Journey thru June - week 3
When I posted earlier, the giant Samoan movers were descending to return the furniture after the floor refinishing and now I have time to join more in the more reflective and disclosing theme. I am sixty-two, living in the high desert Southwest USA, with my husband of twelve years, a gentleman who has been in sustained recovery from alcoholism for twenty years. I grew up an only child alone with my mother after my father went missing in action in a war when I was three. His remains were never discovered, and my mother, who had been orphaned and alone from early childhood, did not have the support or skills to manage this loss and experienced alcoholism and depression. When I was in my twenties she died after suffering a stroke during an argument with me. That night I remember having a drink that was ?different?, I felt it removed and focused me, in effect ?brought me around?. I didn?t immediately become an alcoholic but alcohol had a different meaning now, I really saw why it was so attractive and liked how it I felt. Alcohol was always more or less a part of my life seemingly with immunity in the years that followed, and even though I ended up drinking as much as a third of a bottle of spirits every night, I had finished my Ph.D. in my twenties and went on to have a long, interesting career and robust health. I didn?t think about stopping until something changed in my metabolism a couple of years ago and I started waking up in the middle of the night with anxiety and dread, you know the scene. When I thought I should stop drinking and see if that helped I found that I didn?t in spite of my intentions. I had been to AA briefly in the 80s with a boyfriend who was entering recovery (it applied to me of course but I kept that a secret
), and I did not envision fitting in very well. Last year I found MWO in a routine internet search and here I am. Thank you for including me so warmly. Love, Ladybird.
When I posted earlier, the giant Samoan movers were descending to return the furniture after the floor refinishing and now I have time to join more in the more reflective and disclosing theme. I am sixty-two, living in the high desert Southwest USA, with my husband of twelve years, a gentleman who has been in sustained recovery from alcoholism for twenty years. I grew up an only child alone with my mother after my father went missing in action in a war when I was three. His remains were never discovered, and my mother, who had been orphaned and alone from early childhood, did not have the support or skills to manage this loss and experienced alcoholism and depression. When I was in my twenties she died after suffering a stroke during an argument with me. That night I remember having a drink that was ?different?, I felt it removed and focused me, in effect ?brought me around?. I didn?t immediately become an alcoholic but alcohol had a different meaning now, I really saw why it was so attractive and liked how it I felt. Alcohol was always more or less a part of my life seemingly with immunity in the years that followed, and even though I ended up drinking as much as a third of a bottle of spirits every night, I had finished my Ph.D. in my twenties and went on to have a long, interesting career and robust health. I didn?t think about stopping until something changed in my metabolism a couple of years ago and I started waking up in the middle of the night with anxiety and dread, you know the scene. When I thought I should stop drinking and see if that helped I found that I didn?t in spite of my intentions. I had been to AA briefly in the 80s with a boyfriend who was entering recovery (it applied to me of course but I kept that a secret
), and I did not envision fitting in very well. Last year I found MWO in a routine internet search and here I am. Thank you for including me so warmly. Love, Ladybird.
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