Weekly AA Thread - Week of June 7 - 13

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of June 7 - 13

Tonight's step meeting was on step 9. What a miraculous step! It really does lead to getting a "new freedom & a new happiness" plus all the rest of the promises. Even though I'm facing the biggest challenge of my life (my daughter's health & well-being), I can approach it head-on, & I don't have to deal w/remorse & self-loathing on top of everything else.

Patty got her date for the surgery: June 28. It was a shock, as it made this whole thing much more real than it was. But, again, one day at a time, we're dealing with this. She's got a test & consult w/the plast. surgeon in Boston next week. We'll be w/the boys for those days.

Take care one & all. I go to meetings whenever I can. I gain strenghth from them. Tonight's meeting is almost entirely men. Many of them came up to me before & after to wish me & my daughter well. It was heart-warming. Truly AA brings together "people that wouldn't normally mix" as the BB puts it. They're great guys!

Mary

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of June 7 - 13

Cindi: It's great to see you share here. I often drive people to meetings if/when they can't get there on their own. It's a little piece of service that I do for AA & is good for my program. Put your sobriety first before pride or independence. Ask for what you need. You'll have a chance to repay the program when the time comes. Keep going to meetings, keep coming to MWO, & you will stay sober. Good luck. Mary

[Winefree]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of June 7 - 13

Chaired my first mtg tonight as a stand in. It was also Step 9, Mary! What a coincidence.
It went okay. Luckily people talked and took up the time. I hardly ever talk, still taking it all in and my fear was that people wouldn't talk and I certainly wouldn't know what to say.
I also blank out on names if I get nervous, so I started worrying about that too.
All went well. Don't think I'm ready to do it on a weekly basis, so I;ll keep going till I'm ready.

Winefree

[Gaia]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of June 7 - 13

Hello all,

Well at this point I'm not an AA person, but I do enjoy reading this thread and learning from it. I do see lots of 'way of life/way of thinking' ideas which I agree would help anyone.

WF congratulations on chairing your first meeting. Speaking in front of people, or leading a meeting, can be a real stretch but I think you would have lots to offer and be a good lead.

Mary, it think it is a wonderful gift of strength to you daughter that you are sober through this time.

DG I love the story about FL and how we imagine these terrible things. Glass half empty thinking, ya know? We must look for the fullness.

Cindi I hope you made it and enjoyed the meeting.

"Expectations are disappointments waiting to happen." Honestly I think that's a little bit 'glass half empty' thinking. Somewhat doom and gloom. I have an expectation that my children will behave appropriately in a restaurant. If they act out, I will simply provide direction to get them back on track. I expect that my new life in a new place beginning in August will be fulfilling. If things don't go as planned, I will not be disappointed, but take this as a new challenge and opportunity. I plan to make a nice place for myself and find nice people to be around.

However, if I expect that tomorrow I will win the lottery and live high on the hog for the rest of my days in a drunken haze, that is unrealistic and I will be seriously disappointed. I think there is a difference between expectation and fantasy.

My thoughts...

[Doggygirl]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of June 7 - 13

Hi everyone! Mary, I'm so glad you have a date for surgery. I'm sure that is frightening on some level, but another point of view is that things are moving along, and this puts your daughter one step closer to being healed. I have no idea if their cases are similar, but 2 weeks after sugery and the testing of the tissues (lymph nodes, etc.) I was with her in the surgeon's office when the surgeon said "right now, your body is cancer free." That was a glorious moment but she had to go through the surgery part to get there. I hope it goes this way for your daughter too. There is hope.

WF, I think it's great that you are stretching yourself and chairing when needed. I really learned from the experience and had some of the same fears you do at first! I don't have those fears any more so that is growth! I just volunteerd yesterday to chair on Thursday mornings for the next 6 months.

Gaia, it's great to see you here. I hope you will keep reading and posting your thoughts! I love these discussions and it is totally not necessary to be going to AA in order to have an opinion! It's very funny that you mention the cup half full / empty. :H I just posted along those lines at the end of yesterdays daily thread. We must be on the same brain wave today!! I agree with you that there is a difference between realistic expectations and fantasy expectations. I think sometimes I have a difficult time drawing the line between the two. And when I was drinking, I was always subconsciously looking for an excuse to drink. So people "disappointing me" (when they didn't even know I HAD an expectation) provided many an excuse. Thats' the sort of manufactured thinking I have to be careful about. But optimism is important too as you point out! This would be so much easier if things were black and white all the time!!

I went to the morning meeting yesterday by plan, and then later in the day circumstances led me to another meeting. When I was getting my mail from the post office, I saw a guy from the program waiting for the bus so I offered him a ride. He was going to the club for a meeting so I went too.

This was a very sobering meeting. One of the homeless guys was there who is just so so badly taken down by alcohol. He is dying. He needs a medical detox in order to stop drinking. As it is, he has seizures that are very severe if he doesn't drink. The other homeless guys are looking out for him as best they can. But this one has fallen through the cracks. He has no money of course and there is such a long waiting list for the detox programs that are free - he will probably not make it. He has mental problems too - who knows if they are a result of drinking or maybe a cause of the drinking in the first place (self medicating). Either way, this is like watching the Youtube videos that are linked in a sticky on this site, only it's real life. People I know personally. I'm thinking about calling a business contact of mine who runs a medical clinic helping the poor. I would end up "outing" myself as an AA to someone who is well known in our business community. But there is no question that I am willing to do that if it might help this man. This feels like a time where the rubber is meeting the road. The rest is just talk.

DG

[Cinders]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of June 7 - 13

DG,

Quick pop in, proper one later, but reading about the indigent fellow who is so sick I had to chime in.

Get him to the ER. They HAVE to take him in, if it is a public hospital, they have no choice. They will HAVE to treat him. Part of his treatment will be medical detox.

They will throw him out on the streets as soon as possible but at least he will be detoxed.

Just a thought. Call the hospital and find out if they take uninsured.

Love,
Cindi

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of June 7 - 13

I've heard the same as Cindi. Our local public hosp takes people in for detox for at least 3 days. Then he might be able to get into a sober house or a rehab (e.g. Salvation Army). Be careful though, dear DG, that you don't get over-involved & codependent. Alcoholics are going to do what the drinking leads them to do. Just a brief word of advice. Also, you might want to consult w/Sister or your step coach. They'll know where to draw the line, as they've probably stepped over it a few times over the years.

Mary


PS: DG, let me know if I've been too heavy-handed.

[Doggygirl]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of June 7 - 13

Hello fellow travelers. Mary, please don't EVER think you are being "heavy handed" when you give me your honest opinion and feedback. I WANT to hear the truth. I have blown enough smoke up my own skirt over the years to last me several life times. I especially like hearing the honesty from my fellow AA travelers because I know we share a very similar foundation in where we are coming from as it pertains to sobriety.

Sister is with me for 99% of what I have done. The 1% she disagrees with is that this scenario involves me helping a male. She is firmly of the belief that ONLY men should help men and ONLY women should help women with never an exception. Obviously Step Coach believes there are exceptions. :H Even in AA with a Big Book under our arm, there is room for debate!

This has been a very good growth experience for me. It's not so much what I have been doing, but the attitude with which I have done it that is important. I have double checked my ego and pride each step of the way, and I think those things are in check. This isn't about *me* saving a person or saving the day or whatever. This is about helping someone in need, and ultimately it will be his choice what he does with this chance, which is NOT being given by me - it's being given by God and by other people and institutions - stuff is sort of lining up.

The odds are extremely great that he will drink again, and the odds are great that he will die on the streets.

But for now he is in the hospital detoxing and when they release him, he has the chance to talk to the director of a local recovery program that he can join if he chooses. (and must follow the very strict rules they have, of course)

I am learning a lot about the "system" which I'm sure will come in very handy if I continue a sober path involving helping other alcoholics when possible. How it is "supposed to work" and how it "does work" for homeless, penniless people is interesting. Yes, they go to the ER and receive a bit of treatment. Usually an IV for hydration and maybe some sleep. They planned to release my friend yesterday once his blood alcohol level reached 100. I didn't know what "100" was. I since found out that is the same as .1. The legal limit for driving in IL is .08 for comparison sake. So the practice for these know homeless alkies is that the put them back on the street before the REAL DT's kick in. "They are just going to drink anyway" is the logic here. I really don't blame the hospital staff. I AM started to really appreciate the value of the philosophy of one alkie helping another. I'm appreciating what it means to have someone in your court who understands how absolutely insane the compulsion to drink really is. I saw in the eyes of several hospital staff yesterday, who work with hopeless drunks all the time, that lack of understanding. What an amazing foundation for the program of AA.

I haven't really over thought much during the last 24 hours. One thing seemed to lead to another in a way that I didn't feel the need to question. One of the things I did was stop and talk to a leader at the local recovery mission. She is also a business client. I wasn't sure if I would "out" myself as a recovering alcoholic when I went in to see her. I figured I would know the right thing when the time came. During our conversation where she advised on how the hospital should best be handled, etc, it just became clear the the conversation would be more expedient and easier if she knew I was in recovery too. So I told her. I hope it doesn't affect our business relationship, but I truly doubt it will. These people are all doing this work for a reason, and it's not because the jobs are glamorous or highly paid.

Anyway...when I got back to the ER and explained that when they released him, my friend would be accepted into the mission, the WHOLE tune changed. If it helped get him a medical detox to have an advocate that was not afraid to go around asking some questions and trying to line up a program, then so be it. I would do it again in a heart beat.

I'm guessing that maybe he will be in for the whole weekend, which would be a blessing. But ANY time on medication to help with the withdrawls and IV's for hydration is a blessing. The risk of seizures (which he WAS having on the streets - very scary) goes down with time. He had the shakes really bad today, but was in good spirits. I hope he is sleeping this afternoon. I washed his clothes last night and today put together a bag with some socks and underwear and the couple extra T-shirts and some toiletries. I'm sure others have done this for him a zillion times. I'm OK which ever way this goes. I hope for his sake that he is able to find his way out.

All I can do is my best, and I feel I have done that. I intend to stay connected until he is out of the hospital and (hopefully, if he chooses) checks in a the mission to participate in their recovery program.

When all else fails, reach out your hand to a fellow alcoholic. That's what step coach always says. But by the grace of God, there go I.....

DG

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of June 7 - 13

DG: What an incredible story! Whatever happens w/this man, you've done your very best.

On "outing myself" as an alcoholic: I haven't had much opportunity w/that. I did tell my nurse/practitioner when I went to get my yearly check-up. I also hadn't been to confession (it's a Catholic thing) for a long time, & when I sat face-to-face w/my priest, I told him about joining AA a little over a year ago. He surprised me by saying that he too was in the program. That felt great!

Tonight we have the "Burning Desire" meeting I so love. I'll be back tomorrow.

Mary

[Doggygirl]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of June 7 - 13

I just spoke with my acqaintance at the mission to let her know my homeless friend is still hospitalized so won't be checking in today (but is not out on the streets!). She gave me some suggestions about some paperword my friend should fill out so that he does not end up with a large hospital bill following him if he DOES manage to get sober and get on his feet one day.

These are great tips. I'm glad I'm learning all this. By the grace of God I hope it's not *me* that needs it some day!!!! Hopefully it will be good info to help others only!!!

Mary, I haven't yet seen a reason to "out" myself for no particular purpose. But what amazes me is my change in attitude from a year ago. The mission I "outed" myself in to help someone is the same place where I FREAKED OUT just over a year ago. I went into their 2nd hand store to donate some clothing and a volunteer there asked me for a ride to a "meeting" within earshot of other people. I was mortified and thought the sky was going to fall. My reaction, looking back on it, was over the top and based on self-centered fear. And certainly not helpful to the person in need of a ride.

What a difference a year and 12 steps make.

DG

[Winefree]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of June 7 - 13

Wow, DG, what a great story. You truly inspired me tonight. God bless you.

Winefree

[Gaia]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of June 7 - 13

Hello there,

DG I am following your story with great interest. We all owe society our service, and most of us fall short on the delivery. You are a brave women to step up to the challenge this way.

Who is Sister, by they way? For a long time I thought it was a nun, but now I'm getting the feeling it's not?

I'm also a little bit concerned about your getting your hopes up a bit too much on 'saving' someone. I know you're thinking realistically, your emotions could take over. I'm just concerned for you that if he doesn't turn around now you might feel a personal responsibility. Just sending a smoke signal, my friend. And no matter what I think the efforts are noble. Maybe too many of us are just simply in our little huts sweating it out and are too small to lend a hand. I just don't know at this point.

Ok so there I'm talking out of both sides of my mouth now!

[johnnyh]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of June 7 - 13

Hey guys, Can someone please explain the whole concept of a sponsor to me? The AA literature explained pretty well why I need a sponsor but not who that person is, how i get a sponsor, etc, etc?!!

Thank you

Hope to be contributing on this post too in future. Loved my first AA meeting yesterday.

[Cinders]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of June 7 - 13

Johnny,

:welcome: to the AA thread and I am very happy you enjoyed your first meeting.

A sponsor is a person in AA who has significant sober time, has worked the steps, has a sponsor of their own and knows how to help you work the steps.

My group asks at the end of the meeting if anyone needs a sponsor and they will help get someone for them. However, that sponsor is not carved in stone and often is only a temporary sponsor. If your group does not work that way, approach the chair person and ask who can help you find a temporary sponsor.

Over time, as you attend meetings, you will develop a feel for those in the group that you would like to sponsor you. If you are lucky, you will find someone with whom you can work with.

Someday, after you have significant sobriety, have worked the steps and know how to help someone else work the steps, you will be able to sponsor others.

This is how AA works. A long chain of people holding hands and helping each other walk the walk and learn how to live happily sober.

Oh, and only men should sponsor men and women, women. However, one of our members here had a Step Coach (sponsor) that was male and she is female. Nothing is hammered in stone but it is truly better to find a same sex sponsor. As you work the steps, you will understand why.

Love,
Cindi

[johnnyh]

Weekly AA Thread - Week of June 7 - 13

Hey, Thank you Cindi.

That's more or less how I pictured it. Thanks for that. At the particular meeting I was there was no talk of sponsors But I was also the only newcomer there. Well an older gentleman there gave me his number and asked me to have some coffe with him during the week as he stays in my neighborhood. Maybe he will be that person?!

Anycase, thank you so much for that