AF Daily - Thursday May 20

[Tulipe]

Hello all,
Just starting today's thread. I am feeling very confused. Not mentally fuzzy, actually I feel sharper, but emotionally confused about my relationship with Mr. T. I don't know what I want, where I am, or how I feel. I feel angry with him for having his big cognac after dinner. I feel angry with him for wanting to install a wine cooler in our house. I'm having trouble sorting out what is his justifiable animosity towards me vs. the big picture and my real feelings. He wants something from me. What does he want? How long will it take for him to realize that he has it already? I have this dreadful feeling that things will never get better.

- Tulipe

[LVT25]

AF Daily - Thursday May 20

Hello Tulipe, thanks for starting us off today. I can relate to what you are saying about your hubby. I think it can be a real challenge to keep a relationship growing, when one partner makes such a big change. In my case, it is even harder because we have never really been able to communicate feelings well. And communicating feelings sober is really difficult for me. So, I just kind of started doing my own things, trying to find out who I am, and living the way I want to live with my sons. We still get along, rarely fight (imagine that) and he still drinks too much and it does bother me. But I've been down this road before, and I know nothing I say or do will cause him to change. In my case I think even discussing my concerns with him might make things worse.
Hopefully you are better at expressing your feelings than I am. Have you talked to Mr T about your anger and feelings about a wine cooler? Sorry guys--but some men can be a little thick when it comes to thinking of others and being considerate.
It takes a lot of time to be comfortable in new sober skin. But it is better by a long shot.

Yesterday a friend (and client) invited me and another friend to her home for lunch. It was nice. I had to miss yoga (again) and could have used the extra time to get some stuff done, but I have very few encounters with any girlfriends anymore--I needed this. Somehow the conversation turned to alcohol and then my not drinking. The hostess commended me. I explained again why I quit, etc. I still think it's kind of hard for some to understand. We have a mutual friend in rehab right now, that the other friend thinks its too bad she didn't find something she loved to do instead of turning to alcohol. But it's probably more than that. Hopefully when she comes home she will find something (like her kids) to focus on so her recovery will be easier. I might try to get the nerve up to talk to her. A year or so ago, after she had a wreck, I sent her a get well card and told her about MWO and then felt stupid every time I saw her.

The sun is suppose to shine today after it rained all day yesterday, so I hope to have a busy day ahead.:h

[greeneyes]

AF Daily - Thursday May 20

Morning fabs!

Ohhhhh man, tulipe. So many people here encounter this. Just a thought.... why do you see the cognac and wine cooler as animosity? If he doesn't have a problem with AL, he may view the situation akin to you deciding to be a vegetarian. No harm in him eating a burger and getting a new smoker, right? On the other hand, sobriety removes those hazy glasses and the emotions and issues that were submerged float to the surface. Tulipe, they will get better one way or another. Because you wanted to change when you wanted to give up AL. Now it's happening and it will be for the better but it might not be easy to get there. :l:l Listen to your heart and stay true to yourself. Here's an extra :l

seps down from soapbox

DG, where IS DG?

I'm going to make some sweet zucchini bread for the neighbors for taking care of pets while I was gone. Thought I'd make some for the police dept. as they watch my house while I'm gone. Always good to schmooze the police, don't you think? And yes, I DO have 4 loaf pans. :H

So. While waiting on a ferry to go to an island, a pelican was diving for fish right by the dock. Every time he'd get one and bob on the surface with it hanging from his (what is that, a beak?), a seagull would land on his head and lean over and grab it from him!!!

Tonight there is outside music at the botanical gardens at the zoo. It's been so nice, maybe I'll do that (depending on the music). Havent' done that sober yet.

Terrific Tuesday to all!

[greeneyes]

AF Daily - Thursday May 20

Hi LVT! "a little thick". :H We get the polite award for today. :H

[Lavande]

AF Daily - Thursday May 20

Morning Ab Fabbers,

I see sunshine outside my window today

Boy can I ever relate to the problem of miscommunication at home. Actually, it non-communication around here or as Greenie like to call it - non-versation! Mr Lav is still MIA, (almost 5 weeks now) he prefers to hide rather than deal life. I'm helpless to change that. In the past when he's done this I immediately went into the begging mode, pleading for his return so we could smoothe things over. I'm not doing that this time around. I'm keeping my mouth shut & letting his Psychiatrist earn her paycheck! He's seeing her weekly, something has to break at some point! Maybe everything is the way it should be........ right Greenie?

DG must be busy with her MK business - good for her

Pelicans really can put on a good 'air show'. I remember sitting by a window in a resturant in Santa Cruz, CA & watching them perform. Very entertaining!

OK, wishing everyone a terrific AF Thursday!
Lav

[greeneyes]

AF Daily - Thursday May 20

Lavande;862795 wrote: Maybe everything is the way it should be........ right Greenie?
Lav

Right. All is well. (I was waiting quietly for your take on it )

[Tulipe]

AF Daily - Thursday May 20

Hello all,
Back again and circling around. LV thanks for the response and also to you Greenie and Lav. Non-versation - I laugh at that. I suspect that there are many of us who turned to AL instead of having hard conversations, I know that was easier for me for a long time. Now that is not an option, and I have to grow a new skin.
LV were other people drinking at the lunch? I went to a lunch today and was the only one who did not have any wine, not even a taste. But actually I think most people don't notice.
Lav I hope you have peace either by having Mr. Lav turn up or not. I think that sometimes things are best left along, but as I don't know much about this background all I can do is hope for your peace and happiness.

Greenie your analogy of becoming a veg is an interesting one. I guess I saw the cooler more like investing in a backyard slaughterhouse than having a burger. Yes the costs and size of a slaughterhouse precludes the possilbity of a homebuild, whereas a cooler is just a bitty thing, but still wouldn't one cooler or just a fridge do the job? Anyway enjoy the concert tonight!

[Doggygirl]

AF Daily - Thursday May 20

Hi all! Greenie thank you for asking after me!!! (right after you stepped off the soap box...hmmmm...... :H)

Tulipe, I have often heard it suggested that for the first year of sobriety, it's best not to make any major changes if you don't have to. It's such a time of self discovery and 'growing up' emotionally. I know it's easier said than done, but I find that trying to stay in today, and only focus on today's challenges and opportunities, I do much better. Who knows what the future is going to bring?

I apologize for not being around much! It's just a busy time. zoom zoom zoom zoom zoom zoom zoom. I need a jet engine! All is good though. As my AA sponsor tells me, I have to remember to keep my horses in the stable (my wits about me!) when things are hectic like this. :H My horses have been running the streets this week!

Saturday is my 2 year sober anniversay. Mr. D and I hope to be camping. Life has sure changed a lot in the last 2 years, and all of it for the better.

Hello to Lav and LVT and greenie and Tulipe and all the other fabbie abbies yet to check in!

DG

[prancy]

AF Daily - Thursday May 20

Doggie, a big congratulations on two years sober. I have never achieved that. I had one year one time about 10 years ago and it felt to good but I felt left out at every social function we attended and went "back out." Tried a couple of other times at AA but for much shorter times and now I am too embarrassed by my failures to go back. But back to YOU,
Again congratulations, I hope to be in your shoes in two years.
Prancy

[momof3]

AF Daily - Thursday May 20

Tulipe,Thanks for starting this morning and thanks for the topic.

I have experienced so many positive changes since giving up alcohol but my relationship with my husband is not one of them. He is not a drinker by any means. The issues are different. Part of it is related to what Greenie mentioned, the hazy glasses have been removed. He is a good person and a great dad but I don't feel like I love him anymore.

I married him when I was a "problem drinker" and my drinking progressed over our years together. I wonder if I would have married him if my brain was clearer and I wasn't seeing him through the haze of alcohol. I wonder if I married him because I knew I could get away with drinking as much as I wanted. He never really confronted me on my drinking...he made some mild attempts but that is it. In some ways, I don't respect him for that. But, here we are 17 years and 3 children later. I am not going anywhere. I remind myself to be grateful for all that I have and not to focus on what I don't have.

Just rambling here with not purpose...these are my thoughts.


DG...2 years. Woo Hoo!
M3

[Doggygirl]

AF Daily - Thursday May 20

Prancy - don't EVER be too ANYTHING to go back to AA, or to go anywhere your quest for sobriety leads you. The ONLY way to fail is to stop trying. The doors to all of these methods, I believe, are ALWAYS open!

M3, Mr. Doggy and I have talked a lot about an issue you raised. In our case, we BOTH liked the other one because we didn't get or give grief about our addictions. (for him it was pot) We enabled each other. I'm not sure how this all would be working if only one of us had gotten sober. I am very grateful that we share a sobriety date and that as we have grown and changed in sobriety, it has been in ways that are good. But I know that is not always the case.

I think we all just have to go one day at a time through this life and see where the universe leads us.

DG

[LVT25]

AF Daily - Thursday May 20

After the shocking "non-versation" I had on facebook with a high school classmate last night. I guess I'll quit complaining about MY hubby for awhile! They have been married 27 years, 2 daughters and everything has totally fallen apart for them. Culminating in him beating the crap out of her enough to put her in the hospital for 6 days. And their 15 year old daughter is with him! What a freakin mess! I feel so bad for her. I almost think she thinks she deserves it. And she says she still loves him which is hard to understand. He says she started it! If the whole thing wasn't so sad and disgusting that would be funny.

My sister is back in a "swing bed" in the hospital near her home. Yay. She still has a very long road ahead of her. My bil called and we talked awhile this evening. She's been asking him to "do her in" because she doesn't want to live this way. :upset: I will be heading that way next weekend to spend some time with her.

No alcohol at my lunch with friends, Tulipe. It was interesting to hear from one friend that she and her husband never drink at home--only at the bar or friend's house. The other friend says her and her husband have one maybe 2 drinks every night at home, and then there was me that said my hubby and I would split a 30 pack at least every other night. The one friend I went to Vegas with...she acts like she has an opinion about me not drinking, but she doesn't say anything. Oh well.

Wanted to share a song--this one is for you Lav!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ot9ttdvD_c4&feature=related[/video]]YouTube - Jennifer Knapp It is Well with My Soul

[Tulipe]

AF Daily - Thursday May 20

test note to see if new profile picture comes up

[techie]

AF Daily - Thursday May 20

and it's a beauty!