that "ready" point. Baffling, indeed!

I had a great sober weekend too. The weather is finally cooperating, I went ahead and had two lessons with my horse trainer who finally came to town having cancelled 3 or 4 times in as many months because of weather. I got to finally spend some quality horse time, catch up with one of my riding buddies, and wished I'd brought a picnic (last year that would have included my daily "starter" beer). I honestly just thought of the food part - the naughtiest thing might have been Diet Dr Pepper (actually a sort of forbidden treat, since I rarely drink carbonated soft drinks anymore - like when I was a kid, we got them occasionally, not every day). But it felt so good to sit around after riding and enjoy the quiet, the fresh air, listen to the horses graze on the new grass, and not think about how much more fun that would be with alcohol. So that is progress.

Hope everyone's having a wonderful day - thanks again for this thread, you all always remind me where sanity lies and keep me grounded in the best possible way. :h

[gyco]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of April 5 - 11

interesting comments,but i always xpect that when i come here,take the good,and leave the rest,a favourite saying of mine,at AA,i havent been to meetings for a while,so i have to take a new out look,i read your progress,and it gives me ,a peace,which i beleive,is good,i guess many find something new,that works for them,as i was tot,yes i did go to treatment,sometimes one is best to read or listen,then to open ones mouth,and affect everyone around them, have a good day gykes

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of April 5 - 11

I definitely hit the 3 part bottom:
-Physical - That night in the ER was horrendous.
-Emotional - I was paranoid, stressed out, & feeling guilty all the time.
-Spiritual - Living a lie on a daily basis was absolutely the worst part of the drinking.

I was willing to go to any lengths to get sober & did whatever my sponsor told me to do.

To some alcoholics, my bottom might seem mild, but in AA we don't compare, we identify. I didn't have to get to the point where I:
-needed rehab.
-had to have an intervention.
-lost everything & everyone.

I did have to admit to my alcoholism which was OK. By the way, today I went for a physical & the nurse practitioner asked me about alcohol consumption. She was going to explain the link between drinking & a certain kind of cancer. It just popped out of my mouth: "I never drink, because I'm a recovering alcoholic." That's the first time I've said that.

Mary

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of April 5 - 11

I just got back from the Mon. night women's meeting. Tonight it was a speaker meeting. Regardless of how different my story might seem, there is always something to identify with. Tonight I came away w/the realization that I can never, ever take my sobriety for granted. It's much too precious.

[Doggygirl]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of April 5 - 11

Dance, the "wanting" v. "ready" realization is really something, isn't it? What is so amazing to me is how BADLY we want to hang on to AL. Looking back now...what was the point? Drinking was SUCH bad news for me for such a long time. And yet I continued to beat my head against the wall trying to drink with "control" over and over and over ad nauseum. I look at my husband and with alcohol, he would never DREAM of doing that. I've seen him drunk one time in our almost 12 years together and that was a bunch of years ago now. That was enough "hangover" to last him a long, long time. Totally different than me wanting to step in the same hole again and again.

(LOL we won't talk about pot though!)

Dance, it's awesome that you enjoyed a great horse day! I had a horse for a couple years when I lived in Florida. In that hot climate, we always worked the horses early in the day. I remember vividly sitting on the picnic table after riding, and all I was thinking about was getting to "lunch" which for me, meant "drinks." I never really stopped to smell the roses, so to speak.

Mary, I love your summary of your physical, spiritual and mental bottoms. You have such a great way of being brief and concise! (Sister Ellen would love it! I am forever being coached to BE BRIEF! :H:H) I cannot be reminded enough to never take my sobriety for granted.

Gyco, it is good to see you as always. Why have you stopped going to meetings? (none of my business - just asking in case you want to talk about it!)

I am looking forward to the meeting tomorrow morning as my friend is chairing. She always comes up with really good topics for "open topic."

One of the regular guys from these morning meetings always goes south for a few months in the winter. He was back today - just in time for the opening of baseball season! :H It was so nice to see him. Another friend was on vacation for a couple of weeks, and I got a call from her today saying her vacation was "successful." (she didn't drink or drug) She is early in sobriety and she was really nervous about vacation. Her husband doesn't really understand. I was so happy to hear that things went well for her. I'm really getting bonded to these people. It's sort of nice and sort of scary at the same time.

DG

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of April 5 - 11

I just want to let you all know that as of tomorrow, I'll be on vacation. We'll be visiting our son who has been sober 2 years. I'm hoping to attend a meeting w/him. Mary

[Doggygirl]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of April 5 - 11

Mary, I hope you have fun on vacation! Wow, that sounds like it could be an awesome experience for you and your son to share a meeting together. Travel safely!

DG

[Cinders]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of April 5 - 11

Hi, all,

I will be in Texas the rest of this week.

My plan is to go to the AA meeting right down the road every night I can. (8:00 pm should be doable but seldom is...)

I am still struggling with Step 1. I told myself years ago I was through it, but I am not.

So, I will go and "just listen."

Love to all,
Cindi

[Doggygirl]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of April 5 - 11

Cindi, I'm glad you will be able to get some AA time in while you are on the road. Accepting that I can NEVER EVER drink SAFELY was harder than it looked. When I first came to MWO I "talked the talk" in that regard. But I was still holding out something in my brain for old AL and he got me. I finally feel 100% accepting about my status as an alcoholic who can NEVER safely drink. It's such a relief. I hope you can find that too.

DG

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of April 5 - 11

Cindi:

I haven't seen you here in a while & was so glad when I did. I don't get to go to other threads very much anymore, so please check in here once in a while (or more often if you can). I consider you a friend.

I too tried mod drinking over & over. The biggest benefit of AA meetings is hearing about others who have done the same. A member might get 3 or 4 months or maybe years, & he/she will think: "Now I know how it's done. I can drink like a normal person." Almost everyone goes back to drinking at former levels & beyond. I heard a man w/15 years of sobriety who tried the "wine w/dinner" route & was drinking at 8:30 AM a few days later. I see people on a daily basis at meetings who come back after relapses. It is difficult but not impossible. Please do not ever give up. Each time you try again, you're learning something new. You will get it!

From 2007 until I got sober in 2009, I can't count the number of relapses I had. I would berate myself, but I never gave up. I really had to go to AA. I could not do it alone w/only MWO as a support. Before 2007, I can't even count the number of times I tried to quit.

AA is a necessity for me. I don't love every single meeting I go to. But I do get something valuable from each one.

Take care of yourself, Cindi. I'll say a little prayer for you tonight.

Mary

[cpn1004]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of April 5 - 11

Hi everyone.
Cindi it is great to see, wish I was home (Texas), then I could join you for a meeting.
I went to a 6pm meeting here in South Carolina. It is such a joy to walk into a room as a stranger and be greeted with such caring and concern.
Tomorrow I will be in Atlanta.
Have a great night.

[Doggygirl]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of April 5 - 11

Hi fellow travelers! Just got off the phone with Sister and we usually read the 24-Hours a Day reading together each morning. I love todays reading. It REALLY REALLY hits home for me on several levels:

Twenty-Four Hours A Day

A.A. Thought For The Day

In A.A. alcoholics find a way to solve their personality
problems. They do this by recovering three things. First,
they recover their personal integrity. They pull themselves
together. They get honest with themselves and with other
people. They face themselves and their problems honestly,
instead of running away. They take a personal inventory of
themselves to see where they really stand. Then they face
the facts instead of making excuses for themselves. Have
I recovered my integrity?

Meditation For The Day

When trouble comes, do not say: "Why should this happen to
me?" Leave yourself out of the picture. Think of other people
and their troubles and you will forget about your own.
Gradually get away from yourself and you will know the
consolation of unselfish service to others. After a while,
it will not matter so much what happens to you. It is not
so important any more, except as your experience can be used
to help others who are in the same kind of trouble.

Prayer For The Day

I pray that I may become more unselfish. I pray that I may
not be thrown off the track by letting the old selfishness
creep back into my life.

My life is so much better and more fulfilling and happy when I think of others more than I think of me.

DG