AF Daily - Thursday June 24

[Gaia]

Hello Abbies,

Lots going on here today, lots going on here yesterday. Most important thing is that I'm still AF, and moving along towards the next goal of ONE CALENDAR MONTH AF. 6 days to go.

I was at an event last night and did not take a drink, although I wanted to. This internal struggle is tiring. I am a little bit fearful. I feel somewhat alone in my struggle. MWO helps a lot, though, without it I don't think I could have come this far.

OK enough complaining.

Actually I thought I would return to something we were discussing a few days ago. A year ago, it really helped me to count the AF days. Although I was playing with modding, experimenting really as I guess for some people modding does work, and trying to discover where I could fit in on the spectrum of one's relationship with AL, it was tremendously helpful for me to say, "I'm AF 15 out of 20 days". From this score keeping, I learned what it felt like to be AF, and learned that I could do it, and that drinking was a choice. I also learned, after my body adjusted to being AF for a while (for me it takes about a week), on days that I did drink I would get a terrible hangover and really suffer the next day. When I was drinking daily, I never got hangovers. It was a learning experience for me to feel the pain, and something which helps me stay AF, even though at times like last night I didn't really want to be AF. But geez I'm tired after being out last night. I can feel the effects of things other than AL on my body, and I am wondering how I got through days after drinking a bottle of wine the night before prior to going AF. I must have been a zombie and not known it.

I am also noticing people's breath. Funny how if you don't drink you can tell who drank at lunch and who didn't. Or who just had one glass of wine at the cocktail and who didn't. I find myself backing away from the lunchtime drinkers at evening events just to get some fresh air, man! And then they seem to come closer to me so I keep backing up and backing up and inevitably wind up backed in to a corner, literally!

Please please, I tell myself, I hope I keep the strength to stay on this course. Today I do not want to be on this road but I have no choice. It is for the best. I hope tomorrow I WILL want to be on this road.

Sorry for the monologue...

[bear73]

AF Daily - Thursday June 24

Hi Gaia and all to come,

Sounds like you'e doing really well, keep on keeping on. I hear you on the old drunken/hungover summer days.How did we do it? What a waste - I am loving sitting in my (messy) garden looking at my newly planted veggies and flowers.

I have been AF and NF for 5 days now - feeling calmer,happier,less anxious - helps I have the week off work but am enjoying the reading,gym going, time on my own.

I've been down this road several times before so am not counting my chickens - I like the idea of a no bullshit zone!

When I made 3 months last year it was the healthiest and happiest I had ever felt - I don't know if I am an alcoholic,problematic drinker - whatever - it doesn't matter to me at the moment.

I just know that I don't feel depressed/anxious as an alcohol free person and that it is how I really want to live my life.This time I am going to get a handle on my inner critic and not trip myself up.

One day at a time and full on honesty.

[greeneyes]

AF Daily - Thursday June 24

Good Morning fab abbers!!

Thanks for the start gaia! The longer I am AF, the more there is "going on". Love it. I like your goal.

Gaia, I think I can safely say you aren't alone in your struggle. So many thoughts fly around in our heads over AL and undoubtedly fear is there on some level. When I was considering stepping down from the wagon to test my legs, Don (chief) was struggling to get back on after 2 years or so AF. I watched that closely and the fear probably prolonged my agonizing over whether to give it a try or not. Fear of "will that happen to ME?" Now I know that yes, it will happen to me. What exactly IS your fear? Can you pinpoint it? BTW, that wasn't complaining.

Your reasoning behind counting days sounds like a good solid approach. You have a really good head on your shoulders - just remind it to listen to your heart. You know it's dangerous off-road. Take that "hope" and kick it up a notch to "WILL"!! :l

BEAR!! Great to have you back! Healthy and happy is the way to be and you know what it takes! Rock on!

Little doggie gets her first haircut today. This relentless 100 degree weather is a killer. I thought I was going to faint in Lowe's yesterday. I can't keep up with the painters. I get so busy I'm forgetting to watch my water intake. Yesterday afternoon I saw a little evidence that they were feeling stabby. Today I have frozen grapes for them. I have to deal with the guy I fired in paying him. One of the things he listed was $100 for the attic stairs that nothing happened to. Sounds like a nonversation there. The guy toyed with them the same as the others did when giving an estimate. :H Sheesh.

Lav, thanks for the fig link. Christmas at my sisters involves the homemade rule. Perfect!

7AM - gotta fly!!

HAve a fabbie AF day!

[Sweaty Betty]

AF Daily - Thursday June 24

Morning Gaia, Bear and Greenie.

Just popping in to say I was very excited to see fresh figs in our Supermarket today - until I saw the price, 13 sing dollars, which is around 10 US, for THREE very small figs. That left me feeling stabby

I was also just listening to a radio program that said we should worry less about food miles and concentrate on eating seasonally. What if you don't get seasons, like here in Singers:H

I've been reading every day but not posting much as I've been 'outed' by someone here in Singapore. I'm very open about my issues with alcohol, but there are things I've shared on MWO that I'd rather not share with the general expat community in Singapore. I've asked for my posts and username to be deleted, but I will be around in some form.

My Thursday is just winding down - enjoy the rest of yours!

Bets
x

[AAthlete]

AF Daily - Thursday June 24

Betty, sorry to hear that you have to resort to such a drastic measure but I completely understand.

Gaia, thanks for getting us going this morning, and that is an interesting topic. I think when I first started MWO it definitely helped in terms of starting to understand my drinking, but as it was all online I didn't really feel directly accountable to anyone (I certainly wasn't in a position to be accountable to myself). I was certainly less then honest at times about what was going on, as I didn't want to be seen as a failure around people who were doing so well (story of my life).

For me, it took going to AA to really, truly feel accountable for my actions in life. Being around and directly interacting with people who felt & had been through the same things was comforting - I could talk to them face-to-face about what was going on and they understood. Then I got a sponsor - someone who had made it out - and they held ME accountable for my actions when I couldn't, and the funny thing is at some point I became accountable to myself. Complete 180 from before....

Again, that's what worked for me, and it doesn't work for everyone. Gaia, your comment 'this internal struggle is tiring. I am a little bit fearful. I feel somewhat alone in my struggle. MWO helps a lot, though, without it I don't think I could have come this far' really struck a chord for me and made me think about my past. I remember feeling all of that, and it's important to remember that no matter what path you choose you are never alone in this struggle. Congrats on your success so far (and the success yet to come) - you are doing awesome!

Happy Thursday to everyone, and hope you have a great day!

[Lavande]

AF Daily - Thursday June 24

Good morning Abbers,

Gaia, good for you! You keep hanging in there & feel proud when you complete your first AF month! It is a good feeling & it will inspire you to keep going!

Bear, welcome back! After all this time I've come to realize that my drinking was depression driven. So regardless of what is going on around me if I keep my head out of depression-ville then I'm OK. Keep going, you'll get hooked on feeling good without any substances

Greenie, watch the heat! We are in day 5 of a heatwave here with no relief in sight, ugh! My electric bill will be high but oh well........
BTW, your remark about your bathroom yeast infection did make me smile!

Bets, I'm sorry that someone has intruded on your privacy - that just sucks! People can be downright shitty sometimes! Change your user ID if you have to but stay with us!

OK, time to get something accomplished today. Wishing everyone a wonderful AF day!

Lav

[papmom3]

AF Daily - Thursday June 24

Happy Thursday all!! I haven't been posting much but I 've been reading, reading, reading. I thought I could mod too and during the first 3 months counting was very important to me. Now I don't count anymore as there doesn't seem to be a point to it. I'm AF for life now. Not only was my second slip the light bulb that went on for me (it was the worst of the 2 slips in terms of how much I drank and how crappy I felt afterwards) but now with these unexpected health problems, one of which is borderline Diabetes II, I have no choice. AL is a poison to me in more ways than one now and I have no desire to die any earlier than what is in my life plan.
Sure, I still have twinges where I feel a bit deprived: Why can't I be like "normal" people? Well, I'm not. I can't drink AL just like I can't eat sugar like I used to or salt for that matter. It means no more Big Macs, no more french fries and no more AL. This is my life now and if I don't like it, there's not much I can do about it but whine which I refuse to do. Might as well make the best of it and thank god each morning I wake up sober and not bloated with sugar and salt.
I've been toying with the idea of checking out an AA meeting in my area just to see what it is like. I go to Weight Watchers, why not AA? They both are tools to acheive certain goals. We'll see.
Anyway, JMTC. I hope everyone has a great day. Lav, we're getting T-Storms and a cold front coming through tonite. I thought it was all coming from your way but maybe not if you're not forecast for some relief. I haven't walked the dogs since last week because of the heat and I feel very badly for them but I know they don't do well and they are not the type of dogs that can get "summer" cuts. Hopefully tomorrow!!

[Doggygirl]

AF Daily - Thursday June 24

Hello abbie fabbies! So wonderful that the site is up and going this morning! Well, almost afternoon. Already been to AA, Curves, Weight Watchers (I blew it off on Tuesday), and miscellaneous errands. Sans hangover. Life is good. As soon as the cleaning lady is done I'm hoping to have a jamarama with cherries this time! Mom & Dad have cherry trees and Mom brought a quart of sweet ones and a quart of sour ones when they came for our trip to the hospital on Monday. She pitted them all too. Priceless! What do you guys think? Jam with a mix of sweet and sour? Lav? Then I have one of those Chamber social events this evening. I really dislike them when held in various bars around town. But the one tonight is at the local historical museum and I've never been there! So I will have plenty to do and talk about with no attention on AL. (there will be AL, but it won't be the focus, at least not for most people.)

Whew. That was a mouth full. I was afraid my truck had a yeast infection because one of the dash board warning lights was on. But I was really low on gas and I think that took care of it.

Gaia, thanks for getting us started today with some great thought provoking topics. I was thinking a lot of what AA wrote when I read your post. I had that FEAR. I loved being sober and saw it as the right thing for me, absolutely. After relapsing and struggling so hard, I accepted my alcoholism. But I was so afraid that *something* would make me drink and then I would be back in that hell again. My Way Out will always be the place where I started my journey to sobriety. But like AA, it was AA and the 12 steps that helped me get free of the fear. I'm sure there are other ways to conquer that fear - we all have to find what way works for us. But you are certainly not alone - I believe I felt what you describe you are feeling. DON'T DRINK. Whatever it takes. The only way for my worst fears to be realized would have been to drink.

We had wicked storms again last night. Today is pretty nice. Sunny, not over the top hot yet. But I'm sure the heat wave is next! Stay cool and hydrated everyone. Lav, I'm dreading the next electric bill too!

P3, it sounds like you are doing great with acceptance. Accepting the realities of our various conditions and just dealing with it rather than being resentful. I think that's a really important accomplishment.

Betty, I'm really sorry that you were "outed." I'm not as fussy about my anonymity as I used to be, but I think it's really important that each of us get to choose to out ourselves. We shouldn't ever be outing other people! (IMO) I'm glad you will be hanging in - even if it's under a different name.

AA - you already know this but you were a big reason I decided to try AA. I can't thank you enough for that!

Greenie, I think you are doing amazing dealing with the painters and other contractors and the issues. YAY. Just dealing with what comes is a whole lot better than the old way! Amazing I always thought drinking was the "solution" to everything. hahahahaha
I wish i was painting your house so I could have some frozen grapes.

Good to have you back Bear! The mind games are a bitch. Sounds like you are discovering a lot about yourself on the journey - always a good thing I think.

Marshy, I hope your Mom is doing OK and you and your Dad too. Thinking of you.

Strength and hope to all for another sober day!

DG

[Lavande]

AF Daily - Thursday June 24

On generator power again - I love my generator
These huge late afternoon storms keep rolling thru here but bring no lasting relief. The heatwave is scheduled to continue............

Hey DG - how about cherry pie filling too? I think your cherry mix would be great for just about anything!
I can't wait to see you with 1,000 sober days too

P3 if you are following the ADA diet, avoiding AL & taking meds (if ordered) for your Diabetes you're doing the best thing for yourself! Being borderline Diabetic is just a step away from actually being Diabetic & having to deal with all that. Are you testing your blood sugar? Am I being a pain in the ass with my lecturing & questions? Sorry, once a nurse always a nurse

I guess I should look for something for dinner. God, I hate eating alone - really kills my appetite.
Wishing everyone a good AF evening!

Lav

[greeneyes]

AF Daily - Thursday June 24

Aww, lav... :l Somehow that has never bothered me.

[papmom3]

AF Daily - Thursday June 24

Lav-no way are you being a PIA!! I appreciate the concern and the info. I know nothing about Diabetes but i'm learning fast!! i haven't looked into the ADA diet yet-i'm just reading labels, tracking my food and trying to see where the sugar is coming from. I did by a glucose test kit on tue and I've been checking a few times a day. Now I'm out of the little lancets so will have to wait until tomorrow to get them at Wally world since the meter is a Wally world brand. My numbers have been good I think. In the low 100's except for this morning where it was in the low 80's. I'll keep tracking for at least until I see the nutritionist in August.

All this talk of jam is getting me jealous however. Can you guys make some no sugar jam and send it my way???

It's after 10 pm now and I just hopped on to catch up. I'm so tired I could sleep standing up so I'll say goodnite. I'll definitely be posting a lot on Saturday when I go into my PT job and sit at the puter all day so I'll catch up with everyone then. Going to go lay my gratefully sober head on the pillow now.

:l

[LVT25]

AF Daily - Thursday June 24

Guess what!! The plumber never called. But the insurance guy came and..... here is the important part - remember how I decided to love the house and raise the energy? I'm getting a whole new bathroom AND bedroom carpet! He said it had a yeast infection.

I don't get it.

But...weirdness is one my favorite words.

[Doggygirl]

AF Daily - Thursday June 24

Lav...:l:l:l:l:l:l