AF Daily -Sunday 6/15

[greeneyes]

Fabs!!!

Had fun w/ GF, movie, and Chinese take out last night. It just now ocurred to me she didn't drink. Cool!

Getting the Sunday paper from the driveway, feeling grand, looking at the sunrise is always a treat. It would be nice if there was a viewfinder (remember those of you who aren't 29 yet?) that showed the viewer happy, sober, scenes of their life. Good pastime for witching hours and all that dont' you think?

In the tundra this AM before it's hot. Then a visit to the nursing home. I need to take some pictures before the new painters start tomorrow. That'll be intersting if the old guy shows up. I still haven't seen or talked to him to fire him. At the rate he's been going he'll probably think it's HIS crew. :H

DG, care to expand on yesterday's remark about slips, etc? I think I get it but assumptions haven't been working in my favor lately.

Have a super sober sunday!!

[Doggygirl]

AF Daily -Sunday 6/15

Hello Greenie! Thanks for getting us started today. I must have killed the brain cell storing info about viewfinders???? Please tell me more! Sounds interesting.

Thank you to the person who PM'd me and let me vent. I appreciate that!

There is really nothing to expand on Greenie. AF means not drinking. Drinking means not AF. It's really simple. Us alkies try to complicate and justify having it both ways. It reminds me of when my husband would ask me how many drinks I had. I always lied. I didn't realize just how much of a liar AL made me until I got sober and started really examining things honestly. Brutally honestly. Slipping is drinking. Drinking is not AF. Drinking when we are trying to get sober offers volumes of learning experience. I relapsed. Many / most of us have. We drank. We learned. We were not AF when we were drinking. Why is that so hard to grasp? Of course my addicted mind would LOVE to find a way to drink and be sober. That's the kind of "gray area" thinking that IMO, does not help one figure out how to get and stay sober.

Hmmm...guess I had more to say about that than I thought I did. I just personally cannot afford to bullshit myself. Maybe other people can.

I need to get my head into more important things than others people head games with themselves. I have something in mind that I should do today along those lines. If I step up and do it, I will report back later.

DG

[greeneyes]

AF Daily -Sunday 6/15

Doggygirl;891284 wrote: I have something in mind that I should do today along those lines. If I step up and do it, I will report back later. DG

Do it! Do it!! If you have it in mind, I bet it started in your heart!

[greeneyes]

AF Daily -Sunday 6/15

View Master - showd pics in 3D VERY cool! http://www.bestweekever.tv/bwe/image...iew-Finder.jpg

[momof3]

AF Daily -Sunday 6/15

Good Morning All,

Back from my trip to Florida w my oldest girl. We had a fabulous time. We stayed with a friend that I have not seen in over 20 years. Lots of outdoor nature time. We paddled down rivers, went to the beach, etc. We even got to swim with manatees twice.

When I was canoeing down the river two days ago with my daughter and friend, we encountered a few folks who were drinking lots of beer. I thought to myself, "what a waste." "Why would you want to numb yourself out from this beauty, the company of friends, etc?" It wasn't too long ago that I would have been doing that myself (it would have been wine instead).

I love the wholesome sober life. It is a way of life now but I don't take it for granted.

DG I understand what you are saying about the "slipping" and I don't know if you are talking about a particular person or thread...it doesn't matter. I do not think we are doing anyone any favors if we say "it's okay, it was a slip." I know it was not helpful to me (but at the time I thought it was because it's what I wanted to hear). I think that sometimes people are more interested in forming friendships and socializing than being authentic and honest with one another about drinking. Just my two cents. This is not a feel good fest. It's life and death. It's why I don't wander too far away from the monthly abstinence or long term abstinence threads.

M3

PS I love viewfinders!!

[Rusty]

AF Daily -Sunday 6/15

Momof3

I agree with you....what a waste! I shudder to think of the many beautiful summer days I wasted drinking in the last 3 1/2 years.

Doggygirl, I just sent you a PM. Hope that's ok. Sobriety is new to me (2 weeks) and I just need a little advice.

Rusty

[Cinders]

AF Daily -Sunday 6/15

Happy Sunday everyone and a special Happy Father's Day to the dads in our little group!!

DG, I have to agree about the slip idea. I know we call it that often but I do know that in the last year or so, I finally realized, even though I wanted to want to stop drinking, I really did not want to quit drinking.

I recall posting that and making it clear. Kate and I discussed it once through pms, too.

I had to be brutally honest with myself. No more fooling. Look it square in the face and tell it like it is.

However, as my dear friend Bear used to tell me, "Never give up giving up." I clung to those words like a lifeline. I knew if I kept working at it, doing whatever I needed to do, I would get there. Two rehabs, AA, MWO, meds. Whatever.

Thankfully, I am now truly in that space where I want to be sober. Not wish I was sober like it is some magical state that I might find myself in without effort. Even the Baclofen is a huge effort. The SEs are horrible. But, nowhere near as horrible as the final, six foot under SE of alcoholism.

So, continue to tell it like it is in your very kind way. The people on this website who are like me need to be reminded that committing to AF is a true commitment. Be honest with themselves. Until they are, they won't get to that point where they will do whatever it takes.

I am not putting down anyone who has "slipped" because Lord in Heaven knows I have "slipped" a multitude of times in the last three years I have been on MWO. It wasn't until I honestly examined my motives and what I was really doing, that I was able to get to the point where I am today.

Whatever it takes.

And, no, those who do relapse/lapse should not beat themselves up. That is an exercise in futility and will continue to perpetuate the disease. Our alcoholic brains love it when we sink into despair. A bottle is waiting at the bottom of that well.

All each of us has is today. Today I will be sober.

And, I also know that the further away from our last drink, the closer we are to our next one. Having seen many in AA who relapsed after many years sober, I know that vigilance, working on my sobriety daily and hopefully helping others who suffer from this addiction will help keep me from that next drink (and the thousands of drinks that will follow.)

Oh, and have weeded one of my flower beds, dead-headed the hydrangeas and pruned the foxgloves (wearing gloves), marigolds, petunias and pincushions. I love being sober enough to walk out into the hot, humid Alabama weather and be able to do something I enjoy and that gives me satisfaction. I simply could not do that if I was drinking.

Life is better sober.

Thank you all for being here with me. You are such a help and inspiration.

Love,
Cindi

[Marshy]

AF Daily -Sunday 6/15

Ab fabbers!

Cucumber sandwich warning!

momof3;891314 wrote: We even got to swim with manatees twice.

Oo, no, I couldn't do that. Dolphins, yes. Manatees, no. :H They look a little too prehistoric or something. :H Sounds like you had a great time though!

Greenie - good on you for ditching the old painters! Would you have made the same rational decision if you'd still been drinking, I wonder? I don't think I would.

DG - I've probably missed any particular thread you're referring to but I know what you're talking about overall. I think one of the reasons for the differences of opinion about "slipping" is the broad spectrum of different types of drinkers here. I'll see somebody post that they want to cut down from a bottle of wine a week, and I think, wow, if I drank that I wouldn't consider it to be a problem. I'm not saying it's not a problem for someone else, obviously, but it's not a matter of life and death like the amounts that some of us were drinking. So some people talk about "slips" to mean they've had two glasses of wine when they didn't "mean" to, and other people use the word to mean getting drunk all weekend. And I think there's a big difference.
One of the things I like about AA is that we're pretty much at the same level - it is a matter of life and death for most of us and although of course people relapse, nobody ever, ever, says it doesn't matter because we all know it does.

It really rankles with me (still!) that I drank one bottle after 8.5 months AF and *had to* go back to Day 1. Still bugs me! If I hadn't done that I'd be well over two years AF now, but I did have to back to Day 1 because I also have to be brutally honest, and if I'd said it was just a "slip" then it would have left the door open for me to drink again a couple of days later and call that a "slip" and drink again the next week and call that a "slip" and on and on.

So, yep, honesty is crucial, I think.

I've signed up for a course with the Open University. (Quick explanation for my American chums - it's basically a university for adults who can't study full time because of other commitments. You study at home and send off essays etc to have them marked and can end up with a degree or not go that far, depending on how you choose to work it).
I'm starting off with an overview of the arts, and am veering in the general direction of art history but with a bit of geology thrown in (it's very flexible!)
AA100 - The arts past and present - Open University Course
Scroll down a bit and it gives a summary. It doesn't start until October so I've got time to sharpen my pencils and polish my school shoes.

ETA: I've tried to start a course with the OU twice before and - guess what? - drank like a skunk instead and gave up before the first assignment was due. This time, I'm gonna do it!

[greeneyes]

AF Daily -Sunday 6/15

Marshy;891385 wrote: Greenie - good on you for ditching the old painters! Would you have made the same rational decision if you'd still been drinking, I wonder? I don't think I would.
Hell no! I would have been so wrapped in the drunken drama of it I would probably muck about with it for a year instead of a few days.

Marshy;891385 wrote:

ETA: I've tried to start a course with the OU twice before and - guess what? - drank like a skunk instead and gave up before the first assignment was due. This time, I'm gonna do it!

Double fabbie!!

[Doggygirl]

AF Daily -Sunday 6/15

greeneyes;891303 wrote: View Master - showd pics in 3D VERY cool! http://www.bestweekever.tv/bwe/image...iew-Finder.jpg

AHHH I remember those! (even though I am 29)

Marshy, the course sounds interesting. I would like to know what makes famous people famous! Will you be learning all of Cleopatra's secrets?? If so, please share! Seriously, that sounds so interesting you are making me want to go back to school!

Maybe I'm suffering "heightened awareness" syndrome on the "slipping" topic. My original sobriety date was July 11, 2007. Woulda coulda shoulda. Well, I don't know about the "coulda" part. I suspect I was destined for a relapse just to convince myself once and for all.......

Anyway...Marshy you are right that this thing isn't life and death to everyone. Even knowing that, I will still probably insert my strong opinions where they are unwanted. Somebody's gotta rain on that parade, right????

Well, off to have a foo foo lunch with Mr. D (shrimp & fennel salad in cantalope :H:H). I predict he will be cooking frozen pizza within an hour of finishing lunch.

DG

[KateH1]

AF Daily -Sunday 6/15

Happy Sunday All!

The All day Birthday event with my granddaughter was such fun!! We all went to see Toy Story 3 in 3 D then went to my sons house for lunch and Birthday cupcakes! A wonderful time was had by all!
Cindi, happy that all of you had a good time at your G-daughters party!
Yes, I remember having that conversation in regards to "Wanting to Stop Drinking". I also agree that people should never give up, but, I also think that "Slipping" can become a dangerous habit and yes, it can greatly hinder every truly Living Sober.
Like DG, I become frustrated with the whole, "I have been AF this month.....well, with only two slips!". I do not believe that MMO need be a confessional, but, we have to be honest with ourselves and a few days without AL and a day or two with AL is not AF. I honestly believe the only way to beat AL is to remain completely honest with ourselves. I learned this early on from my mentors here. I paid attention to those who had achieved a year or more AF. I tend not to pay attention to those that speak about soberiety but have not achieved it in their own lives. This is not a "Judgment", but it just makes sense! You don't become a professional baseball player by training with a "nice golfer!".

DG...your lunch sounds delicious! Just my kind of food! I hope you enjoyed!

Greenie, sounds like you had a great evening!

Marshy, it is always great to read your posts!

I am off to run some errands.......hope everyone is having a great Sunday!

Kate

View Master's I still love them! I have given them as gifts to my granddaughters and they love them too!

[Gaia]

AF Daily -Sunday 6/15

Hi All,
Greenie you keep up the pressure on those contractors! This is your house, after all.
Marshy your course sounds just super. I hope you enjoy it and get everything you want from it.
Mom3 - welcome back. Your trip sounds lovely. I love the idea of the wholesome life.
Rusty you have 2 weeks but I hope you are doing ok and feeling good. I'm not so much further along than you so let's build those days together, ok?
Cindi I hear you on the farther away from AL the closer you are to going back. That is scary. When I am farther away I hope I can be like MOm3 and enjoy the wholesome moment.
DG you bring up an interesting discussion. I too have been thinking about what slipping really means. For me it means deliberately giving in to AL and going for broke. It means not AF, and not modding. That's where I am now, but it took me a while to get here. I am sort of following Kate's model at the moment of staying close to those with experience I seek. I don't want to prop up slipping anymore because to me it's not honest. But there was a time when I truly believed it was, and maybe one more spring in my head is broken, and for some the spring is still intact. How do I know about other people for sure? Maybe I could have been successful in my modding plan if I had been 'better, stronger, faster' but I wasn't. But for some it works ok, it seems, or it works for a while.
The other thing I think is that this is a journey, a big bridge followed by hills, flats, and some valleys. Earlier on this journey, I did not come to the AF threads because I had not yet made it that far in the journey. At the moment, I feel thankful that I have because my outlook has changed. However, someone else may stop or go back on the journey. It takes time. And I am grateful to the people who helped me through that part of the journey because without them I wouldn't have made it to where I am now. But now I am grateful to all of you who inspire me in this segment.
OK I gotta get to sleep now.
T.

[greeneyes]

AF Daily -Sunday 6/15

I see wetness creeping up my fecking new closet wall.

[Lavande]

AF Daily -Sunday 6/15

Happy Sunday - Father's Day, etc!

All by my lonesome today but that's OK!
Just waiting for the temp to dip below 94 degrees so I can go out & pick more raspberries. I went & bought 2 dozen half pint jars today so I am READY to make the jam

My kids are both busy with their in-laws today & of course Mr Lav is still MIA. He did at least reply 'Thx' to my happy father's day email. Geez!

BTW, this is a No Bullshit Zone here too! I have not touched a drop since my quit date & I won't for any reason. Yesterday was my 13 month NF anni & I thought about the damn things all day long.......Ugh!

Wishing everyone a super Sunday! Good luck with your course Marshy - it looks great

Lav

[CS04]

AF Daily -Sunday 6/15

They still make View Masters (as Kate has mentioned). Santa brought one for my son last year for Christmas.