AF Daily Wed 6/9

[greeneyes]

Gooooooood Morning Fabbies!!

I love trash day.

I haven't enough time to comment to everybody from yesterday, but like LVT, I read each one and do care.

Something's bugging me. It's about marshy's post to KatieB. Marshy, your advice posts are like EF Hutton. It bugs me that you and some others with good sound advice and the experience to back it up hesitate because of the backlash that sometimes happens. Did you notice the people who chimed in after? I have a little more to say on that, but I have to zoom out the door. https://www.mywayout.org/community/f1...unk-42871.html

Happy hump day!

[AAthlete]

AF Daily Wed 6/9

Morning Greenie and all those yet to come!

At first read of your post I completely understand where you are coming from. Many times I've done that myself or noticed others doing it as well and wondered why not just 'tell it like it is.' But one thing I've learned (the hard way ) is that I can't control the show - people are going to do and say what they want, and no amount of advice that I give will most likely change that. All I can do is be responsible for me and my actions and let the rest of the chips fall where they may.

Excited for my son this morning. He has been taking a pottery class and one of his projects was a clay dragon that he spent a lot of time on. It turned out so well, that the clay studio is keeping it for an extra week or two so that they can do a photoshoot with it so that is can be displayed on their website! Always great to see hard work rewarded and I get the sense he is pretty proud of it even if he won't tell us..

Hope everyone has a great hump day!

[LVT25]

AF Daily Wed 6/9

Well, I had a little melt down last night at McDonalds with my kids and one of their friends. Pressure has been building and I'm afraid I lost a tad of control. But, I may have gotten my point across, or they may just think I lost my mind.:H
Anyway, it all has to do with how much I have to do, and want to do, and how everything else is getting in the way. So, I've limited myself to 1 hour of computer (or less) in the morning, depending on how early I rise.

But, I'm going to go check on Marshy's advice and had to chime in and say to AA--HOW COOL IS THAT!!!!

Have a great day all! :h

[Chillgirl]

AF Daily Wed 6/9

Hi Greenie, AA & LVT and those to come.... where's DG?

AA how old is your son? I love the story about his dragon, you must be beaming with pride

Im going back to read the post Greenies talking about...

Im waiting here for my stressed friend who runs a bar, has 2 small children, an over bearing interfearing father and a useless husband, she wants me to do a guided meditation for us to help her unwind....

[Marshy]

AF Daily Wed 6/9

Ab fabbers!

It's a whole can of worms, isn't it Greenie? To try to help, to not try to help. I'm never sure what's for the best. It's such a strange medium too - I find it's much easier to know what to do in real life.
(I didn't know who EF Hutton was so I googled - a stockbroking firm that went bust? Don't take financial advice from me, kids :H)

The exhibition yesterday was great! The oldest *map* was a marble slab carved with a street plan of Rome, dating from 200AD. Amazingly detailed.

Swam this morning and cycled to work. And no ice-cream for days now! Gotta shed some flab.

Have a good day all - zooming back to work.

[Gaia]

AF Daily Wed 6/9

Hello there,
Another AF day for me!
Greenie thanks for raising the issue. One may want to tell it like it is, but then you never know if that will be taken as harsh. I think most if not all of us go through a cycle which has to reach maturity before we can break it. And telling a chain to break before it is ready is fruitless, and falling on deaf ears.
I do note that since deciding to go AF it is harder for me to be so soft, but I think that is mostly because I have to think about protecting myself first before I can help others. SO I'd rather be silent that risk hurting or being harsh.

LV everyone loses control once in a while, and you know what it's ok. Kids can be trying. An outburst of anger is ok they will get over it. A hyperbolic reaction because of drinking is another thing. They will be ok.

AA your son's project sounds pretty cool, hope he enjoys the dragon.

Marshy glad to hear the map exhibit was wonderful - lucky you!

[techie]

AF Daily Wed 6/9

Hi Marshy - I think greenie meant the EF Hutton comment as a compliment. They ran an ad years ago and the phrase was "When E.F. Hutton talks, people listen"

[Lavande]

AF Daily Wed 6/9

Afternoon Abbers,

Cloudy, raining & cool right now. Think I feel a granny nap coming on
The Energizer Bunny grandson is napping so I probably should as well!

Marshy & everyone - I think we could all use a good smack upside the head once in a while! It clears the air, gets your attention, etc. What's wrong with that? Too much coddling (when someone needs help) turns you into an enabler - in my opinion. I'm all for a dose of reality, especially when I need it

Wishing everyone a wonderful humpday - good mood or not!!
Lav

[Doggygirl]

AF Daily Wed 6/9

Happy Hump Day! I hope everyone is having a fabbie abbie one.

Greenie, thanks for kicking things off today. I'm glad you brought up Marshy's post. I thought it was brilliant and when I read it, I was thinking it struck such a nice balance of caring but also truth. It was very well put, IMO.

Marshy, here is one of the EF Hutton commercials. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_PwP1EjaBik[/video]]YouTube - 80's EF Hutton Commercial That was defnitely a compliment!!

AA, that is fabulous about your son's pottery project. When they get the picture on the web site, maybe you could link it for us? Would love to see it.

LVT, we might be sober but we are NOT perfect. We don't have drunken tirades any more, but we are still not perfect! When I start feeling stressed that I am juggling a lot, I have found it really helpful to remind myself to stay in today (I often compound my stress by worrying over things in the future that I have no control over). When I just take things as they come and do my best for today (and my best is not perfect) then I don't feel so overwhelmed. FWIW!!! I hope you feel more peaceful by now.

Chill, it sounds like your friend could definitely use some unwinding! Has she done meditation with you before? Wish I could be there too!

Marshy, Mr. D would have loved to go to that exhibit with you. He loves maps and has acquired some old ones of the area where we live and also copied several from the library. He scours them for places to go treasure hunting. I hear you on that no ice cream thing. I will say Weight Watchers has been helpful for me - I'm back down the 10 pounds I had gained.

Speaking of ice cream.... I do have some Skinny Cow low fat ice cream single serving thingys in the freezer. Mr. Doggy says to me last night - What is that Stinky Cow stuff in the freezer? What kind of crazy person names food "Stinky Cow?" :H I think he needs to start wearing his glasses. I said "maybe they are like Moon Pies only Cow Pies. :H

Gaia, congratulations on another sober day!! It's really beautiful to watch your recovery unfold right before our very eyes. You may not realize it (or maybe you do) but you just seem more calm and peaceful with each passing day. I'm sure you still have rough spots and I encourage you to talk about them! It's just the gradual change that is so positive. I hope you decide to keep on truckin' with your AF life!

Hi Techie!

Lav, I hope you and EB have a great nap! When I read your mention of "nap" I thought to myself how good that sounds! Our rain passed through yesterday and today is sunny. I should go out to weed the garden, which I'm sure it needs BADLY after days of neglect and lots of rain. But a nap sounds better.

What to say when people are struggling. I struggle () with that question too. Sometimes I will start a post and then just give up. Other times I say something. Sometimes I'm glad I did and sometimes I'm not so sure. I DO think that there is value in speaking the truth. Hopefully we can do a reasonable job of finding good balance in the delivery so it's not too soft and also not too harsh. But without the truth, what good is the discussion forum here at MWO? Without the truth, wouldn't it be like just another bar with lots of people just enabling lots of other people? That will go on anyway as long as people want to feel justified in continued drinking. BUT...to my way of thinking, if the truth is out there in black and white, we may just reach someone who (as Gaia very appropriately put it) is at a point of readiness to listen.

I hope that newcomers who are reading this thread can see how much caring and compassion there is for that situation - when you first know you have a problem and are still struggling with what to do about it. Or KNOWING you have to quit drinking or possibly lose everything, but not being able to.

One thing is for sure. I will NEVER participate in basically telling anyone it's OK to drink. I think if people have made their way here, and decided to post, they already know they have a problem with alcohol and need to find a way to stop. Drinking can be deadly for people like us. What I need to learn I think is how to meet people half way between the hug and the spanking.

We have our truck back (good news). We switched phone services (radically!) on Friday and discovered a BIG problem today that we have not yet figured out how to solve. (bad news) I went to the mall to pick up Mr. Doggy's new suit, and the alterations weren't done (bad news). There was a shop with a great sale and a :bling sequin and rhinestone top calling my name (not sure if that is good news or bad news, but that top has a new home!) Picked up my new glasses today and they are driving me crazy (bad news). The girl who helped me fit them needed a new Mary Kay lady as she just moved to this area. (good news)

It's easy for me to get overly caught up in one aspect of the day, and it's usually something that is NOT in the good news column. But as I write stuff like this down, I can see that overall it's a pretty average sort of day.

And with that, I'm either going to put my old glasses back on, or join Lav and EB in a nap. The one thing I will NOT be doing is drinking AL!

DG

[Guitarista]

AF Daily Wed 6/9

Glad i brought a sandwich......;-)

Hello Abber's!
Well, winter here, so quite fresh, but you know something? Being af, i love all weather, and i am grateful!
Map expo would be amazing Marshy.
Cool stuff re your young one AA.

Best wishes folk's.

[greeneyes]

AF Daily Wed 6/9

Today at the healthfood store I was prepared to make my first purchase ever from the peanut grinder machine. LO AND BEHOLD!!! One of them contained peanuts and dark chocolate chips. (good news) Everything else in my day was secondary to that moment.

I had this long post about my topic, but it go so incredibly snarky it was downright funny. Well it was to me anyway,,, I just really admire the way some members consistently deliver what I think is the right advice in the right way and, and, and, (Geez I don't FEEL snarky but I'm having to work at staying off that path) they are responded to in an unappreciative manner. It happened with KateH in a similar earlier thread and that made me resistant to comment further. Oh well.

LVT, I had to wonder if some aspect of your meltdown was a blowing off of some intense energy you had from spending tornado night in the basement. I thought about you when I was reading about them in the paper. Also in a waiting room, I read a magazine called Farming Life or something like that. It was really interesting. I'd never heard of it. (Instead of Better Homes and Gardens, it was Better Barns and Fields) :H

Woop Woop! over the pottery dragon, AA. Even though Harry Potter nights are over, there is still some kid left, eh?

I'll quit now in case G is thinking he has to eat another sandwich.

[Doggygirl]

AF Daily Wed 6/9

I will make a very short post and imagine G bringing the sandwich to his lips, but before he has a chance to bite, THE POST IS OVER!!!

[greeneyes]

AF Daily Wed 6/9

:H:H:H

[Doggygirl]

AF Daily Wed 6/9

Hey Greenie, so did that peanut machine make reese's peanut butter?????

I remember KateH getting ripped over what IMO was appropriate and very politely put truth. I think within whatever are our personal limits of tolerance (for taking the backlash) I think we need to speak the truth sometimes even when we know it might not be well taken at that moment. Often times others are reading too. We never know when we might reach even one person who is relating - even if it's not the original poster.

In the winter I can snark away on the figure skating forum. In the summer? I guess it's here or nowhere.

PS - did you save a copy of that snarky thing you wrote????

DG

[Marshy]

AF Daily Wed 6/9

I'm just popping in before bed and there's lots to mull over here when I'm not so tired. I agree with different points of view. I like Lav's non-enabling smack on the head approach :H, but also, like Gaia, didn't want to be too harsh. I like DG's halfway between a hug and a spanking, and also feel Greenie's snarkiness sometimes (there are definitely people I no longer respond to because of the way they have reacted to me or other people in the past - who needs the hassle?).

Different approaches for different situations, I suppose, but I think it can be very difficult to know which approach to take, and what might work best, on an internet forum. If you're with someone in real life it's much easier to know how to respond, even if you don't know that person, by picking up all the cues they give out. Here, we don't have that.
Anyhoo, food for thought, and I'm off to bed.

Greenie, at my healthfood shop they sell cigarettes. Non-tobacco, supposedly, but still cigarettes. Beware the healthfood shop :H