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**Cinders** · May 31, 2010, 12:42 PM

Weekly AA Thread - Week of May 31 - June 6

Good Day DG and all others to come.

I do love the idea of being free. A lot of threads this week have been about giving up something "fun" to be sober.

I am pretty sure everyone here on this thread hasn't had fun drinking in a long, long time.

My sponsor e-mailed me yesterday and it was good to hear from her.

Once again, I leave home and fly to my client for another two week stint. I thought that was over but they are panicking.

They want 24/7 coverage and as best I can tell, there are two of us.

If they don't get another person so we can do 8 hours shifts, I may call my manager and asked to be removed. I can't keep this up.

I've gotten a few days of GOOD sobriety under my belt and am thinking HALT. I can't keep putting in 12 - 15 hour days for days at a time, away from home and alone.

Anyway, there is a decent group in the town I go to. I don't like them as much as my home group but like all things, there are some really good people there. It is nice to have a phone number of someone close by.

My goal is to stay sober today.

Much love,
Cindi

**Doggygirl** · May 31, 2010, 03:40 PM

Weekly AA Thread - Week of May 31 - June 6

Cindi, it's awesome to *see* you! I'm sorry to hear that the rediculous work & travel schedule rages on. I don't know how you are doing it. But I am VERY glad you have found a group nearby so at least you have some local support while you are on the road.

I used to tell Mr. D. that I was exercising my "right" of "free choice" to smoke cigarettes and to drink. Truth is, both of them were a ball and chain. One on my right foot and one on my left foot. I couldn't function AT ALL without smoking and drinking on my mind, whether I was smoking or drinking at that moment or not. That is NOT freedom.

I'm so grateful I am truly free to choose between an infinite number of thoughts and activities at any time day or night today.

DG

**retteacher** · May 31, 2010, 08:48 PM

Weekly AA Thread - Week of May 31 - June 6

DG & Cindi: It's great to see you here. I'm dealing w/the news of my daughter's diagnosis, but I'm doing it sober which is an incredible gift. We have a lot ahead, & I must lean on my program to get through this. She has a consultation w/a team of docs in Boston on Wed., so she's moving forward. We'll stay home w/the kids.

Whenever I can, I go to my meetings. It's very helpful. Today, one of the members had a bar-b-que which was just what we needed to get beyond the initial shock of our situation.

I'm hanging in.

Mary

**Winefree** · May 31, 2010, 10:37 PM

Weekly AA Thread - Week of May 31 - June 6

Good for you Mary, hanging in. Still keeping you and family in prayers.

Went to the Monday mtg tonight and there was a lot of talk about the picnics and the coolers full of beer that kept being opened until the water or soda was found. At least 3 people shared on that issue. Luckily we stayed at home and didn't have to deal with that problem. I am however troubled by the wine commercials on TV now. Had to ask hubby to change the channel the other night. Certainly don't need that right in my own home in the evening.

Cindi, will be thinking of you being away and alone. Best wishes to you. Keep all the AA tools handy.

DG, I hear you about freedom of choice. I use to think I was being denied by right to make a choice and be an adult, until I tried to stop and couldn't on my own! The alcohol had me, not the other way around and it's not a fun feeling.

Hope everyone had a good holiday weekend. I spent most of mine out in the garden planting and pruning. Could use a good rub down now!

Winefree

**retteacher** · June 1, 2010, 12:28 PM

Weekly AA Thread - Week of May 31 - June 6

I'm finding I have so much more fun now socializing sober...even if others are drinking. I don't feel deprived, only grateful. I can see how normal people drink, & the effort to control my drinking would take all the fun out of any social situations. So, I'm sober & glad of it.

I've got so much support on the family crisis we're in w/our daughter. It's very gratifying.

Mary

**dancelot** · June 1, 2010, 12:55 PM

Weekly AA Thread - Week of May 31 - June 6

Hi, everyone -

I am getting more and more of that feeling of freedom. I find it fascinating the phases we go through. I think once I become more adapted to the idea of the ups and downs of life, the easier the "freedom" part becomes.

Recently I've had a lot of little things that add up to a big pain, but I no longer think or look at drinking as automatic default. I mean the thought is less and less. Saturday night I got into a disagreement with my roommate. I had been as civil as could be under the circumstances, but chose to drop it if he would. We were driving back home afterwards, and at one moment I had the thought of "I would really like a drink, this idiot has shown his colors yet again, and I was dumb enough to give him the benefit of a doubt, yet again".... the good news is, it was gone in 2 seconds as I reminded myself of did I really want to undo all the benefits? NO! Absolutely not!

I also sent an e mail to a friend recently asking if she wanted to go out, and put in I would be happy to drive since I do not drink, and felt nothing weird at all in saying that. At one event, you had to have a wristband to buy AL, and going in they ask if you will be drinking, and I could honestly and comfortably say no, without any "wishing" I could in the back of my mind. Being up front about it and truly not caring is progress. I always had the "excuses" list handy (though never once had to use it). While it is best to be honest, if say a newbie is so scared to say no without an excuse, I'm OK with that. If it gets them through that time sober. It took time and work for me to get strong enough. Now I can be strong and honest in my response because I got to here with small steps (and am still taking small steps every day, but they keep adding up, and I keep moving forward).

I finally got to go back on ADD meds because my blood pressure is now in the good range (109/69 today!) and my EKG is as good as one can be. I was taken off them last year because my BP was getting up there. I knew it was the drinking rather than the meds. I'd drink after the meds wore off (or before, which I didn't find out until later is not good - you will not feel drunk, but your blood alcohol level will go up. Some (usually) younger people have gotten alcohol poisoning this way).

That was actually a huge motivator (originally to cut back but ultimately finding I had to quit) for me - I was only diagnosed with ADD 6 years ago. I was on the meds for 5, and they made a huge difference in my quality of life. Having 5 good years and having to go back to the way it was before was extremely depressing to say the least. Back to self medicating with alcohol (one of the many things I used it for), which I'd (unknowing) been doing for years.

I know now too to make sure to eat regular meals (ADD drugs are also an appetite suppressant), so as not to have the low blood sugar trigger as they wear off (good old HALT!). Such good things I've learned here at MWO, AA, and ADDForums! And I can tell you, I sure applied my "attitude of gratitude" when I left the doctor's office. I am happy that I have my physical health and be able to do something about my mental health.

Mary, I am still thinking of you and your daughter and am so glad you have the support of AA. It's so good you have the support of your husband in your sobriety. It warms my heart to hear that you two go to a meeting together. :h

Hoping everyone has a good week, and as always I enjoy reading your posts. Take care and love to you all. :h

**Doggygirl** · June 1, 2010, 05:07 PM

Weekly AA Thread - Week of May 31 - June 6

Hi everyone! Mary, I really admire the strength you are showing in your sobriety dealing with your daughter's diagnosis. I'm sure the uncertainty and fear can be very challenging. I look up to you while continuing to pray for your daughter's full recovery.

Isn't the fellowship awesome? I'm so grateful to be developing new friendships here locally. People that I know I will be able to count on when the going gets tough. Wow. The BBQ sounds fun! I'm looking forward to the summer social events in a way that I did NOT look forward to last year. I just didn't feel comfortable for whatever reason socializing outside of meetings much. But now? These people are my friends.

There is a new girl who came to AA much like I did. She already had several months sober under her belt, but she was riddled with fear. Fear of drinking again, fear of living, etc. She is blossoming before our very eyes - it's wonderful to watch. I really am learning to appreciate why after over 30 years, Step Coach still says "I love watching recovery!"

Todays meeting was a thought provoking one about Step 6 and being ready to give up the character defects. I used to have such an issue with the term "character defects" until I understood what kinds of things that refers too. All of us suffer from selfishness, fear, dishonesty, etc. at least to some degree at some time. So it's not the "nasty label" that it seemed like at first.

We talked about why we might not really WANT to have some CD's removed. For me, I realize that I like hanging on to things that are self serving rather than serving others. I like my "pity parties" because they might garner sympathy and attention for ME. I like trying to control other people because then I might get MY way. I like telling white lies if they might get ME off the hook from some trouble. So....self will really is at the center of my issues! The good thing about realizing that is it empowers me to do something about it.

Dance, I'm so happy to hear that you are able to get back on the meds that help you with quality of life!! Excellent news on your BP and other indicators. Isn't it amazing how our bodies ARE capable of so much healing once we get AL out of the way.

WF - I was happy to spend this weekend away from the coolers and tipsy folks, just gardening and potting flowers.

Hello also to Phil and HG and everyone else who hasn't posted yet this week!

DG

**retteacher** · June 1, 2010, 05:56 PM

Weekly AA Thread - Week of May 31 - June 6

Regarding character defects: I find that when I examine my motives for the things I do & say, I find out if there are any defects of character at work. They certainly don't add to my joy for life, so why wouldn't I want to have them removed?

Right now, I'm just concentrating on life ODAT. I thank God for prayer, my AA groups, my AA readings, etc.

Mary

**Doggygirl** · June 3, 2010, 12:28 PM

Weekly AA Thread - Week of May 31 - June 6

Mary, that is such a good point about the motives being a good test of whether a character defect is in play. I thought of that several times over the last couple of days. I hope you and your daughter are hanging in there. Please let us know when you have some news about next steps.

We discussed the 24 Hours a Day reading at the meeting this morning. It was a good one. Here is the first part of it that I think most folks here can definitely relate to:

Twenty-Four Hours A Day

A.A. Thought For The Day

Some more things I do not miss since becoming dry: running all
over town to find a bar open to get that "pick-me-up"; meeting
my friends and trying to cover up that I feel awful; looking at
myself in a mirror and calling myself a dam* fool; struggling
with myself to snap out of it for two or three days; wondering
what it is all about. I'm positive I don't miss these things, am
I not?

When that was read, I had a vivid memory of my time as a corporate VP, and some dreadful mirror experiences on mornings of big meetings. I remember staring at my hungover (and showing it BADLY) reflection and knowing that in an hour I would have to be sitting at a table with all the leaders of the company. I would be desparately trying to think of reasons I might be able to keep my sunglasses on. (and there weren't any!) I am SO GLAD I don't have to live like THAT any more. I am definitely positive that I don't miss at all the consequences of my drinking such as (but not limited to, LOL):

1. Looking like crap every morning
2. Feeling like crap every morning
3. No remembering what I said or did
3. feeling guilt and remorse over what I DID remember
4. Making up stories for people - i.e. "I didn't eat lunch - that must be why 2 drinks went straight to my head!" (2 drinks, ya right)

Oh I could list at least 20 or 100 things.

I am grateful to be sober today!

DG

**retteacher** · June 3, 2010, 03:21 PM

Weekly AA Thread - Week of May 31 - June 6

I too could list 20 - 100 more things. It's so much easier being sober. Yes, sometimes life deals us some awful cards, but that's true of everyone. My daughter (a normal drinker) hasn't once said: "Gosh I'd like to get drunk over this!" She's just dealing w/it all.

She is going w/Mass. General...it's cutting edge, especially for young women w/breast cancer. She's electing to have a bilateral mast, as her chances of getting cancer in the "good" breast are much greater & double w/each passing decade. She's been an absolute rock through this whole thing. Because of that, I wouldn't even think of drinking. No way, now how! The little boys seem OK, though they sense that something serious is going on. We gave them what we thought they could understand.

I'm hanging in & going to a step meeting tonight.

Mary

**Doggygirl** · June 4, 2010, 07:05 AM

Weekly AA Thread - Week of May 31 - June 6

Mary, it sounds like your daughter is in good hands with the doctors and technology available at Mass General. I hope that gives you both a measure of comfort. I know I get comfort from the fact that my Dad goes for his serious treatments to University of Chicago Hospitals. At least we can know they are getting the very best that is available today.

I am enjoying June for all the reading and discussion about Step 6. (Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.) It's such an easy step to gloss over and not fully understand. I am also appreciating that it's not "mandatory" to "get" a step in the deepest possible way the first time around. A deeper understanding seems to come with each subsequent review. I like that about AA. On the surface it would seem repetitive. But with an open mind, I continue to learn and grow with each repetition. So it's not gotten stale for me at all.

I like the Daily Reflections Reading today.

Daily Reflections

LETTING GO OF OUR OLD SELVES

Carefully reading the first five proposals we ask if we have omitted
anything, for we are building an arch through which we shall walk a
free man at last. . . . Are we now ready to let God remove from us all
the things which we have admitted are objectionable?
ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, pp. 75, 76

The Sixth Step is the last "preparation" Step. Although I have
already used prayer extensively, I have made no formal request of my
Higher Power in the first Six Steps. I have identified my problem,
come to believe that there is a solution, made a decision to seek this
solution, and have "cleaned house." I now ask: Am I willing to live a
life of sobriety, of change, to let go of my old self? I must determine if
I am truly ready to change. I review what I have done and become
willing for God to remove all my defects of character; for in the next
Step, I will tell my Creator I am willing and will ask for help. If I have
been thorough in the preparation of my foundation and feel that I am
willing to change, I am then ready to continue with the next Step. "If
we still cling to something we will not let go, we ask God to help us be
willing."
(Alcoholics Anonymous, p. 76)

I like thinking of this Step in the form of the question - Am I truly ready to change? I think that is a really central question for me. I had a love/hate relationship with alcohol for a long time. That feeling that on one hand, I knew I needed to stop drinking, but I didn't really want to stop drinking. As long as I felt even a little bit that way, I was not TRULY ready to change. Removing the AL was not enough. I was not comfortable with the "self" that I was left with. I still carried around the same old baggage (self centered, dishonest, fearful, etc.).

I just had a random passing thought "I need to do some service work." So I think this weekend I will seek out some opportunity for that.

DG

**cpn1004** · June 4, 2010, 05:43 PM

Weekly AA Thread - Week of May 31 - June 6

Greetings all.
I'm off to Las Vegas tomorrow for two trade shows. It will be my first sober Vegas trip. But after Christmas, NYE, my brother's death and my mother's death, I think I can handle it.

There appear to be tons of meetings there, hopefully I will attend at give y'all a report.

**Winefree** · June 4, 2010, 10:39 PM

Weekly AA Thread - Week of May 31 - June 6

Phil, I've been to LV and stayed AL free late last Nov-early Dec. You can do it too, I'm sure.
There are many meetings there, but I didn't get to attend any. Will be looking forward to hearing your experience.

' I had a love/hate relationship with alcohol for a long time. That feeling that on one hand, I knew I needed to stop drinking, but I didn't really want to stop drinking. " Doggygirl, wow, I could have written that myself. I knew the end of an episode was coming, but I didn't want to part with it. Didn't think I could change and part with it either. That was barely more than a year ago and I would never have thought I could come this far without drinking.
It was so odd last night. Went to dinner with 9 co-workers. Three of us didn't order drinks. For the rest, the wine was flowing. It was okay. It did bother me a bit, but not as much as I thought. (It might have helped since I knew I was going to an AA mtg at the end of the meal).
I was troubled the night before that however, since we were at a concert and the couple next to us was drinking. I could smell the AL and it was a bit disconcerting. Well, was I surprised when the man drinking was someone I haven't seen in the rooms for a few months! Guess I know why now. He didn't say a thing and I certainly didn't. Weird.

Glad I'm on the AL free side.

Winefree

**Doggygirl** · June 5, 2010, 06:40 AM

Weekly AA Thread - Week of May 31 - June 6

Hi fellow travelers! Phil, sounds like you are back to traveling a lot in the literal sense. I think you are right - you have handled so many serious situations AF recently - I'm sure an AF stint in Vegas is very doable for you. I like that WF is able to say "I did it, so I know you can too." I love that we share experiences and give each other strength and hope. I can't wait to hear what the meetings in Vegas are like! That's another cool thing. It seems like the more AL is flowing in a place, the more meetings there are. A nice balance I guess.

WF, that must have been strange realizing you were next to someone you knew from AA who was drinking. I have not had that happen, although of course people come and go from the program and many are out drinking. I too am glad you were on the sober side of the fence. These days any thoughts that a drink would be nice are so quickly followed by a quick summary of the downhill slide that would quickly follow. I'm glad that my mind seems to be grounded in that reality. Planning an AA meeting to follow a tempting situation is great planning!

I really like the 24-Hour reading today. It speaks of the small voice of our conscience (God) and listening for that. My head is really a loud place most of the time. Constantly churning with thoughts - always talking to myself. I have to make a conscious effort to quiet things down in there for any chance of prayer or meditation or listening for the Universe. I'm sure the Universe is trying to get through to me all the time but things are so loud I'm just not listening / hearing it.

Twenty-Four Hours A Day

A.A. Thought For The Day

We alcoholics are fortunate to be living in a day and age when there is
such a thing as Alcoholics Anonymous. Before A.A. came into being,
there was very little hope for the alcoholic. A.A. is a great rebuilder of
human wreckage. It takes men and women whose personality problem
expresses itself in alcoholism and offers them a program that, if they
are willing to accept it, allows them not only to get sober, but also to
find a much better way of living. Have I found a better way of living?

Meditation For The Day

Very quietly God speaks through your thoughts and feelings. Heed the
Divine voice of your conscience. Listen for this and you will never be
disappointed in the results in your life. Listen for this small, still voice
and your tired nerves will become rested. The Divine voice comes to
you as strength as well as tenderness, as power as well as restfulness.
Your moral strength derives its effectiveness from the power that comes
when you listen patiently for the still, small voice.

Prayer For The Day

I pray that I may listen for the still, small voice of God. I pray that I
may obey the leading of my conscience.

That is good food for thought. If I am to do God's will and not my will, I have to be able to hear what it is I'm supposed to do.

DG

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