May we be sober - Week 4
Hello! I?ve spent the day preparing things for my trip on Thursday including a meeting with the house/garden/pet sitter; I certainly do not have a life that can be locked and left
. Redstar, thank you again for your thought provocation. I may write and think about other things but do still have a desire to drink frequently, and while I can handle ?lonely? all of the other factors in HALT are significant triggers. The biggest ones for me, however, are a certain kind of anxious grief and the sort of loss of control precipitated by things such as what has happened with my vision. There are things that it seems I can?t stand, but I have learned by being here that I generally can do something other than drink. I did drink twice since I went ?dark?, however, after my surgery nine weeks ago; it was two nights in a row. I felt the effects remarkably easily as I am really clean in general, and I stopped after what would be for any non alcoholic an insignificant amount (one double cocktail the first night, and two wines the next). This would have meant nothing to the non alcoholic, but I wanted more of course and probably always will. As I am getting used to being alcohol free for long periods I have also accepted at least for now that if I do whatever you want to call it, ?cave?, ?test the waters?, or ?relapse? every thirty to sixty to ninety days, it is not a cause to freak out and keep drinking. We each have to find our own way out and I am finding mine. Hi Lav, I hope you are not discouraged/tired/bored by me, I wish I could put alcohol behind me as you have but I have not to that degree. I love being with you for as long as I can. Hi Rusty, Dill (Dill!), Cyn, and Sooty. Shelley, I can?t wait to find a designer dress for your little buff marathoner self. Love, Ladybird.
Hello! I?ve spent the day preparing things for my trip on Thursday including a meeting with the house/garden/pet sitter; I certainly do not have a life that can be locked and left
. Redstar, thank you again for your thought provocation. I may write and think about other things but do still have a desire to drink frequently, and while I can handle ?lonely? all of the other factors in HALT are significant triggers. The biggest ones for me, however, are a certain kind of anxious grief and the sort of loss of control precipitated by things such as what has happened with my vision. There are things that it seems I can?t stand, but I have learned by being here that I generally can do something other than drink. I did drink twice since I went ?dark?, however, after my surgery nine weeks ago; it was two nights in a row. I felt the effects remarkably easily as I am really clean in general, and I stopped after what would be for any non alcoholic an insignificant amount (one double cocktail the first night, and two wines the next). This would have meant nothing to the non alcoholic, but I wanted more of course and probably always will. As I am getting used to being alcohol free for long periods I have also accepted at least for now that if I do whatever you want to call it, ?cave?, ?test the waters?, or ?relapse? every thirty to sixty to ninety days, it is not a cause to freak out and keep drinking. We each have to find our own way out and I am finding mine. Hi Lav, I hope you are not discouraged/tired/bored by me, I wish I could put alcohol behind me as you have but I have not to that degree. I love being with you for as long as I can. Hi Rusty, Dill (Dill!), Cyn, and Sooty. Shelley, I can?t wait to find a designer dress for your little buff marathoner self. Love, Ladybird.
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