Journey thru June - week 4

[Rusty]

Journey thru June - week 4

Spuddleduck,

You are so right. I used to think I would be bored if I didn't drink and that people who don't drink are boring. I was SOOOOO wrong. It's just the opposite

[Guitarista]

Journey thru June - week 4

Go for it Spud you thrash metaler you!.....;-)

I'll take you croc riding Rusty if you ever get out this way.

Best wishes all!

[Chillgirl]

Journey thru June - week 4

spuddleduck;892458 wrote: SOBER LIFE IS JUST FANTASTIC (never thought id hear myself say that)

Spuds - you are so right sober life is absolutely fantastic!!
Going to bed tired instead of in a blur, reading a book and appreciating my lovely bed instead of collapsing in a heap, enjoying a good sleep instead of unconsciousness, waking up feeling good and looking forward to the day ahead instead of wondering how the hell to get through it! Most of all I love the clarity it brings, life with Al was like living with a fuzzy blanket wrapped around my brain, now I can see and feel things I couldnt before, both good and bad, and that makes me feel so alive!!

So yesterday was the solstice and I just wanted to share this beautiful quote "even after all this time the sun never says to the earth "you owe me", look what happens with a love like that, it lights up the whole sky!" :rays:

[rustop61]

Journey thru June - week 4

Good morning everyone

You are all so right. Anything is possible when you are sober. No more shame, hiding under the duvet, regrets or that awful feeling of self loathing. Why on earth would we even consider taking a drink to make ourselves feel better when it leads to all of that. Problem is I have to keep reminding myself. That's why MWO is so important, without it I would be an every day drunk.

Just had my walk and now trying to catch up on some housework. Hope you all have a great AF day.

Rustop

[Stargazerlily]

Journey thru June - week 4

Tuesday is here...good morning to all.

Chill, reading about your date reminds me that it is difficult to find someone you like and who is also a good fit. It would be interesting for you to date someone who just doesn't drink. Then you could go on a date and do something not focusing on the bar scene. It will come. Seems like you are enjoying yourself and discovering new ways to spend your time all on your own.

I was good yesterday after work. I am getting out a little early for a few weeks, due to some changes, and love it. I went for a walk after work by my self. It was hot, but so good to get out and get some fresh air after being stuck in a building all day. Kudos to all you runners. I wish I could run, but it isjust to intense for me.

One thing I noticed about staying AF. We have to be able to ask for support. Now, I don't just mean regarding drinking but in handling our emotions. I had a conversation this weekend with my daughter, and she has been kind of mean lately. I think it is her soon to be husband's influence. Anyway, when I got off the phone I was almost in tears. I called up a good friend and asked if she could just talk. She said yes, and it really helped. I was able to put stuff in perspective, vent my feelings, and lay the situtation to rest. But I could not do this by myself. I needed another person. Later, I talked to my husband, but right then I needed a friend. So, I am putting it out there that we all need to take care of ourselves emotionally. In the past, as this was a Saturday, I probably would have had a drink or two to feel better. Instead, intentionally, I took care of myself. We all have situtations we have to handle, as realtionships are often messy. This week my focus is selfcare.

Spuddleduck, you are doing great. Since February you have been mostly AF. That is such a life change. I wonder how much your life has changed since February, in what ways. Can you let us know?

Everyone, have a great day.

[Rusty]

Journey thru June - week 4

Star-Great post! You are right....we don't want to ask for help because we think we can take care of it ourselves. Of course, we thought we could control AL ourselves and not reach out to others. There was an internet article I read about Alcoholics setting unrealistic expectations and being impatient people. These qualities fit me to a T. That makes me feel so badly that your daughter was mean to you. That shouldn't happen. Her soon-to-be-husband should feel lucky to have a future MIL like you.:h I'm glad you called a good friend just to talk. I did too last night because my resolve was weak but I resisted.

Spuddleduck-I too like to know how your life changed for the better when you became AF.

Guitarista-croc riding, eh? Are you sure your name isn't Crocodile Dundee?:H I'm a 49-year-old woman so please give me some old, lazy TOOTHLESS croc and saddle him up for me.

Chill-you are right....I think one of the best things about being sober is that I remember conversations I had with people from day to day. Drinking....I couldn't even remember talking to someone on the phone. When my family confronted me about my drinking in October, 2008, that's the first thing they said to me, "You don't even remember talking to us half the time when you call, you're so out of it!:upset:

Well, an AF day for me....outside of working out (weather is crappy, G, otherwise I'd go running-I'm a VERY fair weather runner) so I'll go to the gym.

Have a great AF day everyone!

Rusty

[Chillgirl]

Journey thru June - week 4

Redstar - It makes me cross that your daughter upset you, its hard but we have to learn not to take things personally, usually when someone behaves unkind its about something going on inside of them and not to do with you, its just the way the emotion comes out. I so agree about having friends to sound off. I have been working on dealing with internal feelings for years, it is a real passion of mine and I know many of the answers but still often need to hear it from someone else.

[dill]

Journey thru June - week 4

Good morning!
Wow, lots of great posts this morning reinforcing our reasons for AF! Just the very inspiration I need. Being AF is easier as time goes on, but there is still the amnesia factor for me. I do really well for a long period of time and then I can so easily forget that "just one" will turn into quite something else and bring me to my knees in the end. Not worth it.

Yesterday was lovely. We went on our first boating adventure together on the boat that is yet nameless. It was really relaxing and lots of fun. Of course, the thought of enhancing the fun with al did cross my mind, but I realized the folly in it. I remembered the last time we went boating, just the two of us. We rented a catamaran (sp?) for the day and I was timing my al intake on the boat to make sure I kept a buzz going. That was 2 summers ago. I was literally a slave to my compulsion and felt like I couldn't enjoy anything unless al was involved. Wow! Looking back on that makes me realize what a long way I have come. What a long way we have all come on this little thread. And it just keeps getting better!

Did anyone get a chance to watch that TV program I linked to? I wondered if you had any reactions. I was amazed that those women were so honest and revealed so much about themselves and their al problems on national TV! Yiikes! I haven't even revealed my problem to anyone but Mr. D, from whom I could no longer hide it.

Have a great AF day, Junesters!

[sooty]

Journey thru June - week 4

Hello all. I want to be honest with you and tell you that I blew it last night and drank Mr S's wine. I ask him to buy red because I dont like it and then I drank it!
I feel rotten today, both physically and emotionally and I am pledging to you all that I will not do it again. In fact I'm going to print this post so that I can reread it if I'm feeling tempted.

I have been out for a long walk with him this morning and really struggled and I'm sure its because I'm hungover. He is the most long suffering man, I actually feel sorry for him!

Anyway enough of moaning and self recriminations ...its gone and I can't change it but I can make damn sure it doesn't happen again.

I hope you're all having a good day and I'll be back later this evening to check on you all

love Sooty

[Rusty]

Journey thru June - week 4

Hi Dill,

I'm so glad you got a chance to take your boat out-that's great, and you did it sober! :goodjob: When I used to sail competitively, we were a hard drinking bunch. And, uh, I don't remember the last time I went powerboating where I didn't have a drink in my hand. No, I didn't get a chance to watch that program but I have it on my To-Do List for today.

Sooty-I feel so badly for you and I can absolutely emphathize. I had to call a friend last night because I almost caved, for NO apparent reason! Tonight will be even tougher and I am very fearful that I won't be AF. I am going out to dinner at a lakefront restaurant with a friend of mine who looks forward to his 1 cocktail (I'm serious) at the end of the day....I have fond memories of going there and drinking with my best friend. He doesn't like to go out to eat with me and drink by himself so I think I might just tell him I already had one at home. Ugh. I don't know!! GRRRR. Sigh.

I must run and I'll check in with you later.

[dill]

Journey thru June - week 4

Rusty, that is a pickle you are in! Can you just tell him that al doesn't agree with you as it once did and you feel better without? A good friend would understand.
Sooty, poor dear! I can so understand. Damned amnesia! And, ooooh, red wine! Always my worst hangovers were from red wine. At least you were off duty and not driving our sober bus at the time!

[Lavande]

Journey thru June - week 4

Morning all!

Gearing up for another hot & humid day here, ugh.

Spud, sorry you're having troubles! Take a little time to identify your triggers then take the necessary steps to manage them. I know my biggest triggers were lonliness & tiredness. I had to finally admit to myself that I've been lonely throughout my marriage because Mr Lav (even when physically present) is always emotionally absent. The kids always filled in his absence. I got into trouble only when they grew up & moved on with their own lives. I can honestly say I've been tired for the past 15 years!!! I lost my ability to sleep at the age of 42 when I had my first menopausal night sweat! I've done everything humanly possible to stop them but am still having difficulties. I am now convinced that AL will not resolve any of my problems!

Sooty, red wine used to cause me some severe headaches - it was always my last choice. I'll jump in the driver's seat until you feel better!

Dill, I watched that program on 20/20 back in April. Those women were brave to reveal all on national TV. I came away with a few thoughts - 1. I didn't drink when my kids were young except for the very occasional social situation. 2. I didn't really hide my drinking so much because there was no reason. The kids were mostly grown & not home much & Mr Lav was never home anyway. I wanted him to see how much I was drinking due to my diasappointment & unhappiness with his behavior. Pretty stupid huh? I was punishing myself because of his failure to participate in our relationship!

Well, with that said I extend greetings to all who stop by today
Have a good, AF Tuesday! Be kind to yourselves!!!

Lav

[spedteach]

Journey thru June - week 4

Morning all,
Finally I get to post. So wonderful to read all of your thoughts.
I'm in Nebraska. Just got back from a run along the North Platte river. For a desert dweller, it is wonderful to see a river that full of water. And I'm actually enjoying the humidity. Northwest NE is beautiful, rolling green hills. The highway I was on yesterday followed the original Oregon Trail. Today I'm going to Willa Cather's childhood home (anyone read Cather?) and the U. of Nebraska's quilt museum. I may never leave Nebraska.

Sooty, poor thing, I hope you feel better soon. I too used to ask my husband to buy red wine because I did not like it. Of course once I started drinking, I would drink anything. And hangovers. What a terrible waste of a day. After a binge I could have a 3 day hangover.

Dill, how far out of town is your farm? Drove by so many beautiful farms yesterday and thought of you. I have always wanted to live on a farm but think the isolation might get to me. It certainly would have been conducive to my drinking, solitary.

Hey all of you garderners, keep talking about harvesting and canning, post some pics of those gardens. That way I can garden vicariously. No garden for me this year because of traveling. My first summer without a garden.
My first summer without alcohol.
Does gardening make me drink???
Time to hit the road.
Keep those posts coming.
Shelley

[ladybirdheart]

Journey thru June - week 4

Hello! I have been offline for a couple of days but had the good fortunate to yesterday finally get the super duper fancy hard contact lens for my left eye (it took a month after ordering it), and for the first time in three years the world does not remain tipsy even when I am not. The doc could not believe I was not complaining about the lens being ?uncomfortable?, and while it does feel a bit like a potato chip/crisp in there, I know I will adjust, the positives are strikingly good (the world is really pretty), and it is considerably more comfortable than the barb wire the last fellow used for stitches. Just like having been drunk, tolerating a craving, and finding sobriety but you knew that. In addition, my ankle is getting much better and using the air cast and the help of Lord Bird Heart, I was able to be on my feet on Sunday and Monday long enough to put away almost everything that had been stored during our floor refinishing. I can?t wait to exercise again and rediscover my garden. Onward! Thank you for posting Sooty and Spuds. We are in this for the long haul and getting through setbacks is a whole lot better than the alternative. I have never felt the ?high? that some people feel with sobriety, for me it is a more subtle realization that at this point in my life I do better without it. I tell people socially (with a laugh but you know I am serious) that I ?try it now and then but find that it still doesn?t agree with me? or I ?now only drink in an emergency and this doesn?t qualify?. I don?t know if that sort of thing will help, Rusty, but it brings me lots of smiles and a club soda. I love vicariously bobbing along in your boat, Dill; picking your raspberries, Lav; enjoying the ambience of Portugal, Chill; your Midwest road trip, Sped/Shell; your balcony gardens, Rusty (good show by the way in carving yourself an interesting career), and your beautiful Ireland, Rustop. Hi Guitarista. Hi Raven. I am right there with you Red/Star and I thank you every day for the thought provoking questions and insights. Love, Ladybird.

[Raven.joy]

Journey thru June - week 4

I think the word june comes from Juno the roman goddess og light, all good, well mostly. But the day after solstice is meant to be the worse day of the year for hayfever because all the grasses sence the change in light and go to next stage of growth cycle, gig last blast of pollen before going to seed. I have sneezed a time or two.