Weekly AA Thread - Week of June 7 - 13

[retteacher]

Hi Everyone: I'm doing OK considering my situation w/my daughter's cancer. We're in a holding pattern, as she needs more tests & a consult w/a plastic surgeon. There's a long road ahead, & I know for sure that I'm doing it sober. No question about it!

I've been going to my meetings & praying a lot. This crisis is giving me a chance to step up & out of my character defects. They don't help. I can't imagine what I'd do wo/AA & sobriety. I wouldn't be coping the right way at all.

I hope all is well w/you all.

Mary

[Doggygirl]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of June 7 - 13

Hi Mary and thank you for getting us started this week. It's interesting that you bring up the fact that character defects don't help anything. Sister and I had a conversation along those lines this morning. She has been amazingly strong through her own breast cancer diagnosis and treatment. And there have been some additional "downs" along the way that are not life threatening like cancer it, but are just "piling on" to and already large array of medical challenges. (i.e. a recent urinary tract infection!) Nobody would blame her at all for a little bit of pity partying. But she hasn't done that. She continues to handle her circumstances with grace and dignity. She is setting such a huge example for me to follow.

And you are so right. Character defects wouldn't help at all. (self centeredness, fear, self pity, dishonesty, etc.) She told me today that "getting out of herself" is what really helps her stay centered. It's good to watch the principles of the program working. She is not drinking, and she is not falling apart. She is doing her best to appreciate each day she is given. That is all any of us can do. I am so blessed to have her in my life. When I DO managed to follow the AA principles in my own life, I am so much happier and more serene than when I let my defects (selfishness and fear are big for me) get in my way.

I don't get to go to my home group most Monday's as I have another standing business obligation. I look forward to seeing my friends tomorrow.

Yesterday I went to an "away" meeting. It's at the location where my home group is providing chair persons and speakers for the month of June. It was nice to support my fellow home groupers there. It was also nice to meet some new people, and also see some familiar faces from the banquet, etc.

I have been praying a lot lately for only knowledge of God's will for me and the strength to carry that out in accordance with Step 11. I really want to be doing the next right thing that the Universe has in mind for me rather than "fighting it" with my own will all the time.

Always something to work on!

Hope everyone is having a wonderful sober day. Whatever problems I have, I know that drinking is NOT the answer.

DG

[gyco]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of June 7 - 13

inspration

retteacher;879834 wrote: Hi Everyone: I'm doing OK considering my situation w/my daughter's cancer. We're in a holding pattern, as she needs more tests & a consult w/a plastic surgeon. There's a long road ahead, & I know for sure that I'm doing it sober. No question about it!

I've been going to my meetings & praying a lot. This crisis is giving me a chance to step up & out of my character defects. They don't help. I can't imagine what I'd do wo/AA & sobriety. I wouldn't be coping the right way at all.

I hope all is well w/you all.

Mary

hi teach,positive thnking,you are a inspiration to all,im sorry to here about your daughters situation and like many other days i will say a prayer ,it will include her, when i recently had my surgery,people use to say,you poor soul,id say no,theres many worse off then me,my nephew was in sic kids a few years back,for brain cancer,he has so far survived,my sister is going thrro breast cancer,my brother thrro prostate cancer,it would of been a great reason to drink,not no more,as you go thro your journey of sobriety,your eyes will be more open,and sure hope you have support other then here,gyco

[Doggygirl]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of June 7 - 13

Gyco, I'm sad there is so much illness (especially cancer) going on in your family. I will include you and your loved ones in my prayers.

DG

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of June 7 - 13

Thank you all so much for your concern & prayers. We are doing quite well in spite of the situation. We haven't lost our sense of humor, & this crisis is making us realize that we can continue to enjoy life. Our friends, neighbors, & family are rallying around us w/love & support. "What goes around, comes around" comes to mind. I guess we must have done some good things somewhere along the line, because we are being repaid one hundredfold now. I'll get to a speaker meeting tonight. Mary

[Cinders]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of June 7 - 13

Mary, I think of you often these days, especially when I look at my daughter's beautiful face. I am extraordinarily proud and grateful you are sober for her at this time. Perhaps there is a reason for the horrific incident to happen to you when it did? Today you have good sober time under your belt and are not having to deal with this while trying to get sober. The thought makes me shudder.

Gyco, Hugs coming your way.

DG, I too, am grateful for my sober friends and the beacon they shine in the dark for me. You are one.

I will try to get to an AA meeting soon. However, I am a bit antsy about driving on the dosage of Baclofen I am taking, so I have to wait until hubby is willing to do some Lowes or Home Depot shopping before I can go.

I miss my home group. In my travels I have come to realize that if I lived in those cities and their home group was my first experience, I would never have been able to even think about using AA to help me get sober. Luckily, my home group is a "splinter faction" that broke off for that exact reason.

Love to all my friends here.
Cindi

[Doggygirl]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of June 7 - 13

Mary, I look up to you so much for the way you are handling this situation. I'm grateful you take the time to post about it as you reinforce for me every day that if you can handle such a difficult situation sober, then maybe I can do it too. Prayers for your daughter and also Gyco's family today.

Cinders it's so good to see you and I'm glad to hear that the Bac is helping you! That is excellent news. Is it possible that someone from your home group could give you a ride? I only say that because it's something that I am hesitant to ask for. I never mind giving others a ride (now anyway - that wasn't always the case!!) but *I* never want to ask for help when I need it. I think some of us "type A's" can be like that. I'm sure the people in your HG understand your situation (needing the meetings but not feeling comfortable driving) more than a "normie" ever could.

I'm off to a meeting this morning. My friend is chairing - the one who decided to go to San Antonio and room with me. I'm so excited to share that experience and get to know each other better. We've had a connection since I first started going to AA.

Have a wonderful sober day everyone.

DG

[Doggygirl]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of June 7 - 13

Wow - what a meeting today. It's "open topic" on Tuesday, and one of the women wanted to discuss betrayal, and how we handle it. (or should handle it) Of course the "recommended way" involves acceptance and the removal of resentments. Not always easy when we feel the pain and/or anger of betrayal. There was such heart felt discussion around the tables. Everything from examples by the women of pain and anger related to "womanizing men" to feelings of rage for various reasons on the part of men who have spent time in prison.

One guy in particular is pretty new to our group. He's been coming regularly but usually stays very quiet. One of our longer regulars spoke about some prison experiences. That was so good, because this new guy obviously had some stuff he needed to talk about and after one guy brought it up, he felt comfortable opening up. It was like he truly became part of our group today rather than someone just visiting. He might have left with a sponsor but at the very least, I'm sure he left with some new friends who can relate to what he has been through, and is still going through.

I was very grateful myself for the discussion about acceptance in particular. I struggle with that sometimes. I really have to work on not projecting expectations on others, and then being sad/angry/disappointed or whatever when they don't meet my silently directed expectations. I can always use a reminder to accept myself as I am, and accept others as they are. And to be compassionate that we ALL make mistakes. I am far from perfect - why do I expect everyone else to be perfect? (and that's perfect according to what *I* think is perfect for them!)

Great meeting. Makes me very grateful to be part of the fellowship of AA.

DG

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of June 7 - 13

DG: I think I've mentioned that I once heard regarding expections: "Expectations are disappointments waiting to happen." As far as acceptance: I'm having to remind myself that this situation we're in right now w/the cancer diagnosis requires major acceptance. This has happened in our family, & there is nothing I can do but accept & try to learn something from it.

Last night's speaker meeting brought home the necessity for getting a sponsor & working the steps w/that sponsor. This is a program of fellowship. My recovery depends upon my joining the fellowship & accepting/giving help from/to others. The speaker had spent 11 months going to meetings once/twice daily but not working the steps. At 11 months, he relapsed, & when he rejoined AA, he got a sponsor & worked the steps. He's been sober since 2000, one day at a time. It was a good meeting...my husband went w/me. We had to smile when the speaker said that he felt the 12 steps would benefit anyone, including non-alcoholics. They are a plan for living...not just staying sober.

We're doing OK...going about our daily life in between doc appointments & tests. That's all we can do.

Mary

[Doggygirl]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of June 7 - 13

Hi Mary. Yes, now that you mention it I DO recall you saying "Expectations are disappointments waiting to happen." That is such a great quote for me to keep in mind. I wrote it in my Big Book just now.

Yes - getting a sponsor and working the steps. I'm very glad I did, even though it seemed like a lot of work at first - almost like being back in school. But it's "sober school" and I NEED that education!

Today's meeting was very relevant for me. It was based on the Daily Reflections reading, which today started with a quote from the book Living Sober and the importance of staying in the now. That is something I've learned is CRITICAL for me to do if I'm to have any contentment in sober living. I'm not alone - everyone around the table had stories to tell about how dwelling too much in the past or future really has a negative impact. For me, the issue is more projecting into the future. Predicting what will happen and reacting to that, when it's not even here yet and probably won't happen anything like the way I imagine it.

The chair told a recent story about how their daughter is on vacation right now in FL with her BF and his parents. I guess in a phone call, she mentioned that the parents MIGHT have a business opportunity in FL. The chair talked about his wife's response, which was to project the BF's parents moving to FL, then the BF moving to FL, then the daughter marrying the BF and moving to FL, and then having grand kids that they would rarely see. It sounds :H and yet that is EXACTLY the kind of future projecting and reacting I am very capable of, and getting very upset over.

The chair said "that is how we deprive ourselves of the joy of today..." I really related to that. I'm going to try to remember when I start worrying and projecting that in the process, I am DEPRIVING MYSELF.

The meetings this week have been really good. I'm grateful for AA.
DG

[Winefree]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of June 7 - 13

DG, I loved that story about Fl and the BF etc. That would be me for sure. OVERTHINKING!
What a waste of time and anxiety that leads no where good.

Winefree

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of June 7 - 13

That too would have been me. I worry to gain a sense that I'm controlling the uncontrollable. We certainly don't know what curve balls life will throw. There's no point in worrying about all the contingencies. Mary

[Doggygirl]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of June 7 - 13

I agree with that Mary and WF!

Today's meeting was based on the 24-Hours a day reading. I liked it as it had to do with making regular deposits into the spiritual bank account just as is good to do with a $$ bank account. That way we have something substantial to call upon in times of need.

That made me think about how in my later years of drinking, I was really a taker more than a giver. Even under the guise of giving, it was really about me, and my ability / access to drinking. There are so many times when I let friends and family down by making excuses to skip important events, etc. So I could hole up in my house and drink. That's the kind of "taking" I 'm talking about.

I'm trying hard not to live that way any more. But I've got lots of room for improvement in this area both spiritually AND financially!

There was a guy at the meeting today who I've seen a few times before. He was in bad shape today after a rough night. He said he has finally had it and really really really wants sobriety badly. I remember how that feels. He talked about the notion of "just one" and how that gets him in trouble every time. That notion got me in trouble too and I don't want to go there again. So....there will be no drinking for me today.

Mary, I'm thinking of you and your daughter today.

DG

DG

[Cinders]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of June 7 - 13

Hello all,

I have really enjoyed reading the last few posts. What a good way to spend a few minutes this afternoon.

This one really hit me right between the eyes:

"Expectations are disappointments waiting to happen."

Thank you, Mary. I used to know this, it is something my daddy taught me years ago. In the past few years, I think I chose to forget it.

And, DG, Putting those deposits in the spiritual bank. I really like that, too. Like you, I have spent so much of my adult life avoiding situations where I could not drink, being selfish about my time because of it and letting down loved ones through that selfishness/self-centeredness.

I am going to get to a meeting tonight if at all possible. I may have to bribe hubby into it but DG, a friend from AA just offered to get me there if I need to. I need to. I am so excited about actually being sober, even though only for a few days, but somehow this time it feels so different, no dread. If that makes sense?

I want to start working on my Steps again. This time with renewed vigor and openness.

Thanks for being here, all of you.

Love,
Cindi

[Doggygirl]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of June 7 - 13

Cinders, I am so happy to read your post and *hear* the determination in your words. On that ride tonight.... this is just a suggestion. I know how hard it is for me to ask for / accept help. I'm just wired to be the "strong independent one" and it's really hard for me. I'm guessing maybe it's that way for you too.

ACCEPT THE HELP from your AA friend. Maybe save up the ride from Mr. Cindi for a time when nobody from AA is able to give you a ride.

I'm so happy the Bac is helping you!! I know I've said that already but I just can't help saying it again.

DG